RainydayNE
Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lizardu2
i WILL NOT EVER allow myself to be placed in a postiton that i am uncomfortable with EVER AGAIN
it's very good that you have this to lean on, alot of people do let themselves wind up unhappy for whatever reason
or they end up that way and they have no idea how they got there
after i broke up with my ex i made a huge triumphant vow to myself to never let anyone become more important to me than i am to them =p for the most part i avoid people like the plague but when i meet someone i can connect with, i tend to try to do so on an insanely deep level and i got myself in trouble before by being overly self-sacrificial.
you can get into some really weird awkward situations with people, but you have to remember to look out for yourself.
if you're having misgivings about the poly thing, you will definitely have to talk to him. if you're mono and he's not, it's going to cause an issue at some point, it really can't be helped. atleast i don't think it can. i have no experience whatsoever, so maybe i'm wrong. but you're going to HAVE to talk about it whether you want to or not. and things may end up okay and you may find a way to work with things, you may find that you totally adore the arrangement or you may not, but again, you have to remember to look out for yourself.
sometimes (note i said SOMETIMES before anybody gets all offended and ticked off) poly people will talk down to you. like you're so immature and selfish and insecure, when you're not any of those things. you're just different. you are who you are. =p
you dont have to blow up a bridge before you get there and see what it's like, to paraphrase my Dom, but in the end everyone has to be true to themselves, whatever that means for you =p misgivings about somethign don't have to stop you from exploring it but i think you do have misgivings for a reason and it's important to really know yourself and understand how something REALLY affects you.
do you like something because you really like it, or do you "like" it because you feel like if you don't, you'll lose something. =p people put up with alot of things because they dont want to lose someone they care about, but if you really care about someone, you can't force them to exist in a way that isn't true to who they are, whether that's poly or mono or whatever.
anyway, sometimes the problem with being inexperienced/sheltered/whatever is that people will try to use you if they pick up on that. =p like sharks snatching up floundering baby seals =p i feel lucky because with my Dom i feel like i've avoided that. =p but you should really talk to him about anything that's causing you to feel weird (even if it's hard, i mean... i can't talk about serious things without alot of headaches and weird body contortions haha but i still TRY)
so i think proceeding slowly and trying to learn as much as you can is good.
i only had one boyfriend before i met him and i have a really bad tendency to either be completely locked up by fear of the unknown or i want to fly headlong into things, and he kept that from happening by going at a reasonable pace and sending me links to read, or looking up books. forums are helpful, too, i think, becuase there are loads and loads of people with more experience in sub-related junk and they can offer a really good perspective. =p obviously you're on a forum, though, so you know that. =p but really, if you use the search function, you can find just about anything here (i like this board better than the one at bondage.com).
try not to let being new be an excuse to let your common sense fly out the window. your inbox is probably already flooded with messages from dudes saying they'll do this and that because they KNOW you're inexperienced and they can get away with stuff with you that they couldn't with someone who had more experience. =p
i think journalling is a really good way to work out your own thoughts on things, perhaps you could try that.
< Message edited by RainydayNE -- 1/1/2009 7:36:17 AM >
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RE: newbie seeking general advice - 
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