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Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 2:46:36 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be?  Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?
 
 ( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such  hard work)

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"
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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 2:50:50 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		It was a constant struggle mentally and physically for me when I was with someone who wasn't a good match.  I was stressed and unhappy most of the time.  Now that I'm with someone who is the most perfect person for me it has become effortless, exciting, thrilling, intense, satisfying...I could go on and on.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 2:55:37 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

It was a constant struggle mentally and physically for me when I was with someone who wasn't a good match.  I was stressed and unhappy most of the time.  Now that I'm with someone who is the most perfect person for me it has become effortless, ...


THAT is a powerful statement and I would hope it becomes one of those statements that gets remembered long after we are gone.



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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 3:22:06 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I think that's a big part of it.  When you are with someone that compliments you, it will be (and to me should be) almost effortless.   When you are in a constant struggle with your partner (if you are just not clicking) , I think it takes more effort, time, and patience to be who you are, to be fulfilled in the relationship. 

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 3:25:06 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I'm not going to struggle to force myself to be anything, and I don't understand the people that do.

Struggle to push yourself through school? Good for you, that's leading to something positive.

Struggle to submit when it really just isn't in you? Why? What possible good could that lead to, find something that makes you happy, whither it be another person, or another dynamic.


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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 3:47:00 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		Right now, it is sometimes "harder", but then, I think that's because what I'm trying to do, in changing myself (my choice, including how I change) with their help, support and guidance, is a hard thing to do.  That said, other parts of our relationship, aren't hard at all.  Well, if you ignore the distance and the foot massages.

Previous to this, there have been times when , despite supposedly being the "submissive" it just hasn't happened or been the case.  Trying to be so lead to my feeling hurt and lots of stabbing of the other half with forks.  (Playfully).

I don't think since I started feeling comfortable with myself and how I feel with regards to what I want from a relationship, I've not found it hard to be that, although there have been relationships where I have been able to be more myself, and more how I wish to be, than others.  It is harder for me to be something that I don't feel comfortable with.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 4:59:03 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave?

 
submitting is as hard as breathing in and out, for this slave.
 
the only hardship this slave has come across is that it has been difficult sometimes to submit to just the one that this slave has committed to.  it is her nature to submit, her knee-jerk reaction to the world around her.  to tell everyone ELSE on the planet to take a hike becuase she only submits to ONE, has been the only hardship this slave has encountered with being someone's slave.
 
quote:

How hard should it be? 

 
some folks just can't stand it unless they are going against their dominant nature in a relationship and go through the challenge of or find the inspiration to submit to another.
  go them!!!...however, in contrast, choosing to go against this slave's nature to be satisfied in a relationship has been pure fucking hell and this slave honestly can't fathom the draw for such a thing.
 
however, some folks report it is pure bliss.
 
quote:

Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

 
this slave has left more than a few vanilla/conventional relationships for that reason...but can't imagine leaving an M/s one for the same.
 

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 4:59:54 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Being a submissive is as natural as breathing to me. Becoming a slave has been a process over a three year period, actively on my part. I never thought it was for me, until I met MasterK. It wasn't an easy decision, and it took work. It still is work at times. I sometimes want what I want, when I want. Subjugating my will to his is not always easy, it can take a lot of mental processing on my part. But it is so worth it, I have never been happier than I have in the last 3+ years.

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formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 5:30:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Being myself is both the easiest and hardest thing to be.

The issue should be whether they are fulfilled in their situation.  Work is relative to that.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 5:44:51 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		No,it has always been an inner part of me and was very easy to do.I met my MasterDaddy when I was 15 and he trained me as his sub and have been one ever since.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 5:51:47 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		my relationship with my Sir has been THE most effortless relationship i have ever had. It is natural for me to submit to him.  He is the first dominant i have served, so i don't know if it would be different with another. Hopefully i won't have to find out for many years.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 6:45:18 PM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		For me, i am very service oriented. Finding Someone who would appreciate that and bring it out in me without being a user or abusive was a very good thing for me. Serving Him is like a bird flying or a fish swimming... it comes naturally and instinctively.

i

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And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 6:57:59 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		This is why I needed a very high level of compatibility. Life is hard enough, if my home life, my relationship is something I dreaded instead of looked forward to as a refuge from problems, then I wouldn't be in it.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 7:07:02 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		What Aileen said. Of course even very wonderful relationships take work, but when things are right it is easy and natural to submit.

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 7:10:25 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be? Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such hard work)


For me, it is no work at all. It is who I am. But I have been in the lifestyle for 15+ years now. I think the hardest part for me was when I first got into BDSM finding out if I was Dom or sub. It took me a good 2 to 3 years to determine I was a sub. Strange part for me was when I orginally met Dommes they always asked me what I enjoyed after each session. At first I could not answer. When I finally could answer why I enjoyed what I did, I knew I was a sub. And there is not enough room to type out all the reasons here.

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 7:30:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It was always in my nature to be submissive in relationships.  That part came easily.  My former owner liked to challenge me, however, and liked to try to make it difficult by pushing incredibly hard.  He enjoyed watching me work and struggle for him and ultimately achieve what he wanted.  So for me, it just depends.  The idea of submitting is as easy as breathing.  What I am called to submit to, however, has, at times, been a different story.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/29/2008 8:02:33 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		The hardest part for me really was getting past my misconceptions of what is a 'submissive'. Being a strong feminist, I drew some stupid attitudes about submissive.

Sir kept telling me to be myself, but I couldn't figure how myself could relate to being submissive. It took me a year and half to start to come to grips with what my own submissive nature meant, and not what others say it is or isn't. By dropping my pretenses, it occured to me that my nature is very submissive. The work, career wise, I do is in serving, I was a stay at home mother, and so many other things. I finally am happy being me and not resisting myself at this moment.

oceanwynds

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/30/2008 1:41:07 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I remember my mother telling me that any relationship is hard work, IF it is worth it to you......Tempting...(gotta love the mom..:0)

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/30/2008 1:46:00 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It is both easy and hard.  It depends on how you make it.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/30/2008 2:57:17 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Relationships should always be tended too, always worked at, never allowed to become stagnent or complacent.  If you are "just being you" I think that it's great, but I also think that you are making sure that the you that you have habitually become is the same person who you partner met and wanted.  For example, M'Lord was married twice and both wives relaxed when they got the ring and quit accomodating his wants, needs or desires.  So keeping an open line of communication with him and maintaining a firm grasp of what makes him happy (even when it changes) is important.

Also for me, I was a single mother for way too many years to just forget how to go barging in and controlling everything.  Sometimes it's hard for me not to just be decisive and allow him a chance to voice his opinion and there are times when I need a few moments to realize that his decision really will work just as well as the decision I woulld have made.

That has nothing to do with compatibility, it has far more to do with a dramatic transition in my life.  The other option would have been to remain single.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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