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RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/30/2008 4:29:41 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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quote:

It was a constant struggle mentally and physically for me when I was with someone who wasn't a good match. I was stressed and unhappy most of the time. Now that I'm with someone who is the most perfect person for me it has become effortless, exciting, thrilling, intense, satisfying...I could go on and on.

My sentiments exactly. I have had stress and the uncomfortable feeling of this is wrong for me. Now? I am in perfect harmony with my Angel.

_____________________________

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 21

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 2:03:49 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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Submission is natural for me. The hardest part was discovering how I could embrace my true nature without being taken advantage of by the everyday people around me. It took learning the difference between submit and surrender. I can be submissive all the time but I have surrendered to only one. For me, submission is to yield to the authority of another and is a stretchy and flexible state of being, Whereas to me surrender is to give over all authority to another and is not a flexible state of being. Again, I can be submissive to many but surrender to only one. It works for me.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 22

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 3:24:57 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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This is something I really needed to hear right now...thank you Aileen.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

It was a constant struggle mentally and physically for me when I was with someone who wasn't a good match. I was stressed and unhappy most of the time. Now that I'm with someone who is the most perfect person for me it has become effortless, exciting, thrilling, intense, satisfying...I could go on and on.

With the two relationships that worked well for me I initially had some difficulties, more about getting my head around the fact that I wanted to be submissive to someone but after this I found that the actual acts of submission surprisingly (for me) easy to do, it gave me such pleasure to consciously put someone else's wants before my own.

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(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 23

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 4:13:55 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

The hardest part for me really was getting past my misconceptions of what is a 'submissive'. Being a strong feminist, I drew some stupid attitudes about submissive.

Sir kept telling me to be myself, but I couldn't figure how myself could relate to being submissive. It took me a year and half to start to come to grips with what my own submissive nature meant, and not what others say it is or isn't. By dropping my pretenses, it occured to me that my nature is very submissive. The work, career wise, I do is in serving, I was a stay at home mother, and so many other things. I finally am happy being me and not resisting myself at this moment.

oceanwynds

I was much the same way - it wasn't so much that I had to work at being submissive as I had to work at getting over my own preconceptions of submissiveness. I'm still working on that, but I've got a wonderful husband who helps out and a few very wonderful friends who are always there to help me through it. It's a process, but it's one that I'm enjoying going through.

And any relationship that is worth anything is also both easy and hard - BDSM or vanilla. It takes work, it takes comprimise, it takes honest and open communication, even on the days when you'd rather just whack your dominant upside the head with a frying pan and he wishes he was on another contitent. But the love makes it easier to work through all of that.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 24

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 4:20:23 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
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Although I haven't found 'the One' yet, I strongly suspect that I will know because of the level of submission I feel towards him. I've met several great Doms who just don't inspire submission in me at all, but who are now great friends.
I've met several who inspire some submission, but I'm left feeling that there's something missing.
Maybe I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, but I just hope that out there somewhere is the man who will make my submission something I NEED to do, not something I HAVE to do.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to T1981)

Post #: 25

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 4:29:05 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

Being submissive isn't hard.

Being in a long-term relationship is work. Sometimes really hard work. But oh how it's worth it...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 26

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 5:57:47 AM

nafakcha

Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline

This is exactly how I feel. Submission isn't and shouldn't be hard with the right person. However, any relationship has its struggles and disagreements that together both parties have to work through and move on.

For me, submission was something I discovered over time. I started a switch and realized over a couple of years that it wasn't for me. That discovery gave me a sense of completion and wholeness that nothing else did.

_____________________________

"To seek, to strive, to find and not to yield."
~ Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 27

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 1:46:46 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be? Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such hard work)

I haven't worked hard to be *a* submissive or slave but it HAS been tough at times to submit.

Yeah , it's worth it so far .....which is quite a few years to date. It's never going to be easy for me and by dint of that fact , for him either......but something keeps both of us keeping on keeping on.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 12/31/2008 1:47:19 PM >

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 28

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 4:04:05 PM

newone11

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
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The act of it all has been relatively easy. But, like others, wrapping my head around what 'submissiveness' means to him and me has taken work. Sometimes I just don't want to...I'm tired or stressed from work or lazy or annoyed or have other stuff I need to do and that is when it gets hard. Sure, I do it anyway but that doesn't mean I'm not grumbling to myself about it. But, all in all, it's been easier than I thought it would be in the beginning. And that was a huge surprise to me. Past relationships were such an insane amount of work because I was trying to fit where I just didn't belong. Turns out D/s works really well for me. And I'm awfully glad I found it. Without it I would have continued to float along in relationships that just didn't work. They were not awful by any means but, at the end of the day, they were unsatisfying on both sides.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 4:41:10 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I never considered it hard work. Just everyday house cleaning and such. The lawn was a mess when I got there and I suppose cleaning that up was hard. But I really didn't think that much about it at the time.

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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 30

RE: Should it be hard work? - 12/31/2008 7:53:58 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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Has anyone ever told you that you make awesome threads? :)

My first relationship was mostly effortless for me, for one of the reasons your first respondant stated: I was with the right person: someone who understood my needs and wanted something that complimented them. I also wanted this (slavery) very, very badly. That helped. Motivation never hurts. The beginning, the first six months or so, were more difficult and it would behoove me to remember those long-ago months better, as I now may be, finally, facing similar beginnings once again.

What is a struggle for me (albeit a comedic one) as I consider doing this for a second time is giving up all the old ideas and attitudes of how "it" should be so I can learn to accept/understand/percieve how "it" is now. It's tricky: the two its are so very different! There is some common ground, of course, the primary one being "it" is whatever your dominant says it is. :) I've forgotten, however, how difficult and confusing the early stages are, or perhaps I was arrogant enough to believe that since I'd ridden this ride once before, I'd have no trouble getting back on the second time. But adjusting to a new dominant is not like riding a bicycle. It's more like learning to pilot an airship by the seat of your pants while all the time still looking for all the old stuff you were used to seeing on your nice familiar bicycle. Where is the brake pedal? Where is the little bell? Where is the basket to put my things in? Oh. I am in the basket. Then what is that fat hot ballon thing above me for? Do I lick it, ignore it, or ??? And while there is another person there who can theoretically offer a clue, oftentimes (particularly if he is a sadistic SOB) he's just sitting there laughing his ass off as your ship lurches crazily all over the landscape. :/

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 31

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/1/2009 5:24:18 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I remember my mother telling me that any relationship is hard work, IF it is worth it to you......Tempting...(gotta love the mom..:0)

But it's amazing -- to me, anyway -- how little it seems like "hard work" when the relationship is right. Never enjoyed "working" so much....

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kinkiness)

_____________________________

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I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
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(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 32

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/1/2009 8:40:53 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be? Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such hard work)

It's pretty difficult for me personally. It's who I am, but there's a part of me that isn't very happy with that.

I've always been the strong silent type that most young men are brought up to be. I always played sports, never cried, was 'macho' outwardly when it was contrary to what I believed inside.

As I've gotten older and away from the misogynistic institutions of organized sports and fraternities, I've developed and evolved more in my personality to be more accepting of who I am, but there's still a measure of difficulty to it.

I have a hard time discussing different parts of my submission with people, like if it escapes my lips the secret's out and I can't take it back.

I'm better once I'm comfortable with the person I'm with, but I think there's always going to be a part of me that struggles with this part of my personality, which suck because it's such an overwhelming force and consuming part of it.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 33

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/2/2009 10:47:27 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

It was not a struggle for me, but i have been a submissive as long as i can remember. I don't work at being a submissive. I submit only to one. We both work at keeping our relantonship strong and viable. That is not hard work though.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 34

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/2/2009 7:07:09 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I found being submissive wasn't the hardest part, what was hardest was being able to fully accept that within myself and being able to admit it to others without feeling a sense of shame.

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(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 35

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/2/2009 7:09:28 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be? Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such hard work)

I have NEVER found being submissive to be difficult.

(It's the fucking matching ties and that bullshit shoelace requirement that are a pain in the ass).

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 36

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/2/2009 8:21:01 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

It can be very difficult for me.
Although I am in my heart, naturally submissive and giving, so much of my life I have had to "take over" for partners who were not strong enough for me. (although I didn't know about this type of relationship at the time...)
I have learned to become outspoken and strong, which, I guess is my personality, but not my heart, if that makes any sense.
I have to work on it in many ways.
Other things are as easy as breathing.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 37

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/3/2009 1:49:02 PM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How hard did you or do you have to work to be a submissive or a slave? I see some who seem to wrestle against so many odds to be what they feel they are called to be. How hard should it be? Is it worth it? Did you leave because you couldn't do "it" whatever "it" was for you?

( I am not asking this in any glib manner but in an effort to understand that for some it seems to be such hard work)

i've never been one to go for only what is as easy as breathing in and out, whether in relationships or anything else. Not that i attempt what is unappealing either. But for me, slavery is something that i've had a very deep desire for, but just didn't know how to surrender to without alot of fear and anxiety. i don't necessarily think things are difficult because you're not with the right partner. i don't tend to think my slavery is that dependent on my Owner. i think sometimes they're difficult because inwardly there's a battle to grow and expand beyond what's comfortable/familiar into a greater person, someone you know you can be, but haven't been able to achieve thus far. Slavery for me is this - the greatest i can be simply because it requires me to let go absolutely. It requires me to stop looking over my shoulder, believing that safety lays in control, that ONLY i will really take care of me.

Having come into slavery later in life, it's been a process of letting go of these things. At times i thought, maybe i'm not really a slave, or maybe i'd do better with a different Master. Yet, i can see now, that neither of these were true. i just had go through what i went through. i think it's a difficult process for some and not for others depending on our personality, life experiences, etc. But hopefully, it's always worthwhile. i know for me it definitely is.

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 38

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/3/2009 3:01:35 PM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
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Being submissive in a relationship is easy and effortless for me. It was acting like I was not submissive in my prior vanilla relationships that was difficult.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 39

RE: Should it be hard work? - 1/3/2009 3:21:50 PM

Dewolfsslave

Posts: 31
Status: offline

Submitting to my Master is not difficult, it's brought me more happiness than i could have imagined prior to meeting Him. Shutting up and listening when He wants to say something - sometimes that's hard.

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 40

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