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What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 6:02:58 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		We've all bitched and moaned about what isn't educational material on the forums on the cbt technique thread.  I want to do a positive spin on it.

What have you learned from the posters here on CM?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 6:11:40 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Be careful how much personal information you share with others.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 6:29:25 AM   
Daenok


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		Why isnt there an effort to take many of the more common threads, such as CBT, Punishments, Golden Showers, Breath Play etc.. all the topics people often ask about if it is safe, how to do it, whatever. Do some searches for each topic, and pull a few relevant, well written posts from each point of view for the arguement. And then lock an FAQ forum with those posts in each topic. Maybe create some knowledge compendiums. One for section under the FAQ for purchases, then list websites under each post. Looking for plus size clothing, go here. Collars, here. Etc. Put a little disclaimer saying Hey, these arent the end all answers, but a damn strong place to start so maybe your question will be a little more specific. It cant be that hard, any reason this hasnt been done before? Do we need someone to volunteer to do it?

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 6:43:48 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
I can see Nigeria from my house.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 7:03:39 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		What I have learned from the forums? About people mostly. That everyone handles BDSM differently and there is no one set way to do something...but even so people will continue to think there is and nag others who don't agree. So yeah, I learned that even though it might be an "alternative lifestyle" people are still pretty much the same as anywhere else...just with leather added. Also learned a lot more about what I like and don't like and what I want and don't want as an end goal relationship.


Haven't learned much in the way of actual techniques though.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 7:31:11 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

We've all bitched and moaned about what isn't educational material on the forums on the cbt technique thread.  I want to do a positive spin on it.

What have you learned from the posters here on CM?


while I have to admit that I didn't read all about it and only the beginning (as then I jumped out of the arguments as I am not in a d/s relationship anyway at the moment, and so I have a slight lack of interest on this topic) I liked the view which (I think it was from you LadyPact) about being careful to give advice about something like that when you don't know how the person will deal with it...(originally I was wondering if CBT stands for cognitive behaviour therapy and thats why I had went into it curiously...*lol*...sorry).

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 7:37:16 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No need for sorrys.  Thank you, My dear.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 8:03:49 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline 		Lady Pact:
What I have learned form posters here:
All kinds of fun ideas for play scenes! Things I never thought I'd be interested in, or thought were positively scary, and some that were even disgusting at first became fun things to try and I have explored many things that I have seen here on cm.
I used to be so private about all of this and therefore my repertoire was more limited. Coming out on cm and reading what has worked for others, especially play scene ideas-has opened my eyes and made my life a lot more fun.
Specific things I have learned from posters...
How to find my local group, and  many shared ideas from Dommes, Masters, subs, and slaves that have inspired me greatly.
I have also learned who to avoid, although I think almost everyone here has had something inspiring to say. I also come here for the giggle effect and many people here have provided me with hours of light-hearted relief.

My
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daenok

Why isnt there an effort to take many of the more common threads, such as CBT, Punishments, Golden Showers, Breath Play etc.. all the topics people often ask about if it is safe, how to do it, whatever. Do some searches for each topic, and pull a few relevant, well written posts from each point of view for the arguement. And then lock an FAQ forum with those posts in each topic. Maybe create some knowledge compendiums. One for section under the FAQ for purchases, then list websites under each post. Looking for plus size clothing, go here. Collars, here. Etc. Put a little disclaimer saying Hey, these arent the end all answers, but a damn strong place to start so maybe your question will be a little more specific. It cant be that hard, any reason this hasnt been done before? Do we need someone to volunteer to do it?

Daenok,
Thanks for bringing this up! I am not sure a Faq dept would work, as what works for me may not work for you.
Some great ideas and suggestions have been shared on the forums over the years. It has slowed down over the last year or so.

I personally think it is great to share techniques, ideas, and wisdom. Another poster said: We are not sure what they will do with the information, so we shouldn't. I disagree. When we have anyone who wants to learn how to do something new we can share our methods, what works for us, and also include links for seminars, groups local to that person, etc.
And if we include a caveat at the end that helps to remind people that what works for us may not work for them:
'This worked for me, and please remember to play safe. Do not do anything that might endanger you or your sub. Take lessons, start slow, pay attention to all signals from your play partner and have a blast!'
The forum 'Sought or for Sale' is a good place to find all kinds of clothing, etc and we have posted here on Ask a Mistress about where to find all kinds of good stuff-including links.

I come here to find good play scene ideas and some days are better than others for inspiration.

My Caveat: I am on my first cuppa coffee, so I may have missed something along the way.



< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 12/30/2008 8:35:18 AM >

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 8:58:20 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		My style of Dominance is Mine, it may have elements of other Dominant traits but to Mine own self am I true.
 
What I really want in a submissive
 
Some new thoughts and ideas
 
That people are still people even inside these hallowed halls and that is not always a good thing.
 

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 10:21:46 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have learned many things here.  Good and bad...lol  At the moment I am rather foggy and stressed so I can't think of a lot of things... but I have learned a lot of safety and medical things about a number of topics.  I have learned some things I do not want to do! lol  And I have opened my mind to other things I thought I wouldn't want to do.  I learned I am a bit more sadistic in certain settings... more on the emotional side and in the time I have been here and during play... have learned more about cbt and have had good results with what I have done.  Some things I have no interest in though as I am more a sensual dominant and want a female led life and relationship.

I have learned a bit more about the mental aspects of things and loving a good mind fuck... those are always interesting to me.  Both in a good way or bad! hehe  I have also learned that what appears to be isn't always what it is... I knew that... but got a refreasher course here! lol  It is easier to know what I want in a man if I had any questions about that... because I can see some types I would like and some I wouldn't!  In all... it is a learning experience one way or another.  I refine myself as I go and there are things that need refining... and some of it is inspired not only by my own desire.. but in people I see here. 

Now... I need to go fog out for a bit...  Good thread!

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 12:17:11 PM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		I have learned that patience is the greatest virtue of all and that if you hope in your life,then blessings will flood every facet of your life.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 12:30:48 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		CM is one of many messageboards/forums that I frequent, and I must say, it has more "keyboard bullies" as the lovely Dr Phil quoted on his show today  then any of the other sites.

I am in no way complaining, that is what makes the world a diverse place, difference of opinion, however knowledge should be shared and passed on in my personal view, and yes, that is my view not everyone else's.

This site is more of a serious tone to it, however isnt BDSM/fetishes/ the "lifestyle" about fun and enjoying, embracing it  in a positive manner?

Some people have too much time on their hands, and simply come here to maybe let off some steam, off -load, lots of stress stress stress, targetting the newbies, or more inexperienced, which I do not agree with. 

Regarding the CBT op, I actually corresponded my guidance privately in memo to the member starting the op.

I was quite amused at one of the responses saying that they have paid for private intuition regarding CBT and how much equipment invested etc etc, and WHY should they provide any information for free, for they paid for theirs.

"When you've spent thousands of dollars, like I have, on toys, books, and classes, and taken dozens of hours of your personal time to become the very best domina you know how, like I have".

Oh please, get over yourself!

I wont even go into how much of my 5 figure sum worth of equipment I have, that has no validation to someone enquiring about a technique whether it is CBT or anything else, no relation to the topic whatsoever what equipment, time or investment someone that clearly does not wish input any positive influences to the actual topic of discussion.

How and why you spend your  time, money, is your affair, why even mention that ?  If you dont like a discussion, move on, dont reply, ignore it, it is as easy as that.

As I do, I only reply to discussions I can add my positive influence on, or my own participation in a good way,  or if I feel I have anything constructive to add to it. 

I need not be sarcastic, I need not be offensive, defensive or proove my ideals to anyone, however sometimes we project alot about ourselves on forums like this, some of the Uberness here is quite amusing

FAO beeble, there is no need to apologise, I was not offended in the least, actually I am a CBT expert maybe it is all the practice I get

Knowledge is key, spread the love

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http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/


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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 1:18:24 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think you just joined the club.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 4:19:03 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've gotten a tremendous amount of insight into how bdsm relationships do and don't work. 

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 7:49:48 PM   
MarsBonfire


Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I've learned that some of the people on here (and in the BDSM community in general) take a certain bunch of fantasy novels waaaaaayyyyy too seriously!

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 7:50:03 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		What have learned? If you think you have tried all CBT techniques, you are wrong. There is always someone out there with another idea :)

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 9:22:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		That's definitely true, mm.
 
I forgot to add My own stuff to the list.  Some of this wasn't put on the forum directly, but there were times that I got the info to a question through email.  Here goes.
 
Alternative materials for torches for fire play.
 
Strap on recommendations.  (I contribute to these, too, but others have given Me reviews of theirs.)
 
Leather cleaning.
 
All kinds of info on how other people structure their dynamics. 
 
Those are just a few of the questions I've asked.  This doesn't include all of the things I've learned from reading other people's questions and answers.  One of the great things about being kinky is there's always something new.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 9:31:14 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I've learned that this community is a true reflection of the big bad world out there, with nice people, innocents, bullies and everything in between.

I've learned that anytime you write anything here you are opening yourself up to others opinions, good or bad. But i personally think that's the point.

I've learned that some people are much more compassionate than they are given credit for and that kind words even on the screen can feel like a hug.

And that i can learn from criticism even when i don't agree with it.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 9:42:44 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		i've learned a great deal of nothing in particular.  just taking the topics into my head and chewing on them has helped me become more aware of myself, and other people have helped me see better through different eyes.

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great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

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RE: What have you learned? - 12/30/2008 10:08:56 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

CM is one of many messageboards/forums that I frequent, and I must say, it has more "keyboard bullies" as the lovely Dr Phil quoted on his show today  then any of the other sites.

Some of the private BDSM message boards are positively vicious. I find this board to be, in comparison, wonderfully diverse--all kinds of kinksters here--and with quite a few people whose viewpoints closely parallel my own--people willing to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly, and who think that Your Kink Is OK. Also, lots of what Usako said upthread. Myself, I mostly ignore keyboard bullies (great term, despite the source--Dr. Phil, yech!) wherever I find them, although there are a couple of topics on which I will go to the mat.

This site is more of a serious tone to it, however isnt BDSM/fetishes/ the "lifestyle" about fun and enjoying, embracing it  in a positive manner?

Absolutely not. It's about power. Wipe that grin off your face.


< Message edited by Reigna -- 12/30/2008 10:12:50 PM >

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