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hi - 12/30/2008 10:52:32 PM

doggybaby25

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is it okay to have boundries when a sub?????

i mean certain boundries that could end the sub up in the hospital due to panic attacks if crossed?????

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RE: hi - 12/30/2008 10:56:25 PM

GreedyTop

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Of course it is.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 12:28:22 AM

BondageBarbieX

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Yes,boundaries are important and you need to tell your Dominant what your limits are

(in reply to GreedyTop)

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 12:49:53 AM

myotherself

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absolutely! As long as you're clear up-front, and you trust the Dom you're with.

For me, masks are a no-no. Not just a no-no...a NO-NO!!

While I enjoy a bit of manual breath-play, I can't deal with the claustrophobia of wearing a mask. I'd end up in hospital. So would any Dom who tried it

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 1:28:33 AM

JustDarkness

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people without boundaries are fools..so to speak..
(or daredevils..lol)

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 12/31/2008 1:29:07 AM >

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:20:16 AM

T1981

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Boundries are very important. And they may change over time - for instance, for a long time, anal was a complete hard limit for me. This is now changing. But that doesn't mean that my husband can just bend me over any old time that he wants (I'm not in a 24/7) and just take my ass - he has to communicate with me, work with me on that.

There are other boundries that have not changed for me, and while most of them are hard limits (i.e - young ageplay, scat, etc) some of them are purely emotional and have nothing to do with play in scene or not. Those are important to have.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:27:11 AM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

Yup. Just be as upfront and honest about them as possible. If you discover a new one, speak up. If the things change, say something.

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(in reply to T1981)

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:55:27 AM

MrDevlin

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The irony of the game is that it's the submissive who's actually in control.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 5:19:31 AM

sunshinemiss

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.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 12/31/2008 5:21:04 AM >

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 5:47:37 AM

sirsholly

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not only are limits okay, they are needed.
If you are ever told that your limits are not accepted or (my favorite) the Dom will set the limits for you because he knows what is best for you....RUN!!!!!!!!

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 6:06:15 AM

Taboo4Two

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We deal with panic attacks in our relationship on an ongoing basis. Any Dominant who does not understand how his or her actions can trigger these attacks is not someone I'd want as my Dominant.

In our relationship I discovered early on that once dee was into deep sub space that any sort of sexual play was a VERY bad idea. It instantly took her out a very nice place where she felt safe and loved and put her in a place where she was deeply afraid. Once she had recovered enough to discuss the subject lucidly I came to understand why she reacted in that manner and adjusted our play so that it ends with her in that happy and safe place.

That was 8 years ago and I have never felt that I, as her Dominant, am midsing out on anything because of it. I try my best to be sure that she does not ever feel badly because that is something she can not do for me. I suspect that may be what you feel but did not write.

You have the right to expect that any Dominant and more importantly YOUR Dominant will respect your boundaries. If they don't, walk away and do not look back because they will only damage you.

Domino

< Message edited by Taboo4Two -- 12/31/2008 6:07:44 AM >

(in reply to sirsholly)

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 6:16:32 AM

DarkSteven

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I once ran across someone who was looking for a no limits sub. He had no experience in the lifestyle and impressed me as dumber than a box of rocks.

Yes, your limits are important as a general rule. If they could get you to the hospital they are VERY important. If I put a sub in the hospital inadvertently because she didn't tell me of an important hard limit, we'd be history as soon as she got out.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 6:22:21 AM

DesFIP

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And this is why I had to hard limit humiliation, it puts me in a very bad place that takes weeks to recover from.
Especially in a brand new relationship it is essential that the sub knows what his/her boundaries are before engaging in play. Anyone who mainly wants what you cannot and will not do is someone you are not compatible with. Wish them good luck and go meet someone else.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:23:39 AM

LaTigresse

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I am fine with someone telling me (after getting to know me) that they have no limits. I have plenty enough for both of us.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:30:07 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am fine with someone telling me (after getting to know me) that they have no limits. I have plenty enough for both of us.

a few healthy jiggers will help that, LaT. Ahhyup.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:44:20 AM

doggybaby25

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thank you all for your help.

i asked because i had someone email me on here and told me that i was not a sub because a sub would do whatever the dom told them or suffer the consequences.

i told him that if he didn't like it he could just leave me alone.

(in reply to sirsholly)

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:47:47 AM

sirsholly

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whoever told you that is not a Dom. An abusive bully, probably...but not a Dom

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:54:28 AM

VampiresLair

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quote:

ORIGINAL: doggybaby25

i asked because i had someone email me on here and told me that i was not a sub because a sub would do whatever the dom told them or suffer the consequences.

When a self professed dominant is not confident or strong enough to control someone who might be more than a mindless doormat, they pull out the sour grapes. I cant have you so you cant be what I thought you were... or Id have you.
Anyone who's scope is so small as not to be able to find ANYTHING to do with you aside from the limits you might have, assuming they arent so all encompasing that you are asking not to have anything done at all, isnt going to be much fun anyway. The only time a limit might be a problem is if you are looking to be mine, and your limit is my fetish. Thats a compatibility problem, but it certainly doesnt mean I expect you not to have limits, it just means ours dont work well together.

Kudos to you for knowing to tell the guy to shove off, by the way. Unfortunately, some newer subs fall for that and elt them do whatever they wish because they are worried they really arent a sub if they dont.

DV

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:59:28 AM

lusciouslips19

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My hard limit is public humiliation. And you have to slap me in a very specific way or youput me in an emotional landmine, So slapping would be a limit with someone new.

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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 9:07:34 AM

LondonTrainer

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quote:

is it okay to have boundries when a sub?????

i mean certain boundries that could end the sub up in the hospital due to panic attacks if crossed?????

quote:

ORIGINAL: doggybaby25

is it okay to have boundries when a sub?????

i mean certain boundries that could end the sub up in the hospital due to panic attacks if crossed?????

Without having read all the replies, which I'm sure will be saying much the same - yes of course, its is quite OK, and sensible, for a sub to express her limits, and it is totally reasonable to have that as an agreement with your Dom.

Over time, your limits will change in all probability, and the example you give of Panic Attacks may change because you aqre not panicked or freaked by the same actions - but they may never change of course.

Be comfortable.

(and, er - at times uncomfortable!!)

Robert

(in reply to doggybaby25)

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