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RE: hi - 12/31/2008 9:26:02 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

No, Now come on over I wanna find out if this Chainsaw will fit up your coochie.

Yeah Limits are fine, Panic attacks are serious, however are you having them based on an irrational fear? If this is the case then perhaps you may want to address them SLOWLY with someone you have feelings for.

Ultimatly Andi know that there are many things she never wants to do but if they are something that I want to do then it will be addresses at some point because I don't see a valid reason why it not be done.

Before I am dragged over the coals on that note, let it be known that although some my disagree on this note it was something andi has been aware of from day one, Case in Point she SWORE she would never do Anal again that her ass was exit only ..... today she asks for it.

Steel

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(in reply to LondonTrainer)

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Post #: 21

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 9:33:06 AM

doggybaby25

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

thank you

my reasons for what i dont do are simple

i was sexually abused as a child and forced to do these and i still get very panicked

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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Post #: 22

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:29:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Not only are you permitted to have limits, but the way that the Dom responds will tell you lots.

Someone who tells you that twue submissives or twue Doms always do XX is a bullshitter and is trying to talk you into something. Not very Domly. Someone who tells you that XX is very important to them and couldn't have a relationship without it may be genuine. Or, as I sometimes do, talking about them and seeing if something can be worked out.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to doggybaby25)

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Post #: 23

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:45:30 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

My opinion is I would rather you have more limits that can eventually be eliminated one at a time after thorough discussing and increased trust than to have youy tell me you have none at all. I know I have limits where I will not go. Anything that is emotional would need to be discussed with the dom up front just so he does not happen to go their not knowing about it. Example of being sexually abused as a child, ok does that mean you just are against intercourse or and anal or is hugging you or holding you out also. In the case of sexual abuse, if I do not know what type of abuse it was and what preceeded it that might also get you upset, I could accidently hit one of those areas from which you would rather I stay away. Thus the reason for a thorough discussion about it up front and if he is not willing to stay away and keep you from the hospital and him possibly being in prison, he is not a dominant.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 24

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 4:46:01 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDevlin

The irony of the game is that it's the submissive who's actually in control.

Obviously, you don't know my Dom......

not.at.all.

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to MrDevlin)

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Post #: 25

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 8:57:44 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

OP--I looked at your profile and you are new to the site according to your profile. I don't know how long you have been exploring the lifestyle or if you are looking to experiment and/or play. Before letting someone own and train you, and if you are looking for a relationship, use the same approach and sense you would use if you were looking for a 'vanilla' partner.

Find a munch in your area and attend if at all possible as this will give you some interaction with like minded folks and can be educational.

I think both ResidentSadist and FireMaam among a few others have a list of recommended reading. If you use the search function you will find many posts for newbies who are starting out.

Don't let Doms bully you or tell you you can't have limits and such. Read the older posts on the forums which you may find enlightening.

Have fun but be SAFE.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

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Post #: 26

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 10:30:25 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDevlin

The irony of the game is that it's the submissive who's actually in control.

Obviously, you don't know my Dom...... not.at.all.

Ditto to the 1000th power here. Nobody but Sir controls Sir. Ever.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

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Post #: 27

RE: hi - 12/31/2008 11:25:19 PM

doggybaby25

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

thank you all for your advice

as far as hugging and kissing it is fine it is just that i was forced to take anal and give a blow job as a child and am working through my issues.

for a while i could not even give blow jobs but have since worked through that although i still cannot swallow.

anal is to painful for me and sends me into a panic attack everytime i have tried although i hope to eventually be able to serve my master in this way.

(in reply to servantheart)

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Post #: 28

RE: hi - 1/1/2009 11:11:49 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Doggybaby, you got some excellent advice so wont add any more. Just wanted to share that when I met Sir, the first thing that basically came out of my mouth regarding limits was I don't do blow jobs. Whenever I would tried in the past, I would have flashbacks of some very horrible experiences . Sir worked with me to get past this and it took over a year where I could do it without much difficulty and now without flashbacks. I will always be grateful to Sir for helping me to get past the flashbacks to completely worshiping.

Best of luck.
oceanwynds

(in reply to doggybaby25)

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Post #: 29

RE: hi - 1/1/2009 12:53:25 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

It's okay to have limits and boundries that are tied into your abuse - for the longest time, belts were one of my hard limits. I LOVE impact play, but could not, due to being beaten with them as a child, have one used on me. I couldn't take the humiliation and I couldn't take the flashbacks.

He respected that, and over time, I was able to move through that. It was a slow process - first we started with him merely taking off his belt in scene with me, then he would snap it in his hands, then tap me it, and eventually we did get to where he could really hit me with it. But each of those steps took weeks in and of themselves, and that was only after I got comfertable enough to even broach the subject. And each of the times we did each of those things, him and I were both prepared for hours of discussion about it each time, before and afterwards. (I'm a terribly verbal person, that's how I process everything)

If you do eventually get to the point where you feel like you might want to work through those, make sure it's with someone who is willing to take small steps over time. Some comfort levels are meant to be firmly and quickly pushed through.

This may not be not one of them. Good for you for listening to your instincts on this one!

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/1/2009 12:56:18 PM >

(in reply to oceanwynds)

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Post #: 30

RE: hi - 1/3/2009 6:55:15 AM

bamagirl4u

Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
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I just recently posted two different thread on here about limits. One being on anal and the other asking if it is safe to have a Dom urinate inside me. It is not easy to set limits when you care for someone, but in my case, I just do not enjoy anal. I had a bad experience and it has stayed with me. As for the other, I just needed to know if was safe as I don't want anything done to my body that is dangerous. I love floggings and spankings, but I don't want permanent marks. I sometimes think I am too complex in who I am looking for, but my limits are my own. I have learned through a lot of people on here that I don't have to say yes to everything! This lifestyle is what I have chosen for myself. Has it been easy...hell no! But, I haven't lost hope of finding the right One....I wish you the best of luck and stick to your limits~~they are there for a reason.

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~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

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Post #: 31

RE: hi - 1/3/2009 10:39:40 AM

ForAlways

Posts: 72
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

not only are limits okay, they are needed.
If you are ever told that your limits are not accepted or (my favorite) the Dom will set the limits for you because he knows what is best for you....RUN!!!!!!!!

So very, very true.

In addition, if limits are agreed upon and, down the road your dom pulls the "you don't trust ME to do this that's why you made it a limit" spiel, don't run, JET away as fast as you can!

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Post #: 32

RE: hi - 1/3/2009 4:29:00 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
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hhmm How to put this..A sub without limits..is like a sub in a barrel...ask the other subs what I mean...but yes..limits help a sub to stay safe..and Alive

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Post #: 33

RE: hi - 1/3/2009 4:36:03 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

not only are limits okay, they are needed.
If you are ever told ...(my favorite) the Dom will set the limits for you because he knows what is best for you....RUN!!!!!!!!

I didn't run. And boy o boy did I pay for it! I lived happily with the love of my life for 16 long years! Quel Dommage! (rolling eyes)

YMMV people. Always. In fact, the saying should probably be YMWV.

(in reply to sirsholly)

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Post #: 34