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Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 12:13:54 PM

KipperUK

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

Hello. Long time lurker, 2nd time poster :)

I'm in the seemingly unique position of having been curious about Ds for a very long time, how that came to pass I don't know, but at first - I didn't know what it was, then I found sites like this, eventually plucked up the courage to display a profile, then add photos, and so on.

Anyway, i've spent quite a lot of time getting to this level - put yourself on display like this is not something that comes naturally to everyone, well me anyway. But I realise that I probably know as much as I am going to know about Ds (and myself) just by visiting sites and reading about it.

I'm not your pro-domme using sort of person, in fact I don't think i'd dream of it - My view of activities like this is that they are intimate, personal, and to be shared with someone I have come to know and trust - perhaps more trust than I have placed in anyone. So i've arrived at the conclusion that I must look for someone who, like me, shares this interest (from their own viewpoint) and is looking for similar things to me. I'm also not really comfortable with the idea of popping along to a local munch where (just by my mere presence) - i will be in the same room as people who know something about me that I don't particularly want in the public domain either (Irrational? probably...)

So, given all this background and information... Its down to looking online for that special someone, so what sort of profile and pictures do people like to see? What sort of mails do people like to receive (it can be hard not to write a one liner when some people only include one line in their entire profile... how can you bounce off that?).

Just looking for some insight :) I want to put myself on display, without nescessarily putting myself on display... if that makes sense, I am slow, steady, cautious type... but worth getting to know in the end I hope!

Post #: 1

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 12:18:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Mine rocks. feel free to use mine as a template. Emails should be sincere and stylish. There's no easy formula.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 2

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 12:28:20 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

Mine is as long as a book. You should probably avoiding modeling after me ;) As a dominant woman, I look for people with profiles that do the following:

- Above all else, display a semblance of literacy and education. Spelling, grammar, proper English...these things matter to me in terms making a first impression.
- Do not simply list a person's fetishes or lay out some elaborate scenario of what you're looking for a dominant to *do to you.*
- Tell me something of yourself and what it is you have to offer. Hold a PhD? Know how to sew or cook? Anything that makes you unique is a good thing to mention because being a submissive male alone will not set you apart.

Those are some straightforward guidelines and I think I'm pretty in line with what most women want in those aspects. As for pictures, I think any picture you consider flattering of yourself is good to include. Or maybe pictures of you doing things you enjoy. Do not, and I repeat -DO NOT- include naked pictures or cock-shots in your profile. Neither should you have a picture which is fully made up of your bent over and wide open ass. If your ass should appear in some more tasteful manner, that's generally thought of as no big deal.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 12:39:21 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

Mine is even better than LA's. Probably the best profile ever. In fact, earlier this year, some guy copied it word for word and used it for his profile!

Kidding aside, mine is way different but works effectively for me. Maybe you could scan through the message boards, spot some people you think have their shit halfway together and look at their profiles for ideas.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 4

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 1:09:25 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KipperUK

...so what sort of profile and pictures do people like to see? ..

Here's a conversation we had last month about photos...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2292461/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2292461

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 5

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 1:35:36 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

My profile is excellent. I get compliments on it all the time. The two subs I'm currently courting both said it's one of the few that came across as wanting a genuine relationship. Feel free to use it as a model, though you may not want yours to be as lengthy. Make use of your profile's journal too. The best contacts I've made were based on something I wrote about in mine.

As for email, read both the profiles and the blogs. Even if the profile is short, take a look at the list of interests. When you see someone with a similar interest as you, mention it. You don't have to write a novel for your first email. It can be as simple as "Hi, I read your profile (make sure this part is true) and thought you seemed like an interesting person. I'd like a chance to get to know you better and see if we click."

Include info about what drew you to that person, in particular. As a dominant woman, I like to know a message is not a cut and paste template sent to everyone with a XX chromosome within a particular age range. Try to personalize your messages as much as possible.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 6

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 1:48:42 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KipperUK
I'm also not really comfortable with the idea of popping along to a local munch where (just by my mere presence) - i will be in the same room as people who know something about me that I don't particularly want in the public domain either (Irrational? probably...)

Yes. That is irrational. There will be maybe 10 people at the munch, and probably hundreds have already viewed your pic just because you started this one thread. So you're in the public domain, baby.

If you don't want to risk meeting someone you know, you can go to a munch out of town.

To be clear, I'm not a big fan of munches. The public scene events I've been to have pretty much sucked. But that's okay, because I make real-life friends and play partners through online dating. Several other regular male posters do, too. Some even meet their future wives. However, there are a TON of men on this site who, for various reasons, don't ever meet anyone in real life. It can be frustrating and isolating. If you find yourself unable to make a connection via computer, the #1 solution is to go places where real-life kinky human beings are hanging out.

Don't limit yourself to online-only. That's bad strategy.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 7

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 1:50:53 PM

KipperUK

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for your thoughts; i've updated my profile and hopefully made myself sound a little more human. What does anyone think?

As for my photo.... is it a bit too much of a close up? Is it important to get a full body shot (clothed, of course!)....

I don't consider myself to be great looking but I'd say i'm average to above average... and i'm not fat, but i'm well built and stocky, I know there will be a lot of very athletic people on here, but I guess my brain is my best feature :)

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 8

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 1:54:04 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

I have more success with the humour type profiles probably due approachability I suppose.

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 9

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 4:10:53 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Just a word of caution - if a female's profile works, that's good. But if a male's profile works, THAT'S what you should be copying. We males way outnumber the females here.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 10

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 6:01:50 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

~FR~

Please note that opinions on profiles are purely subjective - and.. you did ask.

It's a bit bland for my taste. Not really all that different from the hundreds of other guys on collarme and being a guy, you're automatically disadvantaged from the word go. You need something in there that stands out, makes you unique among your peers.. something which says to the reader.. 'you're not going to find anyone else like me'! Without that, you'll end up starting a thread in Off Topic asking why women are so rude and never respond to your emails.

I want to attract people who like to laugh and have a good time but also think outside the box and appreciate and enjoy living LIFE. I'm not, however, going to tell you to read my profile, or use it as a template because it's 'my' profile.. it's got 'my' personality all over it and it won't work for someone else. I appreciate what the other ladies on this thread have said.. and their offers to use their profiles as templates are sweet.. but those profiles will never work for you because they're not 'you'.

What you need to do is find your creative bone .. the same way that you are being creative with in teaching yourself the guitar ... you need to do that with yourself so as to market in such a way as to attract the demographic you are seeking. I got a sense of some of the stuff that you like/do from your profile.. but it's pretty devoid of 'you' as a unique individual. It's like.. here's my checklist. Are we a match? If yes, write. Boooooring.

Or, yanno, if you're trying to attract bland.. keep it exactly like it is .. you catch what you desire by the bait you use.

And remember.. you did ask.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 12/31/2008 6:03:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 6:40:26 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
I appreciate what the other ladies on this thread have said.. and their offers to use their profiles as templates are sweet.. but those profiles will never work for you because they're not 'you'.

This is a good point. I should clarify what *I* mean by using my profile as a template. Someone else might have a different concept. I've set my profile up in a specific way to present various sets of information. A simple breakdown goes something like this:

Disclaimers (this is the stuff that will automatically get someone's message deleted)
Teasers (this is an overview of the types of play I enjoy)
Expectations (type of relationship I want, type of person, etc.)
Physical preferences (self-explanatory)
My vanilla interests (again, explains itself)

Scattered throughout these areas are tidbits of info about me -- my personality, my likes/dislikes, etc. You definitely don't want to copy anyone's profile as a boilerplate and just plug in your preferences. But you can use this model to jumpstart your creativity and get the profile that best suits you.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 12/31/2008 7:10:48 PM

Begsnice

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

As far as sending an email i really cant stand the ones that write just "hello" or "what part of ny are you from"...
Introduce yourself, be respectful and try to say something that will interest and intrigue them.
Good Luck!

begsnice

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 13

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 2:21:54 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I used to have a very long profile but since I am not looking I deleted it down to one or two lines.My profile is actually hidden on here most of the time but I recently decided to unhidden it.I think it is very important to have a good profile but not a very long one..I see some that are so long and those generally suck.I also think its very important to have lots of pics and to change them out often.I see some with the same tired pics from 2 or 3 years ago..people change in 3 years.Also my settings are set to profiles with photos only and I am sure a lot of people have their settings the same way.
When writing to people say more than one line and be very respectful.I generally delete with out responding to one like messages.
In regards to your profile I would put your BDSM interests and what you seek at the top to catch interest and move your general info to the bottom.

< Message edited by BondageBarbieX -- 1/1/2009 2:23:52 AM >

(in reply to Begsnice)

Post #: 14

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 7:42:56 AM

kdmfl

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

I don't like my profile, lol, I'll probably never like it and always change it.
Think I'll do that real soon.
thanks

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Post #: 15

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 8:37:36 AM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I just threw up some pictures. Not much I can do to improve that. Then I wrote, rewrote, and continue to rewrite my profile. I do this in response to feedback and friends bitching that I should say something about ... whatever. It's a long profile. Hey, I'm long winded.
I also dump a lot about me in my journal.
What do I expect to get from my profile ... who knows?
It's a reflection of who I am. Hopefully enough to spark someone's interest.
At leasts it's made me a few friends.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to kdmfl)

Post #: 16

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 9:05:05 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

Hi Kipper its Stephen here.

First things first. Jaz says "Kipper" is probably not a good choice in names. Remember the guy that murdered Suzie Lamploe?

Re-names, go for something simple, smart and roles off the tongue.

This is really a marketing exercise, just like advertising any other product. Getting it right will bring success.
Things that are important... First be honest. Anything you say about yourself you need to live with, particularly if you are going to meet in rl.
Your after somebody that is going to appreciate and hopefully emotionally fit with you. Before you start talking about your likes, dislikes and general BDSM you need to get across the message about yourself. This part of your profile should focus on the benefits (not features) of you, as your features will probably be very similar to everyone elses but your benefits are what make you unique... for example "Im told Im very good at listening". Think about your market (what most women want from a man).
If it takes more than a minute to read the whole profile then they will move on so keep this part short.
The first thing they will of looked at is your photograph. Jaz says she would always rarther see a facial shot than a full body one.
Now you can talk about BDSM but keep it positive. Don't list your "Dont likes" because any Dominant looking at a profile will be looking for things that match her likes. The things you don't like will come out in future conversations and you may be suprized that what you think you don't like now, you may enjoy with the right person.
Most importantly there is no point in having a great profile if nobody reads it. On sites like this where there is a search facillity, getting your profile filled in properly will help someone find you but as you have probably realized by now, you will get far more hits on your profile if you post to the forums regularly.
Lastly... If the right person is on this site, they probably will find you as people who have similar likes tend to end up in the same place.

Jaz says, this is from a female dominants point of view.

When I look at a profile I always look at a facial shot first, then at there friends list and then onto the profile. The friends list gives credibility to your profile and in marketing speak is called a third party testimonial. I have contacted people on friends lists to check them out.
On a site such as this the competition for male submissives is huge and so I would suggest you need something that is going to jump out, possibly amuse and get my attention but clearly if I go on to read your full profile and discover that you are the wrong sort of sub for me, then I will move on.
I always look at dislikes and have to admit that this list possibly puts me off more subs than any other thing. You can have ten likes that tick all the right boxes but one dislike that tells me a lot about you temperament/tollerance.
The great thing about collar profiles is they do work. Just look at us!

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 17

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 9:07:42 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

I really like you photo. You are almost smiling and it seems as if you are barely able to look into the camera and about to turn away or look down. After reading your profile I think your picture captures you very well.

yours

Hmm, I still need a signature.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 18

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 9:24:38 AM

alandraofMists

Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

In my opinion, what makes the best profile is.... honesty, clear communication (grammer, spelling and proper use of words) a clear understanding of yourself and what you are looking for.

As for the photos, upto date photots of yourself, in a variety for different poses and places... they do not need to be kink or BDSM poses or clothes, just a snap shot of you in life. The photos should show a well kept person with pride in their appearence and self confidence within them selves.

These are things that I would be looking for if I was looking for someone on here.

Hope this helps

Knight's Alandra

(in reply to KipperUK)

Post #: 19

RE: Best sort of profile and photos? - 1/1/2009 9:34:51 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

My profile is excellent. I get compliments on it all the time. The two subs I'm currently courting both said it's one of the few that came across as wanting a genuine relationship. Feel free to use it as a model, though you may not want yours to be as lengthy. Make use of your profile's journal too. The best contacts I've made were based on something I wrote about in mine.

As for email, read both the profiles and the blogs. Even if the profile is short, take a look at the list of interests. When you see someone with a similar interest as you, mention it. You don't have to write a novel for your first email. It can be as simple as "Hi, I read your profile (make sure this part is true) and thought you seemed like an interesting person. I'd like a chance to get to know you better and see if we click."

Include info about what drew you to that person, in particular. As a dominant woman, I like to know a message is not a cut and paste template sent to everyone with a XX chromosome within a particular age range. Try to personalize your messages as much as possible.

I've been thinking about revamping my profile and had thought to try and incorperate some of what I'd seen in yours. It's a good profile! Besides, the picture of my husband has a dirty dish plate in it (didn't even realize that until I read the other thread about the photos!). We're kinky, but not THAT kinky. I'd better find another picture!

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/1/2009 9:40:32 AM >

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 20

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