chiaThePet -> RE: Forced bi? (1/2/2009 8:08:41 AM)
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ORIGINAL: MsStarlett How about I force you to buy? Ooooo, shopping? This; The former wife bribed me to go clothes shopping with her with promises of food and drink if I was a good little helper. She knew I would give her an honest opinion of how she looked in the outfits she chose. I had a fairly keen eye for adorments which complimented her body shape, skin tone, and hair. Most of her best outfits actually were presents from me for certain occasions, holidays, or simple surprises. I enjoyed seeing her look her most beautiful. The act of shopping itself however? Just shoot me. Put me out of my misery. Push me off a cliff and make we walk on hot coals, (what ever happened to the people who used to do that) Tie me naked to a tree and sell hot flaming, melting marshmallows to passing truckers to fling at me while hysterically laughing women scream "S'more", "S'more". I completely come unglued. I loathe shopping. I must know where, when, the quickest route to the isle that contains the item I must purchase, and, they must have a 'ten items or less' express line or I start trembling, shifting my feet, eyes searching for another cashier, any cashier, just some cashier to CHECK ME OUT! I'm sure I turned into a pathetic, pouting, whiney little boy each time the wife somehow managed to drag me out of the house and force me into the car, keeping the windows rolled up so I wouldn't take a suicidal leap for freedom. Think 'taking the dog to the vet', and he knows, he just knows. Please, please, anything but shopping, I beg of you. I kid you not, I will hide for hours if I know someone is looking for a shopping companion. "Olly Olly Ox in free chia*." "chia*?" "Damn it chia*, I just need one pair of shoes." Shoes?! Just shoot me! On, off, on, off, step, step, sigh. On, off, on, off, step, step, sigh. I'm slithering out of the chair while the clerk sweats and gives me that, "At least I'm getting paid to suffer here dude", exasperated look. But I will do it if it makes you happy. Cause I love when those I love are happy. Yes, I'll even buy those wing things for you. A great sacrifice, but it can be done. "Price check on six for SUPER ABSORBENT MAXI EMBARRASSMENT". chia* (the pet)
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