Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

When people know you


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When people know you Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When people know you - 1/3/2006 9:03:14 AM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with?

I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me...

but i don't wanna remove my pic, i'm just whinging really... sorry

_____________________________

Killing under the cloak of war is nothing more than murder.

albert einstein
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 9:08:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Oh it can be weird to have to rearrange the lines of connection.

For example my local partners new roommate is good friends/casual partners with someone who is now the main sweetheart of one of my ex's.

But that's what happens when you stick in one place long enough. As long as everyone is adult enough to deal with it, then you can move on.

Don't out other people to other people. If you're worried, then you should talk to the scene person about it directly, making them aware of the connection and asking for their discretion to the vanilla people.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 9:13:36 AM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notanaddict

do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with?

I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me...

but i don't wanna remove my pic, i'm just whinging really... sorry


I find the best way around this problem is through communication.

Tell them "Don't talk to so and so", or "please don't repeat this" yadda yadda yadda.

Your vanilla friends may be more open minded then you think.

If you feel someone else is going to talk to them about it, you may wish to do so yourself.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 10:16:51 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with?

I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me...


Well, I have no one in my vanilla life nor professional life who doesn't know the lifestyle I am in. The only person it hasn't been spelled out to is my father. My mother was his slave, so just don't feel the need. He knows how Doug and I, react towards one another.

I've been recognized since I was a child. So, that doesn't bother me at all.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 1:20:21 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		I know what you mean but need not act so freaked out when they do for you will be giving signals who you are with you have something to hide. They will try to dig a little deeper to find out what it is. One time I ran across some one who I saw in the lifestyle in public and that person was a person. All I said was did I see you at this bar which at the time had a fetish night. I did not say any thing but the bar and the person quickly tried to cut what I had to say short because she was with some one who was vanilla. I saw the person acted like that was strange for her to do that. I later saw the young again at an event and told her do not worry I would not let any thing slip. Remember if some one sees you who you know say I saw your picture some were then you need to say what you were doing on that site? Good Luck

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 1:22:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio
Remember if some one sees you who you know say I saw your picture some were then you need to say what you were doing on that site? Good Luck

Best thing to do if you see someone kinky in a vanilla setting and don't know them well is to wave and say hi. Their response will let you know whether it's ok to go further or just let it go.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 1:43:22 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have no problem with it at all, maybe because I really could care less what people think about me. And then there's the fact that if someone wants to know, and asks me...I tell them the truth.

I will admit though, I have never met someone at a party whom I knew outside the 'lifestyle' (I hate that word). If I did, I would probably hug them and tell them it's about time lol.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 1:53:58 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		in one particular case its someone who has already spread lies about me to my ex amongst others and i can just imagine what this will bring...

next thing i know i can the police on my door called in by my ex because my life may be in danger because I let random people come to my place and beat me up or something worse..

(for the record...I don't)

_____________________________

Killing under the cloak of war is nothing more than murder.

albert einstein

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 1:56:26 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Oh...darn...dealing with ex'es...that's different...now I understand your concern

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 3:12:39 PM   
MasterHyde


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		This doesn't bother me as much as it does others. I've made a conscious decision to be open about who I am, and not to let anyone make me feel ashamed for it. To wit, I have had the discussion with most of my family members, and almost all of my friends are either kinky themselves or accept that I am. Anyone who has a problem with it has no place in my life. Even my employer knows about it, and since he knew me personally long before he asked me to come work for him, I don't have any concerns there.

I realize this isn't possible for everyone, but I seriously recommend to people that you try wherever you can to be open, honest, and unashamed about your sexual preference. It's high time that the people who give us shit were made to feel uncomfortable, instead of them making us uncomfortable. I'm not saying shock the vanillas. But as more of us can stand tall and proud, the easier it's going to be for others to do so. Little by little, brick by brick, we can knock down the walls and get more people to accept us for who we are.

Will everyone accept us? Probably not, but if we can turn the numbers around, it will be harder for those who don't to practice discrimination that denies us our rights to live free and pursue happiness in our own way.



_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 3:18:23 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have had that happen a few times (more with the swinger stuff) and it was awkward but easily moved through. My bigger problem came when a very "out" casual acquaintance of mine just never seemed to know when he had said enough around my sister or vanilla friends. They have an idea but they do NOT want details...nor do I feel like sharing them. He wasn't intending to cause discomfort -- he was just so open it did not occur to him when to stop, even though we discussed it. We spoke about it but those situations did not come up frequently so it was not a big issue.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 3:32:26 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i personally don't flaunt my choice as a slave to Master, although ive been known to call him Sir or Master in front of friends , kids , and outside of the home. if someone recognizes this oh well....

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 4:27:15 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		I compartmentalize and work hard to keep my very private life private.

It was kind of funny, though, a few years ago when a girl sub I had been casually chatting with moved next door with her boyfriend and I knew things he didn't!

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 5:09:37 PM   
Gomez


Posts: 51
Joined: 12/30/2005
Status: offline 		I am who I am, and if vanilla people that I know don't like it (which is hardly any), they know to say something to me. But at no stage will I try to hide who and what I am. I have generally found that if you are straight-forward with vanilla friends from the start saying who you are, they accept it and remain good friends or on the other side of the coin, bail and call you a freak! Generally, most vanilla people will ask questions and/or accept it and move on.

_____________________________

Sometimes people would rather believe in a lie as its a lot easier and less complicated than the truth!

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When people know you - 1/3/2006 6:37:53 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		I don't hide what I like... Unfortunatly I am more of an over sharer.. but the problem here is my oversharing to someone who has already told lies...

I have no idea what to prepare for


and i still want her, its INSANE

_____________________________

Killing under the cloak of war is nothing more than murder.

albert einstein

(in reply to Gomez)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When people know you - 1/4/2006 1:54:03 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I have had to deal with some of the same situations and
can understand what your feeling.

Some exe's are really hard to shake, but if you know it's
really over, a clean break is what I find works best.
Eventually you will be able to move on with a healing heart.

And then those damn trouble makers that just love to gossip
and spead ugliness, I try to let Karma do it's thing.

Hang in there, welcome to the board's!

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When people know you - 1/4/2006 2:35:56 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		While I freely post my pic on sites, I'm not in the habit of explaining my Dominant *sexuality* to anyone outside of the lifestyle. If someone found my pic, I wouldn't deny, either - but I still wouldn't explain! Such is the power of search engines, I don't even mention BDSM or related terms to nillas.

I'm not the least bit ashamed of my needs in a partner or relationship but I've still got better things to do than explain my choices to the ignorant or nosey. While I've never been "busted", I've been around long enough to not get freaked out about it, either! I won't complain but I don't explain....

You're much younger, you probably just need time to be comfortable with your own self and choices....

Focus.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When people know you - 1/4/2006 2:44:06 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For example my local partners new roommate is good friends/casual partners with someone who is now the main sweetheart of one of my ex's.

That's easy for you to say! I think I worked it out.... I think? <head hurts sooo much>

Focus.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When people know you Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.111