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RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 7:58:43 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

4, A suggestion - add in your profile what's in it for him.  Say something like, "I have no experience and would love to experiment with you.  Let's begin with nonsexual activities like spanking, bowing/kneeling, and me serving you and making you comfortable."  This not only lets him know what he can get out of the relationship, but also lets him know that you are realistically willing to grow the relationship instead of expecting everything to be and stay perfect. 



Great post, DS - especially this last part above.  In reading the thread, I keep thinking 'what's in it for him?'  He's doing all the searching, saving his virginity, not having kids, rescuing, and being told exactly how to do so ... why would he want to do this?  OP, what do you offer him?  Besides virginity, that is.  This is really rhetorical - just something for you to think about. 


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Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 4:48:57 PM   
BentBoy


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/3/2009
Status: offline 		I think your biggest problem is your profile. The first thing you need to do is remove the final exam and replace it with "Hello, I am here to meet people and see if we click.And, if we do click we can take it from there."

You remind of a young guy I used to work with who had this list of about 50 things qualifactions his was looking for in a woman. I told him to reduce the list to once question and that question is "Would you like to go out to dinner?"

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 5:34:36 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		1. the perfect mate will not fall out of your computer and into your lap, bearing an engagement ring and a huge fortune to allow you to stay home  and be june cleaver.

2. your qualifications are way too stringent.  men are not put together at a factory, made to order.  their experiences in the past have all come together to make them the men they are today, so do not exclude them because they aren't virgins.  virgins can be overrated.

3. grow up and leave the fairy tales behind.  life doesn't allow most people to live like the fictional families you see on the soap operas.  it's hard work.  most families require two incomes.  you want a perfect fantasy life.  it doesn't exist. 

welcome to real life sister, it's a wild ride.  learn to roll with it and have fun, stop being so uptight.  you're making yourself unattractive to potential mates by being so rigid in your idea of a perfect mate.  everything you've said in your postings reminds me of a child's viewpoint, unrealistic and almost delusional.  you really do need some help, before you waste the best years of your life pining for the impossible.  nobody's perfect, not even you.  take the advice of all these good people and work on it.
PM

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(in reply to BentBoy)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 6:03:58 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BentBoy

I think your biggest problem is your profile.



I still think the biggest problem is the OP herself. Her attitude is horribly negative as is her outlook on life. Instead of trying to fix herself first, she's hoping for some man to do it.

Really, why would a man want to do that? So far you don't offer much to him. You want to be a leech on him and have him guide you around...sounds selfish to me. But no matter what anyone says I doubt the OP will change without therapy or a smack in the face from reality. For now she's stuck in a hole of despair.

(in reply to BentBoy)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 6:27:55 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

If I become *independent* which is different than just education/job/living alone.. that means a lot of other things I have refused to do, like take decent care of myself etc and fully accept this life........... I've been hanging onto my sucky life so I could be rescued while I still needed it - and letting myself get unhealthier and unhealthier in many ways so I don't let it get by. I cannot become healthy on my own without destroying my chances at ever having a relationship with anyone.


I wish I understood what any of that meant.  Do you mean unhealty physically or emotionally? Please explain. 

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 6:33:07 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		CM has a jolly large membership and yet it is not for everyone. Perhaps there are sites better suited to you personally, I don't know as I don't know you. No harm in being a member of multiple sites if that suits you. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to naughtysubK)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 6:36:20 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		you can have all the orgasms you want hon, and still be a virgin. I promise.


quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I thought that was just for jobs and selling old chairs or something. I'll check it out, ty. Well, considering I'm a virgin, it'd be great to actually have my first orgasm before I'm 27 after I get married, but the main reason might actually be that I'm lonely and submissive and really need a dominant. Not hard to understand, I'd imagine. Also, I want to be a missionary, but I will only do it if married and he is going with me to a foreign country. I'm not brave enough for that line of work on my own, for sure.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 8:19:29 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Second, it indicates to me that you have zero tolerance.  If there was a perfect Dom out there for you that experimented with crossdressing once when he was sixteen, or once wondered what it would be like to be on the receiving end, you've announced that he's not for you.  Hermione, you are a lot pickier than you ought to be.


You're right. I'm not tolerant. I did have a relationship with someone who lied on that question of crossdressing. He at some point when I looked back on it got a major submissive twinge and got together with a girl that dressed in guys clothing and did him up the ass with a strap on. If a guy ever liked to dress in women's clothing, unless he was an actor, I can guarantee we are not meant to be. I've never fantasized about dominating anyone. It makes me want to throw up.

quote:

you can have all the orgasms you want hon, and still be a virgin. I promise.
No, you really can't promise that. I've tried til I cried instead of orgasmed a million times. I can't.

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 9:26:59 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I've been hanging onto my sucky life so I could be rescued while I still needed it - and letting myself get unhealthier and  saidunhealthier in many ways so I don't let it get by
All Doms who find this bit attractive, please raise your hands....   Hermione, there's this thing about most (I won't say all because I know better than to do so here ) D/s relationships called power exchange. If you paint yourself  as someone patently incapable of taking care of herself in the most fundamental way, as your profile and posts do *in spades*, what do you have to exchange? Purposely making yourself unhealthy in hopes of playing on the heartstrings of a white knight Dom is not only manipulative, it is also a really good way to wind up alone or with an abusive asshole in Dom's clothing. Sorry to inject a bit of reality into the fairly tale you are trying to live but, IME, the Dominants that are really worth having are seeking someone who is worthy of them as well.   With all the negativity in your profile, there's no clue as to what you have to offer other than a strict list of "must haves" and a pop quiz that made MY head hurt (*smooches Steven for getting through it*). You may, in fact, be a good person with a lot to offer, but all that comes through in your profile is "I don't want, I don't want, you have to, you have to" which is a great way to convince the Dom of your dreams to pass you by and find someone who wants him for who he is, and doesn't require him to jump through a crapload of hoops before he even says hello.   Not to be harsh, but you are seriously pricing yourself out of the market, kiddo.   On the "If I am independent and take care of myself, I will no longer be submissive" thing, I don't get it, but welcome to reality. I honestly don't understand what one has to do with the other, unless the only thing driving your submission is getting a meal ticket and permanent babysitter who will do all the work in the relationship. Again, not attractive to a Dom who is looking for a partner rather than a project....
Wyld

PS. On the orgasm thing, a little hint. If it isn't happening in your head, it won't happen anywhere else, no matter what toy you use. When it comes to this, fantasy IS your friend!

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 10:18:48 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Shame on me for not reading the entire profile... I stopped just before the quiz...

OH MY GOD....

First of all... how is a "virgin" supposed to answer some of these questions. Like

"Do you want to always be on top / in charge in sex?"
 
"How do you feel about anal sex (you giving, herreceiving)?"

How would a virgin, who by definition has never had sex, know how he feels about anal sex? I've known plenty of girls who didn't want anything to do with it but were persuaded to try it and now love it. I'm sure the opposite is true too.

Also... what the hell do these questions have to do with finding someone compatible

"Do you like/love (or could tolerate) cold weather?"
 
"Have you read the Harry Potter series? What did you think? Which character are you most like, if so?"

This list of questions... it's as ridiculous as it is long.

I've been really following this thread, and honestly, to all those who have posted in response to Hermione, I think this is a lost cause. As Usako pointed out, she's not going to change or even rethink a single element of her disposition.

Honestly Hermione, I think you need to go to your plan B, become independent and take care of yourself at least you won't be driving yourself mad and making yourself sick. I think if you've only given yourself 2 options... find a man who meets every single element of your criteria or be alone and independent and take care of yourself... the latter is looking like the most feasible choice.

Also on a completely different note that has nothing to do with the topic at hand but I just have to say it. I'm guessing your favorite Harry Potter character is Hermione which just makes me even more confused because you are not like her at all.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 10:23:58 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		What ONE thing I REALLY do not understand is: How the hell did you get involved in Bondage Domination Sado ~ Masochism?
>>>>>Maybe cause you should be abused? 

The next is how the hell can you make your own theology and psychology saying that it definitely kosher to hate yourself; to not be independent; to make all the rules for everyone else, having incredibly unorthodox ones for yourself and that someone else should fit into a boxy mold crafted out of your own beliefs??

There are 6, almost 7 pages of people asking you.....  what the hell and why the hell?
Opinions, advice, pleading, suggestions, options ~ whatever all these great people on CM are telling you or giving you will be given to you on Alt, B.com, fet.com and dozens of other sites. 
So your original question is out the door.  If you can't accept what you hear here, go find it somewhere in your own orgasmicless bliss.

You are truly in control.  You do not realize it but everything about your profile, theology, psychology, needs and wants are totally controlled by YOU!  And all these folks have been trying to tell you, you are as sucky as you say you are. 

Selfishness is not selflessness.  Demanding control of whom you think you need in a man is not submission, it is taking control of your own destiny, theology and psychology.  Oh Lord...it is NOT looking good for you !!

Might I suggest  ~ a new profile ? ! ? !

hermione83: Submissive??  I've been hanging onto my sucky life so I could be rescued while I still needed it - and letting myself get unhealthier and unhealthier in many ways so I NEED A SUCKY MAN WHO NEEDS TO BE RESCUED AND WHO IS JUST A LOWLIFE CAUSE HE CAN'T SEEM TO FIND WHAT HE WANTS, BUT JUST GETS BY. 
BTW, I am a virgin and you MUST be too or you are better than me and I couldnt handle that.

Reading suggestions for the OP:
http://livinglifetoitsfullest.blogspot.com/2006/03/healthy-and-unhealthy-submission.html

http://www.enslavement.org.uk/troubled

http://www.enslavement.org.uk/yld-healthy

http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/48

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 1/4/2009 11:10:03 PM >

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 10:46:31 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		Like everyone else has said, good luck in your search.  That's definitely a hard one!  I personally am of the mind that there is no such thing as a soul mate, or someone who is perfect for anyone else.  There are, however, people with great chemistry and a genuine love and friendship with each other, and these make the best relationships.  In my mind, if you met this person but he had happened to have had sex when he was in high school or anything, and you turned him down, I would think you a fool.
Also, it has always been my opinion that most "good" dominants want emotionally healthy submissives, and your attitudes are very unhealthy and sad, to say the least.  What would you, a woman who describes herself as emotionally dead, have to offer to a man that was as 'perfect' as the man you are seeking?  He could have his pick of almost any woman, what would make you stand out?
I really suggest that you get in some therapy, even if through your church.  Get out, meet people.  Don't put a time limit on relationships, because you will just stress yourself out and feel like a failure.  It will happen as it will, if at all.  In the meantime, learn to love yourself and become happy with the person you are.  You will NEVER make anyone else happy until you can be happy with yourself.
Be well.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 10:54:17 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Shame on me for not reading the entire profile... I stopped just before the quiz...
OH MY GOD....

We're right there with you, trealeon, believe me.
*smooch*


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to trealeon)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 11:00:06 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Shame on me for not reading the entire profile... I stopped just before the quiz...
OH MY GOD....

We're right there with you, trealeon, believe me.
*smooch*



Forget the quiz !!  Look at her INTEREST list.  Reads like a pretty solid sub newbie....assfucking is right up there at the top!! 

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 11:11:27 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		What makes a healthy submissive?
Author: Yaldah Tovah, M.D.

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.


< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 1/4/2009 11:13:16 PM >

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 11:20:29 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		OK, made it further into the hoop... err, quiz.

Hermione, lose the following unless you REALLY want to experience the "fun"of having your very own, RL stalker:
"Will you pursue and go after your love and finally capture her and MAKE her yours forever regardless of what she does to try to be coy and squirm away (or fight / run) literally or mentally?"

As for the rest, I think it has been more than covered.



_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/4/2009 11:26:30 PM   
suhlut


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline 		hermione,
            i have been reading this thread..and trying to avoid posting, because i have read other threads you have created in the past.. and the hopelessness i have always felt after reading the things that you seek.. well.. it has always saddened me.

But.. i need to say this.. i am sooooo sorry for whatever has happened to you.. that made you the person that you are today.. i just can't see how any set of parents could set the path towards the adult you became. It couldn't have been very ideal.

_____________________________

That girl is pretty kinky
The girl's a super freak

SUPERFREAK ~by Rick James

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/5/2009 1:01:58 AM   
SubbGuy


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2009
From: Zamboanga City, Philippines
Status: offline 		I too want to try my luck in this site. I am a virgin and really want to try this out whether Dom/Sub role

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/5/2009 1:26:29 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83


If a guy ever liked to dress in women's clothing, unless he was an actor, I can guarantee we are not meant to be. I've never fantasized about dominating anyone. It makes me want to throw up.

No, you really can't promise that. I've tried til I cried instead of orgasmed a million times. I can't.



I am really not sure how you can possibly equate someone crossdressing and the fact that they may want to be dominated. Your lack of knowledge on things like this shows why you find it so difficult.

I missed the orgasm part before but I hate to point this out to you, if you cannot bring yourself to orgasm chances are you will not have an orgasm with a man. If you think just having a man fuck you will automatically produce an orgasm you have so much to learn. I have a friend that has never had an orgasm through sex and can only orgasm on her own.

Stop living your fantasy life and get real.

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/5/2009 4:23:38 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I've had some real good luck here -and- another site, met people r/l, but I've had to do things that took Me waaaaay out of My comfort zone in the process lol. But what I've done, and the places I've been as well as the people I've met have made it well worth it.

I've had some bad luck too on other sites, met -millions- of fakers and been let down badly more than once, as have countless numbers here. But thats the internet, its open to all sorts so, you'll meet alsorts.

As with many other things in life you get out what you put in, in the end though, for Me the internet is just a stepping stone to help get Me where I want to be.

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 120
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