Why dominant ?

Why dominant ? (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 4:57:48 PM)
What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ? Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ? What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ?

CelticPrince -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 5:03:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aneirin What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ? Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ? What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ? Aneirin Power to be exercised according to my choice. CP

ResidentSadist -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 5:23:22 PM)
To answer your question, we are all in it for our own reasons. Our reasons are vast and colorful. For me it is not sexual, although it includes sex. For other Dominants the answers to the following would be different. I used to think it sex was the most important thing until a very smart slave asked something. Before telling you what she asked, I must first tell you this; I am a very competent lover and use emotion, love, passion and sex to get my lovers “addicted & dependant” on me. It is my form of collar. If have something no one else can provide, I know my worth and maintain control. I provide a sexual and/or emotional experience they can’t get elsewhere. With that knowledge of my MO, that smart slave asked me if I had a first date with someone less sexually exposed, would I rather break a boundary and make them squirt for the first time or have an orgasm myself. I choose breaking the boundary and making them squirt. . . sex is less important than control, even when I am using sex to control. quote: ORIGINAL: Aneirin What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ? Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ? What do you in reality, actually get from your liaison with a submissive ?

Wickad -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 5:44:47 PM)
I find your examples of what a male vs. female Dominants might get out of being Dominant very interesting. I'll get back to your original question a bit later. Wickad

piratecommander -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 6:04:34 PM)
I wondered what you'd been meditating upon for such a while , I can't give a straightforward answer (surprisingly) so instead I will say ...... "It has to work for both of us" (you know it makes sense ! ) Pirate (Happy New Year)

Focus50 -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 6:12:25 PM)
You're not seriously asking for the D/s version of the meaning of life here, are you? Fulfilling mutually complementing, primal D & s needs within a safe and healthy environment isn't enough? You make it sound like the submissive is a victim of abuse.... I only "like to get my own way" with a partner whose own needs are met by such a dynamic - am a big hearted teddy, afterall.... :-) Focus.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 6:17:01 PM)
quote: What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? It's fun. What other purpose is there?

DarkSteven -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 7:09:36 PM)
I never wake up in the morning and decide to be Dominant that day. My personality is such that I feel more comfortable in control.

peppermint -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 7:22:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? It's fun. What other purpose is there? We always say if it stops being fun we'll stop doing it.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 7:22:30 PM)
quote: What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ? Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ? What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ? Being a switch, what do you get out of being dominant or submissive? which do you prefer? why?

kdsub -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 7:31:30 PM)
Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included. Butch

Evility -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 7:40:09 PM)
I enjoy it. That is why I do it. If someone can give you some in depth analysis as to why they are dominant they are over thinking it and aren't really driven from within. In my opinion.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:20:14 PM)
It's just who I am, I've been in charge of My life for eons, chose to have My UM as a donor pregnancy and do it My way--I don't want the tug of war. I'm just wired to have the lead dog role--self esteem nicely in tact, ability to be the bread winner in tact, ability to accept the sole responsibility in tact. If I find a submissive--great, if I don't--life doesn't stop---good news is I believe I may have long last found someone who gets Me and who is thrilled to complement Me.

Jeptha -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:24:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evility I enjoy it. That is why I do it. If someone can give you some in depth analysis as to why they are dominant they are over thinking it and aren't really driven from within. In my opinion. Are you maintaining that introspection is not a dominant trait?

DominaSmartass -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:25:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included. Butch And there are some people who truly believe that they have a lot to offer others in the way of guidance, love, discipline, structure, leadership, and so forth. This will probably come off as sounding cocky but it's not meant that way. I may be young but I have a good handle on my life and a good grip on reality. I have everything going for me and am one of those people that just tend to be right a lot, in terms of factual knowledge and subjective matters. I have good intuition. I am fulfilled by being the dominant partner in a relationship because I like to be in control but not without good reason. When I'm in control, good things tend to happen to me and those who listen to me and do what I say.

kdsub -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:29:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Most dominants that I have known personally have a deep problem with self esteem. They use this lifestyle to compensate for their inadequencies. No different than the submissive...myself included. Butch And there are some people who truly believe that they have a lot to offer others in the way of guidance, love, discipline, structure, leadership, and so forth. Me too this is not being doninate Butch

trealeon -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:29:55 PM)
It just is who I am. Once I accepted that, it was actually easier for me to be in relationships because I knew who I was, what I was looking for, and what kind of relationship worked for me. I don't have low self-esteem. In fact, it's just the opposite now. Because I understand myself and accept myself, I have great self-esteem. I don't use my "dominance" to beat up on or abuse the woman I'm with. It is the dynamic we choose and makes for a smoother relationship. It definitely doesn't make things perfect. I don't know why some people think that being Dom/sub somehow makes it all super easy in a relationship. It doesn't. Relationships are complex no matter what the dynamic.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:30:11 PM)
It's not like I have a choice. It is something within me. The desire and drive to control. I don't think it's because I have low self esteem. Cripes, a lot of folks think I"m way too full of myself. It's not always easy to live with. I've pissed off many bosses because I can't do something ... "their way" when I know its wrong. It's not just the power, it the striving, the urge to conquer. If you have ever rode rough stock, it's the urge to take control and prove yourself. I guess that is the closest I can come to explaining it.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:30:40 PM)
I like being in control and not hearing any argument. The submissive is sub by choice and likes giving up control so there's no arguing or fighting over who's the boss, who's supposed to cook dinner, and what movie we're going to go see. Plus I get oral sex whenever and however long I want it. With a non lifestyler there'd be a power struggle and whining. Can't stand that. Compromise I can handle but power pulls forget it.

Aneirin -> RE: Why dominant ? (1/3/2009 8:30:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer quote: What is the purpose of a dominant, what do you get from it ? Is it simply you like to get your own way and by having a submissive you can get your own way, or is it you feel of service to a submissive, a person who gets what they need from helping another in an aspect of life they see as detrimental according to their belief ? Is it with the case of males they wish to drill another whenever the need arises, no protest as it is their right as dominant and the females of the same ilk, a sub to do the things she most likes ? What do you in reality, actually get from your liasion with a submissive ? Being a switch, what do you get out of being dominant or submissive? which do you prefer? why? Well, this is the odd thing, when I am being dominant, then I feel as I am being of service to a submissive, giving them what they want and need, with a bit or myself, in what I want and need. When I am being submissive, I feel I am being the true me. I life outside the d/s area, I can be dominant one minute, and submissive the next minute, I alternate between the two poles which causes much confusion to myself. I suppose truth comes down to how one feels one is, and how one is expected to be .

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