Kicking out the Kid (grown)

Kicking out the Kid (grown) (Full Version)

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TNstepsout -> Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 6:26:58 PM)
I just had to kick my son out of the house. When he moved back in with me about a year and a half ago one of the rules was no drugs. I found a pipe with weed in it on my patio and it was the second time, so I couldn't let it slide this time. (especially since he was so convincing when I confronted him the first time and told me it would never happen again) He told me when he left that he understood and he'd really screwed up. He said he thought it was the best thing for him, that as long as he was here he would never get serious about getting his life on track. It still sucks. I worry about him and I miss him. Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?

came4U -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 6:35:24 PM)
No, but good for you for putting your foot down quickly and in a consistent manner. I feel for you, I'd imagine the hardest thing you have ever had to consider doing. Stick to your guns so that he relies on your ability to see him as a flourishing and sober individual. You will never stop worrying no matter what anyone tells you, but worry less in knowing he might make a change for the better because you have faith enought to believe he is better than the drugs.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 6:46:56 PM)
quote: Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out? A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school. He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track. It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary. It ain't called "tough love" for nothing.

KatyLied -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 6:49:43 PM)
Yes, a similar situation. My son thanked me one year later and told me that he understood why I did it. Sometimes you must do tough love and it is difficult and agonizing, but kids have to learn about life and responsibilities. I understand how this is for you and I wish you and your son the best.

Lorr47 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 6:52:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout I just had to kick my son out of the house. When he moved back in with me about a year and a half ago one of the rules was no drugs. I found a pipe with weed in it on my patio and it was the second time, so I couldn't let it slide this time. (especially since he was so convincing when I confronted him the first time and told me it would never happen again) He told me when he left that he understood and he'd really screwed up. He said he thought it was the best thing for him, that as long as he was here he would never get serious about getting his life on track. It still sucks. I worry about him and I miss him. Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out? Oh yes. Step son moved into an apartment my significant other owns. After inflicting $3,000 to $6,000 in damage, theft and lost rentals (on me) I got him out. He then went to his father and nearly ruined him. The step son was on crack. Then, she allowed him back in the building. When I went ballistic she said that he only was on marijuana; having beat crack by substituting pounds of marijuana. He is now into me for another $1,500. (I pay the bills for building since rent is non existent.) I transported him to work daily in December. He is 42. (probably will not reach 43.) If he does not pay rent and utilities in January I intend to evict him again through self help no matter what she says. Don't get me started on my step grand daughter (17) with her two children who live up there rent free. Her boy friend quit his job and sits up there smoking marijuana. At times there does not seem to be any end in sight. At least you still love him. I do not love him and am about ready not to love "she."

came4U -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:07:34 PM)
quote: A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child???

Lorr47 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child??? I think you are replying to CelticLord, not me, but he has it right. If you do not stop the parasitic behavior the minute you see it, you will be taken down. It only gets malignant with time. My problem is that "she" stands between me and "them." After I gave her the building , every parasite has descended on her. Then, I have to bail the building out.

MzMia -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:45:37 PM)
Hugs TN! I have not had to do anything like that personally, but I can tell if was a hard thing for you to do. ....sigh He seems to have a good attitude about the situation, and maybe like he said, this is the push that he needed!

popeye1250 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:53:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out? A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school. He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track. It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary. It ain't called "tough love" for nothing. CL, true that, "tough love" is just as hard on the parent. When I was a young man I just happened to mention to my father that I was "thinking" about joining the Navy. He said, "Get in the car!" I said, "Where are we going?" He said, "Get in the car and shut up!" Twenty minutes later we were at the Navy Recruiter's office in Medford, Mass with other fathers and their sons who were being "kicked-out" too! Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?"

Lynnxz -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:53:50 PM)
Sometimes, a 'GTFO' is the best thing you can do for your kid. I was booted out of my house at 17, best thing that ever happened to me. Happily I haven't had to mooch off my parents... for money at least. I used to go over there for meals all the time. [:D]

MzMia -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 7:57:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out? A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school. He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track. It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary. It ain't called "tough love" for nothing. CL, true that, "tough love" is just as hard on the parent. When I was a young man I just happened to mention to my father that I was "thinking" about joining the Navy. He said, "Get in the car!" I said, "Where are we going?" He said, "Get in the car and shut up!" Twenty minutes later we were at the Navy Recruiter's office in Medford, Mass with other fathers and their sons who were being "kicked-out" too! Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?" lol Popeye, you are just wrong! ROFL [sm=rofl.gif]

Aneirin -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 8:09:36 PM)
My last life, my ex had a 27 year old son living with us, paying his way, but we actually wanted to be kicked out and often goaded his mother into doing so. Me personally, I have booted him years before, but as the son was not my own, I had no say. The trouble was, we knew his mentality, he believed if he had been booted out, everything would come right for him, as it was with his brother, but his brother was menataly impaired, he was not. If things did not work out, he wanted someone to blame, and his mother could not take that, she holding much guilt over his demeanour.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 8:30:28 PM)
No, but I would if I had to--good for you, it hurts I am sure, but someday he will thank you. Hugs.

bamabbwsub -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 9:00:52 PM)
TN, I feel your pain. Although I have no human children of my own, my sister's son -- whom I love like he was my own -- got involved in doing and selling drugs, etc. He lived with my mother for a while, but she eventually told him that he couldn't stay with her, because she was afraid of his druggie friends, then he went back to live with my sister (his mother), but they argued so often that he begged to come to live with me in Alabama (they live in Knoxville). I'm a former teacher and a hardass, so I made some pretty tough rules for him, and told him in no uncertain terms that I would lock him out (I never gave him a key to my house, and he had to be home by 10 p.m. on work nights) if there was ever any infraction. He made a few friends here, but I suspected that they were druggie friends, so I scheduled a drug test for him one day at 2:00. I left work, and when I walked in the door, he was gone. He'd packed up some (but not all) of his stuff, and left without a word. Was I worried? Hell yes! But within the week he was back in Knoxville, begging my sister to let him live with her again. They continued to argue, and he threatened to join the Navy. Much like Popeye's father, my sister said, "Let's go," and she drove him to the recruiting office that day. My nephew is a completely different person. He is clean-cut, off drugs, stopped drinking, and is one of the most polite young men you could ever meet. I think kids lose respect for their parents when those parents let them get away with crap, and thus they have no respect for themselves. Remember that there is still "love" in "tough love." Best of luck with you and your son!

Phoenixpower -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 9:09:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary. It ain't called "tough love" for nothing. you kind of sound like my ex...he enjoyed telling me off about my finances and still (well, or should I say "again.") does...though with him I suppose he does enjoy it...

Phoenixpower -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 9:12:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday. Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent. Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere. Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child??? I might be wrong....but in his statement he doesn't say that this is "his own" child...(but maybe you know more about him...)

came4U -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 9:42:53 PM)
quote: I might be wrong....but in his statement he doesn't say that this is "his own" child...(but maybe you know more about him...) oh lol I never thought of that, k cancel my post either way, not my biz., this has become too deep for me.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 10:15:46 PM)
quote: Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child??? Point of Clarification: "Child" is now 23. "Child" is now a man, and expected to stand for his own.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 10:25:29 PM)
quote: After I gave her the building , every parasite has descended on her. Then, I have to bail the building out. We all do what we must, but why do you "have" to bail the building out?

celticlord2112 -> RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) (1/3/2009 10:31:35 PM)
quote: I think kids lose respect for their parents when those parents let them get away with crap, and thus they have no respect for themselves. Bingo. The lesson I was constantly lecturing/nagging/yelling/preaching to my boys was that respect goes both ways or not at all: if you don't respect others you can't respect yourself, and vice versa. They grumbled a bit, complained a bit, contemplated various and sundry ways to give me the ass-kicking they were sure I deserved (as if they had any real clue![8D]), but right around the time they got their black belts, they began to figure that maybe I was worth listening to every now and again.

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