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MisPandora -> RE: Need Advice- I'm Stuck and new :( (6/2/2006 8:23:07 PM)
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This might come out as harsh, but it's meant to be constructive. I realize you're new, but you're dealing with someone who obviously is not.
You have become his puppet, plain and simple. You've allowed all of this to happen with this gentleman. If you truly believe that your pleasure and happiness come first, show that through your words and deeds. You've demonstrated to him that HIS needs, wants and desires come before anything you might want. It sets up the wrong impression and there is no wonder that he is acting the way he is. Player or not, this guy is expert in the art of getting what he wants. You've ceded to him in every way. Personally, I don't really fault him for continuing to push in the direction he wants because you've shown him that he can get it easily.
Sit down and really think about what he does for you. Is he of value to you? Does he show respect? Does he demonstrate that he values your control, guidance and direction? If those answers are yes, then by all means, he's worth your trying to figure things out and regain control of the relationship. (I'll tell you, from the outside, it does not appear that way!) While I could say you could levy the "My way or the highway" thing, I don't think you've quite perfected the aspect of "my way" to where it would work. I lean towards suggesting you dismiss him. It would also be wise of you to admit some of the fault in encouraging this sort of disrespectful behavior.
I think that a novice mistress can learn well from an experienced slave, however, that slave must be focused on the betterment of the domina and not on his own jollies. You'd be better off getting involved in your local community and making friends with other dominas so you can learn how not to have this sort of thing spin out of control again.
You seem to have some profound misconceptions about female dominance. It's not just about "being a bitch" and "getting your way". It's alot of responsibility, maintaining a cool head and being the one who orchestrates all that happens around you. To a certain degree, being a dominant does put you accountable for the realization of other's fantasies and desires, but it should be on your terms. We're fooling ourselves if we think it's 'all about us'. And I do hope you were joking about beating someone so they'd understand your point. The application of physical force to make up for a shortcoming in communications, is in my opinion, terribly careless and irresponsible. I hope you reconsider doing such a thing.
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