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all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:16:08 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		On a profile a person spefically states that she never ever wants a moment of vanilla, and should not be considered if there might be moments of vanilla.

I am trying to figure out if this is realistic, possible, plausible or just totally wacked delusional thinking.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:17:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Not in my world it isn't.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:18:41 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		whats vanilla? I always laugh about stuff like that, like when people say 'i want vanilla too' well it isnt all that cut and dry in my opinion. Is eating vanilla? Having a bath? Buying a pint of milk? If so then im more vanilla than anything else. But it isnt really like that is it, you can be in a 24/7 TPE relationship and still go to the pub with your mates.

But to answer the post in the nature it was intended, no its not possible.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:24:47 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		At OP
How to say it
I just do my thing..lol...me beeing me...sometimes this..sometimes that.
Vanilla with bdsm whipcream..or so
..but stirred..not shaken

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/5/2009 1:25:12 PM >

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:30:50 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		it would depend on their definition of "vanilla".
 
if they are of the camp that thinks eating ice cream or going to the store is a vanilla activity, then...it might not be plausible.
 
if they define "vanilla" as a conventionally structured relationship, and they aren't interested in participating in a relationship where there would be any sort of conventional structure, it's totally do-able.

quote:

I am trying to figure out if this is realistic, possible, plausible or just totally wacked delusional thinking.

Merc: A 24/7 mindset and perspective is required but it is realistic. The most mundane activity notwithstanding, it doesn't change or impact a dedicated mindset. 24/7 spankings, caging, chains, or nudity are not physically possible but mentally sure they can.

By one perspective; we are 24/7 'vanilla' with moments, albeit frequent, of sensations and activities that are 'rocky-road'. Mentally, there are very few moments of 'vanilla' and none which can be avoided.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 1/5/2009 2:19:59 PM >

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:32:15 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		So, what, she wishes to be chained in a corner when he's not physically using her?  Well, maybe for a weekend perhaps ...

I vote for delusional - fantasizing, perhaps, to put it in a nicer way.  Perhaps she doesn't have much experience?  Maybe a relationship 'turned vanilla' on her and she's gunshy about it happening again?


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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:42:53 PM   
MissMorrigan


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My perspective is that we can never draw distinctive lines for both are inextricably intertwined, even supposed 'vanilla' people are somewhat kinky even on a sliding scale of mild - the partner that swots his woman on the backside when she's bending over or walking past him in that certain way, or the man that bites the lobe of the virgin's ear as he penetrates her to lessen the discomfort, for instance. I've seen kinkier 'vanillas' than supposed lifestylers. It is never the act itself, but the intention driving it and the degree with which it is used - ie when becomes detrimental to a person's wellbeing, or others

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:43:29 PM   
SteveAndJaz


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline 		jaz says

I agree with those that have said 24/7 is perfectly possible. It is for me and Im sure it is for Steve too. So long as its in your head 24/7 then nothing you ever do is whats classed as 'vanilla'

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 1:51:29 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		i think there's a difference between 24/7 and no vanilla ever though. Don't ask me what that is though :)

I guess to me, in a 24/7 TPE relationship, there are still plenty of 'vanilla' times where the roles are still in place but it's not overtly kiny or whatever.


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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 2:13:28 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps it means that she's not the *only D/s in the bedroom* type or *only D/s* when in some scene or during play*; that she wants a D/s structured relationship.

agirl



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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 2:27:44 PM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Good question, it's really a question of headspace. I think I could stay in character, but among other things I prefer not to distort my impressionable unmentionable's perception of human relationships by modeling a pathological (but fun!) variation - I would hate to influence them unduly, so for that and various other reasons, I prefer somebody who isn't tripping all the time - but I could see it under the right conditions.

Presumably, somebody has to interact on a vanilla level however, if only for professional reasons or whatever, so it would really depend on how this particular person defines "vanilla" - as Miss Morigan alludes, kinkstrers have their vanilla moments, while vanillas can be way more militant about things like gender identity and roles than the most ardent kinkster.

I think a lot of kink is just about recognizing that you are kinky, and finding a sociable way to work that out, while vanilla is just pretending you're "normal", whatever the hell that is.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 2:31:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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Status: offline 		Well I think the reality is that most people in kink do divide the world into "kinky stuff" and "non kinky stuff"  So it makes sense for someone to put a profile out there with that mindset in place.  She's also probably new and doesn't understand the full extent of what her words can be taken to mean.

I think dividing causes more trouble than it helps, but people are weird like that.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 2:33:24 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		I agree that it's about the headspace. At least for me and my spouse 100% physical actual kink all the time is unrealistic. There's just a certain thing called everyday life that prevents it. And as vanilla as we may look to many there's just no way of taking the sadomasochist out of me. I'm a sadomasochist all day, all night, all year round even though I'm not actually performing it at any given moment. 

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 2:34:46 PM   
CatdeMedici


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Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

On a profile a person spefically states that she never ever wants a moment of vanilla, and should not be considered if there might be moments of vanilla.

I am trying to figure out if this is realistic, possible, plausible or just totally wacked delusional thinking.


Vanilla no, chocolate, you bet!! ok ok:
 
I believe that the mindset and the dynamic can be 24/7--365, however I do not believe that kink can be. I mean we have to eat, sleep, work, pay taxes, etc--so as Merc and beth said, that's about as vanilla as one can get.
 
I remember an email I got from a male sub--he wanted to be kept chained and caged in the basement 24/7 and he wanted a pic--I said pfftt if you are going to be kept caged in My basement what did it matter what I looked like!

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 3:04:50 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

On a profile a person spefically states that she never ever wants a moment of vanilla, and should not be considered if there might be moments of vanilla.

I am trying to figure out if this is realistic, possible, plausible or just totally wacked delusional thinking.


It's really hard to say because no one knows how she defines vanilla. For me, it's strictly a term I use in regard to the way one lives their life .. if it's not some form of alternative, then to me, it's vanilla. When I'm at the post office, I'm not suddenly vanilla. I'm simply a postal customer and my lifestyle has nothing to do with buying stamps. At the doctors office, I'm a patient, at the electric company, I'm a customer and when I'm in the grocery store going down the veggie aisle.. well, yeah.. I'm a pervert.. so what? I blame it on Kyra.. she got me into the whole potato thingy.


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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 4:55:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I have to assume they are defining it differently than I do.

I don't think I would enjoy it if he announced that from now on all decisions had to be decided by a long and involved discussion. If we had to agree as to what to make for dinner, for example. I like knowing that as long as it's on the table between 6:30 and 7:00, and doesn't contain peas, he doesn't give a damn. I also like knowing that he decided which car repairs he would take on, and which needed to be turned over to the garage. I don't want to have to learn all about transmissions and pressed bearings, I'm just as happy he decided that he would do the transmission and we would drop off the 4 wheel drive with the pressed bearing to be done at the shop.

In this sense we are not vanilla. Dinner is my responsibility within certain broad parameters, cars are his. He can decide he would rather pick up a couple of chicken parm heroes and I acquiesce. I can suggest that if he feels the car repair is too onerous in the cold maybe he ought to reconsider doing it himself. But the final responsibilities have been decided and we don't argue about what to do, instead we just do it.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 6:21:29 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		It is entirely possible.

I am SO Domly that I do not shop for groceries convetntionally.  I stare at them until My Dom gaze causes them to hop into My grocery cart.  When My girl sleeps, she is required to dream of Me Domming her.  And when I drive, I have no time or patience for anything, so I always drive 120 MPH and ru traffic lights.

Vanilla is for fake Doms.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 6:36:42 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

i think there's a difference between 24/7 and no vanilla ever though. Don't ask me what that is though :)



Yeah, I agree with this and the others that said it's a matter of what's in her head. Someone suggested that she may be "new" and really doesn't understand that her statement could raise this kind of discussion... but then again she could honestly want a situation where she is (as someone put it) chained to the wall 24/7 until needed for sex again. In which case if you tried to contact her and explained the version of "24/7" as we're discussing it here, she'd probably think you're crazy and reject you, still waiting for that Dom who will use her only for sex and keep her locked in a cage the rest of the day.

I've actually read a LOT of profiles that ask for that... "use me only for sex I never want anything else but for my body to be used and then you can store me under the bed until you need me again." I've never contacted any of them so I don't know how serious they are or how new they are, but it's definitely not uncommon in profiles. I read a profile of a black woman who wanted a racist white master who would treat her like a slave like in the 1800s before slavery was abolished in the USA and she wanted to be used in that way 24/7/365 no matter what he did to her. So anything's possible.

I wonder how many of them actually get what they want... truly chained or tied or caged all day... naked... with a little food and water dish... and only taken out for sex and then restrained again. Does it actually happen?

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 6:38:03 PM   
Ph0enixF1re


Posts: 91
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe it just means that she never wants to be a wife/girlfriend...I know that if I fell into that mundane outlook with my girl it would cause behaviours that would either have to be addressed or would endanger the relationship.  We have a "no-vanilla" rule, but that just means that under the surface that most people can observe, the essential basis of our relationship remains solid.

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RE: all kink all the time? - 1/5/2009 9:10:41 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Yes it is possible.  -  Nothing is vanilla if you do it right!!!

My alternative lifestyle is as much a part of my world as the world is part of my alternative lifestyle.  A simple trip to the ice cream parlor, movie theater or beach can be thrilling as scuba diving, as romantic as a candle light dinner and as kinky as an evening in the dungeon if you do it right.  I do not have a vanilla alter ego, perspective or lifestyle.  I am who I am, all the time . . .  even in grocery stores and gas stations.

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