RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (Full Version)

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Venatrix -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 5:51:09 AM)
Thanks, everyone, for your comments. Most of the thoughts you've raised went through my mind at one point or another. The clincher for me was when he said that it would cause so much trouble if one or more of these women found out that we had plans to meet, he wouldn't be able to go through with the meeting. But I do like to get others' opinions, just in case there's an angle I missed. My money is on the "I'm lining up a bunch of dommes to meet and if you don't work out, I don't want to annoy the other ones" scenario. Some of these women I know from corresponding privately with them, the others I know only from the boards, so it's hard to tell how some of them might react if they thought their supposedly faithful pet was sniffing around.

GreedyTop -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 5:52:57 AM)
I vote for the prudent caution. As other have said, I'd be questioning his judgement and past history if he's in touch with so many that are 'troublemakers', as well as his actual marital/encumbered status.

housesub4you -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 5:52:58 AM)
Yea, like everyone else I agree drop him and move on. It's not like there is a shortage of men looking to serve. Life is to short to play games with people, unless the games are agreed upon and everyone knows the safe words.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 6:46:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix Thanks, everyone, for your comments. Most of the thoughts you've raised went through my mind at one point or another. The clincher for me was when he said that it would cause so much trouble if one or more of these women found out that we had plans to meet, he wouldn't be able to go through with the meeting. But I do like to get others' opinions, just in case there's an angle I missed. My money is on the "I'm lining up a bunch of dommes to meet and if you don't work out, I don't want to annoy the other ones" scenario. Some of these women I know from corresponding privately with them, the others I know only from the boards, so it's hard to tell how some of them might react if they thought their supposedly faithful pet was sniffing around. *That one line kinda says it all huh? Sounds you made the right choice. I'm kind of curious though if he had the same conversation with some of the others?* *Jewel*

thetammyjo -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 6:54:15 AM)
looks around Does anyone here actually think the word "discreet" applies to me and mine? Why would anyone who needed to be discreet approach me? I haven't had this experience myself but I'm learning something reading the replies.

Venatrix -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 6:58:04 AM)
Jewel, I wondered the same thing. I expect there might be some rather interesting e-mail in my CM in-box over the next few days. It's a pity, as he was loads of fun, but if I want drama I'll buy tickets to a play. Speaking of drama, time to get ready for work.

T1981 -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 7:01:44 AM)
I understand people wanting to not get publicly recognized for being in this scene - but if they are worried about the PRIVATE implications - then no way, Jose. Last thing I need is a dramatic soap opera. If you're in some kind of a relationship, then you damn well better have permission to meet me. I've been honest enough to fully explain to my husband what is going on (well, technically, we're both in this together, but still) and I expect the same honesty to be returned. If you can't even be trusted to be honest about who you are with, then why the hell should I trust you to be communicative enough to be safe, sane, and consensual? Drop 'im, I say.

Lockit -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 7:34:13 AM)
There are some who seem to think that they can play the odd's... thinking they know what we are thinking and doing and they have a handle on their game and manage us. I have personally seen a couple, one stands out though, who often pitted one domina against another claiming there was some disturbance going by his fact's. Now, I must ask... when you know or highly suspect that someone is playing a game... as many facts or evidence suggests that he is... do you walk away after he has posed some chance of problems with other's around you or... do you play the game a bit longer to prove his game or protect yourself with the other's? I typically would walk away... but there was a time I did play the game a bit longer to prove a point. Of course I wasn't listened to and it back fired... but in the end... some games were proven. I at first believed the claims of a domina being a problem until I saw a pattern of problem domina's in his story. I counted one before me... then I was the one and then, low and behold... there was another after me. Did I look guilty because I played the game... sure in ways I did. Was it below me? Maybe some would think so... but you know... when you get a lil tired of the game and being a pawn in it... you might feel a bit sadistic in the matter. I'll show you, you lil fuck. I don't do so well with slander or set ups. If someone is playing the domme's and just safely wants to get through and not upset anyone... it is nice to know just who he is playing with and what all he is saying to each. Sometimes it does help to talk to the other's. But sometimes that doesnt work out and you can't for one reason or another talk to them or he has set the stage by claiming someone is not stable or is risky because they like them too much or will cause a problem. Yet... if they are still talking to this trouble maker... if they still talk to them publically or privately... you can bet your sweet paddle that he is playing a game.

lateralist1 -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 1:09:37 PM)
I don't see a problem with anyone talking or meeting anyone. I talk to anyone who wants to talk to me up to a point. I meet anyone who wants to meet me up to a point. I've talked to married men on-line for months trying to help them get over their fantasies. I've met them discreetly as well. People need to talk. They need to meet people who are actually involved in BDSM. Lots of people can't open up to strangers at a munch. People ruin their lives in search of the dream of BDSM or a relationship of any kind. Maybe you did the right thing for you. Only you know that. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him but it wouldn't stop me meeting him. What harm could it do you as long as it was somewhere safe? Are we all so naive as to think that you are going to find the real thing if we never meet anyone? I've met some really great people. I've also met some real idiots and some people I wish I'd never set eyes on but that's life you win some you lose some. I'm sure it's no better if your looking for a vanilla partner. There are some of us who take chances and some of us who don't. It's always got to be our choice.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 2:53:55 PM)
Now I'm so curious. Good for you on losing the drama laden loser. M

Venatrix -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:04:31 PM)
You know what curiosity did to the poor cat. [;)]

PeonForHer -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:07:49 PM)
It's quite obvious that the man must be married, V. Either that, or, as you say, he wants to line up a string of women to lay. No doubt this is what he's been doing all along, in fact. Without one shred of a doubt, a "player". IMO, you need to find someone as emotionally-balanced as you yourself are. I very strongly recommend that you don't give the lad another chance.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:09:51 PM)
Discreet equals married. Or, recently incarcerated! [;)] I am not one to spread my personal life around a restaurant, and as a person who has been played, and caught players out, I just can't be bothered with the game anymore.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:13:38 PM)
If he wasn't being honest,I'd be like, well if you're not being honest with every one involved, then I am opting out of your little game. Please don't contact me any more and I'll be sure to take you off my address book and any other contacts I have you on. If there was a legitimate reason, then I'd respect that, most likely. All though I would personally wonder why any one would want to personally be involved with the sort who love to be trouble makers. quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix If you d-type women (and anyone else who wants to chime in) were in correspondence with a male sub, and you knew that the sub was in correspondence with other women, and the aforementioned sub told you that you couldn't let on to these other women (you know who they are) that the two of you had talked about meeting, that you "have to be discreet," what would your reaction be? I told him that, to a woman, the words "we need to be discreet" are code for "I'm married and the old cow will take me to the cleaners if she finds out" or "I'm trying to line up a bunch of women to shag and I don't want you ruining my chances with the rest of them." He insists I've got it wrong and that we need to be discreet for my "protection," because some of these women he's in contact with are trouble-makers. Is my saying "thanks, but no thanks" a sign of prudent caution, or am I being a suspicious old bat? Do I give the lad a second chance? Or thank my lucky stars I didn't waste more time on him? I'm going to be quite busy for the next few days, so I might only be checking in occasionally, but I'd like to thank everyone in advance for his or her thoughts. I'm hoping for a few good answers before the thread goes to hell in a leaky bucket. Edited for clarity

Lockit -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:14:08 PM)
I think we are talking about being discreet right here... on the boards... Not mentioning a meeting to other's here. That sounds like someone is trying to play a number of the dominant's here.

Venatrix -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:14:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer It's quite obvious that the man must be married, V. Either that, or, as you say, he wants to line up a string of women to lay. No doubt this is what he's been doing all along, in fact. Without one shred of a doubt, a "player". IMO, you need to find someone as emotionally-balanced as you yourself are. I very strongly recommend that you don't give the lad another chance. Thank you, PforH. A man's opinion is always helpful. I have no intention of giving him another chance. Regardless of whether I've misjudged him, as he claims, it's still too much drama.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:22:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I think we are talking about being discreet right here... on the boards... Not mentioning a meeting to other's here. That sounds like someone is trying to play a number of the dominant's here. I agree with this, that it is probably someone who is talking to several people, trying to feel out which will work, and doesn't want anyone to feel like she isn't the only one... quote: Venatrix You know what curiosity did to the poor cat Oh I'm not that curious V or I'd be emailing looking for the lowdown on the other side. Fortunately, I avoid even that nowadays. My goal is to avoid drama as much as possible, unless it's something that makes me laugh. [:D] M

SweetDommes -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 3:50:02 PM)
I'm with the others - prudent, not paranoid. I'm upfront with boys when talkign to them that they are not the only one that I'm talking to. I expect them to let me know if I'm not the only one that they are talking to, and I also tell them that I hope they have told anyone else that they are talking to about us. I don't particularly care about who they are talking to, but I do want to know the score, so to speak. If they find someone else that seems to click with them better, then fine - but tell me instead of vanishing. I want to know what is going on and where things stand. It's unfortunate that most that we've talked to can't get that through their heads. Then when the first one doesn't work out, they come running back in hopes of forgiveness for just disappearing ... doesn't usually happen (although, yeah, sometimes I'm bad and give them another chance lol).

E2Sweet -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 4:01:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix If you d-type women (and anyone else who wants to chime in) were in correspondence with a male sub, and you knew that the sub was in correspondence with other women, and the aforementioned sub told you that you couldn't let on to these other women (you know who they are) that the two of you had talked about meeting, that you "have to be discreet," what would your reaction be?... I'm sorry, my Bullshit-O-Meter™ just pegged full-tilt. [;)]

beeble -> RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women (1/6/2009 4:09:42 PM)
Well, I'm going to say the same as everyone else, just in a slightly different way. I'll be brief. Either he's lying about the reasons for being discreet or he's telling the truth. If he's lying about it, I'd ditch him either for the lying or for the thing that he's lying about (most likely, that he's in a relationship with somebody else; it's hard to see how it could be a white lie); if he's telling the truth, I'd ditch him because I don't want somebody in my life if I'll need to be protected from the other people in their life. He's very conveniently set up a situation where all decision paths lead to the same place. beeble.

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