Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Conversation in public play areas


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Conversation in public play areas Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:36:59 AM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 Not quite loud enough to follow the topic, but loud enough that it was breaking part of My concentration and I was more aware of what was going on around Me than I normally would have been when I was only focused on the bottom.



I agree with your post that these people were out of order, but this line got me wondering. If you are playing in public then can you ever be totally focused on the bottom? If you are then why would you choose to play in public wouldnt it be better to do so at home? Or is it maybe about the furnature and space? Im actually curious, I know why i like playing in public but until reading this i have never really thought about it from a Tops point of view.



If you are playing in public then can you ever be totally focused on the bottom?

Absoloutely. The first couple of times I took my submissive to a public venue it was for different reasons. One was to expose her to it, to let her see others involved in their own play, to let her see things that might sound horrible when read about but in reality can be pretty damned hot and intense.. and to let her see that ya know, just because some people like getting their ass whipped and others like whipping those arses, they're basically just people with a good sense of what they need and like.

A second reason was that I knew we were going to conduct our own session. Imagine the first time in terms of anxiety for her, lots of staring eyes, the sounds of others drifting in from outside engaged in their own play, being stripped in a place and in a way that was totally new and revealing... the intent of it wasn't so much to just do it. The intent was to take the time to focus her where I wanted her focused, on me, on my voice, on the sounds and feelings I wanted her to feel.

It takes time. I takes focusing not just her but yourself. It's a different kind of connection, one that exists outside of the relative safety of home play and throws in a wild mix of sights, sounds, feelings. What you still want is what you can acheive easier at home, that being where the things that exist in the background fades away until you're the center of what she feels, what she hears, what she gets and what she doesn't. It takes more time, more effort, and shows her something I tell her all the time, that my mind is where it should be, on her. It's getting hers on me and only on me that's the draw of public play, and a big reason in those semi-private spaces that sudden loud or disruptive behavior can totally ruin headspace.

Maybe I'm not making sense.?

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:41:11 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		recently had a group finish up with a scene in the next space over. It was so loud i could not focus. Talking is frowned upon but you would have to stop what you are doing and complain. We did not do that but decided that if it happened again we would. I do know that playing in public is a completely different mindset than when I am in private.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:42:14 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thankyou Stanger Than yeah I do understand, and it makes sense, never thought about it that way.

Sorry i dont want to derail the thread.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:42:19 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 Not quite loud enough to follow the topic, but loud enough that it was breaking part of My concentration and I was more aware of what was going on around Me than I normally would have been when I was only focused on the bottom.



I agree with your post that these people were out of order, but this line got me wondering. If you are playing in public then can you ever be totally focused on the bottom? If you are then why would you choose to play in public wouldnt it be better to do so at home? Or is it maybe about the furnature and space? Im actually curious, I know why i like playing in public but until reading this i have never really thought about it from a Tops point of view.

This is a very good question and not one that I mind answering at all.

It's actually rare for Me not to be completely focused on the bottom, public play or otherwise.  On most occasions, when I'm playing I haven't got a clue of what's going on around Me that isn't connected to the play I'm involved with.  I've written many times on these boards that when I'm consumed in a scene, sorry, but I don't notice anyone who happens to be watching, unless they get too close.  I don't even realize there are others around Me until the scene is over.

Why I picked up on this during this particular instance, I really couldn't say.  It had more to do with Me noticing the body language of the other bottom than anything else.  I had adjusted My play with clip (and yes, it was him I was playing with at the time) so that we wouldn't be interfered with.  It was a vibe I picked up on.  I could almost feel her discomfort.  I knew that scene was over even before her husband did.

It might be the fact that it is so rare for Me to be distracted by others in the room that this event is still such a strong memory for Me.  That in combination with the fact that I felt so bad for the gal bottom at the time. 

One little side note here.  Clip didn't have a clue about any of this until our scene was over and he was back from sub space.  I had to tell him about what transpired later.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:46:45 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

One little side note here.  Clip didn't have a clue about any of this until our scene was over and he was back from sub space.  I had to tell him about what transpired later.



See that is another thing I was thinking, I would have thought it would be more difficult for the Top to competly distance themselves from the people around them. The bottom doesnt really have to consentrate on much other than the sensations, I would have thought that would make it easier to allow noise and people to kind of wash over them. Whereas the mind of the Top is bound to be more active and alert, has to be I guess.

I think that its interesting that this time stuck out to you, I think that when someone is nervous or uncomfortable a weird vibe does seem to go around like an energy.

Thankyou for explaining to me :)

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 8:10:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It is an issue, but it can also depend on the space itself.  Most dungeons are smart enough to have enough areas around equipment for people to watch and wander and whisper without a problem.  But at a local party, it takes place at someones home and it gets WAY overcrowded, so you either have 75% of the people never talking, or accept a bit of a low level din in the background.

Of course people are stupid so a din will incite a few people to start talking normal or loud amidst the crowd and then you get annoyance.

I personally wish people would be more attentive to the sounds of their OWN play.  I wish there were rules about "no loud screaming/whip cracking except outside or between 12-2" or something.  Whip cracking is just damn annoying, unnecessary and can actually damage hearing.  I've lost enough of that to not want to lose more at you showing off.  Everyone deserves a chance to do the scene they want to do, but if you've already got a nice quiet scene going on, it's just as rude to noise pollute onto their scene as it would be to start playing right next to them physically.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 8:16:43 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I have a tip, in small play parties, watch where you put your toy bag. If a St. Andrews Cross gets moved in front of it while you are mingling in the next room, when you are ready to play, you are stuck waiting for them to finish, so you dont ruin their scene. Lol it has happened.

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 10:25:52 AM   
roughleather


Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		The SF Citadel has a "no talking in the dungeon" rule. It's enforced, too.

That crowd can get a bit too serious.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 6:53:21 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		I feel its just being respectful keeping the level of your voice down.  New years eve at the local club we sat back and watched a scene of a good friend of ours. A lady came and sat down with us and we made some small talk, but I made sure my voice was a little above a whisper..hers on the other hand kept getting loud as to where I would then hush her and reminder her to lower her voice. I know its hard for me to be in the moment when I can hear others around me talking about this or that and wanted to gently remind her that a rule of the club is to not take away from a couples scene.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 6:59:30 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

KNowing they are there is one thing.. having some inconsiderate twat braying with laughter not 10 feet away IS a distraction


Do you think  it would be breaking any dungeon rules to snap the noisy ones in the back of the head with an industrial-strength rubber band?  (from 10' away, who really is going to see the source, right?)


*snort*  I like the way you think!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 7:59:18 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		The simple answer is that these rules are obviously not enforced. Most play parties or dungeon environments have some sort of rule concerning conversations in the play area while others are playing. Maybe the DMs are too busy or there just are not enough of them. Has anyone here ever spoken to a DM or host after one of these incidents has happened? If the rules are not policed they will not be followed.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/6/2009 10:17:24 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*kisses my colourful girl*

As a bottom, I can promise you that I can be ENTIRELY focused on the scene (until and unless someone not involved disrupts it).
When I've topped (albeit, not in a public space, but with others around)  I do become ENTIRELY focused on what I am doing.. without distractions, the rest of the world goes away and it's just me and the bottom.. (again with the above caveat).

In a space where people are considerate to the scene, and keep their voices down, etc.. it isnt that hard to focus, for me


I couldn't have said this better.  Without distractions it is all to easy to get so involved that I forget that there are even others around.

MrP


_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/7/2009 12:21:59 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		*FR*
I am pretty certain that it is far less for the benefit of those engaged in the scene that observers ought be quiet.  Certainly that is a part of it, but they tend to be pretty committed to what they are doing at the moment and are not as likely to let a little overheard conversation become detrimental to that.  It is for the benefit of other spectators that we must be respectful of the scene.  To make an effort not to intrude on what is being created and shared is simple common courtesy and respect.


_____________________________


Use your head can't you use your head? You're on Earth! There's no cure for that! - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/7/2009 1:18:34 AM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		@Roughleather: Damn skippy we're serious about it. It's as much for safety as it is for cleanliness and respect of people around you.

The DMs at Citadel are well trained, and they enforce every rule. I've never seen any DM get "too busy" to handle business. Wolf (I don't know if he's still there) is particularly vigilant.

One night, and I'm sure it still happens on occasion, they actually had to eject some guy for being a "jerker", which is a guy that runs around with his cock out, "jerkin" to the scenes...

That's another no-no there, because it is definitely a distraction, more for the people trying to watch the scene than the people involved, unless the Top turns around and sees, or the bottom can see what's going on around them. But it's also a cleanliness issue. No one wants to step in a misplaced puddle of biologicals that landed mishappenly on the floor.

@ Maxwell: Actually, it's for both. It's for the general atmosphere, as there are acceptable background noises and unacceptable background noises. It's hard for a Top to maintain concentration, if people are boisterously yacking and cackling in your ear, from 10' away.

This most certainly becomes a safety issue, but it also becomes a head-space issue and an environmental issue when it comes down to "creating the environment" for the scene. Having someone critiquing your technique for example, loud enough that you can understand what they're saying is a disturbance. Also, there are other rules, besides the speaking rule that are enforced, and it's for the consistency and environment of the scene, and that is you don't enter within a double the Tops arm length of the scene, largely because you will get hit by a whip or flogger if they are into it and don't see you.

But it is just as much for maintaining the environment for those watching, most certainly, but I can't say it's less about the players. In most cases, the rule was instituted FOR the players, not the spectators. It's simply common courtesy to respect other people's enjoyment of watching the scene, to treat the play space as if you are in a movie theatre. Keep your tone to a whisper or move to a social room, which are almost always available, and if not, move to a corner not being used for play to converse, or go outside.

Keep your space from the players, because you can disrupt the energy of the scene by intruding in it, just as getting too close to someone on a train will alert them to your presence, in most cases. People can feel it, and that feeling is intrusive. Or, if they hit you, it'll disrupt the scene as well.

I agree though, it's common courtesy and common sense to be as quiet and respectful of other people and the players as possible. People that are watching the scene also don't want to hear you, they're watching the scene. They want to hear what the Top is saying to the bottom, how the bottom responds, feel the energy of the scene, and if someone's a rude fucktard, being too loud, they're going to get a bit on the upset side. And it ruins the scene for them, because they miss things, because some assnugget can't control his/her pie-hole.


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to Maxwell67)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Conversation in public play areas - 1/7/2009 3:32:30 AM   
nafakcha


Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline 		A certain amount of background noise is in my opinion expected. However, if someone is crowding a scene or talking loud enough to intrude on the scene they are being a distraction. Their lack of consideration for those playing for me as a sub becomes a safety issue. When playing in public I have trust that my Dom can read my body language. Normally I am very quiet and when in subspace am in a completely different place where verbal communication becomes impossible. There are points where I don't hear my Dom anymore let alone be able to speak. My Dom has to be able to read where I am in subspace and where and when to stop. If someone is intruding on His space and His focus then there is a risk that He could misread my body language. I don't play in public with someone new unless I am confident in their abilities and style for the same reason.

Having well trained DM's in my opinion is essential to having a safe and comfortable dungeon environment. Even in a private dungeon where others have been invited, having DM's to enforce the rules is essential. If you do not consistently enforce the policies of the dungeon over time there will be an increasing number of violations. The more you don't enforce the rules the more people will think they can get away with it and continue to break them. In this lifestyle consistency (whether in the context of public play or the D/s dynamic) is important to prevent discontent and drama.

Keiko

_____________________________

"To seek, to strive, to find and not to yield."
~ Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 35
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Conversation in public play areas Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.102