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informed - 1/7/2009 2:18:30 PM

lynn1947

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/17/2008
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Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play.

Post #: 1

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:21:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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If you were being honest, then you were being honest. I would suggest rather than just be worried, he ask you for more information and more specific questions.

It's important for the sub to maintain and uphold the relationship desired (presumably everyone desires the same relationship). That usually means keep the others involved informed to some reasonable level.

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(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 2

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:21:43 PM

T1981

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I think in that case it may be useful to start with a little "topping from the bottom", if your relationship allows that. Start with giving constant feedback about play, and if you find you want to continue, let him know that you are handing over the reins. There have been times with my husband and I that we've had to do that, simply because one of is isn't sure about our energy levels or something.

It seems to me that by saying you didn't know, since you DIDN'T know, that was being completely honest and that is a good thing.

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(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 3

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:26:52 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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I agree with LA. If you were being honest, then the only thing he could do is make the decision based on the answer you gave. If you were being honest, tell him you were and that you submitted to his authority. If however, you now feel you wasn;t completely honest with yourself and now realise that you simply said 'I don't know' instead of saying 'I don't wish to' - then now is the best time to be honest and work on that together.

the.dark.

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(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 4

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:36:07 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?...

it can be very important, depending on the situation, in order to avoid potentially undesired injuries, headspaces, etc.

(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 5

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:51:59 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
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Yes.

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Post #: 6

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 2:54:36 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
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Have to agree with everyone. It's important for communication to be explicit and complete.

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Post #: 7

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 3:04:20 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Give him more info next time. Like "I would like to but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and don't think I'm up to it". Or even "I don't know how I feel, could I just have a hug and cuddles for a bit and then see how I feel?".

Basically, you didn't give him enough info as to what was going on with you so he's worried he might push you into something you can't handle. Especially true if you've had a bad subdrop lately.

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Post #: 8

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 3:55:59 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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For us honesty is extremely important and this includes keeping each other informed about anything in each others lives that may impact the other.

This isn't just a d/s issue though. This is something that should be vital to all relationships. Withholding information can be detrimental to both parties.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 4:23:34 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
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Did you fully talk about all this after the play session?..and it doesn't seenm to have bothered you anyway.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 4:48:19 PM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I think that you should always be honest with your Dom/Master (or even sig other in a vanilla relationship). A relationship that you are not 100% open with is a relationship that needs some work. I don't think that it is top from the bottom...he asked, you responded. You should be a little more expressive with your responses...I don't know is not a real response...would you give your boss that answer (do you want the new case..."I don't know" would get you fired). Just be open and tell Him why you would not want to (too tired, feel ill, not in the mood) and the reasons you would want to (you are so sexy I always want to be with you, you smell so good tonight, you could get me worked up)....then decide and give him the answer. Ok, I ramble..sorry :)

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 11

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 5:12:19 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

To the Op, do you have trouble expressing how you feel? When i use to say I dont know, it use to mean that i felt embarrass to mention what really is on my mind. Sir had to help me to speak my feelings with him, which helps a lot in keeping him imformed.

oceanwynds

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 12

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 8:43:42 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

OP: I am finding the information offered a bit spartan for feeling like I have a good picture of what is going on, so if you wish to share more information, that would be great. Based on what you said, it seems as if you were being honest in saying you were uncertain that you wished to play and he made a 'command decision' that play would commence. Seems rather straight-forward. I am not certain where not being honest comes into the scenario. Of course, I believe open communication, set within the parameters of the relationship is a good idea, as an overarching construct.
Best wishes,
Davan

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(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 13

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 8:54:05 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I do not feel that giving feed back and asking for what you want to continue as tftb.

quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981

I think in that case it may be useful to start with a little "topping from the bottom", if your relationship allows that. Start with giving constant feedback about play, and if you find you want to continue, let him know that you are handing over the reins. There have been times with my husband and I that we've had to do that, simply because one of is isn't sure about our energy levels or something.

It seems to me that by saying you didn't know, since you DIDN'T know, that was being completely honest and that is a good thing.

(in reply to T1981)

Post #: 14

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 10:54:46 PM

MarksFantasyGirl

Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline

Fast reply:

I think you are kind of like me, in the fact that you can't make desisions. Do you have trouble deciding on what to eat at a restaurant? Do you have trouble figuring out what book to choose from the library? Just any desisions for your own pleasure in general? I know that I do. So I think that maybe the specific questions would help you in this situation. Instead of "do you want to play?" Maybe it should be "Do you want me to tie you up?" or other things like that. (Can't think of more specific things at the moment. lol) I don't think what you are talking about has to do much with safety, but more of you just cant make up your mind. (If I'm completely wrong, just ignore me. lol)

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Post #: 15

RE: informed - 1/7/2009 11:07:32 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lynn1947

Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play.

It was not only important, but required in my former relationship. In my case, "I don't know" was not an acceptable answer to him, so he would press me to figure it out. That was difficult at first, but in time I learned to respond more informatively.

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(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 16

RE: informed - 1/8/2009 8:14:07 AM

kristileigh

Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

Master had asked me if i wanted to play Monday i said of course, but no needles. He knew that meant i wasn't sufficiently rested up for such high impact play.If Master had tried needles neither one of U/us would of gotten much out of the session. As it was W/we had a very good session with no needles. Am i topping from the bottom........probably.

slave kristi

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(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 17

RE: informed - 1/8/2009 8:41:54 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think it is very important. One day Master asked if i was ready to play. I told him Master i relly don't fele 100% could we just lay in bed and cuddle. Since i never turn down play time Master know i was really not felling well so we just cuddled. If he had not asked it would not have went very well.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to kristileigh)

Post #: 18

RE: informed - 1/8/2009 9:02:56 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lynn1947

Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play.

Sure, I think it's important for the top/master/whatthefuckever to be informed. But if you don't know, you don't know and you can't magically provide more information than that. Saying one way or another when you don't know or could go either way would be dishonest.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lynn1947)

Post #: 19

RE: informed - 1/8/2009 10:54:01 AM

bratnwranglers

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

thats a hard one for me too op, i'm very indecisive, runs in the family, least with the women. and i have a bad habit of saying i dunno, i'm fine, or nothing, when infact i do have an opinion, just not saying it because it probably doesn't matter to me, and if it did, i'm willing to put my opinion aside for whatever the other person wants.... but sometimes it's a hard situation to be in.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 20

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