Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Unruley and insulting behavior Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 11:14:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Have you clearly and explicitly communicated what acceptable words and responses are?  Have you practiced those with him when emotions are not running high?  What sorts of things is he getting mad about?

His behavior as you describe it is pretty atrocious...but I don't want to automatically shove him out the door without knowing some more of the context.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 11:30:47 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		There are several things going on here, first he needs to grow up. 2nd it's online and he may be just playing with no intention of ever moving forward with you.

I would suggest you dump his ass and move on.

Mike

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 1:18:44 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

He comes back and appologizes... and is the sweetest thing... *rips hair out*


I think childish better describes his behavior


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 2:07:17 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		One of the rare occasions when I'm going to disagree. LDRs can work, I've had two secessfull ones each which lasted several years and ended by mutual agreement and in both case we are friends still. However they are jolly hard and needs the right people with the temproment and chemistry for it to work.. Neets has just gone gooey all over seeing your pic you sexy couple you.....

To the OP. Mate your being played like a violin. Talk about topping from the bottom! Time to regain control and apply a large hob-nainled size 15 boot to his arse and sit back, take stock, analyse what happened and learn all you can, then hand a "Wanted" sign on the door/portal and move on with your life. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 2:49:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Personally if I was like that with Master he would simply walk away and never bother with me again.

If this is his personality you may want to think twice about who actually has the power in this relationship...


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 4:29:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to disagree with everyone else.  There is a way to train him.

Next time he mouths off, interrupt him and tell him that his punishment is ignoring him for seven days.  You will not answer his emails or phone calls for a week.  If he does not permit you to interrupt him, hang up and email him.

If he's worth training, give it a shot.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 4:43:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Insist he goes for counseling to learn how to communicate effectively.

In the meantime; don't talk to him when he does this. Simply say "I will not be disrespected. Goodbye" and hang up, sign off, block him for a period of time. Tell him that everytime he does this you will not speak to him for 24 hours, and then do it.

Caveat; use the same phrase each and every time for it to work. If there is any chance this is a medical problem, insist he goes for diagnosis and treatment. Things that can cause explosive tempers include ADHD, thyroid malfunctions, brain tumors, drug and alcohol usage. Does he act like this with others or just you? Does he have a history of being fired from jobs, thrown off sports teams?

But considering your age, I'm betting he isn't eating and sleeping correctly and he is using addictive substances.

Don't take it is the best way for him to stop if he really cares about you. If he doesn't, and won't go to see anyone, then he doesn't care that much about you. Actions do speak louder than words.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 11:32:45 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		For me, the depth of the relationship is determined by the willingness of the slave to give me what I desire. I wouldn't have much of a relationship with the person as the disobedience creates a power struggle and I simply won't go there.

However, have you asked him, at some point when he is calm, why he thinks he has such outbursts? What's REALLY going on?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/9/2009 4:43:25 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		To the OP,

I don't necessarily agree this is HIS fault, i believe much of it is your fault.  Now if it were a regular vanilla equal opportunity relationship i would say yeah the fault lies with him and his behavior.  However, this is not the dynamic you have choosen.  From your post, you aren't in control -- period.  You have choosen not to be in control and he has taken control.  This could simply be a concept of you aren't able to maintain the dynamic over long distance and he doesn't feel the security of this and on some level is attempting to push you into taking the control he needs you too.

You have to look at yourself in this -- not him.  You have to evaluate what YOUR committment and ability is in this relationship -- not his.  Once you know what you are capable of, what you are willing to do, and how you are going to be able to achieve it, then perhaps you may be able to step up to the plate and work him through whatever it is that will get him achieving the expectations you set and demand.

I agree with LA, what do you do when he isn't in this outrageous behavior?  Do you use your station and place in the relationship to work him towards your expectations and standards?

Some people can't do long distance -  i know i can't, i don't feel the control that i need to feel secure in this type of dynamic relationship, i have a temper from hell that is very verbal so i do easily find myself using the distance to do things i would NOT do if my Master was standing in front of me forcing consequences on me for not achieving and maintaining his expectations. 

To me, your posting what should i do concept tells me you are not ready for this relationship anymore than you make your partner sound ready for it.   I cannot comment on his behavior because i have learned there are sides to every story so i am focusing on what you have offered -- YOUR behavior instead of placing the responsibility of your relationship on a party who is not here to clarify what you have stated about him.

Its time you look at yourself and whether or not you are ready, able, and willing to step up to the plate to be what YOU need to be in this relationship to compel and get the reactions you expect and want.  Sounds to me like you are putting the responsibility of this relationship on him.   However, you also have to step up to the plate and BE the dynamic you claim to want but more importantly be able to hold the control and authority over long distance, if you can't and don't do that, the blame is not on your subs part fully but a lot of it is on your not being willing to acknowledge your lack of holding your part in the dynamic.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/9/2009 11:36:41 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

What would you do?

1. Not waste my breath talking to said slave until she managed to modify her attitude.

2. Start looking for a new slave.

_____________________________



(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Unruly and insulting behavior - 1/9/2009 12:29:22 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SouthernHell

*****SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY PLEASE******

What would you do?

Southern Hell



If I am not mistaken, you are allowing the submissive to control you and the situation. Since I am not a dominant, I will tell you what my Sir would have already done. First time extended guidance and redirection along with more than just a spanking.  This would include a lecture on who is Owner and who owned. Second time, Owner and owned reminder and ultimatum, if I wanted to continue to be owned, the behaviour is not to rear its ugly head again.  More than just a spanking would follow. Third time?  No longer owned. But since you are long distance, of course he will test and push you because he knows you have only one option.  Discipline him and you have no idea whether he follows through.  My guess is he doesn't and never will as long as you are ld.2nd option and because this is a repeat behaviour (BTW my Sir would not own a submissive more than an hours drive),  Sir would definitely disown via phone or in person after a severe spanking. If my Sir were speaking, he'd probably say, disown.He would also ask, why the hell do you own someone whose control cannot be seen?  You have said nothing about even meeting the property, if this is true, owning is such a waste of your time and effort.As you have already indicated. I am going to make another guess ~~ you are in anonymity,  I understand, but there is no reason for being ashamed.  We all make mistakes.

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Unruly and insulting behavior - 1/9/2009 12:33:32 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Insist he goes for counseling to learn how to communicate effectively. 



This is a rather silly option.
She can't even insist on control or obedience, he scoffs and mocks it to her face.Do ya think he will go for counseling?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Unruly and insulting behavior - 1/9/2009 11:41:02 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Probably not. But he might do so in the future when he's had several relationships go down the tubes.

Basically, she's 19 which means he is also is my guess. And that means that to him this is just a sex game, not anything real.

The flip side of insist, is that when he doesn't, then he's proved to her that he isn't serious, and maybe she'll stop wasting her time on him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Unruly and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 12:04:15 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		At the very least, relationships require two or more people actively participating and generally acting for the greater good to remain successful and fulfilling. The way it sounds, he's not pulling his end to a large extent. Perhaps an ultimatum is in order. Telling him in no uncertain terms to either shape up and live up to his promises he made when you agreed to take him on, or you are moving on may shake things up and net some results. Just be aware you have to be willing to put the relationship itself on the chopping block to gain back the lead role should you go this route. Failing to keep your word on this would probably be devastating to your chances of ever regaining your credibility as the dominant figure within the relationship.

Whatever you decide, I do wish you luck!


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Unruly and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 3:24:10 PM   
Godsofold


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

His behavior as you describe it is pretty atrocious...but I don't want to automatically shove him out the door without knowing some more of the context.


I agree here. I would first try to find out the "why's" of why this person is acting out. Sounds more like bratty behavior and trying to test limits. Are these tantrums seemingly getting worse? Stick with your rules and don't back down. This does not by any means provoke an argument, but try and figure out why they're happening. Could it be frustration on his/her part for being at a distance? Is there something you did or didn't say? Or simply did this person have a bad day 5 days in a row?

I wouldn't give up, simply take the time to reorganize and restructure yourself. Most of all, I would ask questions.

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 4:14:30 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		He definitely needs some anger management. He sounds a lot like me a long time ago, more or less. I am definitely a LOT better about controlling my temper and communicating with people then I was a long time ago, but I have my rare moments when frustration and disgust builds up to the point where I become enraged and at that point when I have finally had enough of someone, the gloves are off and I will say what I REALLY think.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 4:23:46 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Here is one of my favorite articles on communication.

http://www.kevinhogan.com/communication-influence-persuasion.htm

However, I have good communication skills, but the problem is actually using them hehe. You can know how to communicate properly and know how to talk to people, but if you can't stop yourself from seeing red, then they don't matter.

When you become enraged, you stop thinking.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 4:40:47 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

When you become enraged, you stop thinking.



I agree with you on this point. The rational thinking process stops and the enraged animal instincts take over; hence the out bursts of irrational vocalization and actions. However this is no is different to being angered or just pissed off where alternative forms of thinking can become engaged in a more direct mode which at an extreme aspect includes the termination or attempted termination of the cause of the anger. E.G. I perceive someone threatening myself or my family, my thinking switches to the most efficient and effective to terminate the threat. 



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 5:05:50 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

When you become enraged, you stop thinking.



I agree with you on this point. The rational thinking process stops and the enraged animal instincts take over; hence the out bursts of irrational vocalization and actions. However this is no is different to being angered or just pissed off where alternative forms of thinking can become engaged in a more direct mode which at an extreme aspect includes the termination or attempted termination of the cause of the anger. E.G. I perceive someone threatening myself or my family, my thinking switches to the most efficient and effective to terminate the threat. 




Oh yeah definitely. I agree. When I become just "angry" and "pissed  off", I've learned to direct it and channel it into different things. I normally use it at work to do a more effective job. I become more focused, determined, energized, and work harder.

When I become "enraged" though, I can and have done the same thing, but it's a lot harder to control and direct. I am still not the best at it.

Mainly what I meant by the "not thinking" part is that you tend to stop thinking two steps ahead of you and start thinking only about RIGHT NOW and the anger. I have to force myself to think and use logic when I get angry, because I become more susceptible to doing something that, later, when the chemicals surging through my brain have vanished and I back to using purely rational and calculating logic, I will regret and apologize for.

Hence, the case with the OP, where the young man spouts off with verbal abuse and throws a temper tantrum only to come back later and apologize sweetly when he has calmed down.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 5:41:34 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		there are plenty of other better behaved subs out there who would love to be given a shot.  next!!
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Unruley and insulting behavior Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094