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RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 9:14:06 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I figured you were thinking somewhere along those lines.  

Like you, when I am really angry and frustrated, most often at a situation or some inanimate object which is not co-operating and I'm trying to complete some project or other, I usually, after roaring many mystical Anglo-Saxon words of power and informing all and sundry the genealogical background of said object, into pure energy which is used to resolve the issue and get my project completed on time and below estimated costs.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/10/2009 11:19:43 PM   
Godsofold


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		I would'nt give up on him. Take it for the challenge that it is and that should help you focus more precisely on being the strong Dom/Domme that you are.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/11/2009 1:50:21 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		If you like the person..you can put a lott of time in it..with a risk you get irritated and frustrated in the end..because all time was lost....or the nice feeling of succes.
I always keep in mind that the sub/slave choose what he/she is. They choose to serve you as D. Why all this difficult stuff then.

Giving them a "time limit" to improve will help...for you and for him/her.

(in reply to Godsofold)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/11/2009 4:55:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The one thing the op didn't say is if she asked him why he does this. Why or how has he developed this style of reaction? And she hasn't said if she asked him if he wants to change, and if he thinks he can change or not.

Without that info, I don't think he's got a chance. Because he needs to decide for himself that his style is hurting him and that he wants to change it. If he does, then a physical first thing, and then if no physical cause, seeing a therapist for a diagnosis would help. And then anger management. But he needs to want to change, and she hasn't said if that's the case.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/11/2009 9:28:33 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I think Padriag..has got the right ideal...if they can not respect your wishes online..How in hell will they do in person.  The aswer is ..Not much!!!!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/13/2009 7:42:10 AM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		My favorite line to my dom when he pisses me off is to Kiss My A@# and get Booty Juice Drunk, if you are allow this to upset you then, you need to rethink your position.  Just because he is your slave does not mean he does not have the right to cuss your ass out when it is need to be done. You either accept it and grow from it or leave he relationship better yet get him a helper, if he has not already gotten you a helper since you two live so far apart. 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/13/2009 12:36:43 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I've only read the OP, so pardon any redundancies. 
I don't know your relationship or the dynamics at hand, thus am just commenting on what's in the post and what I am interpolating from there. 
It seems that there is acting out going on (Massive) and I have definitely seen people use their identification as s-types to abrogate responsibility and act like freakin' idiots.  I believe it is an insult to whatever group they are identifying with.  It is also an insult to themselves as well as the other(s) to whom they are relating.  I get the sense of a bratty child here.  I don't know the person's age, but they're an adult and beyond the age of consent, thus I consider their actions to be their responsibility wholly.  The acting out could be because of the distance, could be what I noted above, could be because yours and his styles of D/s don't mesh, could be that he's testing you to establish or feel out boundaries, etc.  Sounds like really manipulative, borderline-y behavior that I would also wish to visit with a choke slam as you noted (Okay, I wouldn't really do it but I would want to).  At this point, I would say it is really important for you to set your boundaries and, as the Master, to let your slave know what they are, and to be consistent yourself. 
  Davan

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/13/2009 12:47:26 PM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		This person is topping from the bottom and the master has become the subbie. you are pulling your hair out!!! sometimes you just have to tell you master to

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/13/2009 1:19:26 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Or sometimes you have to see that you are not compatible and move on rather than have all respect lost and damage the other or be damaged by the other further.

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/13/2009 1:42:49 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		All due respect, carmeldelight, but if you're telling your Master to kiss your a** or the like routinely, why would you continue to give that person the title?  Imo, it demeans both the Master and the submissive/slave to have the roles so topsy turvy and the respect so very absent. 
The identifiers and words that folks use/take on in D/s parlance are in addition to the 'standard' relational terminology.  I never cease to find it puzzling when someone utilizes such and bucks and bucks.  Certainly, for some, that is part of the 'kick' but to others, like me, it doesn't hold any appeal at all.  Perhaps it is part of an overall chaotic preference in relationships regardless of the presence of D/s or not.  Chaos and power struggles in relationships do not appeal to me; synergy and mutuality, be it in a D/s or other construct, do. 
Perhaps illumination on this would add extra assistance for the OP in contemplation of the situation with which they are faced. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/14/2009 5:36:42 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		ive kinda flicked through here, but the feeling i have is that maybe the whole LDR thing is frustrating him (dont know your circs, so a wild guess really).

i think what id do is lay down some ground rules like 'say fuck off to me again and i will' - if he gets leary, tell him youre going to hang up if he continues.  rewarding this behaviour by paying attention to it isnt going to help him so if he gets shitty dont pay attention to it.  hang up.

but also.  being shitty and then following that up with a suck up, apologetic phone call each time must be getting really tiresome.  so id move up a peg.  tell him if he's really sorry you expect a (multipled) paged essay on why he's behaving like a big baby and give him a deadline.

id either get seriously proactive (if i cared that much about him that is) or id ditch the primadonna and consider myself well-rid.

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even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/14/2009 6:57:49 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Passive aggressive behavior is something I just abhor. Ask him upfront if he wants to be your slave and that means expressing things respectfully.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/14/2009 7:21:26 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		When my lasy girl was visiting here for a few weeks, she started to act like a pork chop to which I commented in a disaproving voice that she was acting like a brat and sounding like a drama queen. It stopped her dead in her tracks and she spent the rest of the day trying to make up for it. She knew with out me saying thing further that she had crossed the line.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

My favorite line to my dom when he pisses me off is to Kiss My A@# and get Booty Juice Drunk, if you are allow this to upset you then, you need to rethink your position.  Just because he is your slave does not mean he does not have the right to cuss your ass out when it is need to be done. You either accept it and grow from it or leave he relationship better yet get him a helper, if he has not already gotten you a helper since you two live so far apart. 


Carmeldlight, two things I would say:
  1. A slave does not ever have the right to cuss his or her Master's or Mistresses ass out as you so quaintly put it. A slave may have been given permission to try to point out if his or her Master/Mistress was making a mistake but this would be done in private and with respect. Any girl or boy of mine has this permission for I know I make mistakes and can be my own worst enemy.
  2. Regarding your opening comment "My favorite line to my dom when he pisses me off is to Kiss My A@# and get Booty Juice Drunk" try that with me and your feet would not touch the ground as you were evicted from Bruin Cottage permanently. I do not tolerate such rudeness from anyone let alone from a slave in my service. Besides being intolerably rude, it is also unnecessarily profane, undignified and unnecessary.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/14/2009 9:17:10 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Respect is paramount in any relationship, and it cuts both ways.

I've sampled some of the replies, starting with the 2nd which read:
>Sounds like he needs to grow up. Alot.

Both of you could use a does of maturity. I have no experience with males (and don't want any), but I have to ask if he's truly sub, or a D/switch who's trolling.

Either way, I don't have patience with brats or bad behavior.

To repeat, respect is crucial in any relationship. Don't give any less, don't accept any less.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/15/2009 2:31:28 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Amen Brother, Amen!

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/16/2009 12:36:13 PM   
DrSysAdmin


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		Well you asked - so I am going to be blunt.

Decide who runs the show. If that's you - then act like it. As a Dominant (male or female) - are you so lacking in your own self respect to allow this? Are you so weak in your self control that you cannot tell this "submissive" to either come correct or don't speak? If that means you cut them loose- thats their choice - do you not have the strength to smile and move on, or have you allowed yourself to become more than caring, and instead latched on to this person for your own identity - meaning your now co-dependant?

If you take control of the situation - then you have the ability to get to the root of the issue. But if you allow bad behavior - your going to fight the behavior more than addressing the cause of the distress. The first time he/she starts firing up - shut them down. Explain what you will and will not accept. If they cannot communicate with respect - then they either learn or dont communicate with you. Don't argue, don't instruct - close the conduit. Again - come correct or don't come at all. This doesn't require you to be cold, you can care about your Pets needs, but if they start acting badly - the only way your going to get through to them is to shut them down. If that means you hang up - do so. And don't take a call from them for 24 hours. At that point tell them - they are close to being cut loose because they are more concerned with VENTING than communicating effectively.

I won't go so far as to tell you to "grow up" - the fact you asked shows your willing to learn and that alone is a sign of real maturity. But your going to have to grow back into your true role - or reexamine who and what you truly are. 

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/18/2009 8:39:27 PM   
MistressLamia


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		I was going to post the danger of a situation when one person can not control their anger but it may be moot. When I tried to view the OP's profile it did not exist.

In any case no one should stay around a person who has little or no control of their anger. It's just not safe.

_____________________________

It's not that I don't care about you. I just care about me more.

(in reply to DrSysAdmin)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/18/2009 8:49:16 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		FYI, she may just have her profile hidden.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 1/18/2009 8:50:58 PM >

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(in reply to MistressLamia)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/18/2009 9:13:00 PM   
pinkpantherette


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline 		Sounds like he may want you to belt him good and hard. Some people like that. Usually when someone deliberatley works your nerves they want punishment.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/18/2009 9:24:49 PM   
SirKnight2You


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have not read the other responces yet so if this is a rehash that's why.

My initial reaction without more details is he is topping from the bottom.  I had a similar situation occur from a former sub and it turned out he was bipolar.  My instinct is that he gets it.  He is just play you like a fined tuned fiddle and unfortunately your letting him.  Drastic behaviour requires drastic maneuvers on your part. Watch the dog whisperer and you'll understand what I mean. How complicated is a dogs mind? yet the behaviour solutions are fairly dynamic. Well it stands to reason similar methodolgy should work equally as well on a sub who thinks he's playing you.

Bottom line - play him back harder and don't get sucked into his drama.  One more point - long distance relationships won't last without timelines and acheivable goals regardless of the format of the relationship.

You can find me on yahoo @ sirknight2you  I would be happy to discuss the many other possiblities that could be happening mostly revolving around self esteem issues.     

(in reply to SouthernHell)
Profile   Post #: 60
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