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RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 8:25:13 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

CatdeMedici wrote:
I am curious how many of you entered into an international relationship, maybe I should use the term bi-continental relationship that you intended to make real?

International (in its original meaning of `between nations', rather than its more modern meaning as a PC term for `foreign') seems to be the correct term. There are cities that span continents so continents aren't really relevant.

Anyway, quibbling with the question aside, yes, I am currently involved in an intercontinental relationship with Imajican: she's in the US; I'm in the UK. It's a very real relationship: we both care very deeply about each other and are very much in love. We've visited three times, the first of which was after about ten months of chatting online and occasionally on the phone.

quote:

Did it work? What were the challenges?

It's working very well. The main challenge for us is probably the six-hour time difference. Imajican often stays up most of the night chatting to me through my morning, for which I am insanely grateful. Sometimes being so far apart is really hard, especially just after we've visited or when we do something that we want to share with the other person; at other times, it just seems normal because it's what we're used to. Trust hasn't been an issue at all: it was established very quickly and has only grown as our relationship has strengthened.

quote:

Is it even, given the world today, a realistic expectation?

More so than ever, I would have thought.

quote:

Were the D or s's really serious about relo?

It's something we're considering but it's complicated by the fact that she's married (so double complication for her and her husband to move to the UK) and my line of work means there isn't a job in every town without changing careers. It may come to pass that all three of us relocate to some common point.

beeble.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 21

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 8:39:41 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
I am curious how many of you entered into an international relationship, maybe I should use the term bi-continental relationship that you intended to make real?

I have. No it did not work out because it is simply too expensive, and if you have any separation anxiety thing going on, expensive phone bills, and lonesome moments. Being apart for long periods of time was problematic because we'd become detached emotionally; or one of us would be working to stay attached, and the other would be busy trying not to feel the loss (albeit temporary), so detach.
Expensive pain in the arse, but I wouldn't say "will never do it again." M

_____________________________

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 22

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 8:55:05 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I am curious how many of you entered into an international relationship, maybe I should use the term bi-continental relationship that you intended to make real?

Did it work?
What were the challenges?
Is it even, given the world today, a realistic expectation?
Were the D or s's really serious about relo? Was their intent sincere, or was it more a means to lie to get what they wanted?

We are bi-continental (for the time being).
Challenges; yeah, I agree with beeble.. damned time differences!!
Realistic? yeah, I'd say so since we're getting married in just a few short weeks :)
And bet your bippy I'm relocating!! LOL Just gotta deal with the immigration hoops (I guess that could fall under the challenges heading....)

_____________________________

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 23

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 9:17:02 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I am curious how many of you entered into an international relationship, maybe I should use the term bi-continental relationship that you intended to make real?

Did it work?
What were the challenges?
Is it even, given the world today, a realistic expectation?
Were the D or s's really serious about relo? Was their intent sincere, or was it more a means to lie to get what they wanted?

We are bi-continental (for the time being).
Challenges; yeah, I agree with beeble.. damned time differences!!
Realistic? yeah, I'd say so since we're getting married in just a few short weeks :)
And bet your bippy I'm relocating!! LOL Just gotta deal with the immigration hoops (I guess that could fall under the challenges heading....)

Looking forward to seeing you this side of the Atlantic..

stella

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 24

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 9:21:13 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I've tried it and like a lot of other people found that the trust and effort was only on my side.
I was very naive.
If I was very rich maybe I would try again but I am assuming even rich people get hurt when they discover that they are being used.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 25

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 9:35:14 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I am curious how many of you entered into an international relationship, maybe I should use the term bi-continental relationship that you intended to make real?

Did it work?
What were the challenges?
Is it even, given the world today, a realistic expectation?
Were the D or s's really serious about relo? Was their intent sincere, or was it more a means to lie to get what they wanted?

We are bi-continental (for the time being).
Challenges; yeah, I agree with beeble.. damned time differences!!
Realistic? yeah, I'd say so since we're getting married in just a few short weeks :)
And bet your bippy I'm relocating!! LOL Just gotta deal with the immigration hoops (I guess that could fall under the challenges heading....)

Looking forward to seeing you this side of the Atlantic..

stella

And I'm looking forward to seeing you too *hugs to you both*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 26

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 9:44:18 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I'm going through it now. I am in the U.S. he's in the U.K.

We met online by chance, and when we first started talking we weren't even contacting each other for the purposes of a connection. We started talking, and just couldn't stop. The six hour time difference is a killer. but we find time to talk for a few hours each night, when he or I don't have to work late. We even spent new years together, in our own way....actually we had two new years...lol (don't cha just love Skype?..lol) We talk about anything and everything and can laugh for hours. Only problem we've had so far is hanging up...lol I usually have to go all Domme on him and make him go to sleep...lol

Fortunately, the job he's working on in London will end in March, and he plans on moving here. He's already scouting jobs, which in his field there are plenty here. Fortunately, no matter what the economy people in his field will always have employment. He's German, so he's not originally from London, so he's used to moving around. We've discussed him being so far from his family in Germany, but we plan on visiting as frequently as possible.

I would've never thought I'd consider something long distance, I mean I've had trouble in the past, just like everyone else, and not only from people in other countries, but people just from other states and I was so not looking for this, it just happened.

It feels totally natural, and totally real, one of those where you can't remember your life before he was in it. Even though he's so far away, I trust him like I have no other, even those that have been right here in town with me. It all just feels so "right".

We have been very realistic about all of it. Other than the time difference there really haven't been any major problems and if there are I'm confident we can handle them.

oh boy, I'm really gone aren't I?....lol

edited to add: Thanks Greedy for giving me some of your "magic relationship dust" for Christmas...lol It's working perfectly...lol smooches

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 1/11/2009 9:45:57 AM >

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 27

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:00:44 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yay Drk!! *smooches and hugs*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 28

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:10:04 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

DrkJourney wrote:
I'm going through it now. I am in the U.S. he's in the U.K. [...]

That was actually quite creepy to read. Almost all of it could have been written about my Mistress and me, apart from little details like your sub working in London (I'm in Leeds), Skype (we use IRC, text messages or the phone, since I get free evening and weekend calls to the US), him being German (I'm English) and Greedy's magic relationship dust.

beeble.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 29

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:13:09 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yay Drk!! *smooches and hugs*

I already felt really comfortable...reading this thread has made me feel even better, can't wait for March!!!!

Only thing to make this perfect is if I could be there to see Greedy in her dress and veil....LOL (don't hit me)

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 30

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:13:35 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

LOL beeble!! "it's exactly the same.. but different!!"

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 31

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:14:33 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

DrkJourney wrote:
I'm going through it now. I am in the U.S. he's in the U.K. [...]

That was actually quite creepy to read. Almost all of it could have been written about my Mistress and me, apart from little details like your sub working in London (I'm in Leeds), Skype (we use IRC, text messages or the phone, since I get free evening and weekend calls to the US), him being German (I'm English) and Greedy's magic relationship dust.

beeble.

LOL her dust in quite potent it seems...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 32

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:30:58 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Greedy, it's just my tough luck to prefer British men to Americans. Could you spare a bit of that dust for me, too?

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 33

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 10:51:15 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*sends V some magic dust*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 34

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 11:08:30 AM

sarahanna

Posts: 14
Status: offline

So, I have another question to ask, for those of you that did make the International Relationship work and become permanent, how did you deal with the immigration aspects of it? I'm curious as I'm in a a similar situation.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 35

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 12:46:18 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Oh lordy, would I venture into a relationship with someone overseas? For a Brit, of course, a partner in continental Europe would be an easier prospect (all other things being equal). The tougher thing for me to work out is how a relationship between myself and someone in, say, North America, would even start. It's difficult to conceive of such a relationship feeling as though it had fully got under way without meeting face-to-face.

Even after a protracted online/telephone relationship I might not feel "the chemistry" upon meeting. I'm more than slightly concerned she wouldn't, either. (She might well be expecting a man who's competent with words to have a much shorter nose, for instance. We all know the story.) I can only admire the courage of people who've had the courage to take the risk and congratulate those for whom it's worked out.

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 36

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 12:53:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh lordy, would I venture into a relationship with someone overseas? For a Brit, of course, a partner in continental Europe would be an easier prospect (all other things being equal). The tougher thing for me to work out is how a relationship between myself and someone in, say, North America, would even start. It's difficult to conceive of such a relationship feeling as though it had fully got under way without meeting face-to-face.

Even after a protracted online/telephone relationship I might not feel "the chemistry" upon meeting. I'm more than slightly concerned she wouldn't, either. (She might well be expecting a man who's competent with words to have a much shorter nose, for instance. We all know the story.) I can only admire the courage of people who've had the courage to take the risk and congratulate those for whom it's worked out.

I totally bow down to Greedy, believe me! She's batshit crazy, of course...

(I am totally counting down to the wedding!)

In terms of chemistry not being there, that has happened to me ONCE. Looking back, it wasn't so much a lack of chemistry as a lack of *heart* on his part. It's so easy to mistake passion for warmth, isn't it? And what do you do with someone cold?

For me, the solution is to move to realtime ASAP. And, to stick with the USA and Canada, in spite of the lovely men I have met from the UK...

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 37

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 12:57:12 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

It's so easy to mistake passion for warmth, isn't it? And what do you do with someone cold?

Oh yes. And I'm buggered if I'd know what I'd do with someone cold.

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 38

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 12:58:21 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I totally bow down to Greedy, believe me! She's batshit crazy, of course... (I am totally counting down to the wedding!)

HEY!!!!! (note the 5)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 39

RE: International Relationships - 1/11/2009 1:00:19 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

It's so easy to mistake passion for warmth, isn't it? And what do you do with someone cold?

Oh yes. And I'm buggered if I'd know what I'd do with someone cold.

If you're me, gaze at them in bewilderment. I took one's arm as we walked through the parking lot, and he stared at me like I was bonkers. Those kinds of people really need some kind of forehead marking so they can stick with their own kind...

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 40

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