What does "control" mean to you?

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What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:01:15 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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I really need to ask this...
..although I am sure I'm not the only one who ever has.

What EXACTLY do slaves mean when they say they want to be controlled?

I'm told all the time that a slave wants to be controlled, that he or she wants complete power exchange and yet when I lay down the law, I get the "deer in headlights" look. Then the sweats break out, the hemming/hawing and then the predictable "ummm" leaves their lips.

So I ask you: What DO you want? What DO you mean?

Personally, I believe control should be 24/7 whether you are in My presence or not and I KNOW I'm not the only Dominant who feels this way. Whether its controlling your social time, or what you wear, communication, or how often you pee (that one is way out of My realm but I know slaves who do have that imposed on them). So where are all the slaves who agree with this? Certainly not here, unless I'm missing something.

So fill in the clueless Domme: what does CONTROL mean to you?

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

Post #: 1

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:07:28 PM

T1981

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Joined: 12/6/2008
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The majority of our D/s is still in the bedroom, so I can only answer from the scening aspect of it, but for me, control means very simply: If he asks me to do it, I do it. If he says get up on the chair, I get up on the chair. If he says don't struggle, I try not to struggle. If he says to stand up and go kneel in a corner and not speak, that's what I do.

And if for some reason I'm NOT doing it, then I expect him to exert his control over me to make me do it. Now that control can have different approaches - if for some reason I'm being cheeky, a quick slap and a rough shove towards whatever I'm supposed to be doing helps. If I'm sincerely having a difficult time following his request, then that control often takes the form of coaching, gentle encouragement.

We are learning how it is not only my actions that are his, but my REACTIONS belong to him as well. That everything from a scene, while a direct result of what I do, is done with his will having come first. The psychological aspect of our D/s is becoming more and more apparent as we move along, and the fact that the control he exerts is HIS will is becoming very very important.

I don't know if that helps, but that is where I'm experiencing it at this time.

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 2

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:18:49 PM

MistressAinCT

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Joined: 2/21/2004
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I was actually thinking along the lines of control out of the "scene" or bedroom, or even out of the presence of the Dominant. I should have been more clear.

What control does one seek when one is NOT in the presence of the Dominant? I ask for daily e mails, phone calls, txts-just communication. I ask that if a slave wants to go someplace, he or she "asks" permission and unless I have something planned for us I rarely deny it. But I need to know where that person is and who they are with. If a slave is honest, he or she doesn't have anything to worry about. I see those rules as part of training and control.

I don't interfere with their work and I don't interfere with their family issues unless I am asked.

If someone doesn't want to be controlled, why bother telling the Dominant they do when in the end, its only going to cause heartache? If I have to throw down a gauntlet every time I ask something be done, it isn't worth My time.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to T1981)

Post #: 3

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:23:51 PM

agirl

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I have to say that I utter a fair few *umms*.........but in some ways it comes down to what YOU expect. I'm not going to like each and every issue that drips from M's lips and some of the time that's patently evident. He doesn't EXPECT me to skip contentedly when I'm thoroughly aggravated and frustrated but he does expect me to follow, eventually.

It'd be a pisstake if I pouted each and every time but it'd be unrealistic for me to hide it each and every time, too. I really do NOT like every *law* he passes down and sometimes it bloody well shows. It matters little to him whether I follow with a sweet smile on my face or a grinding of the teeth basically.

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 4

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:25:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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To me it means they can start and stop something at will. I can control when I go to the bathroom up to a certain point, and then imy body forces it to happen. My master does not control my clothes going onto my body unless he physically dresses me. He can order me to go to bed, but I control the muscles which take me there, unless he physically moves me.

So for me, it's pretty limited. What I care about is authority.

If you keep meeting with resistance, it might be your approach, screening system or other method in your process which is causing the problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 5

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:27:47 PM

agirl

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Isn't that a matter of agreement? If your idea of control is your need to know where your slave is, and they agree that also, the issue becomes one of non-compliance.

If daily emails, calls, texts are agreed as a matter of control ...same thing.

Do they want the kind of control you offer, basically?

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 6

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:33:13 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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I don't have the patience to control every aspect of a slave's life, but I do have the authority, rather SHOULD have the authority when power is handed to Me to control what I feel I should. I consider Myself reasonable-whether the slave does or not is up to him or her.

In that case, they don't have to apply or serve-its clearly that simple. What pisses Me off is that I am met with resistance AFTER someone has been accepted. I am very upfront when I meet someone on what I expect. They have the choice of walking away or never contacting Me again-I make that clear as well.

D/s should have some level of mutuality attached to it, so if a slave thinks they can't handle some rules, then they should look elsewhere. I think everyone should be happy, but if I am not happy, no one will be. I'm not in this for compromise.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:36:54 PM

MistressAinCT

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I don't see daily communication as a problem in D/s or even nilla life. I should think that if two people (or more) are involved, they would WANT to speak to each other on a daily basis, especially if they can't see each other often. It isn't like I'm telling them to run out and get a tattoo on their ass with My name on it (that comes later).

But that's just one example of what I mean by control, and as I stated ad nauseum, if someone doesn't agree, he or she can leave. If they don't agree, they don't have to serve.

But if you read My post, this wasn't and isn't about ME..its about what SLAVES are looking for as far as control is concerned. I think there was a digression here...

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 8

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:41:06 PM

agirl

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Do your slaves agree with the control you have to offer?

You say they accept but by the same token ......you accepted them , too.

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 9

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:46:00 PM

agirl

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Slaves don't tend to come in *one size fits all* anymore than doms do.

It doesn't matter diddly-squat whether you see daily communication as acceptable if the slaves you accept don't. It doesn't matter what you think.....what matters is having agreement with whoever you take on, surely?

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 10

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:51:08 PM

MistressAinCT

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Again, this post is about what SLAVES want in general not what I want and don't want.

But yes, I accept them and I also release them when I'm not being obeyed. Would your Master keep you if you kept disobeying him or arguing each time he asked you to do something? Try it and see how far that goes.

BTW-I tell slaves right off the bat what I expect from them. And they let Me know what they "expect" from Me. I'm not sure what your point is-I think you are agreeing with Me but I'm not sure. Everyone has the right to get what they want out of ANY relationship.

Now..let's see about getting back to My original question: What does a slave look for when he or she looks for CONTROL?????

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 11

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 1:59:47 PM

mc1234

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Joined: 10/4/2008
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The problem here is you're asking an impossible question. I can't tell you what slaves want, but I can tell you what I thrive on.

I'm not into micromanaging. I don't want to have to report on where I am and who I'm with - been there done that. But, he will know my basic routines. He will generally know where I am, just from our conversations, but to report in with him or call before I leave would be unreasonable for my life and my other responsibilities. He may dictate my clothing, but would take into consideration what I was doing for the day and where I would be. He may tell me to cut my hair, not to cut my hair, how he likes me shaven, that sort of thing.

Basically, too many rules in our relationship doesn't work for either of us. And this was well discussed prior to our entering the relationship - we knew one another's needs and desires. But there is a structure that is maintained, without exactness, if that makes sense. If I can't call at 3pm, he will understand and I will call at 4:30.

It's all about balance. I need to know that he cares about what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, that we feel connected to one another. The control doesn't have to be something tangible; it can be merely that our connection is strong, therefore I wish to be pleasing to him on a daily basis. That when he does request something, I jump to obey. All of this leads to the times that I am serving him in person and because of the intimacy between us daily those times are seamless and smooth and I am obedient and serve him well.

< Message edited by mc1234 -- 1/9/2009 2:04:13 PM >

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

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Post #: 12

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 2:02:59 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..

It goes without saying that there are just things that are out of anyones control. Alot of the control comes in standing rules that only needed to be said once by him, and further control of those rules is that he...not me..has the authority to change them. I guess I can't really relate to these questions very well because I never placed any barriers as to when, where or what his control is applied to nor his authority or power or any other words in use to describe these areas. He says..I do..where ever we are..whatever the time. I can say that because thats how it's been for 4yrs now.

There may come a day when I find myself hmm hawwing at something but I trust that he will solve the problem wether it ends up to my liking or not. He was given that authority when he took me to control my life in any way or direction he saw fit to produce the type of slave he wished to have. I agreed how he viewed a M/s dynamic to be, and what his ways were in training his slave, and what his desired outcome of his slave to him would be. If I hadn't..I'd not be in his collar.

Sooo I guess if he says to call him at a certain time..I'm calling. If he says not to spend any money unless I get his okay first..I don't spend. If he says don't leave the house (unless there is a danger in it) without asking him first..I don't leave..etc. etc. etc.

starshine

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 13

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 2:24:20 PM

agirl

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I've already answered it....... You won't get any two *slaves* alike...so what each and every slave *wants* will differ when it come to anything.

If I argued and disobeyed EVERY time, he'd come to the same conclusion that I would .....wrong person to be with.

All the same , I'll attempt to say what I get from control.....I get someone who watches over my life, steers it and applies the brakes when necessary.

I disagree that everyone has the *right* to get what they want out of a relationship. They have the CHOICE to be in it or not, that's about it.

Didn't you spot their argumentative natures when you took them on?

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 14

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 3:04:48 PM

MistressAinCT

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Joined: 2/21/2004
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agirl...I wasn't talking about anyone in particular and I haven't taken anyone on. However, since this wasn't the original intent of the thread, I think I'm done here...but I will say this:

Seems its wrong to be concerned with what a slave thinks and feels by asking him or her to keep in contact every day. Taking the 10 mins to write a little journal entry appears to be a little too much to ask. I think that if your Masters asked you to write them a little something every day, you wouldn't tell them it wasn't in your "job description" to do that or you didn't agree to it when you became their slave/sub or whatever.

I always thought (and still do) that ignoring a slave was the worst punishment. My male writes to Me daily, calls Me, txts Me and since we are lucky to live close, see each other often. If he wants to go out after work he calls to ask Me and I tell him yes, because he needs friends. But he understands and accepts that I can say no as well and I don't even have to give him a reason. The day I tell him to stop the calls and letters is the day he would most likely be upset wondering what he did wrong or if he was going to be released. he knows as long as I have him do these and other tasks he is loved, cherished and wanted.

Believe it or not I learned a lot here. Thanks and have a happy new year.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 15

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 3:13:49 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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Ultimately, you have to ask each person exactly what they mean by that phrase... but in the end, I've found, online, the fantasy is just that for many -- fantasy... as total control in real life is a bit grueling.. for both parties...

you don't have to clean the cat boxes online

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 16

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 3:15:59 PM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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I haven't a clue why you think that

.....Seems its wrong to be concerned with what a slave thinks and feels by asking him or her to keep in contact every day. Taking the 10 mins to write a little journal entry appears to be a little too much to ask. I think that if your Masters asked you to write them a little something every day, you wouldn't tell them it wasn't in your "job description" to do that or you didn't agree to it when you became their slave/sub or whatever.

...but I have to disagree again. If MY owner asked me to I'd be *chuffed to mint-balls* as they say .........but I could easily find it an utter chore in the wrong relationship.....lol

Best wishes, anyhow.

agirl

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

Post #: 17

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 4:11:02 PM

herpreciouspet

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Joined: 11/25/2008
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i have searched for a Mistress to control me for awhile now . ..truth be told, i did not know exactly what i wished, but i was drawn to the concept . ..i am now owned by a Mistress who controls me, and i am left begging for more . ..She got me a cell phone to be accessible to her . ..i am changing my way of eating . ..and other positive steps in my life

i think that control will mean different things to not only the submissive/slave, but also the Dominant that they serve.

< Message edited by herpreciouspet -- 1/9/2009 4:12:48 PM >

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 18

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 5:23:05 PM

kiwisub12

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Control is doing something that he wants because, in part, there would be consequences if i didn't do it.
Infliction of consequences, and accepting those consequences denotes, to me, control.

I do have to say that Sir rarely has to inflict consequences on me ( i am a good girl *simper*). But part of why i obey him is because i don't like the consequences - specifically - Sir being upset with me, and the physical punishments.

(in reply to herpreciouspet)

Post #: 19

RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/9/2009 5:31:59 PM

BalletBob

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Control could be something as easy as, making up a schedual ahead of time, and have the sub (like me), carry it out. When the Mistress has spare time on her hands, she just makes out a schedual and can take the rest of the day off, knowing that her sub will carry it out. Now this what I feel is control, when not at home, or together.

MADAM and I were not 24/7, and only had a couple live sessions over time, so she just sent me her list, and that was that. She was happy to tell me "Where to go", or rather what to do or wear, and I was more than happy to make her happy, and do it.

Missing it, sub BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

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Post #: 20

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