RE: Anal sex issue

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dommegrl22 -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/15/2006 9:50:43 PM)
I would agree with most of of the responses saying that it has to be the sub that decides whether or not they are ready. For my sub, he can't do a lot of bondage, due to his past. So I use spreader bars and handcuffs instead. He won't say why and I won't push it. It all depends on the sub and when they are ready

michaelGA -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/15/2006 9:55:04 PM)
i can say with complete honesty that, despite the abuse i endured as i was growing up, none of it was sexual and my anal virginity is still intact. i don't know if there are many on this site or any other related sites, that can truly make the same claim.

EvilGeoff -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 9:57:01 AM)
Hi Sarijane, Like others who have posted here, I would like to express my sympathy for what you experienced in the past, and my support for what you are doing now, to reclaim that part of your sexuality that was stripped away from you. LA, Ms Kim and others have given you sage advise about techniques you can try to use as you work through this issue. From the flip side, as the owner of janey, I am facing similar issues about anal sex. As janeys owner, I will not allow someone else to own that part of her. She is mine, and I will own her completely, heart, body, and mind. Unfortunately, she can not surrender that pleasure to me until she can reclaim it for herself. With love, patience, gentleness and trust, we will work through this. And if it is your desire, you will too. Safe journeys and good luck! YIK, - Geoff

fldrkhorse -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 6:55:33 PM)
My take on this is it is the Masters power that must be stronger than the subs fear. It is the trust in the Master that his dominance is the protector and under his umbrella nothing "more" can harm you. It is why subs seeks Doms, to be able to release thier fears and have the void filled. It is the same, but on a much smaller scale, with dom scenes in which the sub allows the trust to be greater than the fear of pain, or being blindfolded, or tied up, etc. I'm not so sure the question is do you ever get over it as much as it is do I let another assume my pain, my hurt, my fear that it is no longer mine. That it can no longer control me. Because when you give up control you also transfer your fears.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 8:32:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff Hi Sarijane, Like others who have posted here, I would like to express my sympathy for what you experienced in the past, and my support for what you are doing now, to reclaim that part of your sexuality that was stripped away from you. LA, Ms Kim and others have given you sage advise about techniques you can try to use as you work through this issue. From the flip side, as the owner of janey, I am facing similar issues about anal sex. As janeys owner, I will not allow someone else to own that part of her. She is mine, and I will own her completely, heart, body, and mind. Unfortunately, she can not surrender that pleasure to me until she can reclaim it for herself. With love, patience, gentleness and trust, we will work through this. And if it is your desire, you will too. Safe journeys and good luck! YIK, - Geoff Hi Geoff, My deepest thanks to you and I wish you success. I know someday I will beat this. I think you will with janey too. You will be in my thoughts. Safe journeys to you and my best to you and yours.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 8:35:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse I'm not so sure the question is do you ever get over it as much as it is do I let another assume my pain, my hurt, my fear that it is no longer mine. That it can no longer control me. Because when you give up control you also transfer your fears. I hadn't thought of it from quite that perspective. Thank you for that.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 8:42:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i can say with complete honesty that, despite the abuse i endured as i was growing up, none of it was sexual and my anal virginity is still intact. i don't know if there are many on this site or any other related sites, that can truly make the same claim. You know....I'd give almost anything to have not gone through what I did. I lived with the shame and degradation of it for years. I finally got to the point where I accepted that it wasn't my fault and that the shame is his not mine. It doesn't matter whether one is an anal virgin or not in my thinking, and rape does not take virginity in my opinion. Consent releases virginity not rape. I personally wouldn't want to be an anal virgin. I want to enjoy it, and no longer fear it.

yourMissTress -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 8:48:42 PM)
I have to say that coming from the survivors side of the issue...this is something that shouldn't be forced. Fear is hardly the only emotion that's at work. There are a multitude of other emotions that go along with sexual abuse...anger, frustration, weakness, shame, guilt, terror, confusion, pain...just to name a few. And the reminder can trigger all of these and more, as well as vivid and painful memories that maybe waiting to come to the surface. This can be a lot for a well trained and experienced therapist to handle, and is certainly nothing to take lightly. You seem to be treading carefully here, and my suggestion would be to continue along that line.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/16/2006 9:26:27 PM)
You sound like you're making that some kind of proud challenge. There's a lot of people who were not sexually abused, there's a lot of people who were. And then there's sexual abuse that doesn't take someone's virginity anal or vaginal. quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i can say with complete honesty that, despite the abuse i endured as i was growing up, none of it was sexual and my anal virginity is still intact. i don't know if there are many on this site or any other related sites, that can truly make the same claim. quote: other related

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 6:57:40 AM)
Yeah FP, I kinda got that same impression. Bragging about it. Doesn't seem to have anything to do with the OP question/dilema. quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion You sound like you're making that some kind of proud challenge. There's a lot of people who were not sexually abused, there's a lot of people who were. And then there's sexual abuse that doesn't take someone's virginity anal or vaginal. quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i can say with complete honesty that, despite the abuse i endured as i was growing up, none of it was sexual and my anal virginity is still intact. i don't know if there are many on this site or any other related sites, that can truly make the same claim. quote: other related

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 7:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress I have to say that coming from the survivors side of the issue...this is something that shouldn't be forced. Fear is hardly the only emotion that's at work. There are a multitude of other emotions that go along with sexual abuse...anger, frustration, weakness, shame, guilt, terror, confusion, pain...just to name a few. And the reminder can trigger all of these and more, as well as vivid and painful memories that maybe waiting to come to the surface. This can be a lot for a well trained and experienced therapist to handle, and is certainly nothing to take lightly. You seem to be treading carefully here, and my suggestion would be to continue along that line. Oh yes, I'm being very very careful. Past attempts to overcome it have been pretty bad. I do not want to move too fast and end up even worse off and yet I really want to get past this. I'm painfully familiar with all of those emotions and more in relation to it. Someday I will......someday.....

Driver1961 -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 7:46:51 AM)
Fldrkhouse said it so well from the D/s point of view- My vanilla type take on this that I have unknowingly been part of this 'healing' three times now, once as a Dom is; the One to submit may be the anti of your rapist. They must exhibit tenderness, empathy (knowing or your rape or not) and be totally accepting of you (in the moment). You then offer yourself confident in their acceptance of you and most importance your own acceptance of self. In short A 'LIFE' maxim- MAKE SURE THAT THEY RESPECT YOU, AND THAT YOU ARE RESPECTING YOURSELF IN YOUR ACTIONS. To sweetsarijane- I touch your face, smile happily and smuggly whispering "Sweetsars, your scar is fading and there are many giving you thoughts of strength."

michaelGA -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 7:55:24 AM)
quote: It doesn't matter whether one is an anal virgin or not in my thinking, and rape does not take virginity in my opinion. Consent releases virginity not rape. let me rephrase my statement then. i have never had anal done to me.

michaelGA -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 7:57:37 AM)
quote: Yeah FP, I kinda got that same impression. Bragging about it. Doesn't seem to have anything to do with the OP question/dilema. it's was not meant to be a boast, it was quite simply a statement

mistoferin -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 9:04:08 AM)
I am the survivor of an extremely violent stranger rape that occurred when I was 18 years old. This also included anal rape. The physical damage was severe enough to require surgical repair, although I believe the mental damage far outweighs the physical....wounds heal fairly quickly but the mind is far more complex. The event can never be erased there. I have read the responses here and I have to agree that this is something that can be overcome.....to an extent. But you also have to be prepared for the fact that there could and most likely will be times that this will be an issue for you no matter what the other circumstances are surrounding it. You can be with a partner who you trust completely, who is patient, gentle, caring and empathetic....even been with in this way a thousand times before....and still there could be times when this will simply pop out of nowhere and supercede all rational thought and effort to force it back down. And that is okay.... When I was with my ex Master(who I met long after the rape) I informed him about what had happened. He was very patient with me and over time we got to a point where I thoroughly enjoyed anal sex with him. We were together for many years. I trusted that man more than anyone else on this entire planet....and I loved him with every fiber of my being....yet still there were instances, times when something would trigger something....a look, a smell, a touch, a sound.....I don't really know what the catalysts were....they just were. Suddenly I was spiraling backward to that time...and for all intents and purposes I was right there...no longer seeing Master's face....no longer hearing his voice. Just sheer black, blinding terror. Now I should say that I have had plenty of counseling and to be honest with you, this event is not one that I ever really give much thought to anymore, and when I do there is no real emotion attached to it. But those moments would still creep up on me out of nowhere. I could be in the middle of the throes of ecstasy....and BAM....there it was. What IS important is that you understand the possibilities of this occurring, despite all your hard work and effort. What IS important is that you don't blame yourself when and if it does occur. What IS important is that you communicate with your partner and that he knows that should this occur.....everything stops RIGHT NOW! What IS important is that you also communicate to him what you would like for him to do if indeed it rears its' ugly head...what he can do to help you through it. Just make sure that you give yourself the time and space that you need. This is NOT something that you can do on someone else's schedule. If you run into snags....don't put blame on yourself that doesn't belong there, as so often survivors have a habit of doing. Don't view bumps in the road as failures....if you have an issue and have to stop and collect yourself, do so...but don't let it stop you from trying again. I wish you all the best and please feel free to contact on the other side if you wish.

woodhe4love -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 9:16:48 AM)
Dear Sarah, while i have not experienced a painful rape as you did i would suggest u try and realize like me you are an anal virgin. yes i am a male who dreams of giving my anal virginity to the right Mistress some day. try and realize, and this may seem harsh, the rapist doesnt count. he had u with out your permision meaning he didnt have you. giving of your anal virginity is truely a submisive gift, and you havent willingly given it to anyone yet. it is a gift you still have to give. i think what is best is to not think in terms of anal sex but to just view it as an option for your master while you are in the doggie position. while u dont say for sure in your posting i believe you have probably been fucked while in that position and probably enjoy it. while it is true u dont have to be in doggie to give someone your anal virginity, i believe it is the most submisive of positions. it is a position that gives your top everything you have to offer. think about it, while on your knees with your ass in the air, your mistress/master has access to everthing. your pussy is not only there to fuck, but it is in clear view, he can play with it with both hands rite behind you between your legs, or reach under your tummy and get to with either hand that way, he can ofcourse fuck it from behind, or even finger or dildo fuck it, and he can also kiss, lick and eat it. so while in doggie, look at all the obtions available to just your pussy. consider further that your top can reach under and get to your tits, hold them, fondle them, pinch your nipples, he can even move to the side while you are on all fours and get to them with his mouth to lick, kiss, suck, or nibble on them. all of you is their while you are in doggie, he can hold you by the waiste, shoulders, neck, hair, ears. he can reach under and place his hands in your mouth, even have you suck his thumb. he can have you turn your head back and he can bend over you from behind to do everthing from french kiss you, to spitting in your face to biting your nose. whether we are a woman or a slut male we are truely fully controlled by our lover when we are in doggie, being in that position shows you fully trust and want to serve your top with everything you have to offer. stop and think about it, when you are in doggie you have made great strides to anal simply because you have put your ass hole into total view of your top. it is right there to be seen as clear as day, it is by far the center of your tops attention, he cant help but see it. take pride and give yourself credit for allowing it to be in view, it is a big step toward being ready to have anal. now that you realize that just letting your prize ass hole star stand out and be seen is a step to your goal, have your top get you in doggie and do things slowly and as a matter of fact. for example, he might say now i am going to fuck you so nice honey, and move his chock down your crack quickly and over your ass hole on the way to your pussy for fucking. although contact with your star will only be instantainious, u will feel it but he will be at your pussy so quick you wont have time to think about your star getting touched. u will just experience so briefly and than forget about it because he will be all over your pussy and your mind will move to that. over time he should just touch you thier more and more but still in a matter of fact fashion. for example, he might be finker fucking you and when he pulls out might run his finger up your crack over your star again than immediately have you turn your head back for a loving and long kiss. eventually you will have gained enough confidence to just let him stick his erect penis upto your star for a second or two, and eventually you will, by instinct push your ass hole back to it a little. perhaps he could do this with a finger also, but eventually you will be pushing your little star more and more and further and further into his finger or penis, it will over time happen very naturally and lovingly. anyway those are my thoughts, because i am to tell you the truth afraid to have anal done to me, and i think the way i describe this to you is kind of how it will happen to me so i hope you find this to be of some help. good luck Sarah, a future slut boy

mistoferin -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 9:28:28 AM)
Ummm...okay now I'm speechless......

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 1:40:39 PM)
Well he's obviously not someone who understands that it's not merely just sticking your ass out there for the top. Nice idea but unpractical for people with issues to do with intamacy. It's not that simple wood. And you can not even begin to coach someone on how to do somethingif you don't understand the ramifications of rape and her or his feelings in this case hers. It's a nice way to do it if you're just curious about anal but afraid.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 1:48:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion Well he's obviously not someone who understands that it's not merely just sticking your ass out there for the top. Nice idea but unpractical for people with issues to do with intamacy. It's not that simple wood. And you can not even begin to coach someone on how to do somethingif you don't understand the ramifications of rape and her or his feelings in this case hers. It's a nice way to do it if you're just curious about anal but afraid. I agree that in a curious, never experienced it before setting yeah, but definitely not when you have a rape situation. There is more for me to deal with than virginal fear and curiosity. Rape....what a small word to encompass such far reaching, multifaceted damage.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Anal sex issue (1/17/2006 1:52:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Driver1961 To sweetsarijane- I touch your face, smile happily and smuggly whispering "Sweetsars, your scar is fading and there are many giving you thoughts of strength." Thank you so very much. Everyone who has responded to share and offer advice and thoughts and more has so greatly helped me.

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