To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent

To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (Full Version)

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BrokenPsyche -> To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 1:17:40 AM)
In advance, I will say that this may not be the typical question asked here...if there could really ever be such a thing. Writing this here, asking it here, could maybe be viewed as a sort of therapy. I want to address a few other points before I get to the question. One- My Dom is fully aware of what will be discussed here. We have approached it together, discussed it, and he understands my need to bring it here. Two- I am a product of abuse, which is a direct cause of the problem. I am telling you this ONLY so you have some background. Please don't offer words of condolences because its over, done with, dealt with. You didn't do it, so thanks...but lets more on. The problem: Like a lot of people who where abused, I...well...I hated myself. Everything about myself. More so, physically. Even more so, everything physically and sexually about myself. While I have pushed past most of my problems, there are still some remaining. You know, constant battle and all. I have trouble being looked at, being touched, being noticed I suppose by any of the senses. My Dom does a wonderful job of helping me to face these issues, but I find one still bothering me. So, I am turning to all of you for a little, I dunno, ego boosting maybe. Because I know its more of a my mental problem than an actual physical issue. Okay. Im rambling. The issue is scent. A woman's scent. MY scent. Most of the time is light, sometimes, obviously depending on the time of the month, my hormone levels, what i've eaten etc etc etc...it can change and sometimes it is stronger. On those days, I feel terrible about myself. I just want to hide away. And while I know my Dom has no issue with it, finds nothing offensive about my natural scent...it still bothers me. So I am asking here, what are your thoughts on a woman's scent? Do you enjoy it? Do you hate it? I suppose I am just looking for reassurance of some kind. While my Dom can say it over and over, I know that more voices will help crush the one loud one in my head. Agree with me, don't agree with me...that isn't what this is about. I just...need to know.

came4U -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 1:33:03 AM)
Are you referring to general scent of yourself of your v-jj? If it is your V-jj (as Oprah calls it) is it phychological is that what you are asking? Are you ashmed of your own 'parts' because of your abuse and imagine it smells badly? Is it that your current emotional or phsyical wellbeing triggers this paranoia? Is it paranoia? Are you well? Have you had a pap to ensure it is not anything serious? no cysts or even a mild pH offbalance? Whatever you do, do NOT douche, it only will destroy the good bacteria within the lining. If the answer is yes you are well (physically) then I would suggest you research into why you are lately prone to dislike your own body. Maybe therapy to confront any guilt and shame you may have lingering below the surface. Do not ignore this as a passing thing, anything that manifests as any kind of self-loathing is a serious issue and cannot be taken on by only yourself and/or your partner. On a happier note, you are likely not smelly (especially since he is under the impression you aren't) and if you have recently made changes in your life (quitting smoking, a move, change of diet) it might just be as simple as having a clearer nose that picks up minute details of scent that have been there all along and are normal will subside in time.

JustDarkness -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 3:51:15 AM)
When not knowing the scent itself..it is hard to judge if you like it. But with a clean female..I never smelt something I did dislike. If you focus on a certain thing though...it can get an obsession and it gets enlarged in your mind. peopel around you propably don't notice it..as you experience it.

mc1234 -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 3:57:36 AM)
As long as I avoid asparagus, I love my own scent. I've been with another woman, and enjoyed hers as well. Unless there's an issue with cleanliness, I don't have an issue.

agirl -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 6:15:35 AM)
I used to have a similar worry years ago mostly because my husband never wanted to give oral. I used to ask him about it because I was happy enough to give it to him and he was happy to recieve it and his answer was that he simply didn't like doing it. I asked him if it was the scent etc. and he said it wasn't that but never could elaborate. I wasn't particularly bothered by his reluctance but I still 'decided' that it might have been the 'smell' all the same, but in truth it could have been any number of things. Years later, with M I asked what I 'smelt' like as I seemed to have hung onto the fact that I might not smell very nice and , like your Dom, he reassured me that I smelt just fine. The part that totally put my mind to rest was that he said ...Look, if we've been having sex and I choose to go down there, that's MY choice. I can always tell you to go have a quick scrub up, you know It may not reassure you very much but we all have a bit of a smell when our 'bits' have been encased in pants or knickers............and M can be smelly too. I like it when he smells actually and he's quite used to me taking a big sniff and declaring * Gawd master, you stink!*......and collapsing in a fit of laughter.........lol Any worries I had about it have been firmly knocked on the head with the knowledge that if I stink, he'll tell me to wash. agirl

DesFIP -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 6:36:32 AM)
Mine also can be strong at times. He loves it, especially if it's heavier. He can take a deep breath and be instantly interested. Ask your dom to reassure you that you're okay, more so if he actually enjoys it like The Man does.

T1981 -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 6:42:07 AM)
I, too, have been and still am occasionally self-conscience about "the smell", though I've hardly met a man who doesn't like it. I think as women we are socially conditioned most of our lives to "smell pretty" and thus anything that doesn't smell like roses and lavender tends to squick us out. It is something I am working on overcoming as well!

monywildcat -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 6:59:42 AM)
I have the same issue with the smell of latex, due to past abuse. One sniff and there is definitely a squick factor. So the mental connection is not in the least bit unusual, or crazy. I agree with agirl, in the fact that if we smell "off", men won't hesitate to say so. looks at daddy totally hogging the pillows and my pillow And I won't hesitate to do the same. Hey, I have a new shower head now, happy shower play will ensue! [:D] I also agree with T, in that we are programmed early on that we are supposed to always smell like pretty. Well, if I have been super horny during the whole dinner/movie/walk around the pier date night, and the panties "mysteriously" drop, that smell is not going to be society's version of pretty. However, I have yet to meet a man that would go "ew!". Unless, of course, they are gay, then the scent of a woman doesn't do anything for them, in fact it may induce some squickness. I happen to have grown happy with my flora, except when I wear a certain pair of pants that have not enough breathable cottony goodness into the blend. They have since been File 13'ed. In summary, dear BrokenPsyche, I hope that you can add my voice to the ones that will help you crush the loud one in your head. opening a big can of WhoopAss on those nasty voices Hugs!

VeryNastyDom -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 7:43:41 AM)
Oh ladies, you have no idea what that lovely aroma does to some men. I positively crave the musky scent of a woman and am disappointed if it is not present. Sure there are times when scent is less delicious than others, but when it is right I want nothing more than to savor it. Men who don't lick down there are missing a real treat!

SteelofUtah -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 8:18:05 AM)
If I were to offer the same information that any Gynocologist would offer when it comes to odors is that most women due to it being their OWN bodies are more tuned into the scent that others, meaning it actually smells different to you than to others not completely different but where women often find Pungent others would not be so affected by it. I will say this much, Doucheing is fine as long as it is simple soap and water when you get into the scents you are actually making things worse as the body tries to break down the foreign perfume which makes the vaginal secretions more pungent. A Wash Cloth and warm water and if you like a very mild soap, like a light pass with a Dove Bar, once to twice a day are all that is needed to maintain a NATURAL smell. Although most scents are different they are universally similar to one another. Meaning since they are all made up of the same body secretions then it is all based on what goes in the body. I have found two universal truths (Well Universal for ME anyway) If a Woman is a Vegan or Vegitarian then often times thier sent is very pungent no matter how much the wash or nearly non existent and leaves no flavor either and I have been with quite a few of them and all I can say is that it is either one or the other I have never found one inbetween except for the Vegitarian who ate Chicken.... EVERYDAY .... and still called herself a Vegitarian. The Other Truth is that most women who have a awful smell are either getting sick, or are currently sick, or have just gotten over being sick I have fouund this to be a common situation with any woman whom I have found overpowering to my olfactory system. However women should rejoice. If you wah daily the scent that you have is usually a nural trigger to most men exciting them upon receiving the information to the brain. You may notice that your partner seems more sexually agressive when you are on your period even if you don't have sex while on your period you may notice he is more agressive during that period, this is because the flushing of your system puts out complex strings of pheremones also known as Super Pheremones and they affect the Male in Strange ways. People who have been in relationships for long periods of time may not notice it as the male becomes accustomed to them within a few months of being around them but none the less in the beginning stages of a sexual relationship you may notice that your Man is more agressive during the first few days of your period or possible even a day before you start, his brain knows before you do. As for Stinky Pussy Syndrome. I think MOST women suffer from it. I have been asked by more women what I think of the smell of thier pussy than I have what I think about them Naked, it woud seem that particular level of intamacy worries some women if only because they can smell something in thier vaginal area that many other people can't. It's ALL a Pheremone game. If you are conserned about the smell, Also know that there is an Infection that can cause a very bad odor from the Vaginal Secretions, If you really think it is that bad GO SEE YOUR GYNOCOLOGIST AND TELL THEM! The only way to know if there is something WRONG with you is to talk to the people who know. Usually it is a 10 to 15 day medication and after that two or three weeks later you will notice the bad smell going away. My Ex had this problem and it kept coming back so every 6 months or so she had to go back and get the medication again to get rid of it, MOST if not ALL Gynocologists are USED to feilding these kinds of issues so being embarassed is silly as it's thier JOB to answer these kinds of questions. Hopefully I have offered enough info on this subject that you can decide for yourself where you fall. All My Info came from talking to Andi's Gynocologist over the past three years because I love knowing things from a medical standpoint so I ask LOTS of questions after the Exam is done (Which for some reason they never want me in the room for) Steel

SassySarijane -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 8:27:56 AM)
To the OP: You're not alone in that fear. It's one I struggled with too. I also had abuse and think that is a big part of why. The positive reinforcement I've gotten over it has really helped me in dealing with that fear and understanding it's not necessarily true unless you just don't bathe regularly and then it's due to that and the accumulated sweat and other things over a period of time. I've conquered it for the most part which is good, though I don't believe it ever truly goes away due to what another poster said about women being "conditioned" for lack of a better word that they must smell sweet or flowery or such at all times. It's hard to get past it, but it can be done at least mostly. I even took an herbal supplement for awhile that's supposed to help with that as part of overcoming it.

colouredin -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 8:41:41 AM)
Firstly I really need to say that there is very little chance that this is to do with being unclean, I know the feeling that you are describing and I also know the lengths that people can go to keep it clean down there due to insecurity. My big piece of advice then is dont over clean (trust me I have got so many yeast infections due to being an over zealous cleaner you can buy special clensers like fem fresh that allow you to be compulsive with it but are so mild it doesnt matter) Irnoically over cleaning can cause a worse smell. I for example never wear trousers because I am so parranoid about how I smell and honestly because I feel it I will find it hard to tell you how to get over it. All i can really say is that no one I have been with has ever complained about it (and I have the kind of relationships where normally complaining about personal shit isnt a problem) Indeed I have had positive comments about it. I guess its totally in your head and that is completely understandable. I can say that I have never found a womans scent to be unattractive just my own, I think that its a bit like when you hear your own voice and hate it? it always seems far worse to you especially if you have confidence issues.

Musicmystery -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 8:52:16 AM)
~FR~ Women smell like women. Men, incidentally, like women. It's a good thing. ;-)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 9:19:37 AM)
Depends on the scent and the person. For you I'd say to directly discuss this with your dom and work on some exercises to help work through this together.

Catgirl711 -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 11:22:00 AM)
I love the scent of a women. I love my scent too. Sometimes it's stronger, but to me, it isn't "pungent" but "musky". It smells of sex, it smells of desire. Maybe it doesn't smell like roses, but roses don't make me want to jump on them and devour them. I love the scent. It turns me on. I would love to lay my head on my girlfriend's thighs after I made her cum and just drink it all in. It is a lovely smell. The smell of a sexually aroused woman. mmmm .... it turns me on just to think about it.

PanthersMom -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 2:12:39 PM)
as long as you are clean and eat a well balanced diet, avoid the asparagus btw, you should be fine. you are more conscious of it because of your trauma and probably still have very deep seated fears and negative associations with the scent because of what you've been through. you need to concentrate on the positives. you have a good support system, things are better now, and he loves you and your scent. associating it with the positive experience you have now should be helpful. it may take awhile, but keep telling yourself it's one of the things he finds attractive about you. don't let that negative incident have power over your life now. PM

MRandme -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 3:13:23 PM)
As a former victim of abuse, i wanna just say: Good for you!! i am glad to hear that you are conquering your fears and moving past it. No way to forget it, but you can make sure it doesn't rule the rest of your life.[sm=cheering.gif] Perhaps, the way to get used to this idea is for your Dominant to have you smell yourself in some way, while you are orgasming. That should overwrite the bad memories with good ones. Knowing that it is Him you are with, that He likes the way you smell... if you can smell your scent in combination with His, it will make a new smell, still familiar, that will bring pleasant thoughts. If pleasant things are associated with the smell over and over again, your body will learn new signals and a new way of responding to it. You can do this and you will... best wishes to you!

Aynne88 -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 3:30:05 PM)
Not to be wierd or give TMI, but maybe becasue I am very fair, or I drink tons of water, but I don't even notice my scent at all. The first time Sir and I were sexually intimate he later asked me to not be quite so effusive about scrubbing everything down there because there was no natural aroma of a woman's scent. I mean even after he went down on me and kissed me I noticed nothing. So, at his request I stopped some of my I admit extreme cleansing [;)] and now I still think that although my odor is still very faint, it is to me very pleasant and I love it when he kisses me after...hot. Not all women have hang ups about their natural aromas.

bamagirl4u -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 4:50:28 PM)
I think it is a normal concern~~I have had them as well. Men do love the aroma and it arouses them greatly...well...the ones I have been with...Dom men and vanilla men...so don't worry about it. Your Master loves it and you...I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong! [:)]

CalifChick -> RE: To Silence One Voice aka The Debate On Scent (1/10/2009 6:43:28 PM)
This isn't about your scent. Smell is the sense that triggers more emotional memories than any other sense. You have associated the times when your scent is stronger with what happened to you before. You need to dissociate the scent from the memory, and re-associate positive feelings with it. I recommend being on the receiving end of lots of oral sex. LOTS. The kind that has you hanging from the ceiling by your fingernails. ArmchairPsychCali

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