Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Prejudiced over a vanilla cone


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Prejudiced over a vanilla cone Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 10:26:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Every once in a while, you have to laugh at the irony of certain situations.

A few days ago, clip headed to TX as part of his deployment orders to go to Afghanistan.  If Mistress Military ever gets the orders right, he'll be there for a while.  (Yes, I may finally find My way out to TX and Sanctuary after all!)  Then he's off to KS before going out of the country.  Since I do let him play with others, I've been trying to make contacts for him with those in the semi local areas so he can hopefully attend some lifestyle events.  So far, I've contacted people privately and for the most part folks have been very helpful.

Oddly enough, I started thinking about the times I've been the receiver of such a request, rather than the person posing this particular question.  We've had it here on the boards as well.  I thought of those times we've had someone come here and say the equivalent of 'sub is traveling and wants to play' or 'looking for contacts for My sub.'  Usually, they come from someone with one of those wonderful vanilla cones next to their profile.  I know in the past we, including Myself, have shot them down rather quickly  A completely different response than what I have received in the past week.

I'm kind of wondering if the difference really comes down to that silly little cone.   I was hoping to hear what other folks thought of this and their opinions on the subject.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 10:50:11 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Being known in a community counts.  It's not so much that we take what that person claims to be at face value; after all, anyone can post a profile and say whatever he likes about himself.  It's more that the person is willing to step forward and be evaluated on a continuing basis.  Someone who makes an appearance in a community only very rarely, or is asking for contact with others on a first post is trying to reap the rewards of community without putting anything of himself forward.  It would be difficult for me to trust someone who came out of nowhere asking for that kind of contact.  Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my take on it. 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 11:42:39 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think I do respond to the cone in this type of situation mainly because of what I get in my email and how I view the games there.  I often get a dominant, who clearly is a guy presenting as a woman wanting me to inspect or service her submissive by phone, cam or in person.  I know some have been a domina... but none I knew.   If I know of someone and they ask me to do something, that would be viewed differently but most likely the same outcome.  I am not in this for the things outside of a relationship for the most part.

But yes... that cone determine's quite a bit in my responses if there can be anything close to wank... or asking something that I feel is a little foward.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 11:56:09 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Oh heck yeah.  It's tough to live down that "Noob" stigma anywhere. 

Lord knows I got shot down repeatedly when I first started here.  A lot of people assumed I was a fake or an idiot.  (Some have spoken to me enough to know I'm just nuts.)  It takes a certain type of intestinal fortitude to hang in there, keep talking, keep putting your head on the chopping block until people start realizing that you actually are who you claim to be, for good or ill.  But for all the people who were cranky about dealing with the 'Noob'... there were just as many who were helpful and that will help get most true seekers past the dreaded cone. 

*giggle*  One of the funniest things I've ever gotten in my C-mail was a very sweet note from a sub male who said something to the effect of "You are respected on the boards and people listen to what you say."  I thought I would fall out of my chair laughing.  Poor delusional dear.  I told him that just because I post a lot doesn't mean that anyone respects me or listens to what I have to say.  It just means that I get bored and post to much.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 12:15:55 PM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		I've been very lucky, then, as I have yet to get a single rude response or snide comment posted to me either here or in my CM account. In fact, everyone here has been extremely helpful and paitent with me - that's been so appreciated.  But I can easily see where it would be a negative mark for someone to have that vanilla cone, and I can see where those of you who have been here a while might get exasperated with newbies. That seems to happen on every site where there are large influx's of new members, but for the most part, the good members here do what other people on those sites do - welcome newbs such as myself with open arms and keep the grumbling to a minimum. That's really nice.

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 12:22:55 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		For us, it depends on the approach.  The ones that we get are typically an obvious form letter, and usually from the boy rather than a Dominant.  Or we get them from a Dominant and it's all "help me punish him because he's been bad" ... oh please, as if we have time for that shit.

If someone was polite, and appeared genuine - well, we'd still probably decline (as we are not active in the local community and don't play casually), but we wouldn't get out the firing squad.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to T1981)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 12:44:04 PM   
DommeInDelaware


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:


I'm kind of wondering if the difference really comes down to that silly little cone.   I was hoping to hear what other folks thought of this and their opinions on the subject.



For me at least, it's not so much the vanilla cone, but how long they have been a member.  If I saw a posting from someone with a vanilla cone and had just joined, and was asking for out of town opportunities, I would be fairly dismissive of that.  If they had been a member for awhile and had the vanilla cone, I would take the posting more seriously. 

Although what really gets my knickers in a twist are the emails asking me to babysit a submissive as they travel to my state. 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/10/2009 12:52:47 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree... it depends on the approach. And the reasoning behind the requests.
 
Years ago I had a sub that had to fly out to Vegas, he was supposed to be meeting up with another, female sub, to help her drive here. Well, at the last minute, when he had already gotten on the plane... she bailed. Just disappeared. We tried repeatedly to get a hold of her to no avail. So, here we sat with a sub on the way to Vegas and no one to meet him at the airport. I came to collarme, (I hadn't been a member that long) started checking for dominants in Vegas that had recently been online. I emailed several of them, explained the circumstances and asked if any of them would be willing to get a message to him and perhaps put him on a plane back, at our expense of course. One answered me. Just one and thank the Goddess for him. He emailed me back with his phone number and told me to call. Not only was he willing to help, but he had to go to work so he sent his wife to the airport to pick up this man they didn't even know existed a few hours ago. They opened their home to him, showed him Vegas and a wonderful time for the few days it took to get him booked on another flight. It was both a valuable and expensive lesson.
 
So depending on the request and the circumstances then yeah, it's in my Karma out there to help out where I can. If it seems like someone is just looking for wanker material it's normally pretty easy to tell.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 7:45:00 AM   
eponastar


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/19/2004
Status: offline 		I have had several requests and 99% of the time I will not even entertain responding to them. I have only responded to two requests and the first one had ended up being a friend. He was a switch new to my area because of school, and a very nice young man to boot. The second one turned out to be a bit more hellish. A former Domme wanted a playmate for her friend. After talking to her for a bit it turned out that her 'friend' was her former submissive and one that I had already spoken with... *gag* When I informed her that I had no intrest in meeting, talking or playing with her boy, she became irate and called me a fake and demanded entertainment and gave me 'orders' to meet him and what to do and say to him. 

What I don't get is why she and other "Dominants" feel it neccessary to give orders on dealing with their submissives. Or just try and flat out order me to play with their submissive....

As for it being a difference between that little vannilla cone or an extent of paddles next to your name... Absolutly, it will make a difference. I am more likly to respond to an email from someone I have seen yacking it up on the boards. But even someone with paddles next to their name will be ignored if it turns out they are just a wanker looking to get wanked.

First impressions are always paramount. It particuarly helps if you have been seen in the community as well as someone who has some semblance of knowledge about what they are doing.

Wankers.... *sighs* they will never go away will they....


_____________________________

Its not that I hold your leash. Its not that I hold the whip. Its not that I hold the power. Its that you willingly and truly gave it to me.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 9:05:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I have to agree... it depends on the approach. And the reasoning behind the requests.

Years ago I had a sub that had to fly out to Vegas, he was supposed to be meeting up with another, female sub, to help her drive here. Well, at the last minute, when he had already gotten on the plane... she bailed. Just disappeared. We tried repeatedly to get a hold of her to no avail. So, here we sat with a sub on the way to Vegas and no one to meet him at the airport. I came to collarme, (I hadn't been a member that long) started checking for dominants in Vegas that had recently been online. I emailed several of them, explained the circumstances and asked if any of them would be willing to get a message to him and perhaps put him on a plane back, at our expense of course. One answered me. Just one and thank the Goddess for him. He emailed me back with his phone number and told me to call. Not only was he willing to help, but he had to go to work so he sent his wife to the airport to pick up this man they didn't even know existed a few hours ago. They opened their home to him, showed him Vegas and a wonderful time for the few days it took to get him booked on another flight. It was both a valuable and expensive lesson.

So depending on the request and the circumstances then yeah, it's in my Karma out there to help out where I can. If it seems like someone is just looking for wanker material it's normally pretty easy to tell.

Jewel


All I'm going to say on the open board is WOW!  I almost don't even know how to respond here.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to eponastar)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 9:26:20 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		I think the ice-cream cone is just one of the factors that gets taken into account.  Anyone can get an account here on collarme and post trollish messages to the boards with very little effort.  On the other hand, it seems unlikely that somebody will go to the extent of posting, say, thirty or forty or a hundred messages to the boards before starting a troll thread.

So, if I see something borderline trollish from an established poster, I tend to assume that they just didn't express themself very well and probably aren't just looking for something to wank to.  If they've spent several hours posting to other threads, then either they're genuine or they've kind of earnt their wank.

It also depends very much on the nature of the request.  If somebody I didn't know mailed me to ask about the scene in my area, I'd be as helpful as my time allowed[1]; on the other hand, if they asked if I knew anyone who'd top their sub while they were in the area, I'd probably assume they were trolling.

It also also depends on how much effort I think the person has made.  If they seem to have done some research on their own, I'm much more inclined to help.

beeble.

[1] Which wouldn't actually be very helpful, as I know nothing about it.  But, in principle, I'd be helpful.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 9:33:36 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		It absolutely comes down to the cone...if you asked me to find someone reliable for clip, then i would do my level best to help you out. i "know" you and would be willing to vouch for clip to my friends....if someone i had no history with at all approached and had no history to observe on the boards either....then no way. Thats just the way things are....

And as for the post Jewel put up....wow doesnt even begin to cover how i feel about that!...mebbe a Wowweeeee!..... Thats amazing!

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 10:08:01 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		As a not so far from the "cone" person, I knew coming on here that not everyone, but some local people who know Me, would take Me too seriously.  I even have in My profile a pretty simple statement "These would be just words to most.  If you want to know Me, then do so by interacting with Me".  So as I sit here next to LadyP, I smile as She types away Her responses to people and Her emails.  I have been contacted by a total of 3 people on this site (2 were Males, by the way), and I have contacted no one.  I am not a fan of trollish behavior, but after all, is not even posting a bit trollish, since we seek to make contacts with people here?  I have seen the complete generosity of lifestyle people in person and also online, so I am not sure if I would completely dismiss the vanilla cone, but I would also look for other posts from said "cone" and make a determination as best I could.  I am just thankful that I have LadyP and all of Our other friends who have unselfishly shown Me many things.

For those who have tried to help clip, I do thank you.  As I am headed back to Korea in a few days, I know that you are there to help, since I am so far away and can not.  he is a good boy and I do not like when he has to deploy any more then She does. 

I am glad that things worked out for You Jewel.  It is great that someone took him in without knowing You and him from a hole in the wall.  There is still more humanity in this lifestyle then I put into most vanillas I know.

MrP 

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:18:48 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		To be honest, I've spent time posting on the polls and humor board, partly to get comfortable and partly to remove the stigma.  As a newcomer myself, I don't put stock in the tag which is purely volume-based.  On the other side, it's difficult not to take a poster seriously who has thousands of posts to their credit. 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:28:48 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		A situation like you describe, Jewel, I would absolutely make an effort to help out.  I would just hope and pray that the person needing assistance wasn't allergic to animals.  At the very least, we would go pick the poor person up and let them know what happened, let them use our cell to call home, and take them out to dinner before finding them a nice hotel to stay at.  We'd also stay in touch to make sure that they got home safe, etc. 

I'm just glad that we haven't had that problem so far.  What a horrible situation to be put into.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:40:56 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I do pay attention to the cone, unless I know the person from elsewhere, or if they are someone returning to the boards.  Look at Rainfire, for instance---though I am sure she de-coned herself within a day.  (that sounds rather pervy...)   Still, lots of posts is just...lots of posts!   Weren't we high posters accused of being Collarme Bullies in some (now pulled) thread?

Jewel, that is one amazing story.  Good folks attract other good folks!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:44:00 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, my goodness!  I so want to get a badge made up that says "Official CollarMe Bully."  Maybe I haven't posted enough for that.  Maybe I'm only a 'bullyette.'

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:48:00 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Oh, my dear, you are but an amateur!!!  Some of my pals have more than twenty thousand posts!  Not *meaningful* posts, of course, but certainly thoughts sucking up the bandwidth!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:49:56 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

To be honest, I've spent time posting on the polls and humor board, partly to get comfortable and partly to remove the stigma.  As a newcomer myself, I don't put stock in the tag which is purely volume-based.  On the other side, it's difficult not to take a poster seriously who has thousands of posts to their credit. 

yours



i once spent an entire day just reading all the stupid jokes and putting up smileys to up my count. i dont know what the f*** is making me admit that, other than im overdue for a beating.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Prejudiced over a vanilla cone - 1/11/2009 11:51:27 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Just a few more weeks, missy.....

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Prejudiced over a vanilla cone Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094