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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/10/2009 7:46:03 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Marie's advice--"Let go"--is probably the best. But I'm feeling furious on your behalf so here's an attempt at an alternative.

How important is this woman's reputation to her? You might writer her a letter saying, roughly, "You stole my mother's husband. Weren't adultery and homewrecking enough? Do you have to steal her legacy too?" Tell her that if the bowl is not returned within 48 hours you will cc the letter to her minister, employer (if she has one), friends, neighbors, doctors, any organizations to which she belongs, etc. Tell her you'll also publish it as an ad in the local paper. If public humiliation is the price of the bowl, she may decide it's too expensive.

Caveats: (a) Before doing this, you might want to consult a lawyer to make sure you don't set yourself up for slander/defamation charges. (b) There's the risk that this tactic will arouse sympathy for her.

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/10/2009 8:23:44 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with the "Let go" 's.   I know it seems important now, but it's only a thing.  You will always have your parents' memories in your heart, and no one can take those from you, but the bowl is just a thing. 

My stepmother kept everything of my dad's with her when he died, rather than carrying out his wishes for things to go to the grandchildren, my sister and I, etc.  She tried to use it to manipulate us all, saying she'd think about giving things to us after six months IF we kept coming to visit her...."visit" meaning mooching money off us, taking advantage of us for things that she was perfectly capable of doing herself, etc.  We made the choice to walk away, and we have no regrets. 

Keeping your own self-respect and having peace of mind are worth more than any material object, regardless of its monetary value.     

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/10/2009 8:25:03 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

Marie's advice--"Let go"--is probably the best. But I'm feeling furious on your behalf so here's an attempt at an alternative.

How important is this woman's reputation to her? You might writer her a letter saying, roughly, "You stole my mother's husband. Weren't adultery and homewrecking enough? Do you have to steal her legacy too?" Tell her that if the bowl is not returned within 48 hours you will cc the letter to her minister, employer (if she has one), friends, neighbors, doctors, any organizations to which she belongs, etc. Tell her you'll also publish it as an ad in the local paper. If public humiliation is the price of the bowl, she may decide it's too expensive.

Caveats: (a) Before doing this, you might want to consult a lawyer to make sure you don't set yourself up for slander/defamation charges. (b) There's the risk that this tactic will arouse sympathy for her.


Don't forget extortion....

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 12:07:25 AM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		I might have missed something but if you Dad took it out of your house, apartment than that was stealing. If he didn't ask you for it. Do you have anything in writing or on tape saying that you could have the bowl back? If it was taken from you it is your bowl to begin with..


(in reply to Lorr47)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 12:45:58 AM   
SnugasaBug


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		I just saw my neighbor go through  long drawn out court sessions regarding possessions between him and his son, after his wife died. The total cost, was probably more expensive than the things they argued about.
 
I would just go and get it, if you have access. Then prepare for legal fight if you think she will go that route. Hope it works out. I would also be interested to hear how it all works out.
 
Snug

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 3:35:28 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I had to deal with a greedy cousin after my grandmother's death 3 years ago.


that happens more. Before my grandmother closed her eyes..soem people already had devided the goods.
That was so damn painfull...
Those who cared for her were almost left empty handed.

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 3:43:38 AM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

I had to deal with a greedy cousin after my grandmother's death 3 years ago.


that happens more. Before my grandmother closed her eyes..soem people already had devided the goods.
That was so damn painfull...
Those who cared for her were almost left empty handed.


I have been there.  We went to court and got the property back.  In fact, it was a step mother who was 7 years younger than me.  She would have thrown any of us in the can if we tried self help.


< Message edited by Lorr47 -- 1/11/2009 3:47:11 AM >

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 3:59:24 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i appreciate all the advice and will consider all my options.  Lorr thanks for the legal tip. i do want to do this legally if i can.   As far as talking about what she did etc to my family - she has no guilt as she doesn't feel they did anything wrong to anyone.  She rationalizes and justifies her actions, i wouldn't even go there.  i would just end up looking vindictive and crazy to those i told.  And i don't want harassment charges brought against me.  i would go up when she is not home but her daughter lives with her and she doesn't work and has a child so she is always home.  i also think they have that bowl under lock and key.  i might try one day.  She stole so much none of you can ever fathom - the turmoil she caused, that pain etc... now something that was mine given to me by my deceased mother years ago that was a present from my father... why she thinks shes entitled to it is so far beyond me it's incomprehensible.   i am sick about this whole thing.  Thanks to everyone for the advice. 

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 7:28:26 AM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I lost my dad also two years ago. He mad up  living will to avoid all the probate stuff, we were fully aware that his estate would go to her as she was his wife and primary caretakers for many years. I used to go spend about a month with him if I was in Texas and give her a break for the constant caring.

What devastated me was the minute he died, it was all about her and her family and we were left out of speaking at his memorial service, made to feel not wanted. I have anxiety disorder and during the service as she as having yet another of her family speak that knew nothing about has vitality of life and humor I interrupted the service and said that it was due his well family to be able to speak. None of my other family would step up. I didn't care less if she was angry or not. It had been apparently for several years she was just waiting for him to die so she had assets to go do what she wanted.  She I spoke up for my dad informing them that contrary to what the previous speakers said about him being papa, that he was pops or Dad, that anything else someone that didn't live their full live with him would know.

After the memorial service she had the audacity to have a 'small' table of personal effect for his real children to go through to include a used tooth brush of all things. I had asked her previous that since the times I stayed with them one of the things we enjoyed was using his old binoculars and with his failing eye sight would call me and and say look at that who/what is that on my lake.  She said no to the newer one but I could have to old one falling apart which of course was the one I want. I also asked her under no pressure since I knew she was selling the house that if she didn't keep the chair he would go sit in less and less as he got more ill if I could have it also since that was my safe spot in the house.

We had asked for his papers regarding his death but were never forth coming

At the end of it all she went though all she packed boxes of crap and said okay you can have all this but you need it out by x date.   Now all this stuff sits in a storage unit which I pay and I can even get my brother sister or any family to go check on it even though it has an antique I just cant get from Texas to NY.

Personally I don't hold anything against her since she did play a song I requested and that in the end we I got to speak for him, and my uncle and his brother jumped in when I was finished.

I don't begrudge the property is just things, I have only fond memory and by miracle became the keeper of all of his first family of photographs, since she had no use for them

I regret it couldn't have been a joint effort and she made us feel less than wanted at the service but regardless of her leaving use about participation of the memorial service, I got angry enough to stand up and speak about the person that make sure we happy a wonderful childhood. 

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 8:35:01 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Ok I haven't read the whole thread so I could be repeating what someone else has said.
My advice is to take the bowl and deal with any consequences if and when they arise.
I doubt very much if there will be any.
As far as I am concerned possession goes a long way to proving ownership.
As long as your conscience is clear then I wouldn't hesitate.
Direct action usually wins the day.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 8:54:31 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Let me know when peeps start talking about the OP and the bowl again.  Personally, I'm torn between "just go get it" and "go see a lawyer". 


Cali


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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 8:58:10 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'd say a combo of the 2, Cali.  Contact a lawyer, discuss the situation, then go get it. :D

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 9:05:25 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know.  Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time believing that the OP is seriously asking a forum of internet people if she can sue.  Now, before you guys get all over me...yeah, I know some of you and I know you're more than just "internet people" but come on!  If the op wants legal advice and I don't mean opinions, but advice, she should really contact a lawyer in her state.

Having said that, I'm with the let it go people.  Hey, I can be an "internet person" too, yanno.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 9:05:38 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, when my grandmother died, she was buried with a bracelet that was "promised" to one of her grandchildren...and it was done by accident by the funeral home, so guess what....they EXHUMED her....over a 40 dollar fake assed bracelet from Sears or some such nonsense. i was horrified but somehow, not surprised. That whole side of the family was dysfunctional.

i only bring this up to illustrate that the OP will probably not win if she doesnt just go and get the bowl and let the woman sue her to get it back. In the end, no matter how valuable the item is, its just not going to go her way. It will hurt for years when she thinks of it...but in time, hopefully she will see that focussing on the item itself is just a way to not focus on the loss of the person.
As hard as it is, try to comport yourself in as dignified a way as possible out of respect for your relationship to your father. My heart goes out to you and yours.

~perse~

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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 9:10:21 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Okay, when my grandmother died, she was buried with a bracelet that was "promised" to one of her grandchildren...and it was done by accident by the funeral home, so guess what....they EXHUMED her....over a 40 dollar fake assed bracelet from Sears or some such nonsense. i was horrified but somehow, not surprised. That whole side of the family was dysfunctional.
~perse~


.... wow


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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 11:15:58 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I'd say a combo of the 2, Cali.  Contact a lawyer, discuss the situation, then go get it. :D

i agree. Legal advice will help


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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/11/2009 1:25:26 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Let me know when peeps start talking about the OP and the bowl again.  Personally, I'm torn between "just go get it" and "go see a lawyer". 


Cali




or.... Let the lawyer get it lol

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/12/2009 6:40:46 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i am sorry you had that experience Savage, i am glad you got a chance to speak your piece. 

i do plan to consult an attorney and ask about my rights, but today i am going to go to small claims court and sue her myself.  Perhaps just getting the notice will give her second thoughts, let her know i am serious. 

i don't put much faith in lawyers, nor do i trust them all that much.  i had a long drawn out battle for my daughters birth injury which was the doctors fault, hired the second leading medical malpractice attorney in the country and he said we had an open and shut case.  Well he never prepared me for loosing and it was devastating.  Only those who spend years waiting for that final court date and all the preparation beforehand can really understand. 

Thank you all for your help and advice. 


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RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/12/2009 6:55:11 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I'm NOT with the "let it go" people--how on earth can anyone give you that kind of advice without knowing what the object means to you?  All they're saying is what THEY'D do if it were some Chinese bowl that didn't mean anything to them beyond its monetary value.

I'm with the "call a lawyer" people.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Legal Inquiry - 1/12/2009 7:31:42 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		L&M makes some valid point insofar as items having sentimental value and, at best, the only thing we can offer is how we'd deal with the situation were we in it and based upon our own values.

While we know this bowl belonged to your deceased mother and clearly represents another link to your mother, what does it actually mean to you (no need to tell us, it's rhetorical) and if it were within your financial wherewithall, to what extent are you prepared to go in order to have the bowl returned to you?

I would like to think that opportunistic greedy sons and daughters of bitches will reap nothing but sorrow when they gain something from another's misery - it may take some time, but ultimately, our actions do tend to come back to bite us in the arse at a later date.

I hope the bowl ends up in its rightful place - only you can decide where that place shall be.

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