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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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For those who say they told their spouse and their spouse was disgusted by it, hey, at least you actually had the balls to come out with it and try, kudos.

In that situation.....if the partner..kinda says no.....is that really make you gonna feel better?

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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For those who say they told their spouse and their spouse was disgusted by it, hey, at least you actually had the balls to come out with it and try, kudos.

In that situation.....if the partner..kinda says no.....is that really make you gonna feel better?

*Giving sideways head confused puppy look* What does it have to do with feeling better or worse? I do not understand. That did not even cross my mind when I posted. It had nothing to do with anyone feeling better or worse at all.

My thinking is that if someone is important enough to you that you choose to marry them and spend your life with them (even if down the road it doesn't work out for whatever reasons) then don't they deserve that honesty from you, to know how you feel and if your wants and needs have changed so they have the information and opportunity to make their own choices and decisions with as much relevent info as possible? If you don't talk to them about it openly and honestly then how do you know they have no interest in it or are turned off or disgusted by it when you never gave them the chance? There are those who say they "can't" tell their spouse for those exact reasons listed and yet if they never told then how can they honestly know that for sure?

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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For those who say they told their spouse and their spouse was disgusted by it, hey, at least you actually had the balls to come out with it and try, kudos.

In that situation.....if the partner..kinda says no.....is that really make you gonna feel better?

*Giving sideways head confused puppy look* What does it have to do with feeling better or worse? I do not understand. That did not even cross my mind when I posted. It had nothing to do with anyone feeling better or worse at all.

My thinking is that if someone is important enough to you that you choose to marry them and spend your life with them (even if down the road it doesn't work out for whatever reasons) then don't they deserve that honesty from you, to know how you feel and if your wants and needs have changed so they have the information and opportunity to make their own choices and decisions with as much relevent info as possible? If you don't talk to them about it openly and honestly then how do you know they have no interest in it or are turned off or disgusted by it when you never gave them the chance? There are those who say they "can't" tell their spouse for those exact reasons listed and yet if they never told then how can they honestly know that for sure?

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ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane


*Giving sideways head confused puppy look* What does it have to do with feeling better or worse? I do not understand. That did not even cross my mind when I posted. It had nothing to do with anyone feeling better or worse at all.

My thinking is that if someone is important enough to you that you choose to marry them and spend your life with them (even if down the road it doesn't work out for whatever reasons) then don't they deserve that honesty from you, to know how you feel and if your wants and needs have changed so they have the information and opportunity to make their own choices and decisions with as much relevent info as possible? If you don't talk to them about it openly and honestly then how do you know they have no interest in it or are turned off or disgusted by it when you never gave them the chance? There are those who say they "can't" tell their spouse for those exact reasons listed and yet if they never told then how can they honestly know that for sure?

Yes, there are surely people like this around, in fact one of them is in my house. (Yes it's me)  It's interesting that you "quoted" "can't" in your post, suggesting perhaps that it is too strong a word.  There are people who "can't" quit all sorts of addictive behaviours unless they have the tools and support to do so. 

yours

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It is too strong a word in my opinion actually. It's not that one can't, it's that they won't or don't for whatever reason whether fear of losing the spouse over it or whatever (not thinking about the time when the spouse will likely discover what's been going on and that they've been lied to and leave you anyway and be extra nasty about it because of the lies and hiding). Lying and hiding sends a message to the one you are doing it to that they have lost their importance in your life, that they don't mean enough to you for you to be honest with them and communicate with them and give them the opportunity to make their choice for happiness as you are making yours.

Can you please clarify what your addictive behavior is because it's actually coming off from how you worded it that your addiction is lying to your spouse and hiding things from your spouse and I'm betting that was not your intention when you typed it.

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ORIGINAL: needngreed

Are these things running rampant and does anyone else see this the same way as I do or am I the only one that has found this offensive and frustrating?

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane



For those who say they told their spouse and their spouse was disgusted by it, hey, at least you actually had the balls to come out with it and try, kudos.

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ORIGINAL: thishereboi

....Yes, but if she is ok with lying to her husband, what makes you think she is going to be truthful with you?

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I have found that people who lie to one person, usually lie to anyone they meet.

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If someone feels the need to cheat on their spouse, that is between them, but I would not seek a relationship there.

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ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I know what you mean.. These Dominants are terrible people.. I mean, you can't come across one who's not the controlling type, as they like to be bossy and order you about.

Not only that, when you meet them it gets much worse. I mean, some of these Dominants like to hurt you, they humiliate you and tie you up and some of them hit you. They might call them 'toys' but some of the things they hit you with cause pain and really hurt. Even when they're not into hitting you and hurting you they're into mindgames and trying to control your mind. Oh and they like sticking things in you as well, you know, long things and funny things with bits hanging off them, and they will stick them in any one of your holes.

I agree with the OP, these things are running rampant..

I don't know what the world is coming to today, I really don't.

stella

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ORIGINAL: YoursMistress




I used that example of trying to change an ingrained behaviour as it seemed easier to make the point.  In my own case, our patterns of communications (and lack thereof) consist(ed) of pushing each other's buttons and responding in kind, with both of us frustrated in result and blaming the other.  There is also my hiding of my desires and interests out or fear of communicating them in that fashion.  I am finding some solace in an AlAnon program to help with the recognition of and repairing of compensating behaviours learned long ago.  Collaborative divorce is our solution to the rest.  Thank you very much for your concern and interest.  :)

yours

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ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane



For those who say they told their spouse and their spouse was disgusted by it, hey, at least you actually had the balls to come out with it and try, kudos.

I understood your remark as if it was ok to cheat when the cheater told his partner....even when the partner disagreed.
You called telling it..having balls. But still it would be cheating, aslong as the partner disagrees.

I couldn't see the connection between "against cheating" and "it is ok when he tells his partner even when the partner is against it"
Because both are cheating...lol..and the second part is even more cruel.

So I wondered if you would accept the second (telling-disagreeing one) because it were your words. Would it make you feel better if a certain person did such to be with you.

mmm I hope it makes sense now..having problem with the english tonight.

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ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I know what you mean.. These Dominants are terrible people.. I mean, you can't come across one who's not the controlling type, as they like to be bossy and order you about.

Not only that, when you meet them it gets much worse. I mean, some of these Dominants like to hurt you, they humiliate you and tie you up and some of them hit you. They might call them 'toys' but some of the things they hit you with cause pain and really hurt. Even when they're not into hitting you and hurting you they're into mindgames and trying to control your mind. Oh and they like sticking things in you as well, you know, long things and funny things with bits hanging off them, and they will stick them in any one of your holes.

I agree with the OP, these things are running rampant..

I don't know what the world is coming to today, I really don't.

stella

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ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

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ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I know what you mean.. These Dominants are terrible people.. I mean, you can't come across one who's not the controlling type, as they like to be bossy and order you about.

Not only that, when you meet them it gets much worse. I mean, some of these Dominants like to hurt you, they humiliate you and tie you up and some of them hit you. They might call them 'toys' but some of the things they hit you with cause pain and really hurt. Even when they're not into hitting you and hurting you they're into mindgames and trying to control your mind. Oh and they like sticking things in you as well, you know, long things and funny things with bits hanging off them, and they will stick them in any one of your holes.

I agree with the OP, these things are running rampant..

I don't know what the world is coming to today, I really don't.

stella

Dominants figure once a sub or thrall is their's, by collaring them, they can do what ever they want and how ever they want without any thought as to your continued physical and mental well being. To be treated as less than human and as an object would eventually result in sub or thrall reaching their breaking point. This is great fun to some dominants, they break someone and then toss them away because they are no longer a challenge and then do the same thing to someone else.
Honestly, if a dominant has that much disregard for another a life, to simply discard someone, then they really do not belong in this lifestyle and perhaps they need to get a job in the penal system or locked up. Such a dominant gives the good dominants a bad name. To have such disregard for the well-being of someone willing to instill such trust in them and have it betrayed, such dominants are no better than murderers and rapists and should be locked up.

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ORIGINAL: colouredin

Polyamory is differant from cheating though Maxwell.

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ORIGINAL: SassySarijane


My thinking is that if someone is important enough to you that you choose to marry them and spend your life with them (even if down the road it doesn't work out for whatever reasons) then don't they deserve that honesty from you, to know how you feel and if your wants and needs have changed so they have the information and opportunity to make their own choices and decisions with as much relevent info as possible? If you don't talk to them about it openly and honestly then how do you know they have no interest in it or are turned off or disgusted by it when you never gave them the chance? There are those who say they "can't" tell their spouse for those exact reasons listed and yet if they never told then how can they honestly know that for sure?