subtoFemDommes
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quote:
subtlesubie: In other words, it is nearly hopeless. The sub male is the most expendable, least respected, lowest position in the bdsm hierarchy - the chances of a male sub meeting anyone is remote, let alone someone who they might really click with. The good dommes are all taken and the single ones are either implacable
Where does one begin? First of all, there's a lot of good advice that's already been given (LadyJulieAnn's not regarding anecdotal evidence would be first and foremost on my list).
As one who's lived an entire life during which i tried to "fit in" by engaging in vanilla relationships (always trying to coax, suggest, or otherwise, sometimes not so subtly introduce my desires into the mix) and when that didn't go anywhere, seeking out D/s liaisons which led to engaging in intimacies with people i otherwise had little or nothing in common with (i've found better ways to get depressed now, i just watch cable news) and then going back to the vanilla world of personality profiled dating online (well, if our personalities match on all other levels, maybe they'll match on some unlisted ones too...) Finally, a sort of integration of all three, which is to say, seeking out those with whom i'd have a wide basis for compatibility established by patient communication that was inspired by their ability to present themselves cogently on matters other than D/s issues and go on from there to explore the nature of our common D/s based desires.
So what have i learned? From my forays into the world of modern vanilla dating, that no one has it easy; just log onto any of the major sites, such as Match, Yahoo, etc., and pick a demographic of either sex and then go back over the next year and check the lists out again. What you'll find is that most of those people will be there, some for years, even though they look good (and they will update their pics so that you can tell they're recent) and they can communicate and seem to be perfectly reasonable candidates for a relationship. And they don't want anyone to bind them from the girders of a famous public structure while coated in colorful latex and filled with remotely controlled insertables (aside to Mistress Hathor: just a literary device Ma'am ... latex isn't my thing and private places are ... but of course, that's all up to You, Ma'am <smile>). So Dommes/Doms, subs/slaves ... Here's the good/bad news: No one has it easy when it comes to finding a meaningful LTR. No one.
More importantly, i learned that one has to be more, not less discriminating, without being an unrealistic idiot, something that this modern age of objectification (really folks, we fetishists are put to shame by the modern marketing machine when it comes to this) can pervert your desires to, when it comes to the most valuable experience you can ever hope to have, a real, live, caring human being to share the truth of who you are with. And there lies the crux of the matter; in this world of D and s, acts are just acts. All they serve to do is reveal desire and (hopefully) promote bonding, but only in the context of a greater relationship built on acceptance and truth.
What you will come to learn, in the course of being truer to yourself and not compromising or bemoaning your situation dear subtle, is that in communicating with others, from the people who relate on these forums to the Dommes whom you will approach in this manner, regarding Them as Humans first, prospective partners second and never as simply the potential answer to the angst of your unmet submissive desires, is that you will grow a new respect for yourself, you will consider new possibilities and those whom you otherwise might not have had a full appreciation for, and in doing so, you will change.
You'll come to drop the angst and appreciate the humanity within yourself and others (yes, Dommes want to be appreciated for the Human, the Woman, the Person they are, not just the "Bitch with a whip who makes you quiver"). And the change will not be unnoticed; suddenly, absent of desperation and willing to simply open yourself up to both reveal the person who wishes to love and show it through your submission and is patient and open to the needs of others, you will distinguish yourself from that quivering sea of desperation out there.
Women want quality, not quantity, subtle, and guess what? You can be the quality they want. It's obvious from the way you've posed your question here that you're capable of looking beneath the surface; now what you have to do is reveal what's below your surface, who's the human that compliments the submissive desires and caring? Believe me, Women Want to Know.
It has taken me years to meet the few Dommes i've been fortunate enough to have gotten to know, with whom there's been a true potential for something greater than each of (U)us alone; over the last 4 months i've spent a huge amount of time communicating with Mistress Hathor, an experience that i will always treasure (and i say that in anticipation of meeting Her <loooong daydream moment there> without knowing what the outcome may be) and the reason i can say this, is that by following the precepts i've discussed here we've come to share so much about the values, truths, hopes and fears, visions and wishes and the people who are a part of our lives, that before even meeting we've both gained something unalterable, invaluable and yes, sacred.
And yet, having said that, there is one simple, straightforward underlying quality in the nature of the relationship we've started to forge that stands out whenever i think of Her ... i like Her! ... Yes, so simple, so wonderful to know -- here is a Human, a Woman ... whom i like. And it's only because we have spent the patient time getting to know each other, sharing of ourselves in so many ways other than our D/s needs that i can say that in a truly meaningful way. In other words, we didn't let the angst (yes, (W)we've both known it) or the D/s get in the way of the very roots of who we are as people sharing those truths. And for both, that was more important than any other element (W)we'd come to CM to find. Stand on your truths, subtle, trumpet them to the winds, share who you are and love the chance to do so. You may be very surprised at what (and Who) comes your way to listen with love and affection, completely oblivious to the babble of those who don't have a clue about doing the same.
Good luck and good times to you....
< Message edited by subtoFemDommes -- 1/7/2006 12:47:49 AM >
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Question for the male subs - 
Profile
) and that's what probably keeps everybody in this crazy game.
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