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Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:09:46 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		If you have been married before  and you have left that marrige and now see the situation as you had married the wrong person, how do you feel about that person you married ?

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:13:58 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Happened to me.  I keep on as good terms as possible with the woman because we have a child together and need to keep her interests in mind.

But I did NOT marry the wrong person.  She changed after childbirth into someone very different.  After a few years of waiting for her to change back, I realized it would not happen.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:21:54 PM   
KneelforAnne


Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hello ...

This has not happened to me, but I have heard that it happens a lot in marriages where there are offspring...the women change drastically after childbirth.  I wonder if it is just a primal shift of priority, or a change in hormones or something else... just wondering. 

Best,

~anne

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:23:20 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I've been married and am now divorced.  I can't say I feel like I married the "wrong person", because when I married him, I felt like he was the right person.   Things changed, the marriage changed and eventually came tumbling down after a couple of decades.  At this point, I don't even like him, but it isn't because the marriage ended, it's because of who he is and how he behaves.   He's still the same person I married, and I'm not mad at him or anything like that, I just feel indifferent about him. 

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:25:28 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I know of the change, as to what causes it, that I am clueless, but can as many do, speculate. The point of my question, though I do welcome the replies so far, is directed more towards a person who has experienced marriage, without the change caused by UM birth.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 6:33:12 PM   
rooibos


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		I was married for half a decade, got married pretty young, and although I did everything I could...it ended abruptly. I can point fingers of hate towards how she left and some other factors in the divorce, but the honest truth is that I don't think you can ever stop loving someone once you truly do. It's been awhile and you move on sure, but I'll always love her and have her memories written on several things. Love is an ode for cruelty sometimes, but best of luck moving forward.

< Message edited by rooibos -- 1/13/2009 6:34:51 PM >

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:11:59 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		was married for 2 years..found out I did not know who I was marrying.. so definitely the wrong person..I needed the police to get out of .. and had to get a restraining order .... we have not spoken to each other since the court divorce date some 25 years ago

< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 1/13/2009 7:13:22 PM >

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:17:45 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Most of the times when I see this situation happen it is because the two people changed and grew in different directions.  They were right for each other for a while but not for a lifetime.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:25:25 PM   
rooibos


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with the last post, although usually it only takes one person to change. Sometimes forever ends. You never have to end your vows though if that sort of thing is important to you. You can still move on and love that person despite who they have become, it just might be a more distant emotion than envisioned once upon a time.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:30:20 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Aneirin

We are good friends and we co-raised our children...if in different households. It was tough at first with lots of hard feelings but we both got over that and remembered what good friends we were before the marriage.

Like anything you have a choice...with me it was to keep the resentment and let it interfere in raising my two daughters properly... or get over it and move on with life.

I'm sure it would have been different without children because there would be no reason to communicate.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 1/13/2009 7:32:17 PM >

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:31:34 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I was married for roughly a decade and while I still care for (and yes I guess in a way love) her, I will never forgive her for what she did during the divorce process.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 7:39:01 PM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

If you have been married before  and you have left that marrige and now see the situation as you had married the wrong person, how do you feel about that person you married ?


I grew up he didn't. If I feel anything about him, it is sadness. He has missed so much wonderful stuff, so very much. He has no idea what wonderfully awesome human beings our two children grew up to be. He will very likely never even meet his grandchildren. So yeah, sadness for his loss, if anything.

As for love, no. There is nothing of any emotion left at all. If anything it just feels like the memory of a book I once read or a movie I saw, years ago. That life feels too surreal to me now, like it was someone else, not me, that did it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/13/2009 7:42:10 PM >

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:04:43 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Came and went, end of story.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:08:33 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

If you have been married before  and you have left that marrige and now see the situation as you had married the wrong person, how do you feel about that person you married ?


Great question Aneirin!
My ex and I are great friends.  I hope we will be friends forever.
I don't meet many people that have this type of relationship.
I cherish our friendship, and I know he would always help me out, as I would always help him out.
He does so much computer and remodeling work for my sister in law{and now her brother that bought an old home}, I can't get him to help me out! 
He often tells me about drama in MY family before I even get the 411.


He is engaged to a woman from the Phillippines, I look forward to meeting her, and
I plan to dance like this at his wedding.
 
 YouTube - sofia boutella hung up

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/13/2009 8:25:13 PM >

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To Each His/Her Own
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"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:09:04 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Divorce is a tough process,and can lead to many harsh moments.....but bottom line she is and will allways be the mother of my only child.....and for that I will allways love her.

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:19:32 PM   
Celene


Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		I have been married before and I have left that marriage but I don't see it as I had married the wrong person. I no longer am married to him because he was no longer the right person - but he is still the father of our (grown) child and I am grateful that we had that time together and I am sorry that it came and went as someone else put it.
But things are what they are and I feel happy for the good times, sad for the loss.
To call it a mistake wouldn't be saying much for my judgement or about our offspring. He's a good man and I wish only the best for him....and our kid. But alas, I'm gone - he'll have to take second best.   (ain't I just fulla, er, myself?)

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:28:12 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I came to understand she outgrew my pocketbook..now her husband of 11 years works two jobs and still can't keep her up..miss her? Not a bit.But I hate the images she left in the life's of our kids...that I will never forgive and it seems they can't either. one is moving to Cal to get away from her..at least they still call me..shugs..

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:51:18 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Looks like I am one of the few still buds, with
the old ball and chain.

IMHO, one of the main reasons we are friends is because, we separated before
things got really bad and nasty.
I have found many just hang in there too long, and then it gets real ugly.
If we had not separated when we did, I doubt we would have the friendship we have
today.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/13/2009 8:54:21 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 8:51:48 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I was married before but I wouldn't say he was the wrong person for me, because we had a beautiful son together. I'm a firm believer that what happens in our lives is meant to be.


girly

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RE: Marriage past ? - 1/13/2009 9:02:39 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I married someone I thought I knew... I just messed up a lil bit in an area I couldn't have known.  They didn't get that part that vowed to love in sickness and in health.  He was the same person I married, just an aspect of him I didn't know.  I did that twice though... so... I am no longer going on words of commitment and love... but actual signs I learned from others! lol  So I evolved... they felt like shit and yet... I hope they evolved to! 

I think they needed more a vacation from the challenges... because they wanted to come back.  But sorry... diss me once because I am sick... be nasty to me over it... I might forgive in the sense of not holding it against you in being friendly, but I don't want to test those water's again! lol

We were right in that moment in time... but time brings changes we cannot always prepare for or know what we will do in.  So in that moment they were the right person... but later on.. they couldn't be the right person for the hell that came about.  Now.. I know more about the kind of person that is right for this moment in time. I might not know that so well if I hadn't been hurt and experienced them.  But at the same time... anyone who comes into my life now... will benefit from these men.  He will be valued above all other's with good reason! lol

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