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A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 6:22:09 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		And so I ask here, the subject of attitude and what does it say about a person, do you sub or dom prefer a person who is easy going or rigid in their beliefs ?

Can you explain your preference, is it what you prefer in the person you know, as a person, or as a BDSM partner ?

Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?


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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 6:37:59 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		I like people that have beliefs and doesn't get swayed by every new fad or concept. That said, I think being able to adapt to new situations with new behaviors or attitudes is the only way people move forward in their lives. I know those sound sort of contradictory, but really they aren't.

For example say someone has a belief that d/s is the right way for them to live. that is a belief that they hold for the long term. say that they are faced with a new job that requires them to do something different than their old job. I think someone that can adapt to the new job is "better" than someone that can't and is frozen in one mindset.


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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 6:44:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They should be rigid about staying true to who they are and fluid with what that means.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 6:50:29 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I like a person who is a little of both. There's a place and a time for both.

They should be rigid and firm in their beliefs and morals but yet relaxed and laidback in their personality.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/13/2009 6:52:39 PM >

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 6:54:27 PM   
stardancer00


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		Rigidity to me implies fear and  a perspective that is tinted by that fear.  Being open  to life as  it is,  allowing oneself  to experience whatever comes,  being  creative,  is not really possible against that  kind   of rigid approach.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:01:56 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I love easy going all the way.  I am easy going, until I have reason to not be and then I am determined and very firm.  Rigid doesn't play into anything unless... well... okay I am sure a few of you have a few idea's. (And size does matter.. to some degree!)  But rigid better not be in attitude on either side of things.  Life is too short for the wrong kind of rigid.

I don't see not being ridid as swaying in the wind.  I think there is more room for a middle ground.  Bending like a tree in the wind has proven to be a better example of my life.  My roots are deeping buried, but I can sway with the wind without uprooting anything or breaking anything.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:03:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I like a person who is a little of both. There's a place and a time for both.

They should be rigid and firm in their beliefs and morals but yet relaxed and laidback in their personality.




What she said.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:18:05 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

do you sub or dom prefer a person who is easy going or rigid in their beliefs ?

Both. I like people who are flexible and laid back; but not so wishy-washy that they never take a stand on anything ( or keep their stand ).
quote:

  Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?


I can only answer for myself and how I would want things to be.
I would want a person to be flexible and open to discussion and compromise; but not so much that they are bending over backward to do what I want.



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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:31:51 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		It's nice to meet and talk to folks that hold a few standards or absolutes near and dear. Grading on a sliding scale has really diluted the bdsm gene pool over the years.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:37:09 PM   
ALAstella


Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline 		I'm only rigid when it comes to knowledge. When it comes to belief, I am still learning.

stella

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 7:42:32 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I like people who are themselves. I'm pretty firm in my beliefs, but I'm willing to consider reasonable arguments in other directions. I've been involved in most of the things I'm involved in for several decades, and over that time, my own beliefs have matured... so things that I thought were immutable 30 years ago seem a lot more flexible now... and some things that I thought were loosey-goosey have turned out, at least for me, to be much more rigid than I might have originally believed. I think that the people that I admire and prefer to spend time around have that same capacity to recognize that things, people, ideas, and even convictions are in constant evolution -- while I am not one of the sort to go hippity-hopping from idea to idea, I know that my own convictions have taken 46 years to shape into what they are now.... and if I live another 46 years, I'm betting they won't look like they do now, if for no other reason than because the world has changed, and I've evolved along with it.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 8:06:49 PM   
Vendaval


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Status: offline 		I prefer that a potential have a solid, firm character of strength and sturdiness.  But they also need to have flexibility and the willingness to experience and accept new concepts and events.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 8:09:46 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

And so I ask here, the subject of attitude and what does it say about a person, do you sub or dom prefer a person who is easy going or rigid in their beliefs ? 


I think it depends on what you are calling beliefs.  Someone who is lax in their morals when convenient is not someone with whom I want to be associated.  It says that they have no integrity and their character is less than desirable. 

quote:


Can you explain your preference, is it what you prefer in the person you know, as a person, or as a BDSM partner ?


This is what I prefer in anyone that I'm going to have a relationship with, be that a business relationship, friendship, romantic relationship, or anything else.  I can't have a relationship of anykind with someone I don't respect, and I can't respect anyone with no integrity.


quote:


Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?


Changing beliefs and having a laissez-faire attitude towards them are two different things.  Swaying in the wind, to me, implies that beliefs can change easily.  Again, this depends on what you are calling beliefs.  Converting from Judaism to Catholicism because it's trendy would signify to me, a person who was insecure and immature with a poorly developed sense of self.
 
For me, these ideas apply to all people, not just kinky people.  There is nothing about being kinky that makes us and our beliefs special or deeper than anyone else.
 
I don't enjoy rigid people.  Rigid meaning people who have very strict ideas about everyday things, who aren't able to roll with it when other things come up.  Life is all about change, inevitably everything changes, we adapt and grow or we stagnate and die.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/13/2009 8:40:13 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Rigid is too strong a word for me. I prefer someone be strong and firm in their beliefs and yet open to other's ways and beliefs, or rather I should say accepting of them, not necessarily swayed by different beliefs. I hope that made sense....sigh...I'm tired. Flexible enough to be accepting without compromising their own.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 7:28:34 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Inflexibly loyal, strict adherence to the codes of my home, flexibility to know which form of protocol is required, adaptable with approved changes or new methods, courageous to ask when not sure. Sufficient trust to know they will never knowingly or deliberately suffer harm in my keep or at my hands. Understanding to know that in my collar I will protect, care for and train them

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 7:42:12 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

And so I ask here, the subject of attitude and what does it say about a person, do you sub or dom prefer a person who is easy going or rigid in their beliefs ?

Can you explain your preference, is it what you prefer in the person you know, as a person, or as a BDSM partner ?

Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?



I am fairly firm in my beliefs as to what constitutes a worthwhile partner for me...and since for me, a partner encompasses both a romantic interest and a D/s/BDSM interest, the meshing can become complicated if either of us lets it become so.  I let it be known what I seek in the romantic partner first with what I seek from D/s second and BDSM third.  This goes in order of what...for ME...is the area in which I set aside the least when it comes to what I want to the area in which I am more flexible.

Like Lockit, I have deep roots.  From my friendship with her, I also believe that she...like me...has many roots and that she is nurturing of all those.  You cannot be so firm that you cannot bendl;  after all, it is the trees that have been slightly misshapen by the winds and storms that tend to be the strongest versus those straight unyielding trees you see lying on the forest floor---but neither can you be so flexible that you'll fall for anything and have never said to anyone "I go this far BUT no farther".

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 7:44:26 AM   
MISTRESSKUMA


Posts: 226
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		The only people I ever met with belief systems as rigid and stale are atheists. You got to be willing to deeply examine your believe systems if you want growth. Bdsm is the exploration of consciousness and it invokes alot of heavy questions and you can't be rigid, no room for it.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 8:38:58 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with LA on this one.

I want someone that is rigid in staying true to who they are but flexible in the ability to change and grow with in themselves, and their acceptance of others.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 8:57:00 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I love easy going all the way.  I am easy going, until I have reason to not be and then I am determined and very firm.  Rigid doesn't play into anything unless... well... okay I am sure a few of you have a few idea's. (And size does matter.. to some degree!)  But rigid better not be in attitude on either side of things.  Life is too short for the wrong kind of rigid.

I don't see not being ridid as swaying in the wind.  I think there is more room for a middle ground.  Bending like a tree in the wind has proven to be a better example of my life.  My roots are deeping buried, but I can sway with the wind without uprooting anything or breaking anything.


  I'm seeing a trend here. I think it and Lockit types it!! 

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 10:04:14 AM   
bound4more


Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

And so I ask here, the subject of attitude and what does it say about a person, do you sub or dom prefer a person who is easy going or rigid in their beliefs ?

Can you explain your preference, is it what you prefer in the person you know, as a person, or as a BDSM partner ?

Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?



I believe he who stands for nothing, will fall for anything. I think at least a foundation of beliefs is important otherwise one is simply a camelion. In terms of ridgidity, I think if one claims to believe something then their life should reflect that, if it doesn't than it's not a belief, just a fantasy. Beliefs can change as more information is gathered, more awareness and experience. However, I think then, the change should be discussed with those whose relationship you value  so that the previous belief is not experienced as deceipt or confusion. Personally I find it irritating to be involved with someone who is only interested in doing what they "feel" like at the moment. OY. But there is a balance between ridgid and shallow.

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