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Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:31:00 PM

Loliita

Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline

I'm thinking the people in the forums are a little different from the people who just log in, search for a dominatrix or sub, ignore the profile, then send multiple messages. So maybe you people can give me the scoop.

It's my first time here and I was overwhelmed by the number of messages I received. I didn't know bdsm was this popular nor did I know this many men were into being controlled.

I would like to ask other dominant women.....Are most of these men for real? What I mean is if I were to actually try and meet one of them would they even show up? Is it just an internet fantasy for them or are they really serious? I know you dominant women can't speak for all submissive men but you must have some experience with meeting these guys.

Post #: 1

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:36:21 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

To be direct, (A) you're the fresh meat and (B) well only you can decide

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 2

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:38:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Are they for real... Well, I guess that all depends on your definition of "real"! Most of them are just in it for the wanker fantasy. Many are married and are looking for amusement on the side. Some of them are really great guys. It's a matter of screening and patience whether you meet anyone worth your time.

I've made some wonderful friends here, so I am glad I invested the time...but that "hide" function is your friend! I have taken to just hiding the profiles of the ones that are not my style---and just plain blocking the nasties. Have fun!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 3

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:41:55 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

I got literally hundreds of emails when I first signed up on CM. At one point, I think I had 1200 unread emails in my in-box. The vast majority of men I've been in contact with since I've joined have not followed through with a meeting, so there's obviously a huge difference between quality and quantity.

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 4

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:42:31 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

You're young, you're female, and you're attractive. This causes all sorts of guys who really aren't interested in "serving you" but in serving their own fantasies and hoping you'll take the bait. Quite often, they'll be guys who get their sexual thrills just hoping that you'll respond. I think even your profile name is going to attract a certain low caliber of guys who are seeing their fantasies in just imagining how their interactions with you might be. But if you were to contact them, I imagine it would be a very similar experience to what many other women go through here. It's unfortunate, and it means you have to filter through a lot of really undesirable people, but that's part of the burden that comes to you as the one that's more in the demand here than those who are seeking.

In the end, my advice would be to seek out what you're looking for and approach those people instead of just waiting for the right guy (or girl) to show up and announce him/herself. I'd even suggest paying close attention to the boards to see what real people are posting here, and then if someone flashes to you as a potential, approach that way through a personal message. I don't envy the work you have to do to find a quality person, but at the same time I don't pity someone who has every opportunity available to her as someone who is going to be well desired by quite a few. It's what you do with those opportunities that will either turn you into the dominant you desire to be, or the person who finally gives up because the fakes finally got to her.

Good luck in your search. I'm convinced that with the right amount of persistence and attitude, you'll find exactly the person you deserve.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 5

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:46:04 PM

Loliita

Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Are they for real... Well, I guess that all depends on your definition of "real"! Most of them are just in it for the wanker fantasy. Many are married and are looking for amusement on the side. Some of them are really great guys. It's a matter of screening and patience whether you meet anyone worth your time.

I've made some wonderful friends here, so I am glad I invested the time...but that "hide" function is your friend! I have taken to just hiding the profiles of the ones that are not my style---and just plain blocking the nasties. Have fun!

Thanks... I've only made 5 post and you're the second person to use the word "wanker" in a reply. I don't think you people mean it the same way regular non bdsm people mean it. lol. Maybe one day someone will tell me what a bdsm wanker is. :-O

I have had married guys contact me...they tell me they are married. That's just so weird. It's going to take me time to get use to this place and this new world.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:48:40 PM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

Some are sincere and most definitely real - I've met a few very nice folks in person .

  And some are complete flakes and fakes and will string you along , as long as you are willing to follow .

   And then there's some that have absolutely no clue as to what they're doing , and they will not read your profile , might send you the same form letter they send to anyone without a penis , may make totally out of place derogatory statements , may piss you offf - if you let them ,   may cause you to want to have nothing to do with online connections ever again even .

    Use your brain , listen to your instincts , and do not hesitate to weed out , and/or block the bothersome ones .   Come to the message boards to get to know people .
     The good ones will surface .

    Take enough time to get to know someone abit , and maybe talk on the phone a few times too , before meeting in a public place of your choice , and you should do fine.
   It just takes some patience and fortitude !

                                        Best of luck !

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 7

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:49:04 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

I'm not a dominant woman, but the Excedrin I've been taking to keep a handle on my cold symptoms is making me feel entitled, so I'm gonna take a shot at this...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loliita

I'm thinking the people in the forums are a little different from the people who just log in, search for a dominatrix or sub, ignore the profile, then send multiple messages. So maybe you people can give me the scoop.

I'd say for the most part, that's about right.

quote:

It's my first time here and I was overwhelmed by the number of messages I received. I didn't know bdsm was this popular nor did I know this many men were into being controlled.

The volume of messages you receive over time may subside to some degree, but you're attractive and you seem pretty sharp, so you're probably going to get a lot of attention here.

quote:

...Are most of these men for real? What I mean is if I were to actually try and meet one of them would they even show up? Is it just an internet fantasy for them or are they really serious? I know you dominant women can't speak for all submissive men but you must have some experience with meeting these guys.

To be fair, you can't really lump everyone posting in the forums together, or everyone who logs in to the site together for that matter. Some people here are searching for real-time experiences and some are not so serious (to widely varying degrees)... Overall, I'd say you're going to have better odds at getting to a real-life meeting with someone who posts often in forums (either here on on another popular site), but there is no formula to guarantee results. It's luck, trail and error, and a good amount of learning from your initial mistakes to find some sort of a real-life match here.

On the flip side, I will also say the chances that you run into one or more people here on the site who completely waste your time and royally p**s you off are very very high... Cause it's happened to me more than once.

Good luck!

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 8

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:51:10 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

Well, lets see. I am sitting in the living room of 2 CMers, with my slave, a third CMer at my side. We are real.

Now... whether everyone else is or not I cant attest to. But if you are careful with who you meet or dont meet...

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 9

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:52:22 PM

Loliita

Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I got literally hundreds of emails when I first signed up on CM. At one point, I think I had 1200 unread emails in my in-box. The vast majority of men I've been in contact with since I've joined have not followed through with a meeting, so there's obviously a huge difference between quality and quantity.

1200!!!??? *hides under bed* That's right...I hide. I am a dominant girl....not f**king wonder woman. lol

"Vast majority .....not followed through"

Thanks....that's the kind of solid answer I was looking for

------------
To littlesarbonn

Thx for your good reply. I really didn't know that there were so many men into this. I've always controlled my boyfriends but just in the normal way. I didn't know that so many men fantasized about being humiliated and/or controlled.

I'll have to take your advice about approaching the ones I want and watching the boards instead of just trying to pick a guy from my message box.

edit....you mentioned my profile name. Lolita is my real nickname. (I added the extra I because Lolita was unavailable)

< Message edited by Loliita -- 1/15/2009 5:56:28 PM >

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 10

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:52:40 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loliita
...Maybe one day someone will tell me what a bdsm wanker is. :-O

You'll know when you are IMing with one.. You get one word answers to your questions, because they generally don't have enough hands to type and do what it is that they do all at the same time... Know what I mean?

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 11

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:55:11 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

<---------------------------guilty (this is hard to type with one hand....)

_____________________________

Resident Gimp
I can only hope that in death, the sins of my life will be forgiven.

(in reply to E2Sweet)

Post #: 12

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:55:32 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

The sooner you specify what you're looking for on the CM side, the sooner you 'll be able to sort better. Anyone who actually proves, by the content of his message to you, that he has read and comprehended your profile is worth swapping a couple of messages with.

And for a quick way to sift out the online-only players, the gang-spammers, and the scammers, set your mail controls to shuffle into "Bulk Mail" anyone who is NOT in the same country or state or province or shire or department as you are.

I will add that being over 50 and overweight and blunt about it seems to have cut my interested parties to a minimum.

But the count was higher when I, in my turn, was "fresh meat."

Lady Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 13

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:57:29 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

There is more than one definition of "wanker"?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DelilahDeb)

Post #: 14

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:57:53 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

no ... most are not
welcome to the internet

*grin*

good luck though

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 15

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 5:59:32 PM

RichieB

Posts: 87
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline

This is the reason I changed my user name to RichieB....

Diane

_____________________________

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 16

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 6:00:10 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

LOL Gimp....

Lolita..welcome to the forums.. you've gotten some great advice!

Just be warned, there will probably come a time when you get an email that you respond to, politely saying no............ and you'll get a response along the lines of "FUCKING BITCH!!" "FAT COW!!!" etc etc etc ....

delete, block and ignore :)

(it happens to almost every woman here)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 17

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 6:01:45 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

Loliita wrote:
Thanks... I've only made 5 post and you're the second person to use the word "wanker" in a reply. I don't think you people mean it the same way regular non bdsm people mean it. lol. Maybe one day someone will tell me what a bdsm wanker is. :-O

You know, the literal meaning: a guy who wanks and is largely defined by his wanking. More specifically, somebody who's only interested in BDSM as a fantasy when he's wanking.

beeble.

_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to Loliita)

Post #: 18

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 6:02:33 PM

Loliita

Posts: 69
Joined: 1/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

There is more than one definition of "wanker"?

In my world guys call other guys wankers when they act stupid or embarrass themselves around a girl. I see the meaning is different here.

........

To all the others that replied...thank you....I did read your replies. I'm assuming it's not considered impolite to not reply to every post separately.

edit....

quote:

You know, the literal meaning: a guy who wanks and is largely defined by his wanking. More specifically, somebody who's only interested in BDSM as a fantasy when he's wanking.

beeble.

" a guy who wanks" ok...I get it now. My generation just calls it jacking or jacking off. In my area we call guys who do nothing but talk of sex and porn ... "jacks"

< Message edited by Loliita -- 1/15/2009 6:05:35 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Are these guys for real? - 1/15/2009 6:03:27 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

Sad but true......
I would have to say that....oh, ninety percent of those that contact you within the first month saw your
pics and began to drool and craved your attention......or just a quick wank.....
(sorry to be nosing in the Mistress' forum, but couldn't help myself.... )

_____________________________

Resident Gimp
I can only hope that in death, the sins of my life will be forgiven.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 20

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