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Mentoring - 1/16/2009 8:39:16 PM   
JadetheBoheme


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		What's the best way to ask a Dom/Master to be your Mentor? Is there a protocol for it? Or just... a less awkward way to word it? 
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 8:46:07 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hi jade,

A polite, respectful and sincere cmail expressing clearly your request should do nicely.

Good luck.

(in reply to JadetheBoheme)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 8:49:59 PM   
JadetheBoheme


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, no no. This is a real life thing, not online.

< Message edited by JadetheBoheme -- 1/16/2009 8:50:33 PM >

(in reply to Musicmystery)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 8:50:04 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		What is awkward about asking? You are interested in learning from someone, you give a reason and then you ask if they are interested in teaching you. Be prepared that not everyone will say yes. And keep in mind you may need to learn from more than one person over the course of your learning, I had one main mentor, but I had many people mentor me in different things over the years.

DV


_____________________________

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10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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(in reply to Musicmystery)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 8:56:22 PM   
JadetheBoheme


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, I have a lot of friends that teach me. I'm looking for that one Mentor dealie --- so there's no protocol, no proper way?

(in reply to VampiresLair)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 9:16:13 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I'd suggest stepping out of your clothes and falling at his feet.....but that's just me.

;-)

(in reply to JadetheBoheme)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 9:47:06 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		She said mentor not Master, MM 

Jade, there is no "proper" way to ask. That said, you might have better luck being mentored by an experienced submissive rather than a Dom. A D will teach you what HE likes, which will more than likely be different from what any other D likes. There is no one way to do things, so having one D teach you won't really help you please another.


_____________________________

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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 9:50:44 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JadetheBoheme

Oh, I have a lot of friends that teach me. I'm looking for that one Mentor dealie --- so there's no protocol, no proper way?


I think having a lot of friends that teach/discuss/etc is a lot more helpful than the "one mentor dealie." More often than not, it seems dominants (let's just assume mainly males for this) use the "mentor" role as a way to get into a gal's panties. And, as was mentioned will teach you what he likes.

I say stick with the friends, observe, play with different people, read, go to demos, etc. I, personally, think the "one mentor dealie" is a load of hogwash. Having a friend or friends into BDSM who can show you the ropes/teach you what they know sounds a lot more useful than any implied "mentoring."

(in reply to JadetheBoheme)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2009 10:48:18 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Why do you want a mentor?  What do you want that person to teach you?  What part of your life needs improvement?  What have you identified in this potential mentor that makes you think they would be good for your growth?

Putting those answers into a conversation, or better yet, in written form, is a good start.

And remember, "mentoring" does not mean "fucking" or "flogging".


Cali


_____________________________

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(in reply to Usako)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 12:32:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Does it matter?  She doesn't feel she can handle the adult world on her own, but somehow thinks she can handle finding a mentor on her own.  So she'll either get lucky and end up with the 1 in 1000 actually decent mentors, or she won't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 1:23:49 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		I did not read her say she felt incapable of handling the adult world, though, if that is the case, it is good to recognize it in oneself and set up proper safety paramaters.

I've said it before, but I will happily repeat: Mentours are the norm, socially, in some backards parts of the world. Where I live, a submissive at a party MUST be 'under the protection' of a Dominant, and it is considered best to be under the mentourship or collar of protection of one, although, if not, asking the party host for protection for the evening will suffice.
I personally have begun to advice women to seek a Dominant Woman, but that is just my take on things.

If you are asking him to mentour as well as protect - to teach, in other words, - then just ask, and ask HIm to teach you this, first. Why would someone expect you to know what you are asking to be taught?

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 2:14:45 AM   
ArthurMasters


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/17/2009
Status: offline 		Probably one of each would be ideal! The purpose of a Mentor is for support, guidance, information and general advice with no strings or hidden agendas. Good idea if you can find one that suits your needs.

Good luck

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 3:26:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask a sub to be your mentor. Don't ask some straight guy to 'teach' you and show you all of this unless you are interested in having sex with him. And if this is what you want from this dude, then why not be upfront about it?

If what you want is someone to talk things over with, then don't introduce sex into the situation.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ArthurMasters)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 4:01:53 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
Where I live, a submissive at a party MUST be 'under the protection' of a Dominant, and it is considered best to be under the mentourship or collar of protection of one, although, if not, asking the party host for protection for the evening will suffice.


Why is that? Are submissive woman (men too I guess) in your area too stupid to handle themselves? I think the idea of mentoring and protection is just some arbitrary idea created to hold submissives down mentally. Granted, some may want/need it but to enforce it on all is just discrimination. Reminds me of those Arab countries were women can't even eat at certain areas unless "under the protection" of a man.

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:01:47 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Usako,
it might remind you of that, however, it would be rude to point out to an Arab woman that - in YOUR opinion, her culture is based upon men thinking she is too stupid to hold a spoon without being watched over.
When in Rome. I wish to enjoy the company of my friends and go to parties. I am sure you have already decided that my friends are so beneath you that if you had to live here you'd rather just hide in a closet, but, really, there is positive and negitive aspects to every place, and you take the good with the bad.
This is the part of the world where, at Dinner parties, after dinner you will see men and women split, so as to 'talk more freely' (on both sides.) Hell, even at munches, the sub women end up down at one end, the men at the other - the sub men and Dom women are the wild cards that could be either place, or float back and forth, and hell, throw a switch in and you've done confused the whole dang thing up! (no, not really - no one is gonna get confused. They just let people go talk where they wanna go - but this thing, splitting off - does happen, organicly.)
This is the part of the world that causes football lovin' women to write to Dear Abby and say, 'Gee, golly, do I gotta go sit with the women? I wanna watch the GAME!' LOL.
It is progress for these guys to recognize that a Dominant woman can do it just as well as a Dominant man, LOL. (and, imho, better)

I personally think a Dominant man would be well served being 'mentoured' by a sub, male or female, that they did not play with. Where else are they going to hear what the other side is like, when they are new and learning? Oh, sure, eventually, from a play partner - but how much faster from someone without that agenda?

I will say this in defense of mentourship. I lived in Philly with my Master before Master, and when we split and I moved home to Louisville, I asked Him to mentour me, from there, and He did. He almost never had to do a thing, but it was, in my eyes, a roaring success. Yes, I am capable of picking my own partners just fine, thank you. But His mentourship, or the claim of it, became an important item in the picking. I asked guys that wanted to meet, once I felt that I might want to meet them, to write Him. 99% of them said sure, and then did not.
If they had said no, talked about it, it might have went differently. But, if they haven't the balls to either tell me no, and defend their reasoning, or, to simply WRITE to a nice Dominant friend who is hundreds of miles away - if they say 'sure' but can't follow through - I have no interest. Sorry, I know it is arbutrary, but we are all arbutrary in early dating, and this is my way of being so, and it works for me.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to Usako)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:15:27 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

99% of them said sure, and then did not.


That's because many dominants do not wish to be dominanted by other dominants.  Or they prefer a submissive who is able to make adult decisions without going through a second party.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to tsatske)
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RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:15:51 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Whenever I see that a male dominant wants to "mentor" a female sub all I can think of is that he wants an easy fuck.  If you really feel that you need a mentor, it would make sense to find an experienced female submissive to guide you and answer any questions you have. 

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:23:51 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

a submissive at a party MUST be 'under the protection' of a Dominant, and it is considered best to be under the mentourship or collar of protection of one, although, if not, asking the party host for protection for the evening will suffice.


Why would anyone want to attend such dangerous parties?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:25:44 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I'm going to a party tonight....wonder if I'll need protection from those dangerous, hormonal doms.

_____________________________



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mentoring - 1/17/2009 5:28:13 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Mentoring is a two way street. All "they are only doing it for the sex" aside, someone that is willing and able to mentor will not put your life together for you. They will not think bratty acting out is anything other that bratty acting out and will call you on it. They will not set you up with your dream partner that happens to be their best friend. They will push you to understand what you want and need. They will push you to think about your desires. They will dom you in non overtly sexual ways (in most cases this is actually a good thing) and they will get tired of putting out that much work for little or no reward. They are not your doctor, therapist, or surrogate parent or ex lover for you to work your mental and emotional issues out on. They will listen, care, talk to you until your ears bleed, assign homework, expect personal growth from you, and care like hell about you and what happens to you.

If you want a dom but don't want to be deeply involved with someone, some mentors will be fine with that. Lots of people, especially your kinky friends will be willing to care and help you learn tricks and tips. But mentoring is a bond with different power exchance levels that friends.

Best of luck and as for asking this person, Cali said it best: be clear with yourself what you are asking before you ask it. And be SURE what you want and what your limits are BEFORE you ask.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to tsatske)
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