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Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 1:26:21 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

I am curious about members of this, and other sites, who start off their profile with something negative.
To me, this is an immediate turnoff.
Yes, we've all had bad experiences, but why focus on them first?
Do others have the same reaction?
To the negative ones, what sort of responses have you received to the negativity?

As examples of what I mean, here are some of the things I've read as opening statements:
"When responding to me, or others, could you at least have the decency and courtesy to...."
"I'm tired of all of the........."
"Tired of time-wasters and head games......."
"Don't even bother responding if..........."
I"m sick of..........."

Does anybody read past the initial negatives to see what's underneath?

Lady Snow

Post #: 1

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 1:38:51 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure what it achieves either, other than actually saying what many of us are already experiencing. It all seems a bit over-dramatic to me. I used to feel the same way in the old yahoo chatrooms when several of the Dommes would publically make it known when they "ignored" a sub.

Be wll,
Julie

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 2

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 2:07:14 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I start out on a negative note because it keeps many people from contacting me. This may seem like the opposite reaction that one would want, but in my case it keeps my mail box a little less full.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 3

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 2:33:04 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

i HAVE TO ASK........

define YOUR view of negative vs realism?

see ...in MY view?
people say "I" am negative....not as "I" see it.
"I" call it being damned real.
YOU say its a nice day...lets go out in the yard...
and i say no...its full of stickers and dog shit....
YOU say it is negative
"I" say it is real.

please?
i have one bitch of a time with this topic with people.......

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 4

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 2:42:29 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

yah...I agree with the op...I almost thought about pointing it out to some who were so laughably negative...but then I thought to myself..."self, why bother? He's not gonna listen, and he'll prolly write you back and complain"

Fun for a laugh sometimes though!!

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 5

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 3:07:50 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Does anybody read past the initial negatives to see what's underneath?

I have noticed the same and am usually quite amazed (and often amused). It is kind of sad really - because one can read between the lines to only imagine what the poster must have endured to date, and is now trying (hoping?) to avoid.

I am especially impressed with "subs" who make a list of what amounts to "demands," listed as "do not's" and "don't bother if's" that IMHO amount to a pretty good top list. Of course, once I see it punctuated with an insult to the fools who are not even bothering to read it - then I know they are serious. ;-)

Yes, I read them. But no, I would not wish (at least to date) to respond to one, not because of what it says, but because I really have no interest in meeting one who presents that "face" as their first "greeting." Regardless of what they have endured to date. That IS just baggage, is it not?

Imagine presenting your resume that way. Listing all of the bad "work" experiences you have endured and put up with so far in life, and making a point that you will mot endure any of them with this new "employer."

"I will just delete your job offer if you do not ...."

sturtle

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 6

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 3:31:23 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

This 'negative' approach?

I wholeheatedly agree that it is a turn off. But its not confined to profiles. Putting the negative into a profile does work im sure at reducing messages. But anywhere i see/hear comments that are self depreciating, i switch off, change threads/subject etc.

The Self Depreciation Society.
This is not a attractive membership to hold in my opinion.
In fact, id say its a tad irritating. If you think your crap at something, why the heck arent you doing something about it? If you think your ugly, then you will be. If you are a victim, then behave like a survivor, dont behave like one etc etc.

Im sure weve all had some really bad times in life, made bad decisions, or been wronged severely by others. This is our learning curve, not our soap box. Or you get stuck in your own past and its negative lessons. And life's just too short for that. Move on!

So although, some people have been shafted, and im no exception here, learn from your mistake. Then you can leave it as history, and concentrate on your future and future relationships.

little1

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 7

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 3:44:06 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I usually give such profiles a pass. I'm not looking to add any negativity to my life. I look at a profile as your first opportunity to make a first impression on others. That being the case I look not only at what they say, but how much effort they put into to saying it... what kind of first impression did they want to make or did they even think about it? I figure if they can't make much effort to make a good first impression, then they may not make much effort at other things... and that is definitely a turn off.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 8

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 4:08:49 PM

peppermint379

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Does anybody read past the initial negatives to see what's underneath?

I used to read the rest, but finally stopped. Often if it begins negative, it keeps on being negative.

I wrote to once once, explaining how being like that is not the way to make friends. The reply was basically...."mind your own business, i'll put anything i want into my profile". Seeing the truth in that statement, i just avoid those types of profiles now.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 9

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 6:46:42 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I actually have a negative note in my profile. Doesn't stop some emails. I get quite a few telling me to stand my ground. And actually applauding me for stating what I do state in mine up front. At least it allows those that think differently than I do know that this is something we'll always clash on. So why bother trying to pursue this.

Though I also still get the occasional... "If I decide to take you as my slave ....." Those always make me laugh... and depending on my mood, i either ignore them, or send some back some smartass remark. Depends on how full of it theirs was to begin with..... LOL

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 10

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 6:50:02 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

DreamyLadySnow, I've often thought the same thing, and not always negativity, but sourness, hostility, and arrogance.

I once tried to help an acquaintance mend her profile, strip out the negativity and correct the grammar and spelling. She didn't want her English corrected! Then I realized, she was getting exactly what she deserved and was probably really looking for.

So, shhhhhhh, DreamyLadySnow. People with profiles like that are really doing us a favor: They are warning us what to expect.

Of course what my profile says… Well, never mind.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 11

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 6:52:37 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

i HAVE TO ASK........

define YOUR view of negative vs realism?

see ...in MY view?
people say "I" am negative....not as "I" see it.
"I" call it being damned real.
YOU say its a nice day...lets go out in the yard...
and i say no...its full of stickers and dog shit....
YOU say it is negative
"I" say it is real.

please?
i have one bitch of a time with this topic with people.......

Let's just compromise and say that you're real negative.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 12

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 6:56:02 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

/shrug
I don't read the profiles, so I can not really say...on the other hand though, if I did read the profiles...then yes, the negativity would most likely turn me off

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 13

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 6:56:16 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

DreamyLadySnow, I've often thought the same thing, and not always negativity, but sourness, hostility, and arrogance.

I once tried to help an acquaintance mend her profile, strip out the negativity and correct the grammar and spelling. She didn't want her English corrected! Then I realized, she was getting exactly what she deserved and was probably really looking for.

So, shhhhhhh, DreamyLadySnow. People with profiles like that are really doing us a favor: They are warning us what to expect.

Of course what my profile says… Well, never mind.

Those are the most downer-inducing three dots I have ever seen. I want to slit my wrists now.

chymes

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/7/2006 6:58:07 PM >

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 14

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 7:13:48 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

HI DLS

ya... the negative of profiles is not much interest or even appreciated.... nicer to see a profile that speaks to the frienships they want or the person that they are looking for.... Not sure why one would speak to the people they are not interested in.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 15

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 7:15:00 PM

mstrcorky

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

If I can throw my two cents in here ... Is it possible this is more a question of personalities than of actions. When we fill out our profiles, we put a little bit of ourselves into them. Just like in real life, sometimes you run across people with personality traits you like - and sometimes you meet people with personality traits that make you think of grabbing them by the neck and flinging them into oncoming traffic. It isn't that there is anything wrong with the person - it's just that their personalities and ours don't mix very well. So, we tell them to "have a nice day" and walk away without giving it a second thought. :-)

_____________________________

Master Corky
http://alittlepain.blogspot.com/
http://home.comast.net/~corkymcg/Leather

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 16

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 7:43:19 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Those are the most downer-inducing three dots I have ever seen. I want to slit my wrists now.

Too funny. (laughing) So am I going to have to send you a profile?

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 17

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 9:41:43 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrcorky

If I can throw my two cents in here ... Is it possible this is more a question of personalities than of actions. When we fill out our profiles, we put a little bit of ourselves into them. Just like in real life, sometimes you run across people with personality traits you like - and sometimes you meet people with personality traits that make you think of grabbing them by the neck and flinging them into oncoming traffic. It isn't that there is anything wrong with the person - it's just that their personalities and ours don't mix very well. So, we tell them to "have a nice day" and walk away without giving it a second thought. :-)

Well...this IS a site to meet people. And most of us (I presume) are here to meet someone for dating/scening or other fun stuff...

Wouldn't it be better, and much more advantagious to put your best foot forward? I mean...most of us shower and put on decentish clothes before a date, don't we? Or meeting someone we MAY be interested in?

I guess some don't though...

But you'd think they WOULD, (wouldn't you?!!)

(in reply to mstrcorky)

Post #: 18

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/7/2006 10:10:25 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

I am curious about members of this, and other sites, who start off their profile with something negative.
To me, this is an immediate turnoff.
Yes, we've all had bad experiences, but why focus on them first?
Do others have the same reaction?
To the negative ones, what sort of responses have you received to the negativity?

As examples of what I mean, here are some of the things I've read as opening statements:
"When responding to me, or others, could you at least have the decency and courtesy to...."
"I'm tired of all of the........."
"Tired of time-wasters and head games......."
"Don't even bother responding if..........."
I"m sick of..........."

Does anybody read past the initial negatives to see what's underneath?

Lady Snow

PLEASE NOTE: This is not directed at anyone person... so do not take this personal.

I was sitting here reading the different postings... threads...on what people like, and dislike about others profiles. And .. LOL.. it's rally amazing that anyones profile gets read on here at all.

I'm Sick Of...
Don't Bother responding....

It says true or real.....

Not into BBW... Men.. Women.. blacks... reds... greens...

We all have our likes... dislikes.. but if you really think about it.. you got to wonder. With all the likes.. and dislikes.. everyones posted about over the past few weeks.. how is anyone even remotely meeting anyone at all?... About how many profiles on a average do you read a day.. or skip over because there's a WORD in there you don't like?

If I was any newer to this site, and easily scared off. I would read this thread and others, and think.. Damn, seems more like a bitching convention more than a informative place to possible meet someone.

Now I know some will take offense to that. Chill a minute and let me finish this thought. Even in some of the "Bitching sessions" there's been some damn good information passed along. We all say what we feel about certain postings. Some agree, some don't. That's the lovely thing about freedom of speech.

(Shakes head, knowing that I'm going to pist someone off here in a sec)

But all though we don't always see eye to eye on topic of conversations, how things are worded, how people state things.. on forum.. or in profiles... why does it seem...it's easy to move out what others consider to be the "trash".....instead of possible finding out if there's a treasure out there?

Hows that saying go.. One person's trash... it' another person's treasure?

There have been a few postings on others asking why not try to help the new comers learn more. Well, if they read the forum... they'll learn alot about how to make someone feel unwelcomed.

Now this is where I go back to the begining.... this is not directed towards any one person, or group... just something I've been taking notice too... and like all others.. who post what they think.. when they want.. where they want... Is my Own Opinion.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/7/2006 10:11:44 PM >

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 19

RE: Starting off on a negative note... - 1/8/2006 1:06:36 AM

doll

Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline

As a newcomer, I had a decent profile or so I thought anyway, but after getting some of the emails I have received, I revised my profile. I am not sure it would or wouldn't be considered negative, but it is honest, straightforward and how I feel. If a person understands the meaning behind it, then they would be able to overlook it and read the things that attracted them to it in the first place.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 20

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