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Are you open about your submission with the vanilla world? - 1/18/2009 12:24:18 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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If your submission in this lifestyle, are you able to speak openly about your desires to your closes friends , to the people who know you at work or even to your family? My point I am getting at from talking to people here, is that if your a dom, you will find more acceptance than if you tell someone that you are more of a sub or slave in your desires? Have you found this to be the case ? If not , is there anything you have noticed happens when you do open up to others that seem to be common responses?

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RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 12:28:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'm not sure I understand the point.

I am who I am no matter what. That doesn't mean I tell my boss I went to a kinky retreat where I got fucked in the ass with some ginger last week. It does mean that I do not clean up the toys or books or pictures that decorate my home. I certainly do not consider someone a friend if I cannot be and share ALL of who I am with them.

The kinky world has its own social markers of status and cool points. In the hetero scene, fem subs actually rule the roost, but they revere and pressure the male doms, so male doms actually get the biggest obvious voice.

As to acceptance, I find no evidence of being more accepted and welcomed into the kink world than I do in the vanilla world.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 12:37:42 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Relatively open. If a person can put two and two together, they can figure it out. I do wear a locked chain around my neck, and I am not shy about being Ms. Mlicious' rickshaw boy at the park or at summer festivals. But I see no need to tell my friends, family, and coworkers all the gory details. I don't want to hear about their sex lives.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 12:42:02 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I appreciate the reponse here to my question. And I so realize that in most cases the discussion would not come up about sexual interest . But could a person who is submissive truelly discuss their desires wth a close friend or someone safely. I think most sub men can not . This is my opionion here. But I don't see most male subs able ot discuss their interest with most male friends even in private for fear of being misunderstood. I think many men may see it as a weakness . Just a view I am throwing out here to see if there is merrit . I love to hear other thoughts on this...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 12:59:34 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

are you able to speak openly about your desires to your closes friends

Yes

quote:

to the people who know you at work

Unfortunatly yes...those flipping bastards never shut up about it

They think it's 'cute' to tease me

quote:

or even to your family

Yes

quote:

I am getting at from talking to people here, is that if your a dom, you will find more acceptance than if you tell someone that you are more of a sub or slave in your desires?

What a crock of shit

quote:

Have you found this to be the case

No; please refer to above answer

quote:

is there anything you have noticed happens when you do open up to others that seem to be common responses?

Sure. Shock, sympathy, curiosity, anger, disgust, fear, acceptance...there are a great many more that I could name but doing so would take up way too much time. Suffice it to say that peoples responses vary, depending on the person...the same way it would if they were listening to me tell about something that happens at work.

It has nothing to do with dominance, submission, or even 'being in the lifestyle or out of it'.

It has everything to do with being human.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 12:59:49 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

A few close friends of mine know that I am in a Ds relationship. I am by nature a private person and never discussed my sex life with even my best friends. A few of my long term friends, I came to find out were already in Ds or Ms relationships. They never brought it up to me, until I mentioned it. In my book of life, explaining who I am or what I do is never a necessity.

oceanwynds

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 6

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 1:17:00 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
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Everyone, everywhere knows who we are.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 1:28:19 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Yes, though I don't share the intimate details unless someone asks specifically, and even then I only share what I'm comfortable sharing. Those close to me (my family, friends, some of my former classmates, and about half of the medical professionals that I or my UMs see) know that I am Sir's slave. A few of these also know that I carry Sir's mark as well.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 1:50:49 PM

sultryone

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

I tell people selectively what I do, some more details than others depending on how I think they will react. I do have fun with some of my male vanilla friends though, being a submissive and sharing with them what I experienced weekend to weekend, I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces!

_____________________________

I sometimes get things wrong to get things right...

(in reply to servantheart)

Post #: 9

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 2:09:00 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

Our friends from the speedway all know that I am Sir's submissive. They are accepting for the most part, although one guy's girlfriend seems scared of me for some reason (she's been told I am bi and perhaps she thinks I'm going to jump her bones...

)

My family live in New Zealand and have no idea, although my adult kids have visited us and seen the dynamic I have not been specific about any details. If they ask, I'll tell them just like I told my daughter I was bi. The reaction will probably be much the same ("I always thought you were weird Mum")

_____________________________

Collared sub and married to Nevershyau

(in reply to servantheart)

Post #: 10

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 2:23:58 PM

shellymeow

Posts: 17
Status: offline

I am open about who I am. All of my close friends know what I am into. They dont really understand it, or agree, but they know. My room mate (at school) even offered to go to a BDSM play club with me if I wanted for my birthday (I said no thank you). My family knows to an extent. I do fetish modeling, and they have seen the images of me. My mom as far as I know, has no opinion. My dad thinks Im insane, but not in a bad way. Im not sure if they have realized that I dont just pretend for pictures though.

So no, I am not shy at all. I dont usually volunteer the information, but if specifically asked, I dont hesitate to share.

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 11

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 2:38:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We live together, so people see us interact as a couple. I allow them to draw their own judgments about it. The only person who has ever questioned me about doing what he says is my oldest. My answer, which satisfied her totally, was to ask her why I wouldn't want to do things to make him happy since we love each other. But as her major memories of my marriage were totally otherwise, it is understandable that she was confused.

However he treats me with respect. He doesn't bark "Bitch, hurry up with the cart" when we're in the supermarket so it is unlikely anyone would think anything of our relationship.

If your friends ask why you call her before going out with them, just ask them why they don't check with their S.O.'s to make sure there isn't a conflict, that you haven't forgotten going somewhere.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to shellymeow)

Post #: 12

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 2:55:01 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

I'm fairly open about my being kinky.

I do find people tend to assume I top, and are more comfortable in that assumption than in discovering otherwise.

It's lead to some interesting (in a cliche head-bang-against-wall way) conversations during the course of my therapy about being assertive and submissive.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 3:00:28 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

There is one vanilla person the I shared this with, and in my heart of hearts I think it did impact our relationship. I could be wrong but ultimately I am the same person with or without my relationship with Sir. My mother knows of our relationship, although I chose not to go into detail. LOL She was more concerned with having "good sex" and if that was present in the relationship the more power to me. I love the support of a mother. hee hee

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 14

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 3:22:01 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm open talking about Daddy and my pet however i won't go into details with my family/friends/co-workers etc what goes on behind closed doors.

they don't need to hear that.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 15

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 3:57:10 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I don't really have any close friends. I have some reasonably close friends who are in the lifestyle, so that's not an issue.

When I revealed my relationship dynamic to my closest friend a couple of years back, she had no problem accepting the kinky party, it was the deferring to a man, etc part that caused problems. We parted ways after I refused to defend myself or my relationship to her. This past fall, she contacted me, told me she was sorry, she missed me and we're friends again. But because we are in different cities and such, it's not like we can meet for coffee and talk about boys.

My career has me encountering different people all the time, for days or weeks on end, then they're gone. I have had relationship conversations with people I felt comfy with where I explained that my "boyfriend" is the leader in our relationship, and other generalities. I am always happy and confident in my conversations and I have been pleasantly surprised at the positive reactions. And so many women who are envious, who admit that they would love a responsible man who takes charge.

My parents know that He is the leader and that I ask His permission for things, etc. They think it's the coolest thing.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 5:04:16 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
My parents know that He is the leader and that I ask His permission for things, etc. They think it's the coolest thing.

Yes, this is exactly how it is with me as well. My mother, siblings, best friend and co-workers all know this about us. As far as I know, they all accept and respect it. I grew up in a happy, well-adjusted family where my mother deferred to my father in all things. She served him in many ways though I never saw any "kinky" stuff going on. She respected him, got his permission and input for/in all matters and was totally open and honest with him and deferential to him. I grew up seeing submission and love hand in hand. It's a beautiful thing and that's how my family and friends now see me interacting with Him. No one bats an eye but as far as the "kinky" side of things, that is private because it's not something we discuss at family dinners any more than we discuss my siblings' sex lives

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 1/18/2009 5:05:13 PM >

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 17

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 5:21:18 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

Closeted Kinkster here, unfortunately.....
Mainly because it can (because of my sexuality) get me fired.....

Also because of the people I work with (on projects not in a workplace) would be affected (guilt by association) more than I, affecting their credibility ...

_____________________________

Resident Gimp
I can only hope that in death, the sins of my life will be forgiven.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 18

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 5:24:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Sub males are the lowest on the social status ladder in the hetero scene unfortunately, and it's really unfair and wrong and unfortunately plenty of them do it to themselves (like youngsters). But there are plenty of places and ways to be accepted as well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GimpinDenial)

Post #: 19

RE: Are you open about your submission with the vanilla... - 1/18/2009 7:02:06 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

My closest friends know I am submissive in relationships, and that I am "kinky." They asked a few questions, mostly to determine that I wasn't being hurt or mistreated, and that was that. The people in my inner circle love me and accept me, or they wouldn't be there, and they know I love and accept who THEY are in return.

As for my work? None of their business. I try to keep work and personal lives separate. On occasion I become friends with someone I work with. And my friends keep our private lives private.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 20

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