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RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 3:43:30 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
Some day, I hope to be able to find someone that will weigh the hundreds of things it takes to make a relationship, and base the entire fucking thing on hair length.


I know you mean it as a joke, but the point is simply that people have their own levels of domination and submission that interest them. That's the disconnect in the OP story - he wants to be able to dictate hair length and style perhaps, and his intended sub was holding onto the right to choose for herself. He rightly gave her the old "my way or the highway" option. Now she has no right to complain about anything he may do or require of her should he even consider taking her back.

She's free to do as she pleases, just not under his authority. She wanted to act like a free agent - well, she got what she wanted.

You joke, but for many of us the joy is to command a thing and know that no argument will result from our decisions. Some discussion may occur, but once a decision is reached it is final.

As a personal note, I often require that someone submitting to me remove nearly all of their body ornaments. I will listen to what they have to say, and then they will do as I say and that's the end of it. Piercings all over the place just aren't my thing - and that's for me to decide. I agree that it may seem petty in the larger scheme of things, but isn't the point for me as a dominant man to fulfill myself and all of my petty whims? If my petty whims are some kind of deal-breaker for the woman in question, then she's not well suited to me is she?

My way or the highway...


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 4:03:53 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, any good joke has some truth behind it.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 4:51:51 PM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline 		no, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

i happen to like my hair chin length, it looks best there. starts to look straggly if it gets
any longer. however, if my Dom wanted me to grow it out, it would be allowed to grow
longer.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 5:13:58 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		One day if your lucky, you'll find that one in a hundred kind of guy, caitlyn.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 6:25:43 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Some day, I hope to be able to find someone that will weigh the hundreds of things it takes to make a relationship, and base the entire fucking thing on hair length.


Cait, I have to take back my post on another thread: You ARE wise beyond your years.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Opinions - 1/8/2006 6:38:15 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Frankly I don't think either of you was being unreasonable originally -- you wanted longer hair, she wanted shorter; you weren't a match apparently. My gut says that if it isn't hair it would be something else you'd have preferences or rules about and that she'd purposely push them from time to time.

So the answer to your question then may be the answer to this question: Do you want to be in a relationship where your authority is pushed from time to time or one where it is respected all the time?



This is how I see it as well, and it's very well stated, Ms. Tammyjo. A whole relationship cannot be decided, nor based upon, hair length. It is the underlying issues that are important.

The girl with the hair might have changed deeply, or changed her mind, or just changed her hair. But she has stated something about herself with her actions, and the Dominant must decide if this is the kind of woman he wants to be with.

Apparently not!!

Smythe

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 6:17:24 AM   
passionfirenmo


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline 		PlayfulOne,,,,Stay with what works for you,,,Why take the chance of running off a good sub for one that has defied you from the start!

Have fun Stay well,
passion

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 6:23:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne
It would set a bad example that the rules can be followed as the sub chooses and would render everything my current sub has done and given to me meaningless. The former friend and myself have talked a few times and the last one she was very upset and told me I was beng unreasonable.

If I was still without sub I might entertain the idea, but there would be much hoop jumping for her to earn her way back. I don't see anyway at this time anything more than friendship would be possible without making the contributions of my current little one meaningless.

Am I being unreasonable?

Kyle

I agree with Tammyjo- you aren't compatible and this person is not compatible with you. There's no shame in that for either of you however she should not make a conscious choice and then expect you to change your mind about it later just because she has. You have a stable solid situation now and you should stick to it.

Becoming polyamorous is a far more serious decision than "Oh I've got two chicks wanting me." While bringing this past girl on won't destroy everything and won't somehow lessen your dominance, it does seem a bad choice considering your lack of compatibility and understanding of eachother.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 8:00:23 AM   
MizKitty


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Don't you find it curious that the "sub" in question has decided to give in to your hair request now that you have another sub? I would seriously question her motivations. Is she interseted in being your sub or does she just want our attention?

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 12:32:40 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		I dont know, having such a physical requirement does seem shallow. Granted those of us who are overweight tend to feel that way anyway. Spent too long being denied, ridiculed and broken down because of what I looked like.

But granted, she was agreeing to be his sub which would mean willingness to obey commands. How hard would it have been for her to grow her hair in the first place? Seems like she was trying to hold on to a reminder of the freedom she would have lost entering under the OP as his sub.

Now it seems like she is jealous.

So no, the request, though shallow, is not unreasonable. Besides, although I hate it is true. If there is no physical attraction, the relationship would be doomed from the get go, but that is how it is with everyone.

(in reply to MizKitty)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 1:04:17 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps a serious opinion is in order, since I had my fun.

Individually, I see no problem with a) having a requirement for long hair, b) deciding who you want to be with.

But, in this instance, when you put these things together as they are framed in the original post, I think there is a problem.

Who was it that established hair length as a litmus test? As a point of fact, the original poster said it was the only litmus test, when he said, she had "one small issue."

Ok ... so that was what HE wanted, and the girl gave it to him ... and now, we are to judge her motives and question her reasons? Give me a fucking break. She didn't ask for that to be the issue, HE DID ... and she gave him EXACTLY the litmus test he asked for.

I'm sorry ... I go completely the opposite way on this issue then the concensus here. I think the original poster is being completely unreasonable ... and I would bet that on some level he would agree, or this thread would never have been posted in the first place.

Ok ... bet you are sorry you asked my opinion. Perhaps next time, you can entitle it, "Opinions: Everyone But Caitlyn Please"

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 1:13:01 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

so that was what HE wanted, and the girl gave it to him ... and now, we are to judge her motives and question her reasons? Give me a fucking break. She didn't ask for that to be the issue, HE DID ... and she gave him EXACTLY the litmus test he asked for.


yeah makes sense, and I do know that hair does take some time to grow. But as far as him allowing her to come in with his sub he has now. I think that would have more to deal with whether or not they are the type of people who can handle poly relationships. But yes, hair length, like any physical requirement, just seems silly to me.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 6:08:11 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I'm beginning to think my own posting is inferior.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 6:23:04 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		If a prospective is not fully compliant with my wishes, she is dropped immediately. I have quite a long list of would-be submissives who were foolish enough to think they could manipulate me or dictate terms. If she calls me "unreasonable" or attempts to assess or label my legitimacy or integrity, she is dropped right then and there, nothing personal.

Keep the submissive you have now and tell the other "good luck".

My $0.02

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Opinions - 1/9/2006 11:11:54 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

If a prospective is not fully compliant with my wishes, she is dropped immediately. I have quite a long list of would-be submissives who were foolish enough to think they could manipulate me or dictate terms. If she calls me "unreasonable" or attempts to assess or label my legitimacy or integrity, she is dropped right then and there, nothing personal.


I hope that works out for you. That attitude makes me want to kick people, but if it works for you, it works for you.

Personally, I wouldn't even consider accepting a top that made me cut my hair. (It's a religious/spiritual thing, and definitely a hard limit.) Aside from that, it generally seems a bit shallow. Preferences should be simply that: preferences. Most relationships, even in the lifestyle, tend to have at least minute elements of give and take on each side. Unless all concerned parties know exactly what they're getting into some power exchange should occur and some compromises should be made. In the end though, we all have to call our own games.

(Not picking on you specifically amayos. You simply wrote the inevitable post that I knew would happen as soon as I read the original post.)

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Opinions - 1/10/2006 4:53:13 AM   
gbgirlz2003


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		It is NOT about the hair. She is a drama queen and you want to be her King?



_____________________________

One of Master's many sluts

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Opinions - 1/10/2006 4:54:31 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		thank you all, I have been away and have not had time to read the responses till now.

caitlyn, you are entirely too cute (physical and mental), but you are right about a couple of things. She is not tyring to manipulate me, she truly feels she made a mistake and wants to come back. Growing her hair out is her way of saying I am sorry and begging. I was the one who originally made it an issue, personally if I wanted someone with short hair I would find a boy, I like longer hair on my females, I will be the first to admit it is rather shallow, but since that is the only physical thing I am shallow like that about I will tell anyone who wants to me mine they just have to deal with it. The issue the night we had the falling out was not her actually cutting her hair that day, but cutting it and then starting the conversation wanting me to take her as mine, knowing full well my thoughts on the subject.

What I am not sure if I am being unreasonable about (yes you were right again, how did you get so smart, :) ) is not allowing her any interaction. She is asking to at least be friend with the chance of joining sometimes. She is still even under those conditions going to be trying to put her best foot forward and win her way back. I don't think it is fair to my current sub to have someone around who is tyring to win a spot, so I have to decide whether I should allow some balance for the first one and I to be friends in some manner or just harshly shut her out.

K

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Opinions - 1/10/2006 5:05:26 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

thank you all, I have been away and have not had time to read the responses till now.

caitlyn, you are entirely too cute (physical and mental), but you are right about a couple of things. She is not tyring to manipulate me, she truly feels she made a mistake and wants to come back. Growing her hair out is her way of saying I am sorry and begging. I was the one who originally made it an issue, personally if I wanted someone with short hair I would find a boy, I like longer hair on my females, I will be the first to admit it is rather shallow, but since that is the only physical thing I am shallow like that about I will tell anyone who wants to me mine they just have to deal with it. The issue the night we had the falling out was not her actually cutting her hair that day, but cutting it and then starting the conversation wanting me to take her as mine, knowing full well my thoughts on the subject.

What I am not sure if I am being unreasonable about (yes you were right again, how did you get so smart, :) ) is not allowing her any interaction. She is asking to at least be friend with the chance of joining sometimes. She is still even under those conditions going to be trying to put her best foot forward and win her way back. I don't think it is fair to my current sub to have someone around who is tyring to win a spot, so I have to decide whether I should allow some balance for the first one and I to be friends in some manner or just harshly shut her out.

K



Then you know the answer to this one.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Opinions - 1/10/2006 5:59:19 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne
What I am not sure if I am being unreasonable about (yes you were right again, how did you get so smart, :) ) is not allowing her any interaction. She is asking to at least be friend with the chance of joining sometimes. She is still even under those conditions going to be trying to put her best foot forward and win her way back. I don't think it is fair to my current sub to have someone around who is tyring to win a spot, so I have to decide whether I should allow some balance for the first one and I to be friends in some manner or just harshly shut her out.

K

That's girl talk for "Wear you down and eventually be in a relationship with me"

I wouldn't harshly shut her out- I would politely communicate to her your feelings and needs at this time, that you don't want to possibly lead her own and leave her be. If you see her at munches or parties you can be sociable together, but that's it.

She might be pissed anyway, but I think that's better than letting her continue the drama needlessly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Opinions - 1/10/2006 6:17:37 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

If a prospective is not fully compliant with my wishes, she is dropped immediately.


Do you really expect 100% submission to your wishes from somebody you are just getting to know?

sudja

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 40
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