RE: Opinions wanted on progression

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MsLadySue -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 12:59:40 AM)
It sounds to me like he has pushed far too many rules and assignments at you from the get-go. I would have begun with a few rules and when they became automatic to you, would add more. Apparently he hasn't taken into account your schooling which takes up a certain amount of your time and should be your main concentration, not silly assignments he hands out. Personally, I've never understood one Dom training a slave for someone else to own in the end. Each dominant has their own rules, values and what they expect of a slave ... most likely the training you receive now will have to be unlearned and you will be required to begin the training process again with the new owner. I hope your current situation works out for you, though I agree with the others that you're being set up to fail using the "three strikes and your out" threat to keep you in line.

colouredin -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 4:49:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop Shelley.. you're a student, presumably with a fair amount of SCHOOL assignments to handle.. personally, I think he's doing you a disservice to expect you to concentrate on arbitrary rules and writing assignments NOT related to your studies. 500 word essay on what Service means to you?? wouldnt that time be better spent studying for your classes? Oh snap to this. I had a similar relationship to the one the OP mentioned (minus the passing me off to someone else or the three strike rule) and it was during the last year of my degree, boy oh boy do I regret it. I got a substandard degree because I had to ask permission for well anything really. It was all new and exciting and all that rubbish and i was totally in sub frenzy and since then I have been a million times more careful with the type of person I involve myself with. Giving yourself to someone is great but you have to be so so sure that they have your best interests at heart. He didnt. I dunno if this guy does either and to be honest to me you sound so similar to me that it makes me worry. Now a bit more experiance under my belt there is no way I would get into a relationship like the one that you describe (seriously the passing you on thing screams to total fantasty to me, I think maybe he read story of o too many times) But as has been said, you chose this relationship, you knew the rules so its up to you what to do. If you stay with it well dont mess up. But on a personal level honestly relationships like this can make you ill (it did me, I couldnt sleep for stress) so look after yourself especially if he isnt. Its so easy to get caught up in it all.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 11:28:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shellymeow i have fairly recently entered into a relationship, one in which i shall be trained as a slave, i shall have to earn a collar, and then at the end of my training (Sir said at least a year), i will be marked, and shall be given to someone Sir considers worthy of owning me. i have been in one previous D/s relationship, where it was more or less a complete joke and waste of everyones time. This though, has been completely different. i respect Sir completely, and have for years prior to actually speaking to Him, due to His work and reputation in the lifestyle. So i have entered this with hardly any training or prior experience. Sir has given me so many life changing rules and tasks, that my life has turned upside down, and i am feeling very overwhelmed. i wish so hard to please Him, i dont want to fail him at all. i have already come this far, and i dont want to mess up what may be one of the greatest opportunities i have ever had. i have had to change my eating habits and schedule completely, start exercizing, keep a journal (which i have done previously, thats not a big deal), email him what i have eaten every day, and rules that i am familiar with through "The Story of O". Sir has also given me ample homework assignments, such as papers, and assignments relating to what I am going to school for. He most definitely keeps me on my toes, and i hope Y/you can understand why I am so overwhlemed - as all of this has happened at once. Plus He said 3 strikes and i am out, i have already received one. A strike can be anything from forgetting to email him what i ate that day, to anything else i could imagine. i am always so careful to not get any strikes, but sometimes i forget things. i feel silly because its just my shoddy memory, but i blame it on the massive changes made to my life all at once - its really hard to remember it all! Opinions? Advice? i do not want to fail him. He can read me better than i know myself - His background in psychology helps that one. He demands a lot from me, and i want to be able to give that all to Him. ETA: Yes, i have met Him in real life, multiple times, and have scened with Him. Hello shellymeow. Having fun? RL

oceanwynds -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 3:06:56 PM)
I personally find this post very sad. Through life, I have seen many people set themselves up for failure. It must be something there that they get out of it. I just see it so sad.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 3:49:30 PM)
Hello oceanwynds. Ditto. RL.

SailingBum -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 3:55:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD First for me no one can train someone else for me. Training is learning what I like, how I like it and when I like it. I know you said you have meet him, but it really sounds like a good wank session to me. But if it works for you two then enjoy it. Mike Ahoy tis true. This guy and girl <for getting herself in this situation> Are a couple of wack jobs. Presumable the guy that ends up with her will have to train her from scratch. Hows that for progressing??? BadOne

mc1234 -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/19/2009 5:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 f this is the first such relationship for both of you -- and it sounds as though it is -- there's going to be screwing up on both sides. You might ask him if he really wants to lose you if you make two more mistakes. Is it worth that much to him to not back down from what sounds to me like a beginner's rule? I agree with this assessment, except the OP said, "i respect Sir completely, and have for years prior to actually speaking to Him, due to His work and reputation in the lifestyle." Shelly, if it all works for you, I'd speak with him about being overwhelmed and asking help in prioritizing. But in my opinion, being trained to be given to another sounds like a fantasy to me - it could be hot to wank to, but I don't think I would ever want it to happen. Can it be done? of course. Questions to think about: Do you wish to deal with the reality that this entails? In serving this Dom for a year, will you become emotionally attached to him? Will you be able to move on to the next man to serve and give up your relationship with this one? Can you maintain the level of service this one demands while keeping up with your other responsibilities? How is training this one gives you going to prepare you for the next Dom, who will have his own ways and desires for you to fulfill? What are you actually getting out of this relationship? It's easy to get all caught in a relationship like this. I know of one Dom I saw briefly (no commitment) who had so many rules it made my head spin. It was a giddy time - some highs, sprinkled in amongst the difficult lows, which came from not being able to serve as perfectly as he wished. For some people being given rules to follow makes them feel they are being submissive, when in reality it's all in their attitude, not the actions that make a person submissive or dominant. Again, if it all works for you and it can work for you, I hope you enjoy it!

DrSysAdmin -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/20/2009 8:36:34 AM)
There are times when a setup for failure is the purpose - I myself have done so and written about why. However - the failure is needed to allow one to grow futher. For the life of me, I don't see this as being the case here, though I am an outside observer. 3 strikes your out - and a strike can be any trivial anything - is tailor made to be nothing more than an escape route for your "d". Its a way of going "when I get bored enough I will drop you and make you think its your failure". I call it like I see it - and thats a big red flag. As for being overwhelmed - provided this is a true relationship and not just a game for one or both parties - communicate this fact to your one. Be clear you are not complaining, but concerned that the requirements of service being demanded does not take into account the responsibilities you have outside that service - and remember that it is OUR role to support and push you to success in all facets of your life - not just in your "service". If that communication goes badly - you should seriously rethink things. If it goes well, then you have strengthened your bond and can trust that this person will look out for what is truly best for you in all things, thus reinforcing your trust in them.

agirl -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/20/2009 12:14:28 PM)
It's great to be pushed, to extend yourself....but that should be for you...for your benefit. It shouldn't be about failing him. How can you fail your 'Sir' if you're doing your best? If it's a fairly recent relationship, as you mentioned.......it's unlikely he can read you better than you know yourself unless he anticipated you being in this amount of turmoil and struggle. All said ...... you've agreed to something that's harder than you imagined......Tell him that. agirl

graceadieu -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 3:51:03 AM)
As others have said, you're clearly being set up to fail. And even if you weren't.... do you really want someone to collar and permanently mark you when you know this is a temporary relationship?

antipode -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 5:05:30 AM)
I have to agree with others, Shelly, that this isn't a relationship that goes anywhere. Apart from the "three strikes" rule (I myself never employ rules that threaten, you transgress, you're punished, you transgress beyond the reasonable, you're fired), he has already announced that you will be passed on, and given you loads of assignments that have nothing to do with anything other than his power trip. I see clearly you are young, I see clearly you're overawed by this guy (this is not a good thing), and even though you say you've met him, you are clearly in a largely online relationship with him. That means he is not dedicated to you, and he may well be in a permanent relationship with someone else, which would explain why he wastes so much of your time. You have to ask yourself why he "trains" you without actually getting the benefits of his training, to the point that he has already announced your departure. You may be a true masochist, but I think you are well on your way to being a used-and-discarded young woman, with nothing to show for this part of your life. Reading your emails does not constitute care, and being in awe of someone does not constitute doing your homework about someone, and about the benefits of being in this "relationship".

Huntertn -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 9:37:20 AM)
We all train in different ways. He sounds more like a mentor/trainer and she seems to be ok with that..I'd say as long as she can keep her grades up its her decision..I really do think everone has cover the negative parts of it quite well enough for her to Make that decision now..

Sexycelticlady -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 1:11:19 PM)
The negative comments are valid but I simply wanted to add my own opinion having been in a simialr situation. I was also told the three strikes rule, and was also told that my training would not result in a relationship. This was simply because He saw I needed help, and I did, I was deeply depressed and struggling to keep my head above the water. The three strikes rule was one of my incentives to try my best, it was never acted upon, even when I got two strikes against me, and the training only situation was in order for me to focus on myself and only myself and working on improving myself, rather than placing the emphasis on Him and serving His needs. He knew that I would not be able to defeat my depression without doing this for me and not for Him, what He did was use my sbmissive nature to help me in doing that, not addressing the issues directly but by giving me tasks to do that helped me see who I was and find my own strength. I had to do this for me and I did. It worked. I was also overwhelmed by the amount of tasks given, pushing at the limits of what I could do (I have a full time job and work very long hours due to the nature of my work), but I rose to the challenge and in the end I could do it, as He knew I could, He knew it was in the scope of my ability. I will say that interference with my work was a hard limit the He imposed from the start, even though He did make it difficult for me to do both, when I was struggling He gave me some time to deal with it. To the OP. It sounds as if he is pushing you but you don't come across as being unhappy in the situation. Remember that the training is for you and to help you. All the work you to is part of improving yourself. If at any time you become concerned with the tasks affecting your degree or studies then stop, it is always your choice to do this, and if your Sir cannot see that then the situation becomes unrealistic and you need to make a choice. A 500 word essay is not that difficult to achieve and it sounds like the corset designing is something you can do in your own time or as part of your studies. Good luck to you and I just want to say that you are the only one who knows if this is a positive or negative thing, if it is really helping or hindering, don't worry about the three strikes thing, if it happens it happens, the only challenge you need to meet is to try your best. No one can ask more.

KnightofMists -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 1:42:53 PM)
Well... all I can say to the OP.... please come back in a couple of years and let us know how things work out for you!!! Somehow I doubt that we will see you back

shellymeow -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 1:46:31 PM)
Thanks everyone... some comments... He does have someone else in his life, a full time (non live in) slave/girlfriend. i know that, and i knew that before entering into this. i am going to speak to Him tonight. If He is willing to negotiate, then i would be happy to stay. But yeah... ive been thinking a lot about it. Specifically working out. Now i havent worked out in ages - and i know that i am out of shape... but He is not a personal trainer, nor does He know anything about working out or dieting beyond what any person would know. Nor does He know my physical shape or how much work i am capable of doing. i was to work out for about 20 minutes a day. i usually ran, and that wasnt a big deal - but it was more of a fast walk, and at the end of the 20 minutes i was exhausted. Well now its up to 30 minutes, and i am not to run for those 30 minutes, i need to do situps or pushups or something else along that line, and He wants me to then run for an additional 30 minutes after. Uh... i am out of shape. That is really very hard for me to even accomplish. Not to mention time - im supposed to do it in the mornings. i am not a morning person. So in order for me to do this before, say, a morning class at 9am - i would have to wake up at least 2.5 hours before class to get to the gym, work out, then shower, and make it to class. Seeing as my school work keeps me up till 12-2 in the morning most nights, i cannot wake up at 6:30 to work out before class. Thats just not good for me. As for having a toll on my school work, well He understands that school work is a priority. Infact one of my duties is to get a 3.75 GPA or better (I got a 3.63 last semester - and that was the first time in my entire life (including 3 years of college already) that i had even gotten above a 3.0). So im not sure how do-able that is, seeing that i worked harder than i ever had in my life for the 3.63... and He wants me to do something that is going to take away from my sleep. i am going to speak to Him... ask Him if there is any way that i could possibly work off strikes, see if He could perhaps shorten the work out period, and give me permission to do it anytime in the day, which would be a lot more convinient. i mean i dont even have to do it... theres no way that He would possibly know - except in the long run when no results were seen. But i dont want to lie to Him obviously! i would feel absolutely horrible! And the idea of giving Him 3 strikes is a good one. :) In that case He has one... i havent seen Him in over 2 weeks. He said that if i completed one of my tasks i could see Him Monday night. i stayed up late just to finish it... and then couldnt get ahold of Him the next day. i was dissapointed.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 2:01:31 PM)
Thanks for the update Shelly, you sounds like you're really thinking things through and taking steps to work together to make this a more fulfilling experience. It's just smart and good submission to inform the trainer of conflicts and possible problems with their orders so they can be modified. And yes, his commitment and then failure to follow through is something to be directly addressed.

shellymeow -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 2:29:10 PM)
Well... that was pointless... He just told me that I needed to manage my time better. So... according to His rules... i need at least 7 hours of sleep a night, i need to work out for an hour, do incredible in school, and still fulfill any assignments he gives me, including my daily journal. The only thing that was accomplished was permission to workout whenever i wish during the day, and i can even split it up. i have no idea how this is going to work... i am not perfect... i never will be, nobody is... meh. But apparently i am seeing Him tomorrow night... so, i am at least excited for that.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 2:38:06 PM)
Excited to finally be able to sit down, logically talk about these conflicts and lack of solid communication when you aren't in eachothers physical presence?

Sexycelticlady -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 3:23:02 PM)
Shelly - can you count walking between classes as part of your exercise? [;)]

faithfulfemme -> RE: Opinions wanted on progression (1/21/2009 3:48:43 PM)
shellymeow, the following is only my opinion, and nothing more. you have the ability to decide what is right for you or not. Having said that you did come to the forum for some advice on your situation, and that is what i am going to post......advice. i've been where you are. you're new to the lifestyle, and have only been in one other D/s relationship, which according to your own words, was "more or less a complete joke and a waste of everyone's time." You're wanting to learn all you can about being a slave, and this Dom, whom you admire greatly, has offered to "train" you. How excited you must be. Finally, you're going to get immersed into a lifestyle you have wanted to join. you're going to be shown how to act, how to respond, how to think concerning your new identity as slave. you're going to be shown what it means to obey, surrender and offer service. you're going to finally get a Master of your own, as laid out by this Dom, when He feels you are at the right point in your training and gives you to someone He thinks is of the caliber that you deserve. And you even have a say in who that Master will be. Life is good and it's good to be you, right now, yes? i know the "want" you have for knowing all you can about being the "s" in a D/s or M/s relationship. It's so real you can almost touch it, yes? i know how you feel about this "opportunity" being just too good to pass up. But shelly, this is not a good situation for you, however much you wish to learn about being a slave. you have said that clearly half, if not more of the training you are receiving is non-sexual. That leaves half, if not less, of your training to be of a sexual nature, yes? If this Dom has your interests at heart, there wouldn't be this much sexual activity in your training, on top of everything else He has placed on you. In addition to every other chore He has assigned you, He is also putting sexual demands on you? Not a good thing... shelly, there are not many "absolutes" in the Leather world. Each Dom has their own individual way of doing things, and that is to be respected. However, there is this sort of consensus in the community that a good Dom doesn't teach through fear. Praise and rewards works wonders for submissives, and the good ones know this. Also, you have mentioned that you were to see this Dom on a Monday night, yes? and He didn't show up and didn't tell you in some way that He wouldn't be there? Good Masters don't act that way, shelly. They fully understand the responsibilities they have to their slaves, and unless there was an emergency, He would have let you know He wasn't able to be there that Monday night. shelly, step back from this wonderful mind-set you're in, as i said earlier i know how wonderful it is, and think about what all these lovely people are telling you in this thread about your situation. you sound like an intelligent woman and you need to see there are folx here posting aswers for you who have been in the lifestyle for many years and have garnered experience that you and i can only dream about. They have your best interests at heart, shelly, and it's their opinion that you're not in a good place. Perhaps you need to put this relationship aside and wait for that right one to come along, however difficult that will be for you. Patience is it's own reward, yes? Remember, i mean no offense to you, shelly, with my post. i am only stating my opinion as i see it regards this relationship you are having with this Master, and nothing more. you make your decisions about your life as you see fit. Edited for typoitis...

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