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Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 5:34:04 PM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I need input from both sides here. I was asked by my submissive, permission to masturbate because of stress. I said no for various reasons. I understand that stress is a fact of life but I believe a person can learn other ways of reducing stress levels. Prior to becoming mine, one of the things we had to work through was his "need" to masturbate several times a day at times.

he got through this phase and I don't believe he does it any more and by his asking permission to do so today further adds to this belief. I refuse to hold to "I need to relieve stress" as a justifiable reason to allow it. he's not a live-in and we live a 2.5 hours drive away from each other or this would have been handled by giving him plenty of other things to do, guaranteed to reduce stress.

So... what are the opinions in regards to this kind of request and how do you as a Domme/Mistress handle it or how has your Domme/Mistress dealt with a request like this if you've asked it?

Thanks in advance for any posts.

M. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

Post #: 1

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 5:42:36 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I have not had to handle it (interesting choice of words, incidentally ;-) ) because I have not had this issue come up so much. I do think masturbation is healthy and that most healthy effects of masturbation can be had otherwise. Masturbation reduces stress by providing moments of relief from whatever worries one has, and some physical activity. Is there a suitable alternative or a combination thereof which achieves the same?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 2

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 5:47:50 PM

Reigna

Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Orgasm is a great stress reliever.

I'd do what I could to ensure that he's dealing with his stress rationally and realistically, and I'd give him permission to masturbate once he'd done some finite number of well-defined things to reduce the stress. As an example off the top of my head, if he's stressed because he's out of work, I'd allow him to masturbate after a job interview. If he's a student stressing over finals, I'd let him masturbate after 6 hours of studying. And so on.

< Message edited by Reigna -- 1/18/2009 5:49:18 PM >

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 3

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 6:26:03 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think masturbation is healthy for both men and women and I would never take that personal choice away from my slave unless it was a form of punishment.

However, if you do exercise such control that I think you must stick to your rules and not deviate from them unless there is a verified medical reason to do so. If it becomes an issue of whether or not your dynamic can continue then you'll both need to rethink how important it is to you.

As for stress, there are many ways to deal with stress, some not very healthy. I think you and he should consult someone with more training in such matters before determining what sorts of activities are healthiest for him.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 4

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 6:39:04 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am not big on orgasm denial. I doubt that I would deny my submission permission to masturbate, especially if he asked and gave such a good reason.

Of course in the real world, I wouldn't have that kind of thing in my dynamic... and I would want to at least share it on the phone!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 5

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 6:43:33 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Ditto. I've never been big on chastity. I do ask that my boys keep their hands off it for a week before coming to see me. I like them rather tightly wound when they arrive.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 6:55:54 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Well, as I've grown, it has always been shared of my elders, that if I partake in such, I shall go blind.

But since everybody here seems to think it might be healthy and otherwise progressive that I do so.

Mmmm, it does feel rather nice, wonderful sensa.....getting dark.........let me turn on a lig......OMG...

kkmndeit hsoprt wqkjud *&%#$! pdxlwh baivs bveplwe %+$@&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 7

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 7:33:21 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Masturbating several times a day can represent an addiction of sorts so I think limiting the activity is reasonable. Perhaps there is a middle ground, or, if this practice is new, a gradual reduction might make it easier.

There might be literature on addictive behavior that addresses masturbation. This literature might suggest suitable alternatives and helpful strategies.

Push-ups and sit-ups might make for good physical alternatives (you know, so one can work some of the same muscle groups and avoid muscular atrophy ;-)). For the mental relief, meditation comes to mind. I suppose masturbation has potential to achieve both in less time ;-)

Too bad they don't have patches one can put on their arm and experience an instant orgasm!

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 1/18/2009 7:34:37 PM >

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 8

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 7:50:25 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

As a rule, I give anyone living with me plenty of opportunities to orgasm in my service. That said, if I am in my week of absolute misery, I'll have him masturbate if he is having issues with it.

But if he's distant, I ask that when they masturbate they practice edging techniques and learn to feel the stages of their ramp up to orgasm, so that they can give me good feedback as I teach them longer endurance. And I don't think anyone needs to masturbate several times a day. There are other things you can do with your time that are much more useful.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 9

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 8:59:03 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Masturbating several times a day can represent an addiction of sorts . . .

And sometimes it's just the result of really hot email. I'd go easy on the psycho-analysis.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 10

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 10:44:00 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

I understand that denial can be a powerful tool..

The nature of the male orgasm is significantly different than that of the female, specifically the emptying of material colleced in the seminal vescules and the prostate.

I'm uncertain the degree to which the female population appreciates how completely disruptive it can be physically, mentally, and emotionally to abruptly deny orgasm to a male accustomed to frequent release.

Just an observation. No real "point."

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 11

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 11:29:53 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

TermsConditions, you are correct.

According to my best medical information, for good prostate health males should be allowed to ejaculate on a regular basis. At least two or three times a week.

Therefore, any slaveboy of mine who is kept in chastity will be milked at least that often, if I am denying him a proper orgasm.

_____________________________

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(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 12

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/18/2009 11:36:52 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
Prior to becoming mine, one of the things we had to work through was his "need" to masturbate several times a day at times.

So... what are the opinions in regards to this kind of request and how do you as a Domme/Mistress handle it or how has your Domme/Mistress dealt with a request like this if you've asked it?

Thanks in advance for any posts.

M. Faye

Hello M. Faye,

There is nothing wrong with masturbating,
boys and their clit. Mine needs permission to cum,
and so they are allowed to edge more times a day,
sometimes I'll tell them how many times they've to do
that during the day, so they know who they serve.

It brings them deeper in submission
in the end it's a win win situation,
and once you'll meet them,
they'll b eagar as...

Just let them milk themselves
every 6 weeks, to keep themselves healthy.
Safety above all.

It can be done, mine does it, as do other subs,
and it makes them happier then ever.

Even heard the 'complaint' that they missed
that great feeling when they finally we're allowed to cum..

So think about that.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 13

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 3:48:27 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Masturbating several times a day can represent an addiction of sorts . . .

And sometimes it's just the result of really hot email. I'd go easy on the psycho-analysis.

The first sentence is funny.

In the context of this thread (a need to masturbate several times a day), I think the point about addictive behavior is relevant.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 14

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 4:51:11 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

i am curious if this may possibly be separation anxiety??not assuming..just wondering.this sort of hits a nerve with me because in the months to come,Mistress and i won't be separated by just a couple of hours but perhaps by a couple of days drive till i am accpeted into her home.Now we all know there are going to be times where i will need a release and ask Mistress's permission.Unless i have been a real jerkwater,i am sure that she will say yes.Of course,i am not a wankaholic..so this is a tad different.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 15

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 6:06:06 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Nope, sorry, doesn't fly for Me--"play with yourself and the world will be a better place"---men will always find a reason to jack off--

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 16

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 7:24:49 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Thank you for your responses. I do allow orgasms on a regular basis because I enjoy how those are allowed to come about. I also understand the importance of it for health reasons. My main concern was the reversion back to the addictive behavior. he was allowed several less than a week before this request so, I doubt this time it was a health issue. Addictive behaviors are magnified by preceived "stressors" and those stressors are the excuse to return to the behaviors.

It is my concern, there will be a relaspe and return to his "need" to do it several times a day to handle the stress he's under. I advocate positive actions to reduce stress, such as taking proactive steps to reduce the stress itself. At this time, I feel if I give permission because of the reason for the request, I will be aiding and abetting a return to negative behavior. If I give permission and the next time he asks to do so, "because of stress" and it's denied, I can just hear, "you let me do it before!" coming out of his mouth.

After reading the responses here (for which I am truly grateful), I told him to do what he feels he needs to do. I've also reinterated, for him to use the other techniques he has to deal with this and gave him proactive steps to take to deal with the issues causing these sudden high stress levels.

he told me that he didn't, "feel right having one without me there in some capacity" and maybe this thought will be the thing that derails what he thinks is a driving need at this time because I told him, if he does, it will be his private undertaking that I want no part of. I've adopted the "don't ask, don't tell" stance on this. I'm beginning to view this as a test of sorts to see if he has internalized some of the things we've discussed and learned the past 8 months.

Since I didn't, with my blessings give him the easy way out by giving permission, I hope he reaches inside himself and see there are other things he can do other than go back to what he's done in the past.

I appreciate you all!

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 17

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 7:32:25 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy71

i am curious if this may possibly be separation anxiety??not assuming..just wondering.this sort of hits a nerve with me because in the months to come,Mistress and i won't be separated by just a couple of hours but perhaps by a couple of days drive till i am accpeted into her home.Now we all know there are going to be times where i will need a release and ask Mistress's permission.Unless i have been a real jerkwater,i am sure that she will say yes.Of course,i am not a wankaholic..so this is a tad different.

I doubt separation anxiety is the case. We see each other every week, for the most part. Our visits are for 2-4 days per week at a time. We didn't see each other this weekend but will this week and again it will be a 4 day visit.

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 18

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 7:34:22 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Nope, sorry, doesn't fly for Me--"play with yourself and the world will be a better place"---men will always find a reason to jack off--

This sums up what I'm feeling towards him right now because it was what I was getting in the beginning of the relationship.

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 19

RE: Permission to Masturbate Mistress - 1/19/2009 7:35:28 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Masturbating several times a day can represent an addiction of sorts . . .

And sometimes it's just the result of really hot email. I'd go easy on the psycho-analysis.

The first sentence is funny.

In the context of this thread (a need to masturbate several times a day), I think the point about addictive behavior is relevant.

Cheers,

Sea

Yes it is, and hence my concern!

edited to place my comment at the end of the quotes.

< Message edited by MistressFaye1 -- 1/19/2009 7:37:49 AM >

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 20

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