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RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 3:58:14 PM

erosfunk

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Joined: 5/12/2008
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I find this topic very amusing, I have married female friend that does this and loves it. My friend does it because she has deep belief that our society is kind of screwy:- 50% of marriages don't work out, and of the 50% that do, in around half of them either one or both partners screw around at some point. So my friends take on it is that she considers it her civil duty to fuck as many frustrated husbands as she can so that their wives wake up to the fact that sex is good thing and that they shouldn't be neglecting and abusing their husbands. O and the term these days is hypersexual woman, not slut-nympho-hussy-prostitute etc Her take on it is that love should be shared and love at the joining point of cock and pussy at the end of the day is just how adults have fun. O and before you ask, her husband does know and thinks that its fantastic that he knows at least one woman that isn’t all mixed up about sex and love and intimacy. The sun shines people it isn’t going to stop doing it so you may as well enjoy its warmth. We are not even sure that marriage will be around in 50 years time, maybe all this woman is doing is showing you that change is imminent. After all have you paused to think of the question: What is a family? Does it mean the same thing it meant 20 years ago, 50 years ago, 100 years ago.

Any

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 61

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:01:46 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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From: Pennsylvania
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O do you understand that sex-love-intimacy don't necessarily always go together.

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(in reply to erosfunk)

Post #: 62

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:09:14 PM

MistressAinCT

Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
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Even married people have STDs..isn't she afraid of this?

I think (and IMHO) maybe she has a self esteem problem. If men see her sexually, then perhaps she feels better about herself. I don't think this has anything to do with numbers, it has to do with how she views herself. Maybe this is the only way she can feel attractive, desireable, sexy. Breaking up friendships and couples is a bonus. If you can steal someone from someone else, isn't that a high?

Do the "victims" know her history? Are they aware that she will screw them then move on? Where does she find the TIME??? The ENERGY at 47? She could also be a sex addict, but I don't think that's likely. Believe Me, once she hits menopause, this won't be an issue ;)

Looks like a course of self-destruction to Me. Its her choice-that's undeniable-but I doubt you or anyone else can change her.

BTW-Paxil wreaks havoc on libido. Maybe slip her some?

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 63

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:12:23 PM

windchymes

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I got popeye's email so I know what she does, neener neener neener!

My answer to him was that it brings up another theory, in my mind: She's a lesbian and seduces the husbands away from the wives so that she can then persue the wives. I do know a couple lesbians who do that.

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Post #: 64

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:14:40 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

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EF, While the men your friend fucks may or may not be cheating on their wives (depending on whether the wife knows and consents to his fucking other women) - I don't consider what she is doing to be fucking around on her husband - he condones and approves of her sleeping with other men, according to what you said in your responce. If they're cheating and she Knows that they're cheating - she should be fucking someone other than them, simply because the required deception is (in my opinion) dishonorable and scumsucking.

I see a Significant difference between Cheating and being Open Sexually or Swinging. I am a swinger. I make no bones about the fact that I am a swinger. I tell the people that I date - up front, so they have no opportunity to misinterpret things - that I am a swinger. I do not, however, fuck married men unless the wife has said to my face that it's ok with her if I do so. It's a matter of courtesy. Email supposedly from her doesn't cut it. A phone call from her doesn't cut it. Either of those can be faked. Face to face isn't so easy to fake. And yes, I've had a LOT of married guys get seriously Pissed that I told them no - apparantly they felt if I was willing to be a swinger it meant I was willing to fuck literally Anyone, no questions asked.

My issue is not with people who get some outside their marriage - my issue is with those who Lie in order to do so. They are showing a complete and utter lack of respect - for themselves, for their spouce, and for the person they are cheating with. If someone is not being decietful in order to get a piece they aren't married to - there's nothing inherantly wrong with it as long as they are careful not to pass along any communicable diseases.

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(in reply to erosfunk)

Post #: 65

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:16:04 PM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I got popeye's email so I know what she does, neener neener neener!

My answer to him was that it brings up another theory, in my mind: She's a lesbian and seduces the husbands away from the wives so that she can then persue the wives. I do know a couple lesbians who do that.

see now I totally want to know

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Post #: 66

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:19:48 PM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I got popeye's email so I know what she does, neener neener neener!

My answer to him was that it brings up another theory, in my mind: She's a lesbian and seduces the husbands away from the wives so that she can then persue the wives. I do know a couple lesbians who do that.

see now I totally want to know

I'd tell you, but I promised I wouldn't tell! Pop's a sweetie, though, I bet if you email him on the other side, he'll tell you, just not publicly.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 67

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:45:01 PM

popeye1250

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From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

EF, While the men your friend fucks may or may not be cheating on their wives (depending on whether the wife knows and consents to his fucking other women) - I don't consider what she is doing to be fucking around on her husband - he condones and approves of her sleeping with other men, according to what you said in your responce. If they're cheating and she Knows that they're cheating - she should be fucking someone other than them, simply because the required deception is (in my opinion) dishonorable and scumsucking.

I see a Significant difference between Cheating and being Open Sexually or Swinging. I am a swinger. I make no bones about the fact that I am a swinger. I tell the people that I date - up front, so they have no opportunity to misinterpret things - that I am a swinger. I do not, however, fuck married men unless the wife has said to my face that it's ok with her if I do so. It's a matter of courtesy. Email supposedly from her doesn't cut it. A phone call from her doesn't cut it. Either of those can be faked. Face to face isn't so easy to fake. And yes, I've had a LOT of married guys get seriously Pissed that I told them no - apparantly they felt if I was willing to be a swinger it meant I was willing to fuck literally Anyone, no questions asked.

My issue is not with people who get some outside their marriage - my issue is with those who Lie in order to do so. They are showing a complete and utter lack of respect - for themselves, for their spouce, and for the person they are cheating with. If someone is not being decietful in order to get a piece they aren't married to - there's nothing inherantly wrong with it as long as they are careful not to pass along any communicable diseases.

Peach, very well said!
That whole sneaking around going behind someone's back and Lieing is what's wrong.

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(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 68

RE: Psychological Question - 1/19/2009 4:45:40 PM

samboct

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hi La T

"Of course she doesn't feel bad! She knows that if they were decent guys, they wouldn't have taken the bait. She may even feel she did their wives a service in showing them what schmucks they were married to. In essence, freeing them. One thing is for sure, I bet she doesn't like men very much. Sex yes, but men, no."

Interesting take- but I think it may be hard to find sex enjoyable for a somewhat long period of time with someone that you don't like. We're not wired that way. If you don't like somebody- do you think you can really enjoy sex with them long term? And yeah, I'm assuming the sex is long term because she's breaking up marriages. Most marriages can survive a short shot of infidelity with little/no emotional attachment on the part of the straying spouse. Popeye's describing a homewrecker which means that she has to be with these guys long enough for them to develop an attachment to her and lose interest in their wives.  Or if she's breaking up marriages that are loveless, then hell, she's doing a public service, but from the previous posts that seems unlikely and she should have a lot more notches.

I suspect her mentality is similar to the black widow women who marry for money and then opt for a very quick end to the marriage.

So I think she has to be able to be able to make these men think that she's really in love with them, and then dump them. I suspect that she does like men- but she's a narcissist who enjoys the challenge of destroying marriages more. Anybody ever read that awful assemblage "Naked Came the Stranger?"   Humans are such good liars.....

Sam

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 69

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 2:02:56 AM

wandersalone

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The difficulty with diagnosing someone online....even in fun, is that the DSM IV is actually so vague that it is very easy for someone to appear to fit the clinical features. The reality is that the professional takes a lot of things into account before making a definitive diagnosis.....it is about more than checking off things in a list.

I don't see anything that has been mentioned so far that points to anything pathological with this woman..... maybe it is more that until she finds men who will say no she will keep doing this.

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 70

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 4:03:12 AM

LaTigresse

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Samboct, I fully acknowledge that my point of view is coloured by knowing several women exactly like Popeye described. And yes, their motives are much like I described. Their enjoyment is not so much in the sex but the destruction it creates and the power it is indicative of.

What is almost impossible for one person to imagine, the enjoyment of sex of this sort, much like BDSM is impossible for many to imagine being enjoyable, is very much so to someone else.

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(in reply to samboct)

Post #: 71

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 3:31:00 PM

Vendaval

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Fast Reply -

I have seen men exhibit the same sort of behavior, going after women that are involved with or married to other men, sometimes even within their social group. The lying and betrayal and cheating is what makes the situation bad. And while it takes more than one person to cheat, the instigator receives an ego boost from "stealing" someone else's partner.

As Peach and a few others have mentioned, this type of scenario is very different from an open-marriage or swingers situation where all involved give informed consent.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 72

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 5:44:16 PM

popeye1250

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From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

The difficulty with diagnosing someone online....even in fun, is that the DSM IV is actually so vague that it is very easy for someone to appear to fit the clinical features. The reality is that the professional takes a lot of things into account before making a definitive diagnosis.....it is about more than checking off things in a list.

I don't see anything that has been mentioned so far that points to anything pathological with this woman..... maybe it is more that until she finds men who will say no she will keep doing this.

Well, if she's breaking up marriages and she *knows* that there are "UMs" involved and feels nothing then how can that not be "pathological?"

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 73

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 7:24:59 PM

samboct

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Popeye

See this definition of pathological-

1: the study of the essential nature of diseases and especially of the structural and functional changes produced by them2: something abnormal: a: the structural and functional deviations from the normal that constitute disease or characterize a particular disease b: deviation from propriety or from an assumed normal state of something nonliving or nonmaterial c: deviation giving rise to social ills <connections between these pathologies…and crime — Wendy Kaminer>

The medical definition of pathological as used by me, wandersalone and some others involves a disease. The less precise definition of pathological is c, but has no relation to making a diagnosis which requires an illness.

As has been pointed out- to be ill requires a disease- and being nasty is not a disease, it's part of the human condition. You may find her behavior reprehensible, but that doesn't make it an illness. It's too much of a cop out and deflects her own responsibility for her actions.

Sam

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 74

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 7:29:36 PM

MistresseLotus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I know a woman who's gone from man to man and her specialty is having another woman's man sexually.
And this has been going on for years and years.
It's like she wants what "she can't have" or shouldn't have or whatever.
Why does she do that? It's ruined friendships, broken up people and couples.
And she's screwed over a lot of men both financially and psychologically.
And she just continues to do it.
What is the psychology or maybe I should say, pathology behind this kind of destructive behaviour?
Is it caused by childhood abuse? Is she trying to, "marry her father?"
And just how messed up psychologically is she?
Is she a "prisoner" to this type of behaviour?
Can it be curtailed or "cured" or is she at 47 destined to keep making the same bad choices?
It doesn't seem to bother her so there could be some type of sociopathy involved.
We must have some mental health people in here who could give me an idea of what is going on in her brain.
And no, I've not been involved with her.

It's the same mind set that men who pull the same shit have. No big mystery.

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 75

RE: Psychological Question - 1/20/2009 7:32:33 PM

popeye1250

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Sam, that's true too.
If someone is hurting others and feels nothing that is probably something involved more with sociopathy.

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Post #: 76

RE: Psychological Question - 1/21/2009 3:16:32 AM

wandersalone

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Damn I had written a long post and done the whole proper quoting thing and everything and then lost it all so let me try and do a quick summary of my further questions to you Popeye.

You mentioned in one of your posts that a 'former' friend of this woman's told you these things. Is it possible that this person's opinion is biased in some way against this woman because of their own experiences with her?

Another interesting comment was that this woman had initiated the relationships. Is it the woman in question that has told you this? What is your definition of 'initiate'... is it the first look of interest, is it the first 'accidental' brushing against their arm, is it the first kiss? And how do you know which person initiated it in each case? Sometimes our memory can be selective.

Another evidence question....has the woman in question told you that she feels nothing about breaking up all of these relationships and families or once again is this hearsay?

Sorry if these come across as supporting the woman or questioning the validity of your feelings, it is more that I am 1. playing devils advocate and 2. can see some gaps in the evidence. :)

For the record I disagree with her behaviour however this doesn't mean I think it points to a psychological pathology (based on the information provided)

I also wonder what purpose getting some agreement from people on here would serve. If everyone said yes I think she has a personality disorder would this change anything, would it change her behaviour, would it make married males who meet her less likely to say yes or is this about you wanting others to validate your personal feelings about this behaviour?

(ok I am going to switch off the computer and go to bed before I get myself into trouble with my views

)

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 77

RE: Psychological Question - 1/21/2009 3:25:06 PM

popeye1250

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You mentioned in one of your posts that a 'former' friend of this woman's told you these things. Is it possible that this person's opinion is biased in some way against this woman because of their own experiences with her?

The woman who I spoke with was friends with this woman from jr. high school on.
She lost (her) marriage to this woman as well.
The two shared all the information between them that best friends would.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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Post #: 78

RE: Psychological Question - 1/21/2009 5:17:00 PM

CalifChick

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, if she's breaking up marriages and she *knows* that there are "UMs" involved and feels nothing then how can that not be "pathological?"

She isn't breaking up any marriages. No matter what SHE does, she cannot break the marriage. The marriage can only be broken by one of the two people in it.

And a faceless victim is often a forgotten one. What's the husband's excuse for breaking his own marriage? Not only are his victims NOT faceless, but they are his own children, that we can presume he loves, lives with, and cares a great deal for.

Cali

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(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 79

RE: Psychological Question - 1/21/2009 5:46:04 PM

beth314

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Hi popeye...ever considered that she may struggle with Commitmentphobia ? It is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.
The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. Commitmentphobia is a real disabling fear, that can be manifest in many areas of life, including career, home ownership, or even shoe shopping. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden.
Just a thought,
beth

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Post #: 80

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