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[Poll]

Did something happen to you?


Yes, something...happened...
  22% (11)
Naaah, I'm just a kinkster by nature
  76% (38)
Yea, but it wasn't sexual (bubbie died, was robbed, etc...)
  2% (1)


Total Votes : 50
(last vote on : 7/4/2010 2:39:12 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:30:51 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Now I know this is a touchy subject so I'm just going to ask that you either reply yes or no...or you could leave this thread alone altogether (I'm trying to avoid complainers). I wanted to know (and this kinda relates to my other thread but not really):

Did you have a traumatic experience at some point in your life?

Magazines and articles say that people like us resort to this lifestyle because of abuse or something else traumatic. That something is 'wrong' with us. I don't think this is true. And the best way to know for sure is to take a poll.
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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:36:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Every person on the planet most likely has traumatic events in their lives unless they've been living in a cave their entire life.

(in reply to rednicky)
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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:37:53 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Well I haven't lived in a cave. But I still haven't faced anything traumatic.

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:39:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I've had traumas, but I can safely say that they had nothing to do with my enjoyment of kink.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:41:06 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have had my traumas, and probably some other people's, but they have no relation to my pervage.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:41:06 PM   
MissJana


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have had a number of traumatic events in my life, but I don't think it really had an effect on my preferences either.

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:41:49 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Every person on the planet most likely has traumatic events in their lives unless they've been living in a cave their entire life.



I was going to say this, but I didn't.

Trauma is different for different people, and I'd go as far to say that everyone who has reached adulthood has had at least one traumatic experience that has affected them in some way. IMO saying you haven't means you're in denial.

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:42:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No early trauma. And I don't know about magazines or who is writing in them. But my therapist, a clinical psychologist with hospital experience and a doctorate doesn't believe this, nor does she think I'm sick for being in such a relationship. She saw me before this relationship and she sees that I'm happier and healthier in it. And that is the bottom line.

Next time someone says that anyone who likes pain play is sick, ask them if they think that anyone who uses tabasco sauce is sick. Because that's self induced pain play with the sense of taste. So why is it perfectly fine to like it with taste but not touch?

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:42:39 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		The fact that I grew up this way resulted in being traumatic, does that count?  

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:49:22 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Well I was reading an old cosmopolitan magazine (years old...yea) while getting my hair done and someone had written in a question dealing with bdsm. She said that she liked breath play and have asked her partners to choke her lightly. Of course, her partners looked at her with their heads tilted to the side. So she asked the author if her kind was normal or common. The author said that her turn on was not normal and that she should seek professional help. The author goes on to talk about the health risks involved and then says that such behavior might stem from early trauma. This woman who wrote in was just like us! Was something wrong with her? Is it because of something that's happened in the past?

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Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:56:14 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Are you referring to some sort of sexual trauma, or just any sort of traumatic event?  i think there is some difference.  For me, no early sexual trauma.  Consider this, statistically about 1 out of every 3 to 4 girls are assulted before the age of 18.  But 1 out of every 3 to 4 women aren't kinky.  The magazine articles can surmise and suppose all they want.  Some people aren't this way because they are broken, they are this way because they just "are".
i don't even have a decent excuse for being a slut....depressing, really.

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:57:20 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Those who were not born with such orientations do not always understand those who were.  It used to be said that gays and lesbians were such by choice, not by birth, remember?  From time to time, people start threads wondering if abuse led all of us to be who/what we are.  The overwhelming response always seems to be no, people are just wired to be who they are.  Some people come to BDSM as a way of working through past issues, but it does seem the majority have had such thoughts since their earliest memories. 

I was just having fun in my earlier answer.  I hope you took it that way and not in making fun.  :)


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:58:55 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I was borned it.

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 6:59:12 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Well...I didn't think that far into it (whether to differentiate sexual trauma from non-sexual trauma)...I guess I should have. I can edit.

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Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:02:39 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Oh no need to edit...i just had the question.  i'm sure people can reply to the OP without it. =0)

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 1/18/2009 7:03:20 PM >

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:02:39 PM   
parakeet89


Posts: 94
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I answered yes to this question even though I don't think it's a good one, because everybody's had "something" happen to them.

But I know what you were trying to get at. I was sexually abused at a young age.. I have no idea whether that's the reason why I am the way I am. I don't think I ever will know. And honestly, I don't care whether I know the extent those experiences played. How is that going to help me? I don't need to know that in order to move on from those experiences or to be comfortable being the way I am.

I don't think it's correct to assume that all kinksters are kinky because of some traumatic event, though. We don't all have "issues". Some do, but you find that in the vanilla world, too.

< Message edited by parakeet89 -- 1/18/2009 7:04:20 PM >

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:05:07 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		"I see dead people"

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:05:33 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		NuevaVida

Back to what you said about about some being wired this way, making it hard for us...me...who were developed this way to understand you all. Does that mean something is up with us (me)? Those who weren't born this way...were turned via some underlying cause? Making us weird in some unnatural way?

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:06:20 PM   
Carnae7


Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline 		@ DesFIP - "Next time someone says that anyone who likes pain play is sick, ask them if they think that anyone who uses tabasco sauce is sick. Because that's self induced pain play with the sense of taste. So why is it perfectly fine to like it with taste but not touch?"  GOOD POINT!!!!

And I like a lot of tobasco sauce too, so I must be one really sick and twisted sub!  Hahaha! 

But in answer to your question - Hell yeah!  HOWEVER... Did it impact my preference for BDSM?  I really don't think so.

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RE: Did something happen to you? - 1/18/2009 7:10:10 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understand what you're asking.  I was trying to say that people who don't do "this" (whatever you want to call "this" that we do) don't understand why we do it.  I did not mean at all that if you found "this" later in life and enjoy it, then you must be weird. 

I meant that an editor of a magazine who has not experienced and enjoyed BDSM and/or D/s is going to voice his/her own preconceived notions, coming from a place of naivety or ignorance.  To say you need therapy because you like to be spanked is irresponsible and ridiculous.  To say you need therapy because of trauma in your life is a different story.  But to assume those dots are connected (BDSM comes from trauma) would be grossly incorrect.

Did that make better sense?  I hope?


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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