MHOO314
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Morghan
I have been thinking a lot about the posts on these boards. Every once in a while someone posts with such glaring errors in their typing or with such outlandish statements that they are greeted with ROFL's and LOL's and other derison for being a bit out in left field. So I thought to myself, how about a discussion on being real? What is it that makes each of us feel like we are the genuine article? Or, what do we look for in others to know that they are the real deal, someone doing more than poking about on the internet? I'll start with a few things I look for, and hopefully others will share what they consider 'green flags' instead of focusing on the 'red flags.'
*Offering of mundane life info
*Respectful tone (even from a dominant speaking to a sub)
*Diverse interests (not focused solely on what I'll do to him/her)
~Morghan
What a marvelous question Morghan and welcome to the boards (I see you have posted but are still somewhat new)..For Me, being real starts with representing who you are, yes, we all shave a year or two, a pound or two--BUT most of us are here for a reason, to find someone compatible to our needs/desires--it seems that because it is the internet, people feel that they can and do blantantly misrepresent and they think its funny--if one is so insecure abotu discovery that they feel they need to misrepresent, why come to a site like this that they could indeed run into the pastor--so it starts with being who you say you are--then as you mentioned, its having a side that is not kink related, outside interests, sharing as you so wonderfully stated "mundane life things"--
Those are some of the things that attracted Me to the boy--he had a vanilla life--with day to day "stuff" as I call it and so did I--it wasn't easy either at times for us to share those things, it isn't easy for Me to share with him when I am angry over My Mother's death and the decisions she made that may have caused it, but he has to know that there is a real person behind those stiletto heels (down boy---grins)--he even posted recently saying that we share the daily grind-and we are interested in it--it matters to us. That is another area of real--it matters to us what the other goes through during the day--we know the kink factor is there, but its woven into our lives as a rope is woven--too much of one and not enough of the other is not IMHO a good balance. We have been communicating for over 4 months and have just ventured into music likes/dislikes--I am well versed as he is, but he has introduced Me to new artists I knew little about--we continue to learn and grow--no conversation is left feeling empty.
The respect factor---is huge in My book, on BOTH sides of the dynamic--I respect him--he is a man/boy/submissive--I respect all those sides, I respect the mere fact that he is honest about those sides. I cannot stand the "flip" attitudes--the arrogant tongue in cheek come ons, I didn't tolerate it in public. I don't tolerate it here. He repsects Me as a Woman and all My sides--
My job is international marketing, My teams are around the world, so I am on the phone constantly and have developed a very good ability to find the person behind the conversation--so moving to live communication is very key to Me to find the real person--
listening for the clues that tell Me, true or pretend--I do not though give out My home numbers at first since I have others in My home--but I do give out IM addy and I make the first call or calls--a well written profile does not always mean a deep person behind it--talk is very key.
The last thing for Me is that it isn't all about them--I know there are submissives out there like that, but that is not in My menu--gleening what I am going to do so they get off--that is not what I personally seek--but it also isn't all about Me--I want an "all about us" approach.
I am going to use a phrase I use at work--
" Fear of exclusion leads to the sin of inclusion" and I think that holds true here, what we miss is that by not being real we make the search harder--but there are also those that don't care--
Thank you for a great question!
< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/8/2006 6:19:07 AM >
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