RE: How to separate those who want to play online from those who will meet in reality?

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RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 5:01:00 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

StrangeDesire, have you ever thought of moving to England? Peon's a really nice guy who needs a nice Domme.

Why are you recommending me to her? I thought you liked her!

Tigresse, I love your technique. I've done the same a hundred times. The ones like Westie, Wall-e, Bear, Scottie, and even PeonForHer who are just as happy talking about my dog or my favorite TV show as they are talking about their own kinks are the Good Guys. They stick around. They actually care about you as a FRIEND first and a potential play partner second. They are rare, preciouse finds... but they ARE out there!

[EVEN Peon?]

This cuts very much both ways. Regular d-types on this forum are reliable and encouraging to subs like me who are after relationships, too. They buck up my spirits an awful lot because I know that they're the genuine article. I want to know them as people. The alternative is too dry and cold and, from experience: cmail exchanges with women who've launched straight into BDSM domme-speak with their first contact hardly ever go anywhere. I'm very glad that I was so quickly able to train you out of that, Ms S.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 1/19/2009 5:02:30 PM >

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 21

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 5:32:16 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Regular d-types on this forum are reliable and encouraging to subs like me who are after relationships, too. They buck up my spirits an awful lot because I know that they're the genuine article. I want to know them as people. The alternative is too dry and cold and, from experience: cmail exchanges with women who've launched straight into BDSM domme-speak with their first contact hardly ever go anywhere.

Do you have a clone by any chance?

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 22

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 5:50:49 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

No, they broke the mould after they made me. Then they disinfected it, just to be sure.

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Post #: 23

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 5:54:12 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Not sure if it's already been said but if you wish to chat about fantasy with them, perhaps having a 1/2 hour time limit would enable you to explore their interests as well as not get roped in to too much time if they just want to toss off on-line.
Davan

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 24

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 6:02:57 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Men are horn dogs.

MsStarlett is obviously being polite. I could post a few improprieties concerning most males but most already know how I feel to the OP.
If the guy is not serious towards you, then he is not worth the time of day. Continue with your seeking.
Such attitude is not just limited to sub/slave males but dom/mes as well.

Apologies, just totally bitched off right now concerning a few dommes that are obviously not worth having taken to the time to get to know. Complete waste of my time.

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 25

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 6:45:47 PM

rob425

Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

Stay G-rated and keep play discussion out of it as much as possible. Those that I have kept play discussion out of the conversation are the ones I met. Yes I have run into dominants that want to talk play right off the bat

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 26

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 11:04:04 PM

azjojoba

Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline

You are quite young and your profile says you want to play with men close to your age range. That might be a problem because most men that like getting spanked are probably older. You look quite stunning though, so I think you just have to be patient and some young studs will come your way. The internet is full of yankers so there is no easy answer on how to weed them out.

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 27

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/19/2009 11:27:32 PM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire
However, I'd really like to find a way to get to know people online, including their sexual quirks and what they want, without satisfying every local guy who wants a personalized porno.

Why, are you with the Census Department?

I really shouldn't help the trolls, but what the hell. It's a fucking Monday, and maybe a n00b will actually read my post.

If you're uninterested in sex with men, why should a male care if face-slapping makes you wet, since vaginal lubrication is an inherently sexual response? And why would hunting men turn you on? Go fuck your imaginary Lesbian Lover and leave us out of it.

If at 22, you're young enough to be the daughter of a man of 36, you need to move the fuck out of the ghetto.

Oh, and "Expert" at coffee shops is a big red flag to anyone who actually exists in the real world.

Happy trails,

Cap'n Waste

_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 28

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 4:07:26 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
StrangeDesire, have you ever thought of moving to England? Peon's a really nice guy who needs a nice Domme.

Why are you recommending me to her? I thought you liked her!

I'm just channeling that old Jewish woman again. I like to see everyone paired up and happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
[EVEN Peon?]
... I'm very glad that I was so quickly able to train you out of that, Ms S.

You don't want people getting the wrong impression of our -ahem- relationship, now do you? I thought you wanted a nice Domme of your very own. I'm doing my best to get you one, and the only thanks I get are such cutting remarks? You need a time out.

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 29

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 6:59:12 AM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

StrangeDesire, have you ever thought of moving to England? Peon's a really nice guy who needs a nice Domme.

Unfortunately, I'm about ten years too young to be the right girl for him.

quote:

Sorry to have sounded so bitter in my prior post, but I have had some truly dreadful experiences. The fact that I used to participate so heavily in chatt rooms and group cam sessions, I've seen the way these HNG's (Horny Net Geeks) treat women like trash. It's just not pretty. And they really hounded the ones like you who were just trying to be nice, friendly and get their own jollies. After a while, you would catch the ones that were 'supposed' to be in 'commited relationships' with other channel member using the exact same lines on every new female who joined the group. It got pretty sickening after awhile.

Talking to other Dommes and even sub Females on here, I've found that many of the same shabby behavior is still going strong. My lady friend and neighbor joined CM and we were compairing notes. She and I were getting almost identical mail from the same local subs. It just makes you go "Hmmmmmm...."

I completely understand your bitterness. I'm putting a lot of time into looking for people right now, and I know that with a few months, I'm going to burn out on this. For now, the nice guys have made it worth it, but I'll probably settle down with a regular partner or two after the thrill wears off.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 30

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 7:18:03 AM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Your profile strikes a fairly good balance of personality and BDSM interests, SD, but I'm not sure the last line works well. Since it is the last line, it serves to emphasise kink over personality. When you talk to these men, do you hint that you'd like to get to know them in a non-BDSM way? That might help. If they take up the cues to talk about non-kink interests, that should be a good sign.

You're very kind, thank you. You're right about that last line, and I'll need to think of some way to improve it.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 31

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 10:39:20 AM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

OneMoreWaste, you're pretty angry, aren't you? And looking at your profile, quite self-loathing. Poor guy. If you were local, I'd consider offering to tie you up and beat you as an act of charity.

I wasn't going to respond to you, but I guess I'm in a generous mood today.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire
However, I'd really like to find a way to get to know people online, including their sexual quirks and what they want, without satisfying every local guy who wants a personalized porno.

Why, are you with the Census Department?

I'll break this down into small words, so you understand.

I enjoy hurting men. However, I also like making the men I like feel good. With most men, these two things oppose each other.

The great thing is, there are plenty of men out there who get off on being hurt. To enjoy playing with them, I (a) need to find out enough about them to decide that I like them, and (b) need to know how to hurt them in ways that they're going to like. To pull this off, I need to get to know them as people and as sexual beings.

Do you follow me so far?

Now, this is a bit of work, but it's worth it to get to play with someone that I like. However, the problem I'm running into is that some people don't want to move into real-life play. They'd rather hide safely behind their computer screens and talk about BDSM than actually go out there and make their fantasies happen. Does that sound familiar, by any chance?

quote:

If you're uninterested in sex with men, why should a male care if face-slapping makes you wet, since vaginal lubrication is an inherently sexual response?

If you want to nitpick whether or not the things I'm doing with men are sex, go right ahead. Or is that not what you were getting at?

I enjoy seeing my partners turned on, even if I'm not going to have penetrative sex with them. Likewise, some men seem to like knowing that they can turn me on, even if it doesn't mean that they're going to get any. To be vulgar, vaginal lubrication can be a symptom of mutual and pleasurable sexual tension, rather than just something that facilitates a man's ability to stick his dick in me.

quote:

And why would hunting men turn you on?

I wish I knew, but I'm happy with myself the way I am. Can you say the same?

quote:

If at 22, you're young enough to be the daughter of a man of 36, you need to move the fuck out of the ghetto.

So you're saying that you're too old for me to consider you, and that hurts your feelings? I'm sorry.

quote:

Oh, and "Expert" at coffee shops is a big red flag to anyone who actually exists in the real world.

I know my coffee pretty damn well, but hey, fair enough. Have a nice day.

L

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)

Post #: 32

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 12:08:55 PM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

I don't want to make a mess of this thread by posting a dozen different messages without content, but that you all so much for your advice. I realize that I'm going to have to go about things differently to keep people from wasting my time. Frustrating, but not entirely unexpected.

Anyways, you are all lovely people, and I do appreciate it.

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 33

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 12:27:12 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I thought you might like to know... the quality of your response to OneMoreWaste got me totally hot.

Yeah, please refer to the comment above about men and horndogs.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 34

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 12:41:05 PM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I thought you might like to know... the quality of your response to OneMoreWaste got me totally hot.

Yeah, please refer to the comment above about men and horndogs.

Provided you're polite and don't make promises that you don't intend to keep, I don't mind the occasional horndog.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 35

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 3:14:48 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I think most advice has been given except change your picture.
In my opinion it really isn't very flattering or sexy.
The other thing is that lots of men are looking for control not play.
So the only way to find out is to ask and hope they tell you the truth just like you would in vanilla.
Remember that a lot of men don't have a clue what they want or need.

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 36

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 3:17:47 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Unfortunately, I'm about ten years too young to be the right girl for him.

Oh I don't know . . . . get some ageing cream, work on developing a cranky temper about trivial things, learn how to moan about men a great deal more than you do, and I could learn to forget you're under 30

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 1/20/2009 3:18:14 PM >

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(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 37

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/20/2009 3:28:05 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

I realize that I'm a little bit unusual among dominant women, because I'm more interested in casual play than relationships with men. However, I find myself extremely frustrated with the number of local men who will email me, chat, get there wank fodder, and then simply not follow through. I realize that this is online dating, and people will be flaky, but I'm frustrated with the number of men who will drag me on for three-hour chat sessions and then decide that they don't want to move to real life. Any advice for spotting these guys ahead of time?

I realize that, yes, I'm setting myself up for this by chatting with strange men about their fantasies. However, I'd really like to find a way to get to know people online, including their sexual quirks and what they want, without satisfying every local guy who wants a personalized porno. Is there any way to judge who wants to meet up and who wants to jerk off to the thought of some girl spanking him?

I think that I'm pretty clear in my profile about what I do and don't want, but if I'm accidentally giving off "I want to be your webcam Mistress" vibes, by all means, feel free to let me know.

I think your current relationship goal (as described here) is always going to be a big issue with regard to what types of men you're going to be coming in contact with in general. Since the type of relationship you seek is play-only, you're going to be forced to some degree into corresponding about the kinky/sexy stuff sooner than, say, others who are seeking an emotional connection along with their D/s. I think this makes you a prime target to pursue in the eyes of online wankers in hopes of getting a dose of online fantasy fodder before disappearing from your radar and moving on to the next.

Sitting here now, I really don't see any way around you wading through the muck, other than perhaps insisting on moving to a real-time meet very soon when you do get a bite. I wish I had better suggestions. If anything comes to me later tonight, I'll drop in again...

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 1/20/2009 3:38:48 PM >

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"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 38

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/21/2009 6:25:09 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

Cut them off till they pony up and meet you..why waste your time.

(in reply to strangedesire)

Post #: 39

RE: How to separate those who want to play online from ... - 1/21/2009 6:41:53 PM

surelyujest71

Posts: 48
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

I would guess that if all they want to talk about is the fantasy side of things, they're not right for you.

This is CM, so of course there should be some conversation about what each likes in BDSM. But, you don't Have to make it into something "jerkworthy." I'll assume you take my meaning. ;-) If they try to guide your conversation along the lines of fantasy, then that's just RP. Do it if you want to, but don't expect anything. All of us, Dom/mes and subs/slaves, are more than simply BDSM. More than D/s. I wouldn't trust a slave who said she had zero personality of her own, aside from what I choose for her to have. Zero history. Real people have e-mail, telephone numbers, and RL addresses. As well as the history that brought them to such things.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Post #: 40

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