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Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 5:51:50 AM

Evilcaduceus

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/13/2008
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This is really a general question, but would you ever be interested in a sub in a wheelchair or a sub with other disabilities? I ask because I have a disability and am into the lifestyle and have heard mixed reviews saying masters are more willing here than the vanilla comm, but I thought I'd ask here as well, please be honest :).

Post #: 1

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 5:57:40 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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It's all about finding the right person for you. There are plenty of subs with disabilities who are in relationships with dominants. I'd just be really, really cautious of the Knights in Shining Armor.

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(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 2

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 6:03:43 AM

Evilcaduceus

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Joined: 9/13/2008
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Thank you, if anything I am overly paranoid about giving photos, but tend to fall for sweet words...downfalls suck :(

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 6:15:10 AM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
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I had girlfriends with disabilities back when I was going through a vanilla phase of my life, and some of them were very sweet but we never really had the right chemistry; the disabilities never entered into it. Certainly there will be some limits in the range of play activities, but since really good D/s is 95% mental that should not matter so much.

If you look you will find somebody willing to accept you exactly the way you are whether they are vanilla or kinky.

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 4

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 6:21:38 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Simply put, it will limit the number of prospective Dominants. If you were a straight male sub looking for a Domme, that would be very serious. But you're pretty flexible - you're looking for Doms as well as bi/lesbian Dommes, as well as switches, so you're covering your bases as best you can.

You'll also attract the lazy Doms who can do bondage in half the time...

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

Post #: 5

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 7:32:33 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Been there, done that and would do it again for the right person. We are talking about physical disabilities are we not? I see a lot of people who are also dammaged emotionally ot mentally which also makes them disabled. Again depending on the circumstances and the person, would at the very least give it some considerable consideration.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/21/2009 7:35:12 AM >

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 7:50:26 AM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
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I would have traded a physically disabled / emotionally stable girl, for my emotinoally twisted / physically capable ex in a heart beat...

Honestly, I will admit being physically disabled will influence my willingness to enter into a "serious" relationship... but would not be a 'deal breaker'... But keep in mind a pretty face, great personality, slim waist, big boobs, etc, etc are also influences... but all are secondary to chemistry...

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 8:28:19 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I am on the other side of the slash here and have an illness that limits many things. What I find is that many will try to convince me that I am worth less and few would want to be with me... and I should pick them! lol That will happen when hell freezes over! I am ill yes, but I am not hungry, needy and willing to accept just anyone who presents as someone who will accept me... I am worth more than that! Acceptance has nothing to do with love or service or anything other than someone considering you less and them so mighty and wonderful to accept you!

What I find is that many will see a weakness... and will prey upon that weakness. Because of loneliness or fear, those who are disabiled will accept less just to have something or someone. A dear friend of mine was very ill and needed assistance. She accepted less. Accepting less served one thing... the speeding up of her death. His drinking and abuse... his using her... and her fear of being alone and not assisted... all created a situation where she accepted less herself and she knew it. Knowing she did and his treatment of her because she was less in his mind... hurt her in more than emotional ways.

What are your strengths? What makes you who you are? Surely not an illness or disability! Those are aspect's of your life, not who you are. Find your strengths... be strong in knowing them and hang in there until you find someone else who can see them and you and love you for who you are. There are ways to get through the lonely and the fear. If you need some help with that or just want a chat... let me know. I live it too, but I will be damned if I am going to be treated as less than who I am. If all they can see is the disability or illness... they are simply not the person for you. While many do not want this in their life... I know many friends who found love while in this situation and if they can find it... we might be lucky enough to find it too. Just don't give in!

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(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 8

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 9:07:35 AM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

There is someone for everyone. You may find a Dom that has a thing for that. Just like in the vanilla world, it really bugs some to date someone that has a disability...others can look past that and see the person inside and love them for them. Remember, everyone has SOMETHING wrong with them...some mental, some physical, some personal...show me someone that doesn't have ANY disablitly and I will show everyone my tits!

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 9

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 10:47:12 AM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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1. In NYC, my neighbor had a polio-crippled leg. In bed, her leg didn't matter a bit– she was one of the sexiest, most generous lovers ever. She never had problems getting dates.

2. In research for a story about a girl with paraplegia, I talked with a wide range of people with disabilities. It was eye-opening in many regards, both the hurdles and accomplishments people encountered. More than once, I heard people say they are better lovers now than before their disabling accident. One one forum thread, girls talked about how they learned to climax from their lips once they were denied sensitivity below the waist (or below the neck in a couple of cases). A couple of girls said they climaxed more intensely now than before.

Rachel, it's only a guess, but people in the BDSM community might be more accepting than the world at large. Let's face it: some of us have a whole lot worse going on that physical handicaps. (wry grin) In the outside world, people seem to expect the handicapped to be asexual, but I don't see that happening within the BDSM community.

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 10

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 11:11:41 AM

Evilcaduceus

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/13/2008
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Wow, thank you so much for your replies, they are very eye opening, yet honest as well. I know there may eventually be someone hopefully into kink and BDSM, but it is just disheartening to here others think we are asexual or are so turned off by differences that they refuse to get to know someone with a disability. Again that you for the lovely responses.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 11

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 11:18:20 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Well, a mute pet might be kind of nice... ;)

No, I'm teasing. But to be serious, I don't even tend to notice disabilities. It's easy not to, with the different places I've worked the last few years. Kitchen in a nursing home, and teaching a cooking class at a v.a. hospital in voc. rehab/rec. therapy. As trite as it may sound, not a single damned one of the people are disabled, they just have different limitations, AND skills than I do. My partner technically has a disability, or a couple I guess, technically, but whatever. Those that would let something so minor get in the way of a meaningful relationship are shallow and I wouldn't waste my time on them anyway. I mean, unless all you are is like, a head in a jar or something. And hell, around here, I'm sure some of the people would find that just sexy and awesome. ;) Don't worry about it hon, you'll be fine.

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(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 12

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 11:23:01 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

but it is just disheartening to here others think we are asexual or are so turned off by differences

Umm, yes, Rachel, but there are people who think Democrats are evil, too. If I were you I would look on the bright side, and know that you will have fewer disappointments to go through, because the shallow lot won't "bother" with you. These are the morons that we able bodied folk have to spend months discovering they're horrid, you know what I mean?

I too do not have any issues with a person with a disability, it honestly is all in the mind. It is incumbent upon you to make a potential partner comfortable with who and how you are, most of us don't have a huge amount of experience with this, I would be scared to inadvertently hurt you, or push a button I shouldn't. You're doing wonderful putting your disability out up front, there will undoubtedly be people for whom such a disability is an extra kick, if you can handle that.

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 13

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 6:06:39 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

If I was a Dom..I would love a sub with a disability

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 14

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 10:46:23 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

BondageBarbieX

Barbie, sometime you dingy and sometimes you're bloody brilliant.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

Post #: 15

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/21/2009 10:57:30 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evilcaduceus

it is just disheartening to here others think we are asexual…l

Don't over-broaden here, there's a percentage that think that way, but hardly everyone.

When I was a kid, there was a handicapped boy about 3 years ahead of me who became one of the most popular in school. In the band, he was limited to instruments he could play, so he played the base drum, with one arm. He was elected a class officer and never had problems getting a date.

A lot depends on attitude. Yours is positive, so I suspect you will do fine.

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

Post #: 16

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/22/2009 12:19:11 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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As a nipper at local school ere I graduated to boarding school, I loved daily with the jeers and mocking because my father had a deformity (hump on his back as a resiule of polio as a child, when he spent 8 yedars in an iron lung). This was a Man who after being told he would never walk without a stick or irons on his left leg). he as the same man ywho would walk ha;lf a mile talking me fishing in the local rivers and streams, regularly walk with me and a couple of gun dogs hunting quail and ducks as well as wild rabbits all for the pot. Sundays he played 18 hols of golf (I know because I was his caddy untill I started playing too). Never once did I hear him bemoan his fate and never once did he use a stick or leg irons. He just used bloody minded determination, internal steel and the ability to take adversity, shake it and make it something he could use as a tool to aid him. he, my Father was my hero and role model when I was growing iup and never once did Mother or Father chastise me when I came home black and blue with a split lip for defending him and teaching those older bullies it wasn't the done thing to mock someone with a disability.. Aye, you could say I'm a tad biased.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 17

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/22/2009 8:51:13 AM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

As a nipper at local school ere I graduated to boarding school, I loved daily with the jeers and mocking because my father had a deformity (hump on his back as a resiule of polio as a child, when he spent 8 yedars in an iron lung). This was a Man who after being told he would never walk without a stick or irons on his left leg). he as the same man ywho would walk ha;lf a mile talking me fishing in the local rivers and streams, regularly walk with me and a couple of gun dogs hunting quail and ducks as well as wild rabbits all for the pot. Sundays he played 18 hols of golf (I know because I was his caddy untill I started playing too). Never once did I hear him bemoan his fate and never once did he use a stick or leg irons. He just used bloody minded determination, internal steel and the ability to take adversity, shake it and make it something he could use as a tool to aid him. he, my Father was my hero and role model when I was growing iup and never once did Mother or Father chastise me when I came home black and blue with a split lip for defending him and teaching those older bullies it wasn't the done thing to mock someone with a disability.. Aye, you could say I'm a tad biased.

Wow. That may qualify as one of the most powerful posts ever.

That is a great letter to your dad, Bear.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 18

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/22/2009 9:26:28 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Thank you..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 19

RE: Sub with a disability? - 1/22/2009 1:46:05 PM

ODschainedangel

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

Greetings, I am sorry if I should not answer here as it is ask a Master.... If wish to remove post I fully would understand. I just thought this post might help the OP to see they can find a Master.

I am 40 years old. I have been in a wheelchair since age 1 and half. I have 3 kids all grown up and have done many things in my life. I have been in a few M/s relationships in the past. Yes a few did not work like happens all of us . I tried being a Mistress because many had said to me since you are in a wheelchair this would be a better spot for you. Well I did enjoy the teaching and guiding I could do as a Mistress but it was not me, not the deep down inside me. I told myself ok "you enjoy teaching and helping but you can do that as a slave". So then I decided to try again what I knew was true to me deep inside my heart. Well I wont go through the trying on shoes I done but will tell you the end to this. Almost 5 years ago after many pairs of shoes and many hats I meet a Dom, we became friends with no intent of being more. One day after yet trying another pair of shoes to only see they would not fit I said to this Friend, " when will I be enough and not to much Sir?" He said to me, "why have you never thought of me as Your Master you would be just enough for me." Well here we are almost 5 years later. He and I live together and I am his slave. Sure is things He has had to change and modify in his plans to work having a slave in a wheelchair and is times i still get down and think he needs more but those are the times he says to me, I have told you you are the slave I wish and enough for me." I have trouble getting up and down from the floor. Kneeling is hard for me I do it sometimes but mainly I will come to him and lay my head on his shoulder and he knows this is my way of kneeling before him with my head on his knee. Smiles sometimes I joke with him rubbing his chest saying hummm wonder where i would be rubbing if your shoulder is your knee. LOL. I serve him coffee (often as he loves it LOL) sure sometimes rolling my chair with one hand and carrying his coffee in the other the coffee with run down the cup a bit. He jokes with me that if a walking girl served him coffee he might say hey what did you do wrong my cup is not wet. LOL. I have had people say " oh how mean that he would have you carry him coffee." I say, No how wonderful he treats me like his slave and allows me to serve him coffee." It takes a Dom who is willing to study and learn ways to modify things for us but there are those Doms out there my friend. Don't let the wheelchair or disabilty make you give up what is deep inside your heart. Heck I even found a modeling site for disabled people. smiles. I also have a group for Masters/slaves/subs who are in wheelchairs or interested in those who are. I am on the BoD of our local kink group and we try hard to get word out about lifestyle people being not all able body walking people. I feel sometimes the Doms who don't try with people like us it is mainly out of fear of the unknown. If their is more sites out there about those subs,slaves like us then it can become easier. Good luck .

Again I am sorry if I was not to have posted here.

Angel...LL's Girl

_____________________________

Anyone can Master a weak person, It takes a strong Master to Master a strong girl

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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