RE: Question for Female slaves (Full Version)

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feydeplume -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:27:19 AM)

I think the sexuality of all involved might be "the" issue. And feeling like one is playing second fiddle and catch up at the same time since you already have a slave. The competition thing would, i wonder, be hard to overcome. Women are at least as competitive as men, often more so since they tend to compete with other women in more aspects of their lives.

But i digress. Yes i think the bi-sexuality might be an issue if they wonder, even subconsciously, if you "prefer" men or women and will they get enough sexual energy and contact with and from you if you really only want them for their cooking skills.



LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:30:25 AM)

From what I am reading the only thing the slave will get is some appreciate and affection. I didn't read anything about sexual energy and contact.

Therein MAY lie part of the problem.

Hiring a maid would be easier.



feydeplume -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:33:59 AM)

I was typing when that post went up so i didn't see that part. I was still working from the premise of "I am bi-sexual and is that an issue?"

IF there is not going to be sexual contact, then why would sexual orientation matter for any person involves (or not involved as the case may be).



agirl -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:44:42 AM)

I tend to find the opposite. It's more what I'm used to.

I'm used to M being perfectly able to take care of everything for himself. He doesn't need to be *cared for* and would be highly irritated if I decided he did. I, however, DO need his aid quite often, especially when it comes to advice.

The difference is....I ask knowing I may not get what I'm asking for.....He asks knowing he will.

agirl









SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:56:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I find it very difficult as a FemmeDomme to find a femmeslave who wants to be owned in that fashion-serve OUTSIDE the "dungeon" or play.  In other words: service.


I feel your pain.  It's not just your location either, since I'm halfway across the country from you.  If you find one of the elusive femmesubs who wants to serve a FemDom and the service includes dishes and cooking not just kinky sex, find out if she has a sister and send said sister my way, will you please?  I promise to return the favor.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:59:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

******** If I had to do all of it while he lay around, I would be angry and resentful, not to mention too tired at night for sex or play..******** 


I see you feel that you are equals with your Master. 


I quoted what I think is the importat part that might have been missed. I do the laundry in my home, Fox does the rest of the chores. It is not a point that he expects it, but if I want him to have the time and energy to do his homework, his housework and still be able to play there has to be a share. That does not make him my equal, though it does make me a responsable owner. If I were to do nothing and expect him to do everything in the house, all his homework, work outside the house to help with finances as well as play with me when I had the whim I could gaurantee Id be single and quickly. There simply isnt enough time in the day for someone to do everything. If he did stick around, he would resent never having time to himself.

There are differences between expectations of service and of equality. Fox expects nothing of me but to be responsible. He would do everything he had to to make my life easier, but part of my responsability as an owner is to make sure that I am not setting him up for failure. Helping out where I can is not lowering myself, and it is not making him my equal. It is ensuring that I keep my slave happy and balanced.

DV



LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 12:48:24 PM)

Yeah, I don't expect to sit on my ass watching soaps and eating bonbons, while the slave/s do all the work. 



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 1:17:02 PM)

FR....  I am just not getting this mentality that someone is supposed to do, do, do for their dominant and not expect anything in return.   Does anyone actually enter ANY type of relationship with the mindset that they'll never receive anything in return?

Even with my former owner, who neglected the hell out of me, he at least fed some small portion of my submissive soul.  But what I got from him was so miniscule that I starved to death in that "relationship" which is why he is no longer my owner........ that and I found the bestest, most wonderful Master in the entire universe, for me.  [sm=hearts.gif]

When someone is expected to give and give without a reasonable guarantee of receiving something in return, they become all used up and resentful, and they will move on.

I'm with LeeAnn...... just hire a maid and be done with it.  [sm=laundry.gif][sm=mop.gif]



MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 1:25:32 PM)

I say in My profile that a slave should be responsible for herself.  I didn't say that she should be responsible for ME. There are things I take care of in My house I don't expect anyone else to do.  But I do expect that if I make a request for assistance or give a task, I don't get what My daughter gives me:  moaning and groaning.

My  daughter is responsible for her share in the household.  I wouldn't expect a slave of any gender to take over her duties, as this would send the wrong message. She needs to learn responsiblity and there is NO free ride...

I think many people  here think the only reason I want a female slave is to make her do housework, etc.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I don't mention sexual contact because that DOES send the wrong message to many.  "I'm looking for a female slave to fold laundry AND get tied up and fucked" just doesn't cut it as an "ad"  (although I am sure I would get more than My fair share of emails).  And what form My appreciation and affection take is quite frankly, My own affair...so to speak...Perhaps I should capitalize the first few words in My profile about "eventually [owning] your heart...".

I know many poly households.  And although I have heard from slaves who serve in them there is always the time and attention issue, they have the freedom to leave if they so desired.  The reason they don't is devotion and acceptance of their position-a position I may say, they were aware of when they joined the household-and therefore feel honor to keep to the rules.  I would think if I already owned a female slave the next one would feel the competition more.  Maybe it doesn't matter.  Its like having two children I guess-does one get loved more (My mother always favored My sister, btw...)?  I make it clear I already own a slave so if someone doesn't like that, they don't apply.  End of story.

If all these things and the fact that I can't change a tire mean I will never find the female I seek, then I accept that, but I won't stop trying.  I was merely wondering why it was so difficult.  All relationships are hard whether they be nilla or D/s and this isn't anything anyone here doesn't understand or get (except the guy who posted on another thread that he feels slaves are THINGS/OBJECTS and not real humans-I wish  him luck with that train of thought) I just wondered if there was a secret I wasn't aware of. 

To Sylvere:I'll see what I can do but so far, it doesn't look good. 



LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 1:46:45 PM)

It's apparent that we are missing something, not understanding exactly what you want or what you are asking. Therefor I don't think anyone can give you the answers you might have been looking for.

Perhaps the same sort of communication issues are transfering into your search and complicating things unnescessarily.



BitaTruble -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 1:48:10 PM)

~FR~

I took me a long time to shed my idea of service. I serve the way that I am required to serve. Sometimes that means I sit on the couch while someone else fetches me a drink. That doesn't make my teeth itch any more so I call it progress. If I'm required to do laundry as part of my service, then I'll do laundry. If I'm not required to do laundry, I'll do it anyway because the clothes are dirty. Same thing with dishes or what have you. The gender of the dominant doesn't matter so much. If they have the power to inspire my service, then they'll get the sort of service they require not what I think it should be.



MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 1:55:53 PM)

LaTigresse you aren't missing anything.  The question was simple, really...

Why do female slaves tend to be more attentive service-wise to male Dominants (NOT SEXUALLY) than they would be toward a Female Dominant?

And while service can mean different things to different people I was taking the sexuality out of it.  Just for the sake of the conversation; I think some kind of sex (either what we call sex or Bill Clinton does) is implied.

I hope that makes it clearer. 



LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 2:08:38 PM)

I am not trying to be contrary, just weed through this.

After getting past all the women that I consider bottoms and kinksters, rather than service oriented slaves. After expressing vehemently what MY definition of service is and what I expect. After taking the time to get to know them as women, without discussions heavily laced with sex, kink, etc. After really taking the time and going through all of that, I find the women to be very purely service oriented and having a strong desire to please.

I don't know if it is how I lead the two, or in one case three, of us down the communication path........or just pure dumb luck.

That was why I suggested there might be something you could do in your initial communication with prospectives to help you weed through them and not waste time getting them to your house, only to find out they are not what you want.

My biggest personal hurdle has been in learning how to express exactly WHAT I wanted from them and how. Not in getting them to do what I want.

I struggled with understanding their deep need to be of service, to be used, needed and wanted and how to overcome my own issues with being served.



agirl -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 2:09:41 PM)

I haven't read your profile but from the thread I have gained the impression (rightly or wrongly) even without the mention of *tied up and fucked* that it's a fairly mercenary liason.

I think people do what they do, FOR the person they're with, for many reasons that aren't to do with sex OR service, just as people do in most relationships.

I might go to the ends of the earth for M, but that's because he's M , not just because I'm owned by him.

You can't instill a sense of what form *owning your heart* might take. How you show affection and appreciation can't be evident on the outset, unfortunately, and you may end up relying on the hope that the recipient is *getting it*.

agirl



graceadieu -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 2:46:15 PM)

I'm not a slave and I've not yet subbed to a woman, but I think I'd be just as service oriented whether I was with a Dom or Domme. In fact, for a while there I was only looking for a Domme - but couldn't find any at that time that wanted an actual relationship or sex, both of which were important to me.



graceadieu -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 3:02:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

If its your opinion to say "if Master does these jobs I will do the other ones" then that's fine and it works for you-GREAT.  But is isn't for Me and not what I'm looking for. 


You really expect somebody to be employed, live on their own, and yet do everything for you and your household? I'm not surprised you haven't found your perfect slave, with those sort of expectations.



Aszhrae -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 3:04:32 PM)

As I have shared with another domme that I have been in an ongoing conversation with since I became active in the forums. It has been service sub, first and foremost, as her maid. That is what she wants but I everything requires for me to earn what I want. Which of course, for me, has always been.
Even during the last 18 years, come March, everything that I have has been given to me because I have earned it. With the present domme, nothing is set in stone but all that I have earned, I am welcome to bring with me. Of course having what I consider of personal importance to me will all have to be earned again.
This one domme, though others have come forward and attempted to lure me away, have failed miserably. Reason I say this, is because they lack commitment or the want to accept responsibility for a sub that is very much service oriented, but there is a need. Not as much as a need for physical gratification but a need for that affectionate touch. Of course to even gain the touch of ressurance, that instills trust and respect, has to be earned. Nothing is free and its something I have always agreed to, earne what you want. As sure as it can be given, it can be removed when I might screw up. The incentive is to continue to obey so that what I have earned is not removed.
Admittedly when I was first introduced to the lifestyle, it was very physical and there was that need for constant gratification. Over the years though, I found there are some things that are much more important than physical gratification. A reassuring smile of approval does go a long way with me.
Not quite sure what other sub/slave girls value, but I believe I have given insight to what I have come to value.




MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 3:15:58 PM)

Interesting that you say that, grace...I think you should see My other post saying that I wasn't expecting a slave to be responsible for certain aspects of My household, just what I ask to be done..and you know what? People do hold jobs and still take care of a household-sometimes more than one..I know, I DID IT.

The fact that I ask someone to take care of themselves is really common sense.  I can't afford to take care of anyone other than who already lives in My home, and I don't have space or patience for a live in.  What I am making clear is that I am tired of getting mails asking "I will live with you and take care of your home..." when I know its an excuse to get out of whatever situation they are in.  I am sure there are legitimate live in slaves who do wonderful work, but its not for Me. 

And if a slave is responsible for herself she can serve Me better.  This goes for males as well.  Why shouldn't  people be responsible financially for themselves?  Why shouldn't slaves be allowed to have their own space?  I know people who are 24/6 because they need a break as well.  If someone is under My feet all the time, it won't be good for anyone.

So if the reason I can't find a female slave is because I am asking that she be a responsible, contributing person, well, so be it. 

Oh..maybe I SHOULD have her live here and charge her rent? Oh! Wait! she will serve AND pay rent?  Imagine the stir that will cause on this thread....



graceadieu -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 3:36:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

Interesting that you say that, grace...I think you should see My other post saying that I wasn't expecting a slave to be responsible for certain aspects of My household, just what I ask to be done..and you know what? People do hold jobs and still take care of a household-sometimes more than one..I know, I DID IT.

The fact that I ask someone to take care of themselves is really common sense.  I can't afford to take care of anyone other than who already lives in My home, and I don't have space or patience for a live in.  What I am making clear is that I am tired of getting mails asking "I will live with you and take care of your home..." when I know its an excuse to get out of whatever situation they are in.  I am sure there are legitimate live in slaves who do wonderful work, but its not for Me. 

And if a slave is responsible for herself she can serve Me better.  This goes for males as well.  Why shouldn't  people be responsible financially for themselves?  Why shouldn't slaves be allowed to have their own space?  I know people who are 24/6 because they need a break as well.  If someone is under My feet all the time, it won't be good for anyone.

So if the reason I can't find a female slave is because I am asking that she be a responsible, contributing person, well, so be it. 

Oh..maybe I SHOULD have her live here and charge her rent? Oh! Wait! she will serve AND pay rent?  Imagine the stir that will cause on this thread....


The impression - apparently mistaken - I got from the post I quoted was that you were outraged over the poster that said that her Master helps around the house because she just can't do everything, and that you didn't want a situation like that. I didn't feel it was reasonable to ask somebody to work 40+ hours/week, take care of their own home and household, and still have time/energy to do every chore and task you need doing 24/7. I certainly don't think it's unfair or unreasonable for a sub to work and make their own way and live independently, just that there's only so much a person in that situation can realistically do for their dom/me.



beth314 -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 5:22:08 PM)

Yes Maam, I would agree that bisexuality does create a pause for some. It usually does for me for service inside and outside the bedroom. But that's just me...Im sure lots of others would find it quite natural.
Really, Maam? a butch slave? I have never met a butch slave. Takes all kinds though, huh?
A femmeslave would feel there is competition with the male dynamic? Hmmm...competition? Having a little trouble understanding that one.

beth



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