RE: Question for Female slaves

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DavanKael -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 5:45:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT So here is the question: is it the female mindset that a man needs to be cared for but a FemmeDomme can take care of herself? That as a woman, the FemmeDomme should be able to take care of daily tasks HERSELF as women "should" and therefore doesn't need a female slave to assist? I actually have found males to be more compliant to serve than females are, and I just need to know if its a gender thing, a sexual thing (are FemmeDommes looked at as more like sexual beings?) or even as a "Mother" type being (I get "kids" asking to come serve..but what they really want is a mommy). I can find a female plaything in a hearbeat, but its difficult to find the entire package. Maybe its My location-I don't know-but I think its an interesting dynamic to explore: does gender make a difference when it comes to a female serving a Dominant? I look forward to the answers. I identify as a switch, which may or may not be important to you in processing my answer. While I very naturally (Whether the relationship is obviously D/s or not) take care of males that I am in relationships with, the idea of doing so for a female is actually rather distressing to me. This goes to my own preferences or wiring in terms of submission: I do not wish to submit to a female; I had a really overbearing mother and had enough of submitting to her. That having been said, family and friends who are privy to my considerations and caretakings are both male and female but those interactions are different than partnered interactions. I like taking care of a male in all of the ways that you mentioned and achieve satisfaction in that but, truly, the pervasiveness of the tasks that you mentioned connotes things that a life partner would do and I don't want a female life partner. Also, even were I to contemplate a male Dominant primary partner and a female submissive secondary, a female so up in my business as to be doing the things that you mentioned finding desirable in a female s-type irks me in mere contemplation; it is a control thing. I think that it goes to trust; I tend to trust males more readily than I do females (Though the closest person in my life is female and I trust her implicitly) and I just find that synergy of balance tough to contemplate in a relationship with a female where-as I see it as natural in a relationship with a male. Don't know if that's at all assistive but I do wish you luck in that which you seek. :> Davan

DesFIP -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 5:46:20 PM)
A Will Rogers quote that has some bearing here. "If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around." Seems to me you've started believing your own press if you think your slave has no value. If he weren't there, who would you boss around? There are a fair number of male subs who like that lowly worm stuff, but it's rare to find a female who does. I'm of equal value in the relationship. Just not of equal power. And what people have told you is true, somebody who works all day, then goes home and does her household chores, shovels her own snow, mows her own lawn, etc doesn't have the time or inclination to show up at her domme's house at 9 at night and do three hours of work before going home, getting a little sleep and starting her day all over again. Not to mention you haven't any time for her. You're busy with your husband, your daughter, then your male slave. What are you offering in return for her daily chores, 20 minutes a week? You've said clearly that she would be the lowest on your totem pole. So why should she do this when there are plenty of men who would be happy to have her as a primary, not as number four in importance?

MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 5:52:02 PM)
I don't know either, beth..I was just throwing it out there. Someone mentioned something about competition between slaves and it made Me think about sibling rivalry between brothers and sisters. Not sure what that had to do with the service question... And yes, she was VERY butch-men's pants, men's underwear, very short hair, masculine mannerisims (she was called "sir" in a diner we went to because that's how she presented). What got Me thinking that most here think its unreasonable to ask a slave-especially one who has a life of her own-to do things for a Domme. If that is the case, then what is service? By the definitions I see here, a D/s relationship is just play and sex? Sounds pretty empty to Me. I would like to think that life exists outside the dungeon or bedroom. If that is so, then service has to extend out as well. I applaud anyone who can spend hours and hours in either place just playing and cumming. I think life is lived mostly out of those places in the real world. So if I am not being "serviced/served" in the bedroom or dungeon, then I would think service has to continue elsewhere. Hence, the "relationship" aspect (all right, don't nit-pick on that statement as I am well aware that a relationship exists inside the bedroom/dungeon as well). But still, the concept of the question got lost. I see there is a treatment difference, and I just wanted to know why. Maybe there isn't a clear reason why because we are all individuals with individual ideals and tastes. I sure got a lot of diverse opinions to back that up! BTW-I could have gone with the "Men are clueless, helpless beings and need the help of a woman but women can hold their own..." but I am sure I would have gotten My ass chewed out for that, too [sm=whip.gif]

MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 6:00:37 PM)
DesFIP...where did I say I would tell her to do chores all day and keep her low on the totem pole? I shall explain (not that I have to): My male works night shifts so he sleeps all day. The only time I see him is maybe a couple hours BEFORE he goes to work, and when he has a day off (which isn't really a day since its his night-if you get My drift). He doesn't have weekend so to speak-he is scheduled different days and sometimes works 7 nights before seeing the light of day. So I have plenty of time to devote to a female in more than just the 20 mins you suggest. And if you read any of My posts-and I don't think you have-you would have found that I was not seeking a houseslave or a maid. In fact, this wasn't an ad for one..I was posting a QUESTION. I was merely curious as to why its hard to find a female slave who doesn't want to only serve as a bedroom slut and a dungeon whore--like those terms better? Sounds degrading doesn't it? Read the previous post I made to find out that life is lived outside the dungeon, and if I am not being served INSIDE the bedroom or dungeon, where else IS there? WHAT else is there? Try reading through the posts before insulting someone. you might find that your questions/concerns have been already answered. AND..since you asked....as a Domme, I DO those things around MY home and I STILL have to be Domme..how about THAT? Or do you think we Dommes just sit around eating bon bons all day whipping slaves? Maybe YOU do..but I DO have a life, such as it is.

LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 7:57:53 PM)
As soon as one recovers from a terrible car accident I am going to allow two female slaves to visit me again with the possibility of at least one of them, moving in with me. The second would probably do better living nearby on her own. Both will be expected to work, the first to contribute to her financial well being here at the farm, saving most of it in an account for her future, and providing health insurance for herself. The second to provide for herself, in her own place. They will also be expected to serve as I see fit. What that entails depends upon individual strengths and weaknesses, and what needs to be done. If anyone from here finds something in that to criticize, it really doesn't matter to me at all. The reason being, theses young women and I have discussed these things in depth. They trust me to not ask more of them than they are able to give. They know I have their best interests at heart and that I care for them, regardless of whether or not we decide the M/s part is going to work out. The fun, evil, kinky stuff, we also have an awareness of great compatibility established. It's hot nasty and sexy as hell. More than I had ever imagined. They've managed to teach me a few things. Yet it certainly isn't the entire focus of our time together either. Sometimes curled up on the sofa together watching movies is exactly what we want to be doing together. Not scrubbing toilets or kinky play. I think it is a good balance.

DavanKael -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 8:29:08 PM)
Well-stated, LaTigresse. :> I think that the OP is wanting real live folks with whom to have a holistic relationship too. Davan

faithfulfemme -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/22/2009 11:45:34 PM)
i really think the problem here is the bi-sexuality in Your household, Miss Ain. And specifically in Your home there is bi-sexuality times two. Meaning Your relationship with Your husband and Your male slave. Not that there has been ANY mention that Your female slave would be required to have contact with Your husband, it's just the idea that he's also another male and part of Your life. Did that make any sense? Anyway, there are ads simply everywhere on the Internet seeking a bi-sexual, female slave/submissive and these womyn are just hard to find. They're simply few and far between. Mind You, this is only my opinion. However, a Mistress i served, in a nonsexual, service-only position, some years back had a term for folx who were looking for this bi-sexual, female slave (that i can't think of for the life of me), because She, too, had noticed how many ads existed on the Internet, all looking for this elusive creature. Also, it may just be the area You live in. i was having a terrible time finding my complement in a partner where i previously lived, and as a result, made a 2500 mile move east and i've met several of my "type" since i got here. Not One i would consider serving, but, still, i've at least been given some choices. So, You may have to consider "importing" someone from another part of the country. Anyway, this is only my opinion, and nothing more. Good luck in Your search. Funny, i had no problems reading Your posts and understanding what you were saying......

MistressAinCT -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/23/2009 4:54:42 AM)
faithful..I did mention on this thread that she would not have anything to do with My husband-hell, I don't have anything to do with him! He is more of a roommate than a "mate" anyway. This and other things would be discussed with whoever applies; I didn't think it necessary to write every minutia of My life in a profile since I find long ones boring, I think other people do, too. A person applies for a job based on the ad in the paper and when interviewed, is told what is expected. Then the applicant decides, yes, I can live with this or no, I can't. There might even be some negotiation. I asked a simple question-a general question-and what I got was assumptions and investigations into My life where none was necessary. I didn't ask "why can't I find a female slave?" I was merely making an observation between DomMale/subfem dynamic and DommeFemm/sub femme service. People assumed I would be sitting on My ass doing nothing. I raised a child, had a job, took care of a house with dogs and STILL had time for My husband (back in the day of course) for whatever the marriage required. You people think I don't know what that's like to work all day and be tired, and asking a female slave to help is some kind of SIN. Maybe I should rub her feet while I'm at it? I was more or less told that because I don't change tires on a car or do MANLY things, I shouldn't have a female slave because I can't offer that to her. That had to be the more interesting observation, even though as I said before, I didn't ask why I can't find a slave...yadda yadda. Amazingly, many Domina don't change tires, hell, they don't even change a roll of toilet paper themselves. I guess they don't deserve slaves, either. I don't need a female slave just to have a woman around the house to chores. I am attracted to women, I love to play with women, and I can't really get adequate breast bondage on a guy (unless he has bitchtits). And yes, sometimes watching a movie while sitting on the couch is an AWESOME idea...Again, this wasn't part of the question but if you are really MUST know details, here they are. See previous posts for other thoughts and sundry notions.... Now if someone really wants to answer the question as posted, I would appreciate that, but if all you guys want to do is make WRONG assumptions and attack, be My guest-its a free board. But I'm not going to even bother anymore. If subs want to take pot shots at a Domme by posting answers she didn't ask for-knock yourselves out. I do notice its a trend to personally attack OPs on the message board so I'm not taking this ALL too personally. I know its difficult to stay on topic with so many opinions. But when it gets this out of hand, I think I need to step and say, wow-for a people who live in a lifestyle as difficult as ours is, why isn't there more understanding? I'll never know... Thanks to all who did answer the question, it was interesting insight.

LaTigresse -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/23/2009 7:11:50 AM)
People form opinions based upon information given. They give voice to those opinions. Those reading/listening, then form opinions and tend to dislike the feedback. And on and on it goes. Someone, anyone, can take all of it and either turn it into some sort of a positive or.........continue getting their undies bunched and continue with the madness. It's neither here nor there, the circle will go on.

beth314 -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/23/2009 11:57:54 PM)
I would agree with you, Maam. It does seem pretty empty. I have found that alot of folks on both ends of the crop are just out for the erotic sex that goes along with the lifestyle. They are all gung ho for the dungeon... but leaders dont want to lead outside of that, and subs/slaves don't seem to want to relinquish the control. I cannot speak for anyone else about "the question" but I will tell you I lived the hetero vanilla life many moons ago and I can assure you that while I gave him due respect as Head of Household; I never had the desire nor did I attempt to submit or service him anywhere near to the extent I did the Domme, who came later in my life. For me it had nothing to do with gender. I simply wanted to please her and went to great lengths to see her happy. My entire life was focused on her happiness and that's the way it's supposed to be...in my humble opinion anyway. I think the difference was that she took the control without me even realizing I was giving it, ( it was my first rodeo:)) When I finally paused and realized what had already happened; I was pleasantly suprised to find that it was ok with me and loved the feeling of safety and security that it gave me. Meant with the utmost respect Maam...maybe the answer to your question is just that there are more bisexual and straight slaves than there are lesbian slaves so you are exposed more to obedient slaves with Doms rather than with Dommes. (just a thought) beth what a visual?!! Most butch women I know would have been trying to "top" the situation rather than submitting:) For curiosity sake, if I may ask, why did you allow her to present herself like that?

graceadieu -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/24/2009 5:13:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I'm of equal value in the relationship. Just not of equal power. And what people have told you is true, somebody who works all day, then goes home and does her household chores, shovels her own snow, mows her own lawn, etc doesn't have the time or inclination to show up at her domme's house at 9 at night and do three hours of work before going home, getting a little sleep and starting her day all over again. That's exactly what I was talking about. I'm genuinely happy to do chores for my Dom for a couple hours one day a week when I'm visiting him, but I simply logistically can't be up there all the time. (Especially when it's a 2-hour trip for me to get there.) I'm sure I'd feel the same way if he were a woman. Granted, it now seems like maybe that wasn't actually what the OP was looking for anyway.

jstmi -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/24/2009 5:56:02 AM)
dear Ma'am i am not a slave but a sub who believes that if one is 24/7 then these dynamics and responsibilities are layed down before Y/you live together, or even visit. if She desires a footbath then i will do it, if She desires a massage then i will do it. i think that all of these things should be discussed and talked about in great detail so there is no chance for miscommunication. i know my Ma'am loves footbaths and foot massages and that would be the obvious treat to perform for Her. if i was able to serve Her 24/7 and realtime then i know W/we would talk and S/she would certainly communicate Her expectations or what She liked and i would anticipate Her needs so She would not have to ask me to perform them. that is what pleases Her, for a sub to anticipate Her desires. the little things and those little things add up to Her being proud of you i believe. my job is to please Her no matter what the task is, it may not always be what i like , but if agreed upon and it is what pleases Her that is what counts in this girls mind. best of luck to A/all jstmi

beth314 -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/24/2009 3:45:17 PM)
Hi jstmi:) wonderfully said and I agree 100%!!! beth

oceanwynds -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/24/2009 4:42:19 PM)
Personally I do know of a few slave females who serve female Doms, and a couple who serve their Dom's, even though the Dom is married. They are service slaves as well, and do as told. What I do personally see from the OP's thread, and another thread started by her, is frustration. When a person gets frustrated they tend to overlook what is being written. This would make me wonder if this is carried over in rt, as well. Sometimes when we do not find what we seek, we need to look within and see where the problem is, instead of pointing fingers outside. oceanwynds

Daes -> RE: Question for Female slaves (1/25/2009 1:45:35 AM)
Definately not! I enjoy serving and I did so when I had a domme. Tried to help her, take care of her. Cleaned the kitchen so she wouldnt worry about it when she came home from work, ran her a hot bath and washed her down, massaged her legs when we watched TV, rubbed her back, helped take care of her son so she wouldnt be so stressed out whether it was cleaning up after him, entertaining/playing with him, or reading to him - and would do it again. I enjoyed pampering her. I did my best to help her relax, its part of the need to keep my partner happy and I do the same for my current Owner and Master. The difference in my service to my Master and my previous Lady is that I had much more of a domestic nilla role in her household like a nanny/caretaker, and with my Sir I am simply His. His puppy, His slave, His property. Were circumstances different, I would most likely have been seeking a Domme or a dominant couple had I been single, so certainly don't give up.

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