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Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 6:23:51 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		ok, my "unmentionable" over heard me the other night as Master and i were at play, he later asked why i was saying "Master", and says he heard me cry and it scared him... i said that we were only playing around - but i don't think he bought it, and i don't blame him. Have any of you been through something like this, and if so, what can you say ?
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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 6:39:38 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

ok, my "unmentionable" over heard me the other night as Master and i were at play, he later asked why i was saying "Master", and says he heard me cry and it scared him... i said that we were only playing around - but i don't think he bought it, and i don't blame him. Have any of you been through something like this, and if so, what can you say ?


I'm not sure how old yours are. Mine are old enough to actually know more. But I still choose not to disclose more information.

Best thing to do is watch, and see if they get more concerned. And both need to talk to them. Let me then know it was a game you were playing. Try using a movie as an example. How you watch a certain movie that makes you cry. It's the same thing. You was having so much fun it made you laugh so hard it brought you to tears.

You very well might get the look of "yeah right!".... but till you are comfortable telling more. Depending on age, dance around it. And make sure you let them know you are fine and all in their life is fine. Reassurance from you that all is great in life is most important.

As far as "Master" ...... playful Nickname. Not to be repeated ..... grinz

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/9/2006 6:41:00 AM >

(in reply to sweetwhisper)
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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 6:46:45 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		thank you : )

i did try to reassure, my unmentionable is ten - but would definitely not have the maturity level to understand any of this, nor would i ever dream of trying to explain - that's not an option at all.... i'm just worried that he may develop some sort of trauma or something - i don't mean to be so dramatic about it, but i know people who get traumatized by even less! lol - It's hard for him, or my elderly father whom also lived with us, not to hear us because we live in an apartment, and the walls are pretty thin!

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 6:50:28 AM   
passionfirenmo


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline 		sweetwhisper,
This is a touchy subject,,
W/we try to be discreet,,with tender ears,,but sometimes ,well things are heard,,,communication is good,reassure them All is well ,,,Its just play...
Have you thought about a gag?

Have fun Stay well,
passion

(in reply to truesub4u)
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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 6:55:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

ok, my "unmentionable" over heard me the other night as Master and i were at play, he later asked why i was saying "Master", and says he heard me cry and it scared him... i said that we were only playing around - but i don't think he bought it, and i don't blame him. Have any of you been through something like this, and if so, what can you say ?

I think one conversation alone isn't enough. You need to do follow ups and your master should probably be there and part of it as well. You can equate it to him as playacting a scene you watched in a movie and were having fun with that. You can say flat out that it was adult games and then reinforce that you still love and support him and that you will always be there to support him and take security from that.

And then a few days later YOU bring it up again- ask if he's still ok, if he has any other questions. You could also apologize for upsetting him and letting him know that it wasn't intentional. Again reinforce that it was just adults playing games and that everything is happy and secure.

I'm generally fine with adults being out to non-adults, however putting him in a situation like this was a big oops on your part and it's your duty now to ACTIVELY bring him to a place of security and understanding.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:10:30 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Have any of you been through something like this, and if so, what can you say ?


you can say that crying is not something to be scared of.

you can teach them about the privacy of an adult's bedroom and a closed door.

you can explain to them that "Master" is a term of endearment between you and your partner.

this slave hasn't had an experience exactly like that, but after raising three unmentionables, this slave can tell you that "Because I said so." IS a valid reason and you are doing them a disservice not teaching them that concept.

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:23:59 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		thank you so much for the advice! Mercnbeth, thank you so much for putting it in perspectvie for me - : )

i will bring it up again this evening and make sure to clarify somethings for him - i like what you said about Master being a term of endearment, i think that's a great idea because eventhough i never say if infront of him, he can still hear me saying it when we are in our bedroom, like i said, walls are pretty thin and if he is in the living room or even in his bedroomm he can pretty much hear anything in the silence of the night -

LA, i appreciate your advice, except that it's not that i am coming out to my unmentionable, on the contrary- eventhough it shouldn't be any of his business what i do in my bedroom, i know that i need to be cautious that he isn't exposed to anything that is just not appropriate - that's the whole point of my post -

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:27:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper
LA, i appreciate your advice, except that it's not that i am coming out to my unmentionable, on the contrary- eventhough it shouldn't be any of his business what i do in my bedroom, i know that i need to be cautious that he isn't exposed to anything that is just not appropriate - that's the whole point of my post -

You're right it shouldn't be his business. You MADE it his business. He didn't ask to hear- you came out to him. Whether you were trying to do so or not, you did.

Now you have to deal with that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:29:23 AM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		I can tell you that he probably won't be traumatized. I grew up in a D/s family. My parents are in the lifestyle although they weren't actively in the lifestyle until I got older. After my mom told me I was like OMG My father does kinky stuff!
I wasn't traumatized just shocked is all. Hearing parents play is kind of like hearing them have sex, you just don't wanna know! LOL.
My mom told me about the lifestyle when I was **, after much nagging and asking as what she was doing. (All of a sudden they had a life) I started actively asking questions about it, and she helped teach me a lot.
However when I was **younger** I remember using Barbies to torment poor ken. *giggles* Looking back at my past I can tell my mom was always in charge of everything although at the time they weren't nearly as active.
There's also a lot of stories about parents and their older unmentionables being in the lifestyle and not knowing of each other until much later. Also one night we went to my first munch and there was another woman there with HER mother. It's not nearly as uncommon as people think it is.
Because he's *a minor* I wouldn't exactly out yourself but explain you were play wrestling and he kept pinning you down...that works good and it hurt. He was using the name Master as his wrestling title. Or what Beth said...you call him Master out of endearment kind of like Dear, or Hun.
LadyJC



< Message edited by ModeratorThree -- 1/9/2006 7:58:55 AM >

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:30:00 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Can you turn on a stereo or something?

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:36:46 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		i like the stereo idea, believe it or not, i hadn't thought of that lol.

as far as telling him we were wrestling, that's what i kinda did, i said we were rough playing around and that we were playing "mercy" (all i could think of at that moment).

Thanks again for the advice it's very helpful.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:40:19 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross



You're right it shouldn't be his business. You MADE it his business. He didn't ask to hear- you came out to him. Whether you were trying to do so or not, you did.

Now you have to deal with that.


Damn LA, that even harsh coming from you.

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:42:35 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I like it when she screams and cries. It lets me know that she's still somewhat with me and able to feel what I'm doing. Being able to hear her and watch my pets movement, I can better judge when to slow down, speed up, and such. It's when I don't hear my pet cry that worries me and tells me to stop the rest of the session.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 7:44:53 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		well, i don't pay much mind to those kind of posts because it only shows the persons own frustrations and lack of self esteem - anyone who constantly tries to make others feel bad or belittle them in any way shape or form are only doing so in hopes of making themselves feel surperior in some way. Luckily, i don't have those issues, therefore, i have enough common sense to not take it personally.

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:00:52 AM   
FionaFineass


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline 		And absolutely correct

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:23:06 AM   
FionaFineass


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

"Because I said so." IS a valid reason

I think that is an empty answer. You are not their Master/Mistress they are not your little slaves. They deserve a reasonable explanation and respect. An answer like that only shows their feelings or questions do not matter. My parents used that on me, it just pissed me off. I wanted an answer.

Perhaps once in awhile actually play wrestle in the living room so he can see it is a game between you and your master. Perhaps your master can give you a silly name like Igor and call you that during the play. " Ha ha I have you pinned now Igor I win!. Then the unmentionable see's its a game. And maybe next time ( hopefully there isn't one) he wont be so concerned and believe you and master are just wrestling around. If you do little things like this in front of him he will become accustomed to it and it wont phase him.
Also get in the habit of leaving the TV on at night.

(in reply to sweetwhisper)
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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:27:53 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		"because i say so" from parents ..... my opinion ??

I hate it ! I grew up with that statement and it infuriates me to hear it now .....
if they ask they deserve at least .. "this is something between your dad/mom and I and nothing for you to be overly concerned about" .... that doesnt tell them they shouldnt be concerned and negate their feelings ...

No one can dismiss anothers feelings and if they do somethign wrong they deserve to hear why you think it is wrong .. and that lets them learn and grow

I hate hearing people on the board calling kids unmentionables but I do understand why.

For gods sake with little ones and an elderly father in an apt .. why would you not think of useing the stereo or tv to mask noise?

... and what is wrong with useing "Master" in vanilla time .. you can always say .. "Oh he is my lord and Master and Im the Lady in this house. thus it is something fun in the others eyes and you dont have to worry about slipping.

Tell them you like medeival movies and pretend you are living like that .. be creative there are lots of answers ......

And wrestling in front of the little one so he can see the " game" is a great idea.

Because I say so .. just makes the little ones more curious about what is it that is being hid... or makes them feel they did wrong to express concerns. That to me is traumatizing them

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:34:12 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		i think "because I said so...." definitely has a place and time to be used, although in this particular situation i wouldn't use it simply because this isn't about my unmentionable being a brat, or wanting to get his way on something or whatever, this is about him being geniunely concerned and if there's a way i can ease his worry or concerns than i want to be able to do so...i do, however, believe that there definitely are times for "Because I said so..." simply because.....well, because I said so! that's why! lol

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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:39:13 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I assume you live with Master and I am not sure of the relationship--so I am stabbing in the dark so to speak--I assume this is not the father--there may be underlying issues from a divorce or separation that need to be addressed and the last thing you want is this going to the other parent--given that-- you will need a different approach--IMHO--and they talk, you dont want the story going to school and coming back that you are being beaten--

I come from a different belief--The "Because I said so" approach was never used in My home, I found it too domineering and not enough teaching--( that's only My belief and I do not bash others who use or used it)--

I also make it a point NOT to play when My unmentionable was or is around--I made arrangements for Me to be elsewhere or the um to be elsewhere with a sitter. That saves questions and allows for unrestrained freedom.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Question regarding "unment....." - 1/9/2006 8:40:24 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		We each have opinions on raising little ones etc .. my feelings on the " because I said so thing " are a reflection of my reactions as a little one and I would not want to pass that on... so this time I agree to politely disagree <EG>

(in reply to sweetwhisper)
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