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how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 8:48:15 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline 		i have been talking to and meeting several doms i think i know which one is the best match for me now that i have gotten to know each of them, the one Dom though seems very attatched to me recently and He is not the one that i believe is a good match, dont get me wrong He is a good guy and all but we are not into the same things and he has some anger issues that make me feel a little uneasy, so question is, how do i tell Him that i have made my desicion and chose to go with Someone else?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 8:50:09 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		"I don't feel we are a good match at this time in our lives, but I appreciate the interest you have shown in me.  I hope you find what you're looking for."

Don't argue the point, don't explain yourself, just keep repeating yourself as necessary.  If you say "you have anger issues", he will just argue the point with you. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 8:53:15 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Just say "it has been nice getting to know you but I just don't feel we are compatible. I wish you the best of luck in your search though."


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 8:57:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I would MUCH rather someone just tell me the truth immediately. No sugar coating necessary, no beating around the bush (just typing that made me smile). Just tell me how you really feel.

If he doesn't like it, it is his problem, not yours.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 8:59:18 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Keep it simple. Just tell him you don't think you are a compatible match. I wouldn't overexplain nor let him push you into continued contact with whys, etc. if he starts that. If he reacts badly or gets pushy, I'd simply cut all contact permanently. Block, delete, move on.

my 2 little pennies.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:14:52 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

"I don't feel we are a good match at this time in our lives, but I appreciate the interest you have shown in me.  I hope you find what you're looking for."

Don't argue the point, don't explain yourself, just keep repeating yourself as necessary.  If you say "you have anger issues", he will just argue the point with you. 

Cali


thank you for your help...i will make sure not to bring up the anger issues

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:15:58 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Just say "it has been nice getting to know you but I just don't feel we are compatible. I wish you the best of luck in your search though."



short sweet and straight to the point thank you

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:17:43 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I would MUCH rather someone just tell me the truth immediately. No sugar coating necessary, no beating around the bush (just typing that made me smile). Just tell me how you really feel.

If he doesn't like it, it is his problem, not yours.


i understand that beating around the bush is bad, as is sugar coating but at the same time i dont want to hurt his feelings. but i think the best way to go will be the quick to the point route. thank you for your help

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:19:38 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

Keep it simple. Just tell him you don't think you are a compatible match. I wouldn't overexplain nor let him push you into continued contact with whys, etc. if he starts that. If he reacts badly or gets pushy, I'd simply cut all contact permanently. Block, delete, move on.

my 2 little pennies.

yes, short and simple seems to be the best way to go, i shouldnt need to explain as i told him from the start i was talking to multiple Doms at once, hopefully it dont get too ugly but block delete and move on might just be what needs done thank you

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:23:45 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I agree with all the other posters.

Just bear in mind you owe him nothing.  He knows you were looking and he was one of several under consideration.  If he gives you any kind of grief, just walk away.  Don't look back.

And it's great that you're listening to your 'inner voice' warning you about his anger issues 

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:30:36 AM   
lovehurtsattimes


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I agree with all the other posters.

Just bear in mind you owe him nothing.  He knows you were looking and he was one of several under consideration.  If he gives you any kind of grief, just walk away.  Don't look back.

And it's great that you're listening to your 'inner voice' warning you about his anger issues 

thats my theory never look back.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:30:42 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with "Thanks for taking the time to meet with me.  You seem like a wonderful person, but I have met someone else who I think I will be more compatible with.  Best of luck in finding the submissive of your dreams."

Just don't leave it hanging with an indefiinite "but if things don't work out maybe we can talk again" unless you really mean it.  That creates false hopes and invites him to contact you further.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 9:36:34 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with most of the others keep it short and simple.  I will add however that if he has anger issues you may want to do this in a public place just for your own safety.  If he gets very angry the others around will be your safety net.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 10:50:08 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		What is wrong with the plain and simple and strait forward truth.

Thank you for the opertunity to have gotten to know you, but I don't believe you're a good match for me.

If he has anger issues tell him in public, in a safe spot with lots of people.


Why do people have to complicate, what is kind of easy.
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovehurtsattimes

i have been talking to and meeting several doms i think i know which one is the best match for me now that i have gotten to know each of them, the one Dom though seems very attatched to me recently and He is not the one that i believe is a good match, dont get me wrong He is a good guy and all but we are not into the same things and he has some anger issues that make me feel a little uneasy, so question is, how do i tell Him that i have made my desicion and chose to go with Someone else?


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 1/23/2009 11:00:17 AM >

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 11:27:12 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Some people do not like to hurt others, regardless of the message. She also may just purely be afraid of his reaction. Given some of the behaviour I've seen, and heard about........I cannot say that I blame her.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 11:30:32 AM   
CallMePatches


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		Politely. When, for whatever reason, someone offers me an invitation for anything. Be it play, a relationship, or even just chatting....I'm sure to thank them for that ivitation and tell them at this time I can't or won't be part of whatever is going on and wish them luck on thier search and journey.
Not everyone is going to become a part of your life. People realize that. I would keep in mind though that the person you turn down today may be your absolute match in time. Don't burn bridges by being rude.

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 12:58:05 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovehurtsattimes

i have been talking to and meeting several doms i think i know which one is the best match for me now that i have gotten to know each of them, the one Dom though seems very attatched to me recently and He is not the one that i believe is a good match, dont get me wrong He is a good guy and all but we are not into the same things and he has some anger issues that make me feel a little uneasy, so question is, how do i tell Him that i have made my desicion and chose to go with Someone else?

Think how it would b
when the roles would be reversed..
how would you want to hear it?

That's the right way lovehurtsattimes.

Better spill the beans.

Goodluck

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 1:12:48 PM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		 
    Direct , to the point , polite,  respectful .    Works well no matter what your station , or who you're giving a  "no thank you" to .  
 
    Often , as has been suggested earlier - in this case , mentioning you met someone else that really clicked , is helpful when you wish to close the door abit more firmly .
 
                       Good luck !

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 6:56:43 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		LA, that is true, I've seen some people fly into a rage, at the simplest email that was supposed to be friendly and then, this sweet social person on the boards is like a crazy loony out of some horror movie in private lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Some people do not like to hurt others, regardless of the message. She also may just purely be afraid of his reaction. Given some of the behaviour I've seen, and heard about........I cannot say that I blame her.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how to tell a Dom im not interested - 1/23/2009 7:53:15 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I am blunt..tell them you wold not consider them for a Dominant as he is not a good match for you..if he gets rude tell him to sod off.

(in reply to lovehurtsattimes)
Profile   Post #: 20
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