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Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 10:18:33 AM

Hamster1979

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My Dom likes to tie me up or have me stand in a corner for long periods of time. I want to do this to please him but I find the amount of time spent "doing nothing" very boring. Am I missing the point or does anyone else have this problem?

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 10:22:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's happened to me. Some people find the act of being bound itself to be a fuzzy fun place. But that's not you. There are mindsets you can explore- objectification (I'm just a pretty person standing in a corner waiting to be used), humiliation (I'm not worth using right now or doing much with other than leaving alone), Spoiled Pet (I am not called to do any work, simply be here). But ultimately, it might just be boring for you.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 10:47:23 AM

RCdc

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Like LA said, you may just not be into it, not everyone is. Have you explained how you feel to him? Maybe a discussion can bring a resolve on how and what is achieved through this. He might have something specific that you haven't both spoken about that he is getting or trying to achieve or you could focus it on something. My suggestion would be to request a discussion or just ask him and explain, depending on how your dynamic works.

the.dark.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 10:48:03 AM

rubberpet

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Well, it depends why you're tied up in the corner. If it's a punishment for some sort of infraction, then use the time to think about what you did wrong and how to avoid the same mistake again. If it's just because he wants to, then try to let your mind wander some to something you fantasize about him doing to you. Use your imagination.

When I'm encased in rubber and bound with nowhere to go, I get bored sometimes, too. I then try struggling in my bondage, working up a good sweat, imagining Mistress doing all sorts of evil, wicked things to me, and it usually gets me in a frenzy and the boredom quickly subsides. Just do whatever works best for you. Enjoy the bondage. There are some subbies out here that don't get to be trussed up as much as they'd prefer.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 10:50:16 AM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hamster1979
My Dom likes to tie me up or have me stand in a corner for long periods of time. I want to do this to please him but I find the amount of time spent "doing nothing" very boring. Am I missing the point or does anyone else have this problem?

Hello,

Well, what is "the point" of the activity for your Dominant? Does he think or have expectations that you have your own 'thing' you get from bondage? A lot of people do so he might just be assuming you're one. Since you don't, if he assumes that bondage/restriction brings you satisfaction or turns you on and an assumption of some degree of mutual satisfaction is why he does it, you should probably let him know bondage in and of itself isn't your thing so you can find things you both do like.

If he is doing it purely for his own pleasure, knowing you don't care for it (or even because you don't care for it) then you can try to find satisfaction in suffering for him. Or as LuckyAlbatross suggested, find a script to play in your own head to amuse yourself or find meaning in the experience.

If he's using bondage/restriction for disciplinary purposes (as punishment or to help you learn something else, like surrender) then it might help to ask him to clarify the lesson.

Hope this is helpful,
aj (Who also gets nothing interesting out of physical bondage for its own sake.)

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 12:52:51 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hamster1979

My Dom likes to tie me up or have me stand in a corner for long periods of time. I want to do this to please him but I find the amount of time spent "doing nothing" very boring. Am I missing the point or does anyone else have this problem?

To me, bondage (when enduring restraint is all that's desired of her) is really only effective and desirable when the girl slips into sub-space with it - *except* when I'm actually doing the tying. I'd see two or three hours of her doing "nothing" (being alert and cognitive) while bound as either a failure on my part to set the desired head-space for her to zone out or a distinct sign that something was bothering her and needs to be fixed - even if that means prematurely ending the scene.

I use corner time as my "preferred" punishment but A), she gets to sit B), it's rarely more than the half hour or so it takes me to cool down from her indiscretion and C), if I had to punish her more than once or twice a year, our relationship is struggling....

Boredom is a cancer to any relationship and the best thing you can do is discuss this openly with your dom. If he doesn't wanna know, then you've tried and you might need to contemplate life changing decisions regarding him.

Welcome to the Forums, btw... :-)

Focus.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 1:20:20 PM

aravain

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In addition to everyone else's suggestions...

you might ask him to make you 'functional' in your bondage. I saw a video demonstration once where a dominant took a few subby ladies and made them (basically) pieces of furniture with bondage. Adds a different aspect to it... and also would tend to make those periods of time shorter, if only because you're right next to him and constantly on his mind because he needs to pay more attention directly to you.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 5:26:25 PM

allthatjaz

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Does he put you there for a reason?

I was recently spreadeagled in a standing position and kept there for an hour. This was subsequent to a punishment with the intentions of making me think about things. I did get bored and I didn't take to it well until I put myself into a certain head space (almost like self meditation). It was ultimately a positive experience. I wouldn't want to go there often and S knows that but if it happens for good reason then Ill have to accept thats the way it is.

Maria

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/23/2009 11:34:28 PM

myotherself

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In previous relationships I have had 'corner time' used as a punishment and I have used the time to cool down, think through the problem and formulate in my head the appropriate apology and and figure out how I was going to correct that particular behaviour.

But I was also in a (thankfully) brief relationship where the dom decided that one of his hitherto unknown kinks was to have me serve as furniture or just be bound and left. Totally, tediously, mindblowingly boring as hell! I have a vivid imagination, but even that wasn't good enough to cope with the pure tedium. So we split.

But on the positive side, I learned that it IS possible to fall asleep standing up.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/24/2009 8:48:50 AM

DesFIP

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Talk to him and find out what he wants this to be. Because if he's expecting you to zone out blissfully he needs to know it isn't going to happen.

Bound lying down would be heaven for me. Standing up would be irritating as hell.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/24/2009 8:56:01 AM

feydeplume

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Ask for a vibrator? that might help with the boredom...

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/24/2009 10:11:12 AM

agirl

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No, I don't have that problem. Unless he's making a point of some kind, our time together is full of things we both get something from. This is just the way he is and why we get along; he really wouldn't want me to be bored unless THAT was his intention..lol

As LA said, there are things you can do, if you want to try finding ways to relieve the boredom or having a bash at creating a different mindset etc. but as she also said..you may just find this particular kink of his deathly dull.

Has he ever told you what it is he likes about it? That would make a difference for me...and also how long is a *long period*?

agirl

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/24/2009 6:22:21 PM

BalletBob

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I felt the same way when MADAM made me stand in the corner once, but that was a Punishment, and I wasn't tied. I think if I was Tied (and maybe 'YUMMY' GAGGED), that would be completely different. It would of been a treat then.

Just be happy your at least being Tied, and ENJOY THE RIDE !

Miss it so, Sincerly, BalletBob

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/24/2009 6:30:38 PM

Cuffkinks

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Assuming you were not put there as some sort of punishment...You should try not thinking about what you're doing and try thinking about why you're doing it. If he put you there he had a reason. If your purpose is to please him, concentrate on that. I'm not saying that will make the time go any faster, but it may help you cope with the situation.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/25/2009 5:16:27 PM

MasterTslave

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Master T would tie me up and leave me in my kneeling position with a ball to the wall with my nose for a punishment. He enjoys it, and if I don't have fun waiting for him, it gets his point across. It's called punishment, not funishment.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/25/2009 7:12:59 PM

pinnipedster

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I can see where this would be a problem, though, being a bondage lover, I usually have the opposite problem -- I'm disappointed at not being left bound long enough (at least, if the position is reasonably comfortable). Either the Dominant herself gets bored, or is worried that I am bored or uncomfortable.

If someone were to ask me how long I would like to be left tied up, my answer would probably be "10% longer than I want to be," if you see what I mean -- I would like it to go on long enough that it isn't actually disappointing to be released, in fact I'm starting to crave it, but not so much longer that it becomes really unpleasant.

So far, though, the ladies I have been lucky enough to play with are more the sort who view bondage as a means, not an end in itself. I'd love to find someone who found just tying me up for a while to be a satisfying form of play. Objectification also sounds very yummy. :) (Were I female, young, and reasonably limber and pretty, I would so be trying to become a model for the House of Gord....*sigh*)

(One Domme did find it rather charming that I once fell asleep when she had be bound on her floor -- rather than feeling she was boring me, she was pleased that I apparently found bondage relaxing and comforting enough to fall asleep.)

Of course, as others have noted, there's a difference if the bondage is for actual punishment, rather than just a kind of play. Then, you are presumably supposed to suffer enough that you will work to avoid similar punishment in the future. For some people, that kind of boredom might well be a more effective punishment than a beating or some kind of unpleasant make-work. But, if that's the case, presumably the Dominant would explain what it is punishment for and how to avoid being subjected to it again.

< Message edited by pinnipedster -- 1/25/2009 7:17:33 PM >

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/25/2009 8:26:55 PM

NuevaVida

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I never found myself bored being placed in certain places/positions for extended periods of time. I guess I can entertain myself in my own mind pretty well - - lots of strange stuff going on in there, lol. Seriously though, my former owner would tie me up and leave me in a corner, or place me in certain places for hours at a time and want me to stay there. I used that time to rest my mind - either meditate, relax, think about something he might have wanted me thinking of, etc.

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RE: Bondage and boredom - 1/26/2009 8:29:00 AM

TheBabySitter

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I use corner time because its embarrassing for the man and its a turn-on for me.
I dont understand why you would be in a relationship of this kind if you were being made to do things you did not enjoy. I understand if its an occasional punishment for something bad you did but you sound like this happens to you often.

Isnt the point of these domination and submission relationships to enjoy yourself? If you arent enjoying yourself then you should change the rules or get out of the relationship.

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