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Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 7:50:03 PM   
lilyophelia


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		You know, i have to say that these forums have a wonderful concentration of very amazing people. With that said, i have a question for other submissives and slaves:

Do you often feel the need to reach out to other submissives for a different kind of companionship than what you might have with a Dominant? i don't mean for play, or sex (although those sorts of things could be involved), but i mean more for having an intimate (close, not sexual) friendship and bond with someone else who shares a similar role to you?

i'm very in love with my Miss, and i have absolutely no complaints about O/our relationship, but i sometimes experience a sort of sub frenzy, but for other submissives. i have a craving to feel like i'm not alone in serving, if that makes any sense. i think it has something to do with wanting some sort of peer support, and maybe even wanting a friend who is understanding and supportive of my life choices...i don't know.

Once upon a time i asked my Miss if we could have another girl in our relationship, just because i felt like that bond to someone else would be really meaningful and pretty; now, i wonder if those sorts of explorations are really for the best, because W/we both seem to be extremely satisfied.

Do any of you, taken or untaken submissives/slaves, ever have similar feelings? What do you do when you have those cravings, to be close and to share with others?

i did find a single, active, online support group called Latches that seems interesting...so that can be my own contribution to the thread

Lots of warmth to those who need it,
faeylin, aka lily
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 7:54:07 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Do you often feel the need to reach out to other submissives for a different kind of companionship than what you might have with a Dominant


Yes, of course. It's nice to share your feelings with someone who can relate to you on a sub-to-sub level. And any understanding Dom/Domme should encourage that type of friendship.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 8:24:55 PM   
lilyophelia


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, Katy! i was actually looking more for how you dealt with those sorts of feelings? It seems a little hard to make long term friends online, because people can be even more flaky when they're not in a love craze induced by loneliness. Do you find that message boards like these offer what you need? How did you meet real-life friends? I guess those are more the questions that i had.

Thank you for validating my feelings, though. i think that it's very sweet of you to do so, and i can understand what you're saying, about how some Dom/mes don't understand that that kind of communication and connection is important.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 8:44:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilyophelia
Do you often feel the need to reach out to other submissives for a different kind of companionship than what you might have with a Dominant? i don't mean for play, or sex (although those sorts of things could be involved), but i mean more for having an intimate (close, not sexual) friendship and bond with someone else who shares a similar role to you?

Nope. Actually I rarely find myself at all desiring to be friends with someone who orients themselves as a submissive. It's certainly the exception in my life. Female submissives are weird, catty, dorks for the most part.

quote:

Do any of you, taken or untaken submissives/slaves, ever have similar feelings? What do you do when you have those cravings, to be close and to share with others?

Go out and be close with others. You don't need a live in girlfriend to have intimate friendships. Find a middle ground.

ALso, make friendships with people for who they are, not how they orient themselves. It is nice to have people who share your life experiences, but it's better to have people who share an interest in making eachothers lives better.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 8:44:59 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		of course i do - i think we all do. i was fortunate to join a local submissive's group that met once a month fo rlunch and talk. though the group has since disbanded, i have good friends with one of the women - we are pals and it is a good thing. sometimes we shop and have fun, sometimes we talk and hang out, some times we discuss "serious" issues about everything from being submissive to work and our families.

it is relaxing being her friend and i can be completely open with her in a way that i am not with some of my other friends and aquaintances.

newflowers

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 9:40:47 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilyophelia

You know, i have to say that these forums have a wonderful concentration of very amazing people. With that said, i have a question for other submissives and slaves:

Do you often feel the need to reach out to other submissives for a different kind of companionship than what you might have with a Dominant? i don't mean for play, or sex (although those sorts of things could be involved), but i mean more for having an intimate (close, not sexual) friendship and bond with someone else who shares a similar role to you?

i'm very in love with my Miss, and i have absolutely no complaints about O/our relationship, but i sometimes experience a sort of sub frenzy, but for other submissives. i have a craving to feel like i'm not alone in serving, if that makes any sense. i think it has something to do with wanting some sort of peer support, and maybe even wanting a friend who is understanding and supportive of my life choices...i don't know.

Once upon a time i asked my Miss if we could have another girl in our relationship, just because i felt like that bond to someone else would be really meaningful and pretty; now, i wonder if those sorts of explorations are really for the best, because W/we both seem to be extremely satisfied.

Do any of you, taken or untaken submissives/slaves, ever have similar feelings? What do you do when you have those cravings, to be close and to share with others?

i did find a single, active, online support group called Latches that seems interesting...so that can be my own contribution to the thread

Lots of warmth to those who need it,
faeylin, aka lily



I encourage my pup to interact with other people who he shares a common bond with. But then again, he is a history major, so I would encourage him to find other people who are into the study of history. He likes cars, so I would encourage him to find other car enthusist...ect...ect... The point is, if he were feeling lonely, I would encourage him to seek out friendships with people who have his interests in common.

_____________________________





(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 10:26:54 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		My tendency in friendship is more towards strong, very independent women. I have been fortunate and found several very close friends who qualify in the above category and happen to be submissive (typically, in the bedroom only). I think that perhaps the reason I gravitate towards these types of women is that I see quite a bit of myself in them. Intelligent, strong, outspoken and clever (yep, I'm conceited).

So I suppose how I handle the need to to find and talk to other submissives is simply to call my friends. They almost all live in town. I'm very lucky in that regard.

On a side note, sometimes it surprises me to realize how many male submissives I have collected as friends or attracted as lovers over the years. Maybe I should consider taking up the crop again...

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 10:59:08 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		companionship?

nope
dont need it

but thanks for asking


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 11:18:57 PM   
lilyophelia


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, perhaps i made the wrong impression, or i'm just a bit in my own world. i was mostly asking those who felt a little lonely sometimes about what they do when they find that they lack someone to talk to about submissive things. Instead of answers, it feels like, well...

...anyway, thank you, i guess, for some of your responses. i wasn't quite putting up an advertisment for friends at all, so you needn't rush to think that i was. i guess i was just broaching a topic that is more confined to just myself than to most others.

i don't know. i just find sometimes that it would be nice to know someone else who lived a similar life, and to share thoughts. Perhaps that is what the boards are all about, and i'm really just a bit silly. Thanks again for the replies, and please take care.

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/9/2006 11:39:11 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		and i'm really just a bit silly.
=======================

never be afraid to ask..and you are not being silly...

most other folks i only GUESS need someone...

"I" am just not one of them.
"I" am self reliant...."I" am independant..."I" have no NEED. it comes from growing up an only child...
and at 52 I am STILL alone...
"I" have no "friends" that are house slaves into ONLY service...

take care
keep asking questions


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 1:28:49 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hi lily

Not sure I'd go so far as to say I'm lonely, but I have made friends with others through the local scene. I find that online friendships are more fleeting. My strongest friendship is with another sub (though I suspect she's more of a kinkster than anything else) and I do find it's nice to have someone I can discuss issues with in person (as I'm not out to my family and other friends).

I often wonder about the peer thing though - whether it helps, or perhaps gives a skewed view of the lifestyle.

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 6:09:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilyophelia
i don't know. i just find sometimes that it would be nice to know someone else who lived a similar life, and to share thoughts. Perhaps that is what the boards are all about, and i'm really just a bit silly. Thanks again for the replies, and please take care.

Find your local scene and go to munches, make friends. We're out there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 6:25:11 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Oh Lilly...you know you world is puuuurrrrrrfect there in Tampa. You have your local Dungeon, Your Miss and your new job, where you get to talk, talk, talk....LOL
Now, as for us Doms......I need a big Dom Hug......we are the sensitive ones....shhhhh, that's a Dom secret!

Hope all is well and catnip is at paw!
Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 6:35:26 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Do you often feel the need to reach out to other submissives for a different kind of companionship than what you might have with a Dominant? i don't mean for play, or sex (although those sorts of things could be involved), but i mean more for having an intimate (close, not sexual) friendship and bond with someone else who shares a similar role to you?


lilyophelia,

I believe that this is a need that is not confined to the boundaries of any alternative lifestyle. We ALL as human beings have a need for companionship and connection with people who are of like minds. There is nothing unusual about your need so don't feel odd.

I have many friends both in and out of the lifestyle. I have submissive friends, Dominant friends, friends who hunt, friends who are in the dog training/show circuit, friends who have children my age......friends who connect with me on any level that I have a life interest in. Personally, I feel that they are the true gifts in life.

As for finding friends who are specifically submissive or lifestyle.....the boards here are a good way of meeting acquaintances who you can bounce ideas back and forth with, but for more meaningful friendships I would suggest, as others have, to go out to your local groups, munches, events.....and meet people. It starts out slowly...you meet one person....then another....then you meet people through those people....and before you know it your address book will be overflowing....lol. Have fun!!!



_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 6:50:10 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		LA:
quote:

Female submissives are weird, catty, dorks for the most part.


You paint with a broad stroke.
Yes, some are very catty, I've had that "pleasure", sort of. But you will find that any place where women feel they are in competition.
But there are cool people out there too.

Lillyophelia- you can always try by sending a few pm's to some subs you may want to talk to and see where it goes.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 8:03:32 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
But there are cool people out there too.

Oh there are. And I can socialize with female submissives quite easily. I just don't desire to become friends with them except on rare exceptional occasions.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 8:58:55 AM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		I fell that way sometimes. I can't get out much due to my disability, so I understand what you are talking about. I am in the process of joining Latches, it does seem to be a interesting group and hopefully active.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 9:39:32 AM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		thou i am not much into the BDSM scene YET, I am also a lesbian. When I came out, I had an incredible NEED to find other woman who likes woman to hang out with.

It was crucial for me to be able to talk to someone about what I was experiencing that understood. Not so much the deep down coming out issues, but more just dates and stuff with woman that my straight friends just didn't understand the way I needed them to.

so I completly understand yr need to have "like-minded" friends.. When I first came out, I only hung out with homosexuals, but in the last year I have a healthy balance of straight and gay friends. I am friends with people because what we can do for eachother, not because of our sexual preference.. But there are still things I only talk to my gay friends about , the same way I mostly only discuss nursing things with my fellow nurses...

_____________________________

Killing under the cloak of war is nothing more than murder.

albert einstein

(in reply to perfection20005)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 2:26:44 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		Of course!!!

Only subs can understand other subs, I think. Dom/mes are different than you or me. Since subs share a particular world view, they can relate to other subs better.

That's why I'd really like to end up in a poly situation where Master/Mistress has both male and female slaves.

(in reply to lilyophelia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Submissive friends? - 1/10/2006 2:31:44 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

make friendships with people for who they are, not how they orient themselves. It is nice to have people who share your life experiences, but it's better to have people who share an interest in making eachothers lives better.


I have to agree with this.

I don't go out of my way to only make friends with those who are submissive/slave. I make friends based on who they are, not how they live.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
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