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Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:03:41 AM

LadyMedusa

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/12/2007
From: Florida
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Now normally I am pretty good about weeding out the fakes and such. But I am starting to wonder if anyone will ever answer after reading My profile. I have yet to find a girl who meets My personal criteria of having a pc cam so I can verify her sex. Is this too much to ask? Am I possibly asking too much of these submissive girls? I am not asking them to get naked the very first time, I just want to see they are the real deal, after being taken a few times online.

What is your opinions on this?

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LadyMedusa

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:12:24 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
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I was doing some research yesterday... or was it the day before... humm.. anyway... I found this handy dandy cam thingy that was created to pre-record so that people would think they were looking at you and seeing you... when it was made to help people hide who they really were. So if you do use the cam to verify... make them do things so you know it isn't pre-recorded! lol

No cam... get one or we don't talk. No phone... you are shit outta luck darlin... next! I will not meet a stranger right away for many reasons... and not from fear. If they can't show me who they are... I don't have any time.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:14:12 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
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I haven't read your profile, and this wouldn't be applicable to/for me anyway, as a heterosexual fem dominant, but the first problem is the complete lack of trust that someone could be who she says she is. I don't have a webcam, and have no intention of ever owning one, but am a fairly open book when communicating with someone, so that it wouldn't be difficult to verify most things about myself... I would imagine there may be a few submissive women out there who have a disdain for the webcam as I do.

Most people on here though, behave as if they work the most important job in the world, and exchanging phone numbers and simple photos would ruin them. I'm sure some people have a valid reason for being vague/evasive, but most are simply hiding lies, and pretending to be important on the net. M

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:17:12 AM

LadyMedusa

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/12/2007
From: Florida
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I know the feeling, I am very open on Myself, but living in a smaller town, I do tend to need security measures. I do not do a meet and greet until I have seen or spoken to the person in question a telephone. I keep a disposable phone for this purpose, as giving my phone number out is a huge no no...lol.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:19:50 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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Lady M, I think insisting on a cam is perhaps too much to ask of people. I had difficulty finding a submissive girl to join me and my submissive boy despite assurances they would not be asked to interact with him sexually. And then, as you are discovering, people who just wanted to live out their fantasies online by pretending to be a female when in reality, were likely a bearded guy called 'Frank'. I also think the numbers of submissive females seeking relationships with dominant ladies are likely considerably lower.

While I can understand people not having a cam, I would insist on a series of up-to-date pictures, afterall, so many people have either a camera incorporated into their mobiles, or a digital camera, plus a few telephone conversations. If someone is genuinely seeking and have an interest in you , I don't see why they wouldn't be forthcoming - I have always been open and honest and fail to see why others, who claim to have a genuine interest, cannot be the same. Invest very little into initial conversations, keep them fairly brief and if someone isn't willing to provide pictures/have a phone conversation, then cut them loose.

Good luck in finding someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMedusa
Now normally I am pretty good about weeding out the fakes and such. But I am starting to wonder if anyone will ever answer after reading My profile. I have yet to find a girl who meets My personal criteria of having a pc cam so I can verify her sex. Is this too much to ask? Am I possibly asking too much of these submissive girls? I am not asking them to get naked the very first time, I just want to see they are the real deal, after being taken a few times online.

What is your opinions on this?

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:21:05 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
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Is a cell phone connected to a P.o. box out of the question? Seems difficult because I tend to not even begin to take people seriously until we speak on the phone several times, and some comfort develops if the conversation flows naturally. M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to LadyMedusa)

Post #: 6

RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 9:18:12 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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Dear Lady, you will need some patience---male subs think nothing of exposing themselves ( and I don't mean in a sexual way)---they usually have more of the techie stuff--cams, etc and can find the time to do those cam activities--women tend to be more selective, more private--don't tend to have the cams etc out of the gate and usually have more complex home situations that precludes some of those activities. Might I suggest the investment of a phone call to reassure--after all 2-3 minutes on a call is often easier to manage too versus the time to cam---food for thought.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 9:24:05 AM

LadyMedusa

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/12/2007
From: Florida
Status: offline

thanks to the advice of some here, as well as a few emails as well.. I am adjusting my profile a bit... let's hope they take the bait *wicked grin* ...so to speak

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 11:46:01 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I have a cam but I don’t go on it until I feel comfortable with a person. And if I’m asked right away to go on; I would not trust the person. I think part of this has to do with feeling like they want a peep show. I don’t like the idea that I have to approve who I am to a stranger. I need a little bit of faith and trust that I’m being honest.

I’m guessing the female s-types might feel a similar way. Think of it this way, would you be comfortable going on cam to prove your sex to a stranger? For as they know you’re fake too.

I say just go meet them for coffee, that way you can actually see them. But I’m pretty open to meeting people right away.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 11:53:56 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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I can't answer for a submissive, but I would never turn on a cam for someone to "verify who I am". If you want to "verify who I am", meet me in a public place for a cup of coffee. I might even let you choose the place. But the presumption that I have to "prove" my identity to you in some way is ridiculous. You're a complete stranger, I don't know you from Adam, and you've made no effort to get to know me--and you're telling me already that I have something to prove? Go fuck yourself.

This kind of rude and pre-judgmental attitude is a huge turn-off, quite frankly. "Paranoid" is not an attractive quality in a dominant OR a sub, and speaking soely for myself? I never watched my own submissive on cam or even talked to him using a chat program until after we were in a relationship. Prior to that I had seen just the few pictures on his profile and gotten to know him as a PERSON, by TALKING to him via email and phone.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 11:55:37 AM

TexasMaam

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Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

My first thought reading your post was of the 'pre recorded cam scam'. Not a good plan, unless you know how to filter a recorded file from a live cam stream you'll still get scammed.

I wouldn't want a sub for a real time encounter who would display themselves to someone they don't know on cam, anyway.

Just My take on it.

TM

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 12:03:23 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I do agree with those who say someone asking for cam verification right away is a red flag or something of the sort. I have never asked for verification... but if I did and they couldn't, by the time I did, which would be weeks down the road after meeting online... I would be more curious about the situation. I typically will use the phone.

The only one's I have actually questioned were people presenting as female dominant's who had strange request's and I didn't even bother finding out what I suspected.. I just said... no.

I was watching a news program and they said that twenty percent of marriages are people who met online. I don't think it is far fetched to believe that meeting people or dating can start from an online situation. Meeting in person is better in many ways... but online serves a purpose as well. To negate it is not longer reasonable when we consider how many have met online and went on to long term, healthy relationships. We just may have to learn ways to do online situations and that often would be based on the people involved. Some don't meet right away... some do... whatever works for them, works in my opinion. It isn't like I have never been bull shitted by someone in person! lol

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 12:07:15 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunNMoon

I have a cam but I don’t go on it until I feel comfortable with a person. And if I’m asked right away to go on; I would not trust the person. I think part of this has to do with feeling like they want a peep show. I don’t like the idea that I have to approve who I am to a stranger. I need a little bit of faith and trust that I’m being honest.

I’m guessing the female s-types might feel a similar way. Think of it this way, would you be comfortable going on cam to prove your sex to a stranger? For as they know you’re fake too.

I say just go meet them for coffee, that way you can actually see them. But I’m pretty open to meeting people right away.

I'm not a dominant, but as a submissive, I agree with this statement, in particular the bolded parts.

Whatever our orientations, we're all taking the same chance when we decide to make connections online. I would not expect a stranger to prove themselves to me. And when someone makes a cam demand of me (and it's only happened a couple of times) it comes off as very cynical, and almost as if I'm being accused of being a liar until I prove otherwise. To me, it's just the wrong foot to start off on.

You have to talk to someone a bit, exchange a photo or two, then take it to the phone to hopefully get a better idea, then just go out and meet them, and learn to trust your own ability to discern. Sometimes it's a hit, other times it's a miss, but it's an effort that you have to make if you want to meet people via the internet.

If you want to suggest mutual camming so that each of you can confirm the others' gender before you go further, it might be received more positively, but to demand it, right off, of a stranger? My guess is that's going to turn a lot of people off.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 13

RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 12:07:52 PM

LunaVenus

Posts: 161
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline

I am considering getting a web cam now myself. Personally I enjoy getting to know before I meet and think I would prefer doing a live 2 way web conversation over driving out to meet every potential...As a female, I also think it would be much safer than driving to meet every potential. Might be a great way to weed out a lot of flakes, fakes, and cyber addicts... Still uncertain.

< Message edited by LunaVenus -- 1/25/2009 12:09:56 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 1:13:23 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

OP, From your profile text:

"I am currently looking for a online only (for now)FEMALE submissive/slave. I am very busy right now and do not have the time to devote to r/t at the moment.."

I'll give you points for honesty, but this, together with your lack of trust, is why you're having trouble. Girls who are genuine (in body and mind) are unlikely to want an online relationship.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 3:43:42 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

I don't have a cam and have no intention of getting one. If someone wants to verify that I am female they are going to have to meet me. You have a right to ask for a cam to check, but don't be surprised if they are not willing. As to your profile, you state that your looking for online only. I would not agree to that, but I am sure there are those who will. You just have to be patient.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 3:44:57 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was doing some research yesterday... or was it the day before... humm.. anyway... I found this handy dandy cam thingy that was created to pre-record so that people would think they were looking at you and seeing you... when it was made to help people hide who they really were. So if you do use the cam to verify... make them do things so you know it isn't pre-recorded! lol

No cam... get one or we don't talk. No phone... you are shit outta luck darlin... next! I will not meet a stranger right away for many reasons... and not from fear. If they can't show me who they are... I don't have any time.

well I could give you my phone number and you could call me, but I sound like a guy on the phone, so I am not sure if that would help.

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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 3:52:42 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
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Status: offline

That's because you on the wrong side of the pond, or maybe I am. I know if you were in Michigan I would do everything in my power to make sure nothing in your life was difficult.

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Post #: 18

RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 6:22:55 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was doing some research yesterday... or was it the day before... humm.. anyway... I found this handy dandy cam thingy that was created to pre-record so that people would think they were looking at you and seeing you... when it was made to help people hide who they really were. So if you do use the cam to verify... make them do things so you know it isn't pre-recorded! lol

No cam... get one or we don't talk. No phone... you are shit outta luck darlin... next! I will not meet a stranger right away for many reasons... and not from fear. If they can't show me who they are... I don't have any time.

well I could give you my phone number and you could call me, but I sound like a guy on the phone, so I am not sure if that would help.

You do NOT. Sheesh.

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RE: Could I be Wrong? - 1/25/2009 8:20:57 PM

GreeneGoddess

Posts: 59
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

I'm low tech. If someone is mildly interesting and meets my basic requirements, I'll meet them face to face for lunch or a drink to get to know them and see if they are who they say they are.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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