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Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:28:30 PM   
FemDom2008


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/1/2008
Status: offline 		Hello All,
How many of you have required that a sub deactivate his profile after having only a couple of weeks emailing and two phone conversations?  I ask this because a friend of my sub has been asked to deactivate his profile under these conditions.  I have never asked anyone to deactivate as I believe that it is something that should be offered by the sub and not required by me (after all, if he does not want to deactivate, I am secure enough in the relationship, if he does, that is fine too) and if I ever felt compelled to do so, I certainly would not require it until we had met and I was sure that I was ready to take on the responsibility.  This screams "red flag" to me but maybe I take this all too seriously. My concern is that he is being taken by a scammer, he is very new to the site and eager to find a Domme. What do you think?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:34:14 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Yep. Scammer.


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(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:36:20 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Nope, never done it, never will.  It screams "red flag" for me too.  At *most* adding a line that says he's under consideration by Mistress XYZ and will not accept mail from other dominants is sufficient.  If it ever gets to the collaring stage and he wishes to comply, he can simply hide his profile rather than deactivating his account.

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(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:38:50 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Miss, 

With only weeks of experience here, I would vote a resounding no.  From my view, having an outlet or a resource for opinions on  the reasonableness of activities, as a sources of ideas, and even a connection can be invaluable.  As always, my ( or anyone's) opinion on what you friend should do is as good as the information we have gleaned from your post and our collective experience.  Your friend's choice might rightly go against an overwhelming tide of public opinion. 

yours


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As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:41:12 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I would like him to acknowledge my existence on his profile, but deactivate it?  Never.  Why would I keep someone from his friends and contacts?

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:48:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know about being a scammer... but surely would fit into my catagory of  too controlling, too fast and from a place I wouldn't think too highly of.

No, I would not do that.

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 12:53:39 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemDom2008

Hello All,
How many of you have required that a sub deactivate his profile after having only a couple of weeks emailing and two phone conversations? 


The fact that they've not even met in person yet, that they've only been online a couple of weeks and have talked only twice... How could he not see that he's getting scammed? For as long as there are desperate, foolish subs like him, scammers will stay in business.

_____________________________

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(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 1:00:03 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Any Domme who has half a brain would know the boy will simply put up a new profile, anyway.

It sounds like a silly exercise in 'obedience' that might be appropriate for later on in the relationship but is absurd at this point in their communication.

TM

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 3:34:00 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: FemDom2008

Hello All,
How many of you have required that a sub deactivate his profile after having only a couple of weeks emailing and two phone conversations? 


The fact that they've not even met in person yet, that they've only been online a couple of weeks and have talked only twice... How could he not see that he's getting scammed? For as long as there are desperate, foolish subs like him, scammers will stay in business.


New subs are the best meat for scammers as they assume that is the norm--and sadly there are a lot of lonely people who just want someone..anyone.

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 4:02:05 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, heck, I'd like it if Fox had the time to join me on here and FetLife. I'd never tell him to leave a social or networking site unless it was causing him emotional harm.

I just can't imagine trying to isolate him in this fashion or even worse I can't imagine feeling so uncertain of my own authority that I'd be threatened enough to worry about him on these sorts of sites.

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(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 5:13:05 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		Did what Lady H said!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I would like him to acknowledge my existence on his profile, but deactivate it?  Never.  Why would I keep someone from his friends and contacts?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 6:52:16 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Nope never. I have asked to add in "only looking for friends" that was after we'd been in a relationship for awhile.

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 8:11:09 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I never thought it was a huge red flag, but I do see it as a sign of insecurity. 

We've never asked it, although we do ask to be informed if he is talking to other people (just like we tell him if we are talking to more than one). 

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 10:16:42 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I have never required a submissive to de-activate their profile. 

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to FemDom2008)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/25/2009 11:36:14 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		I don't require it, but if I'm talking to someone, and it begins to look serious, they tend to do it without my asking, and I find it flattering.    I usually either change profile or deactivate when considering someone that looks serious, or when I haven't the sense of humor to receive fantasy crude/fantasy laden emails.   M

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/26/2009 12:15:22 AM   
eponastar


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/19/2004
Status: offline 		I would never ask someone to deactivate their profile. I would tell them to state they are 'under consideration' at that time and any emails should be directed to me. If he wants to impress her, have him hide his profile, not deactivate it if she is really demanding that. It screams trouble, big 'red flag' or a resounding ever favorite, psycho!


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(in reply to FemDom2008)
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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/26/2009 1:02:11 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		This I disagree with...
Why would her asking him to be not searchable while they are considering each other a whole lotta psycho, but your asking him to have all email sent to you perfectly normal?  
As a matter of fact, if I'd had a couple of weeks of kool emails, and a couple or more very nice phone conversations, I would have a clear feel for whether there is initial chemistry or not, so I don't see anything wrong with her asking him to deactivate...   As a matter of fact, I think it's more normal, and less invasive than allowing me into all his emails, which may include other lady friends, which if not platonic, would irritate me.    M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to eponastar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/26/2009 1:23:59 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Don't you find the insistance of having a submissive state they are 'under consideration' on their profile and then direct all emails to their dominant degrading? It's akin to stating they aren't to be trusted handling their own mail and if you follow that logic, if you could not trust a submissive (Of your choice) why on earth would you want to have a relationship with them?

I would be VERY leery of any so-called 'dominant' who wanted to micromanage every detail of their submissive's life, and in by doing so, isolate them... isolation may start with the emails/profile, but extends where? Friends? Family members?

What is so special regarding my relationship with Reality is that we trust one another implicitly, this aids our personal growth, as well as our growth as a couple within a D/s relationship.
quote:

ORIGINAL: eponastar
I would never ask someone to deactivate their profile. I would tell them to state they are 'under consideration' at that time and any emails should be directed to me. If he wants to impress her, have him hide his profile, not deactivate it if she is really demanding that. It screams trouble, big 'red flag' or a resounding ever favorite, psycho!


< Message edited by MissMorrigan -- 1/26/2009 1:39:07 AM >

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RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/26/2009 2:38:20 AM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I am a sub and have voluntarily hidden my profile n respect to my Daddy for days.weeks even months at a time.I would not do this for someone I  was in casual talks with or not collared by.

(in reply to FemDom2008)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile - 1/26/2009 2:44:54 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		BB, that is something you have undertaken voluntarily, but how would you feel at your respective other demanding that this be done and any emails you receive are read by them firstly, would you not feel this was intrusive and a slight to your integrity?

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 20
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