RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (Full Version)

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chezzy71 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 4:32:57 AM)

i would gladly deactivate for Mistress..however she hasn't required it and encourages that i post as often as i wish my thoughts on any subject matter.My profile was appropriately altered so that most know i am not seeking and i am unavailable excpet for my usual discourse here.



chezzy71 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 4:35:11 AM)

it figures...first day back a dn the typos are rearing their ugly head.



chezzy71 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 4:36:24 AM)

see what i mean..LOL



littlesarbonn -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 5:03:09 PM)

This would reek of several things to me. The first being scammer, like others have pointed out. The second would be my thought that this person is way too tied to the online world for me. I was once dating someone who wanted me to keep changing my myspace profile to reflect her position in my life. She practically lived a myspace existence. That was too much for me. I try to live in the real world, and I can't stand when I get overwhelmed by something in the online world. It feels so superficial to me, and when someone can't latch out of that world, I usually feel we're in a bad mix.

I made the mistake a long time ago of being courted by a woman who once she had me in her sights, decided that I had to end EVERY connection I had with any other woman in my life. ANY. Including friendships with former dominants, who were now good friends of mine. It only got worse after that, and I was so enamored with her that I never saw how destructive that sort of desire can actually be.



DavanKael -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 6:21:34 PM)

When I first joined the site, I had a profile that was very thorough and was 'looking'. 
I was in a relationship, for the better portion of a year, with a person I re-met on here.  There was no request that I deactivate my profile, though I didn't spend hardly any time time on the site as I'd not yet come to fully appreciate the coolness of the Boards. 
I did change the descriptor to 'friends only' in terms of that which I sought.  He didn't change his profile to, in any way, acknowledge me.  It bothered me.  Particularly given that he changed his profile to reflect having collared his wife, a collar that was taken related to my presence. 
Anyway, that relationship ended, sometime a bit before, I began participating on the boards actively. 
Lately, I massively altered my profile to reflect that I am joyously not looking.  I eliminated the various peripheral descriptors that one checks off on profiles as well such as 'loves, likes, hates, etc.' , and essentially state that I am here to keep in touch with folks and to participate on the Boards.  There was no request that I do so, I felt/feel it appropriate, am super pleased to have the presence of a wonderful person in my life, and am sayin' so.  :>   
  Davan



Vendaval -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/26/2009 11:36:56 PM)

Miss Morrigan, you directed this to eponastar but I have a particular take on this type of situation.
 
My boy is here on CM and linked to my profile.  He is a very attractive CD who receives many e-mails from wankers.  We talked about the situation and decided to note on his profile that anyone wanting to contact him needed to send me an e-mail first.
 
This immediately cut down on the amount of spam and only a few people have ever actually followed through and sent a message to me.  He has a few friends on here and still chats with them about whatever he wants and I do not read those messages.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
Don't you find the insistance of having a submissive state they are 'under consideration' on their profile and then direct all emails to their dominant degrading?



Dnomyar -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 8:39:52 AM)

I don't care what my sub would have in her/his mail. If she/he did not want to delete it that is their busniess. Im not a fan of micro management.  



Nikitaa -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 9:21:08 AM)

If my submissive man can type on his computer when locked in my closet then is okay if he has collarme profile. <-----joke.

I think requiring a submissive having not a profile is much to require if the people have not had meetings in person. The decision is for the submissive. If sub is happy to have dominatrix then sub should not mind not having profile. I would not ask this requirement but I do not think not having collarme profile is hard requirement.


If submissive wants life controlled only by web and phone then this is different.



hardbodysub -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 9:58:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I would like him to acknowledge my existence on his profile, but deactivate it?  Never.  Why would I keep someone from his friends and contacts?


I agree that this is a much better alternative than complete deactivation of his profile.



MsDDom -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 2:17:57 PM)

never asked this, never will
if a sub is devoted, loyal and trustworthy, him/her being online wont make a difference



Usako -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 2:31:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
Don't you find the insistance of having a submissive state they are 'under consideration' on their profile and then direct all emails to their dominant degrading?


I don't know about degrading...more like pathetic and funny. But it serves its purpose, I sure as hell don't want to message someone who can't think for themself and needs someone else to filter their e-mails.



Voodali -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 2:52:37 PM)

"I would be VERY leery of any so-called 'dominant' who wanted to micromanage every detail of their submissive's life, and in by doing so, isolate them..."

While I definitely see your point, I think it would depend on the individuals involved.  I've spoken to some subs who would find this the epitome of hotness.  Furthermore, if their relationship was confined to online for whatever reason, ways of showing her dominance would be fewer than in real life.  Limiting his access to email seems a perfectly logical way to test him, to see if he is willing to go the extra mile for her, or just wants a quick and easy online wank  Anyway, its only play.  At the end of the day, the boy could just make another profile and do as he pleased.  She cannot truly limit him.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 3:12:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako
I don't know about degrading...more like pathetic and funny. But it serves its purpose, I sure as hell don't want to message someone who can't think for themself and needs someone else to filter their e-mails.
I'd wager a guess that an owner doesn't really want you messaging her boy either if you want to overrule her in his life.
   The need to dominate someone, could be called pathetic and funny, perhaps weakness disguised as strength by some psychologists.   The thing is, we do what we do for our own reasons, and withing our own consensual boundaries.   And while I don't do what you're calling out, I think it's very easy to get people on their high horse, when someone is doing something that you simply don't.   Most people go for the type that makes them hot, including the micromanager.    M



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 3:18:36 PM)

Daddy never needed to ask me. The moment it was clear we were entering a relationship and had entered one, I put it up all on my own, and I've done so for any other profiles I had with other men.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunNMoon

Nope never. I have asked to add in "only looking for friends" that was after we'd been in a relationship for awhile.



cloudboy -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 3:49:50 PM)

Its really a harmless request, as I see it. If his relationship works out, he doesn't need to be on a dating site any more (assuming monogamy), and if the relationship flames out, its no sweat for him to rejoin.

I would agree with other's general concerns that you cannot legislate trust or fidelity, and that its not healthy to limit another's outlets. But hey, its just a CM account at this point.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 6:54:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

If my submissive man can type on his computer when locked in my closet then is okay if he has collarme profile. <-----joke.




How come I never get this option...or offer?



Usako -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 7:38:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako
I don't know about degrading...more like pathetic and funny. But it serves its purpose, I sure as hell don't want to message someone who can't think for themself and needs someone else to filter their e-mails.

I'd wager a guess that an owner doesn't really want you messaging her boy either if you want to overrule her in his life.


Who said anything about "over ruling" anyone? Hell if I have to go through a messenger system (aka third party dominant) just to say hi or be friends with someone then it's not worth the time. I don't even want to be friends with someone that can't handle answering their own e-mails. And if people's reasoning behind filtering their submissive's e-mail is fear of being "over ruled" then that's their own insecurity and trust issues. I'm not part of their relationship so I'm not going to deal with it. To try and be friends with someone while their partner is so scared that any message is one to try and take the person away and have so little faith in the person that they don't trust them to stay faithful? Pfft. Drama, pathetic, NEXT.

If micromanaging and being micromanaged is their fetish, whatever. But it's not mine and I'm not going to do a frilly dance and cater to their fetish just to chat.



MissMorrigan -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 10:01:43 PM)

Usako, I think you hit the proverbial nail - fear. I wonder how those that want to filter every detail of a submissive's life would fare in the real world when their submissive has to go to work, see their friends and family, undertake general tasks such as shopping which will bring them into contact with (shock/horror) other people, people they can't control and I'm also pretty darn sure they'd call themselves dominant - they're myopic at the very least and they'll even find some people that will share their skewed viewpoint but I sincerely hope they'd encounter far more who seek a dominant that wants guide/lead by example.

Deactivation of a submissive's profile will never remove any kind of doubt on the so-called dominant's part because the lack of trust lies solely within them and they are transferring that to another human being - we tend to find what we seek.

Edited to add: At a mere 5'3, my high horse really isn't that high and I like to keep my feet firmly grounded [;)]
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako
Who said anything about "over ruling" anyone? Hell if I have to go through a messenger system (aka third party dominant) just to say hi or be friends with someone then it's not worth the time. I don't even want to be friends with someone that can't handle answering their own e-mails. And if people's reasoning behind filtering their submissive's e-mail is fear of being "over ruled" then that's their own insecurity and trust issues. I'm not part of their relationship so I'm not going to deal with it. To try and be friends with someone while their partner is so scared that any message is one to try and take the person away and have so little faith in the person that they don't trust them to stay faithful? Pfft. Drama, pathetic, NEXT.

If micromanaging and being micromanaged is their fetish, whatever. But it's not mine and I'm not going to do a frilly dance and cater to their fetish just to chat.



MissMorrigan -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 10:08:19 PM)

Chezzy, I could understand a deactivation if the submissive had a problem with the amount of time they spent online insofar as it having a detrimental effect on their personal life, but unless such a problem existed, can you explain why you would be happy to deactivate your profile for your Mistress if this was something she required from you?
quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy71
i would gladly deactivate for Mistress..however she hasn't required it and encourages that i post as often as i wish my thoughts on any subject matter.My profile was appropriately altered so that most know i am not seeking and i am unavailable excpet for my usual discourse here.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Dommes requiring a deactivation of profile (1/27/2009 10:26:01 PM)

As dominants, we seek unequal relationships because it is what works for us, or turns us on...   I'm not here to defend whether what I, or anybody else does is sick, because, frankly it is, lmao...  Now that we've gotten that out of the way, and you know you're right, I hope you feel better.  

I hope no one is a dominant because she cannot find an untrustworthy, incapable, dysfunctional man in nilla land.    I've had a relationship where I decided what my slave ordered in a restaurant, and how much he was allowed to eat...   He was a perfectly capable man who lived on the other side of the country, but he enjoyed being my slave.

The OP asked
quote:

How many of you have required that a sub deactivate his profile after having only a couple of weeks emailing and two phone conversations?  I ask this because a friend of my sub has been asked to deactivate his profile under these conditions.  I have never asked anyone to deactivate as I believe that it is something that should be offered by the sub and not required by me (after all, if he does not want to deactivate, I am secure enough in the relationship, if he does, that is fine too) and if I ever felt compelled to do so, I certainly would not require it until we had met and I was sure that I was ready to take on the responsibility.  This screams "red flag" to me but maybe I take this all too seriously. My concern is that he is being taken by a scammer, he is very new to the site and eager to find a Domme. What do you think?
Someone responded that this domina is probably psycho; but that in her own relationships, she would ask that all his emails be sent through her.    I said asking him to deactivate is "no more psycho than asking him to have all his emails filtered trhough you."    I actually agree with you that is very invasive, and if I can't trust a man anywhere, he has no business being with me.

I think asking him to deactivate is the simplest thing, because one click on the main page activates or deactivates a profile, so no big deal really, in my view.   If the domme in question is controlling because she is insecure or made hot and bothered by it, isn't for me to answer.   I don't really care how other dominants dominate, as long as they aren't dominating me or the man I am with.    M







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